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This page last viewed: 2017-12-11 and has been viewed 1531 times

Hi Sherry


By Angievette

Rating :- PG

Disclaimer: - I don't own any of the team. They belong to Stephen J Cannell. The song is Tina Turner's.

Summary: - Someone has it in for one of the team and it's closer to home than they think.

Warnings: - Murdock's thoughts, very dark. Murdock lovers, beware.

Comments: - Yes please.


By Angievette


See reflections on the water

More than darkness in the depths

I look at him and I never see the real person behind his clever mask. Just reflections of another personality. He has his own demons, just like we all do. I know he hasn't had it easy but neither have the rest of us. He thinks that misery is reserved for him but I could tell him some stories about misery. He remembers, you see. Remembers the torment of Vietnam, whereas some tried to block it out. He can always remember the screams, the torture, the rapes, the beatings and the laughing. Oh, he remembers the laughing. The evil mocking of the Cong Army. Laughing because they've taken us. But you see, he only remembers that they took us, he doesn't see that they didn't beat us. They took our bodies, they took our sanity but they never took our spirit, our sense of patriotism. No one could take that from us, but he doesn't see that. That's why he's still suffering, that's why he's still feeling sorry for himself. That's why he has to pay.

See him surface in every shadow

On the wind I feel his breath.

Back then and even now, he's always someone else. He's the best conman I've ever known, never know where or who he's going to be. But I know. I know where he is, I can feel him. He doesn't know that I know, he thinks he's fooled us all. You see I've been watching him for a while now. I know how he works. He'll never let any of us in. I have to admit he's good at what he does. He can talk Eskimos into buying ice. He could convince a parent to sell their daughter. He's always there, around every corner, no one knows it but they'll always fall victim to him. But not me. I've never been fooled by him and never will be, I know him too well. I can sense when he's near me or when he's trying to con me. I can see it in his eyes, deep pools of blue, trying to hide what he's been through. But I've been there too, you can't fool me.

Goldeneye, I found his weakness

Goldeneye, he'll do what I please.

He has a secret though. He doesn't know I know though. If Hannibal found out, he'd go berserk. He's hidden it so well but I know. If you know someone well, you know how he operates. I know the exact moment he lets his guard down. It's his own fault, he made the mistake, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I found the letter, the oh so incriminating letter. Her name's Felicity, Flick for short. His little lover, his little secret, the one thing that puts the whole safety of the team at risk. He won't want it to become public knowledge. He'll beg and plead for me not to tell Hannibal. Hannibal has always said that he would be the one to get us into trouble and he's right. If Hannibal found out about Flick, he'd be out for sure. Hannibal wouldn't tolerate it. I owe it to Hannibal to save the team and save him from himself.

Goldeneye, no time for sweetness

But a bitter kiss will bring him to his knees.

He's always considered me to be his best friend. I'm always the one he talks to, the one he confides in. He never told me about this though. Couldn't trust even me with this secret. It doesn't matter that he's always dragged me into his scams. I'm only good enough when he needs something. But not any more. It's time for me to put him right. It will be such a bitter blow, when he finds out it's me. It has to be me though. This isn't the time for shielding him, he has to pay for his mistakes and Flick was his biggest mistake. I'm going to make him pay.

You'll never know how I watched you

From the shadows as a child.

We were all kids back in 'Nam. None of us really knew what we were letting ourselves in for. I noticed him, even back then. He used to swagger round the barracks as though he owned them. Just a jumped up little Lieutenant, that's what most people thought but there were some people, people like Hannibal, who saw differently. Saw the good inside of him. Personally, I thought he was trouble, from the moment I set eyes on him. Finally he's gone and proved my point. He never knew it but I always kept an eye on him. I respected Hannibal, always admired him and looked up to him. If he thought the kid was worth watching, then that's what I'd do. I kept him out of the brig a few times. Always stuck my neck out for him. What did I get from him though?

You'll never know how it feels

To be the one who's left behind.

My heart breaks every time they bring me back here. I hate this place. They say it's to keep me safe, to protect me. I know they only have my welfare at heart but it's always him who brings me back. Always him who gets me out as well. They don't know what it feels like to watch him drive away, knowing he could do something to keep me with them. But he never says a word. Always drives away. He wouldn't cope in here. But I've become stronger over the years. They all think I'm mad but I'm not. For once in my life, I'm completely lucid and I know what to do.

You'll never know the days, the nights

The tears, the tears I've cried.

He'd laugh if he knew. I cry for him, I feel for him, I know the suffering he goes through. Every time he's hurt, I feel the pain for him. That's how much I used to care for him. Not any more. I've been kicked too many times now, it's time he knew what suffering really was.

But now my time has come

And time, time is not on your side.

We've had a few close calls over the last few years. He's cheated death quite a lot too. We've had so many people gunning for us, it's amazing we've got this far. He thinks he's seen it all. You never suspect the person closest to you, never dream that the biggest threat comes from within but his time is running out, he'll know soon enough. It's funny really. He makes a point of never trusting anyone but the team and it's the team who'll let him down.

See him move through smoke and mirrors

Feel his presence in the crowd.

 He knows I'm here. All the team is here. He's back in disguise, part of Hannibal's plan. We're his backup. I can see him from where I stand. The club is smoky and dark but I can see him as clearly as if he were in a spotlight. I can also see his reflection behind him, even his reflection is in disguise. I've said it before and I'll say it again. He never lets us in, never trusts us completely. Some parts of his life are still a mystery even to us, his team, his family. It's a mistake he'll regret for the remainder of his life, albeit a very short time.

Other girls they gather around him

If I had him, I wouldn't let him out.

Wherever he goes, he's surrounded by pretty faces. They love him, he loves them. Flick certainly wasn't the first to succumb to his charms but she might well be the last. Blackmail is such a nasty word and she certainly knew how to reel him in. He'll thank me, in the long run. At least after I've got him, she won't be able to get to him anymore. Yes, I think he'll be very grateful and so he should be. I'm going to a lot of trouble to help him out. If only he knew what I had in store for him, he'd be begging these girls to take him home. I certainly wouldn't let him go, if I were them. He certainly is a catch. The pretty blue eyes, the way his hair flops over his eyes, very endearing. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not jealous. I've never thought about him in that way. But I can see what attracts the girls. He has an air of vulnerability about him too. He's not na´ve but he's very easy to manipulate.

Goldeneye, not lace or leather

Golden chains take him to the spot.

I feel sorry for BA. He's an unwilling and unknowing participant in my scheme. It's on BA's signal that he'll go to the rendezvous. That's when he meets me. I'm there to back him up. They certainly won't blame me. I couldn't make it in time. It's me who'll find him, lying in the alley. Cold, breathless but still beautiful. Even in death, he'll be beautiful. I'll make sure of it. Pretty in life, pretty in death. I couldn't rob him of his vanity too.

Goldeneye, I'll show him forever

It'll take forever to see what I've got

 If only he'd taken the trouble to confide in me, he'd have seen that I could help him. It's much easier to keep a secret if another person helps. It's not as much of a burden then, the weight's off his shoulders. He'll soon see though. Not trusting me with his secret has cost him dearly. He'll have plenty of time to consider his folly, eternity to be precise. I wanted to help, this is the only way I can.

You'll never know how I watched you

From the shadows as a child.

You'll never know how it feels

To be so close and be denied.

Back in 'Nam, he made a giant screw up. I saw it all, the screw up, the fall out, the reprimands, and the people who shunned him. I was there for him then, I had my chance to finish him for good and didn't take it. When I look back now, I curse. All this could have been avoided if I'd just had the bottle back then. But I was only a pilot. What could I have done? I got so close, I was commanded to pilot a chopper carrying him and some of his unit to a rendezvous point. If it had only been him in the chopper, it would have been all too easy. Every good pilot knows how to crash a 'copter. Sure, it would have hurt me too. I know how to survive a crash. Not everyone does though.

It's a gold and honey trap

I've got for you tonight.

BA will lead him to me, a lamb to the slaughter. I'll make it sweet for him. He'll know it's me. He'll know that I was his only enemy. It could have been so different, could have worked. I could have protected him, looked after him, made sure no one could hurt him but in the end, it has to be me who hurts him the most. This way, he'll die in peace.

Revenge is a kiss, this time I won't miss

Now I've got you in my sight.

They're coming, I can hear the big guy's chains rattling. BA will soon leave. BA knows I'm on my way, he won't know I'm already here. It won't be my fault, they won't know it's my fault. I'll do all I can for him, try to save him. I can see him, he's waiting for me. I can hear him whispering my name. Murdock, Murdock, Murdock, over and over again. I can't hear you, Faceman. I only heard the gunshot. My finger's on the trigger, the gun trained on him. Years of combat training have taught me how to shoot to kill. For one single moment, I feel sorry for him. I lower the gun, I can't do it to him. He's been with me for years. He's not such a bad guy. I step out of the darkness.

"I'm here, Facey," I say. "You didn't think I'd let you down, did you?"

He turns and faces me, flashing his dazzling smile.

"Murdock. Where were you?"

"Waiting for you, of course."

Always waiting for a chance, one day it will come.


The End.


Goldeneye by Angievette



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