The “A” Team: A Grad School Parody

In 2002, 4 English Honours students were sent to graduate school in the hopes of getting jobs.  They promptly escaped from the confines of academia to the city of Saskatoon.  Today, still wanted by top schools everywhere, they survive as freelance writers.  If you have a paper that’s due, if no one else can help, and if you can find them…maybe you can hire the “A” team.

Jane “Annabel” Smyth – the chain-smoking, hard-living leader of the team.  She has a penchant for drama students and a flair for the absurd.  She came from a kingdom by the sea, but after a month of graduate school, she cried “Nevermore!” and left.  She loves (with a love that is more than a love) when a paragraph comes together.*

Teresa “Temp” Beck – she signed on for a temp writing job with the team, but stayed for the duration.  This woman knows how to cross her eyes and dot her tees.  If you need an excuse for getting out of class, Temp’s the woman for the job.

Madeleine “Howling Mad” Murphy – she speaks 6 languages (can even understand some of them) and can edit anything on paper.  She’s a hypochondriac, prone to hyperbole, and occasionally hyperactive.  Graduate school caused her mental faculties to leave for greener pastures, so the team has to break her out of the Psychiatric Wing of the Royal University Hospital (RUH) when they need her help on a case.

Brittany “Bad Analogy” Brackets – although Britt, the Brit, is a whiz with the grunts and groans of grammar, she’s got a tendency to make bad puns and worse analogies.  The team still hasn’t forgiven her for calling the Normandy Invasion “a day at the beach” in a first year history paper.  Sharper than most tacks – she’s not supposed to have sharp objects anyway – Britt provides the much-needed muscle.  When the going gets tough, Britt heads to the library.

Professor Payne Dexter – the team’s arch-nemesis, Professor Dexter taught all 4 of them at various points in their academic careers and is determined to catch them perpetrating a crime.