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Title The Team's Misadventures

The Team's Misadventures

by Jade, Flight, Susie


Rating PG

Disclaimer Don't own them.

Summary The team search for the author of some annoying emails and it leads them to England....Although I'm from England I wrote this in American....Tell me if I got it wrong...Thanks to Flight who gave me the idea for this part.






A dark shape paused in the doorway of the bedroom. What was that sound? It wasn't the owners as they were out for the night. The house was empty. A flashlight danced off the walls. The shape stalked forward until it came to what looked like a light switch. The light flicked on. A tall dark haired man stood in the place of the dark shadow. He slinked catlike to the closet on the other side of the room. He opened the closet door and was almost buried under all the junk that had fallen out.


"Shit!" He cursed.


He stumbled to his feet and looked inside. A shocking pink cat suit was hanging there. He lifted it off the hanger and put it up against himself. "Mmmmm! baby you'll do me." He mumbled to himself as he admired himself in the mirror.


Another voice interrupted his thoughts. "I was wondering when.............Hey! Who are you?"


He turned and saw an angry looking black cat, bushed up and ready to fight if necessary, glaring at him.


"A talking cat!" the man said to himself in astonishment.


Before the cat could protest any further it found itself bundled into a bag. "Mff mmff mfmff mfm mfmfmmffmmf." It struggled to get free but could not.


The man, after emptying the closet of all the clothes, climbed out the window and ran towards the waiting car. The driver

another dark haired man sat up when the car door opened. "Well?"


"Matt, I got a surprise for you.....You're not going to believe what I found in that house.........."



Part 1


BA scowled at the computer because it was sending him junk mail and adverts for Viagra. "Damn computer. I don't want Viagra." He yelled at it, smacking the screen with his fist.


"BA what's wrong? Why are you smacking the computer screen?" Hannibal asked.


BA yelled, "Because man they sendin' me adverts for Viagra. Don' need no Viagra man!!!"


Face, hearing the commotion, rushed over. "What's wrong?" BA grunted and pointed to the screen. Face read what was on there and said, with an evil smile, "Why BA I didn't think you needed that."


BA growled. "That's jus' what I was tellin' the colonel I don' need it."


"Need what?" Came a slightly cheery southern drawled accent. BA groaned this was getting worse and worse.


Hannibal stifled a laugh and turned to look at Murdock, "BA's been told he needs Viagra.....We know he doesn't need it right Face?" He turned to look at Face who was wearing an evil smirk on his Face. "Face?"


Everyone turned to Face, and noticed the evil smirk.


BA snarled. "Faceman wipe that silly smirk offa your face. I mean it."


Murdock started to gesture wildly. "I don't see why you're getting so worked up Big Guy, it's just junk mail."


BA grunted, "Look at the return address.......the foo' who has that email address also sent me an email detailing on how to seduce women and all the other junk on here."


Face read the email address silently, "So? just block the sender and lets get on with it." he adds evilly. "Although, He may have a point there."


BA growled again. "I don' need no Viagra, an' I don' need no e-mail tellin' me how ta seduce women."


Face smirked even more and said, "Why don't you just block the Viagra ads and keep the seducing women one? I mean you don't know when it will be useful in the future...."


BA growled. "Keep smirking like that and you'll be smirking on t'other side of ya face." BA got out of his chair and started towards Face.


Hannibal stepped in between BA and Face and said. "Save it for the next mission BA....Face, stop smirking. You only anger him more."


Without anybody noticing Murdock slipped into BA's now empty seat. He was trying to be helpful, and started to delete some of the mail. When "Uh-Oh I think I messed up." Instead of deleting the mail he'd hit the reply button.


BA turned around. "What ya done you crazy fool?" BA asked leaning in to look at the screen.


"I was only trying to be helpful." Murdock said, giving BA the big puppy dog eyes look. "All I did was hit a button. It's no big deal...." His voice trailed off as BA lifted Murdock from the seat.


"Crazy Foo' leave the computah alone." He was about to do something when Hannibal intervened.


"Leave him alone BA. If you're so worried about all these e-mails then let's go see who the sender is." BA dropped Murdock who landed silently on the floor.


Face, who was looking at the screen, said, "That's not an American address. Look!" He said pointing to the email address. "it says dot co dot uk. That means it's in the UK somewhere."


Murdock said, "Alright we're going to teabag central."


BA crossed his arms and said, "I ain't flyin'. No way NO HOW!!!! I am not flyin'."


Murdock pouted. "Oh you big baby. When are you ever going to let go of your fear of flying." BA growled in Murdock's direction, but turned his full attention to Hannibal.


Hannibal said, "BA if you don't go you'll never find out who was sending those emails.....We'll cross that bridge when we come to it." He turned to Face. "Face I want you and Murdock to go and scam us some T's and FP's." He said, meaning tickets and false passports.


Face nodded, then leaned towards Hannibal, "Uh What's T's and FP's?" Face asked.


"Face I want you and Murdock to scam us some Tickets and False Passports. After all we can't be in a foreign country without passports. We are fugitives after all." Face nodded, and he and Murdock headed out the door. Leaving Hannibal alone with BA, who seemed edgy not knowing what to expect.


Face walked into LAX, after scamming the false passports from a friend who owed Face a favour, and walked over to the first available desk. The young girl behind the desk smiled at the two men. Face smiled back and sat down on the chair, Murdock lurked behind him.


"Can I help you two gentlemen?" She asked with a smile.


Face smiled at her. "Uh yeah, my friend and me would like to get four tickets to England. ASAP. Maybe on the next flight."


The smile never left her face, and as she stared at the man before her. She fluttered her eyelids, and Murdock rolled his eyes. He didn't see why women went ga-ga over his best friend anyway. He still said not a word. She got her attention off of the two, and looked at her computer. She gave him the total for the tickets, and Face gladly paid.


"Thanks alot, uh ma'am." She fluttered her eyelids again, and the two men walked off.


Back at the house BA was twitching and pacing back and forth, Hannibal was about to tell him to sit down when the computer beeped and a message popped up saying, "YOU GOT MAIL!"


BA sat down in front of the computer and growled, "If it's another Viagra advert, I'll shove the mouse down someone's throat."


Hannibal shook his head, and watched as BA sat down again and opened the message. The message was a little cryptic. It read "Being held prisoners by two men hell bent on taking over the world. HELP ME!!!!! Max."


"Uh Hannibal you gettin' this? Now we gotta save this Max dude. Or dudette."


Hannibal took the cigar from his mouth and nodded. "Yep BA we've got to help him. But we've got to fly and since you're not willing to fly...." His voice trailed off as he looked expectantly at BA.


BA growled, "Alright I'll fly as long as that crazy foo' ain't flying it. We gotta help this Max. When I get hold of the sucker that have captured him............."


Hannibal patted BA's shoulder "Atta boy BA." He smiled behind BA's back. "I knew you couldn't let a prisoner remain one."


BA growled. "Just cause I agreed to fly don' mean I hafta like it...." His voice trailed off just as Murdock and Face came in.


Murdock had heard BA's comment. "So you sly devil you, you decided to fly after all? I'm so proud."


"All you gonna be is dead meat if you don't watch youself sucka."


Face turned to Hannibal. "So what brought about his change of heart Hannibal?"


Hannibal answered, "Take a look at this new e-mail BA got."


Face and Murdock leaned in towards the computer and read the message. "So we gotta rescue a person named Max as well as

get the Viagra dude. Viagra dude's gotta be holding Max prisoner because it's the same email as before." Face said.


"Good point Muchacho. So now it's not only a mission of revenge, but a mission of rescue and peace too?" Murdock grinned this was his kind of mission. He whooped and hollered, until BA started to mad again.


"Sit down you crazy foo'," BA growled. He half rose out of his seat but the computer beeped again and the 'YOU GOT MAIL!'

message appeared again. BA sat down and opened the message, which read, "Help me. All I'm being fed is tins of cheap cat food. Max."


BA growled "They're not only holding him prisoner they're feeding him animal food. What kinda suckers would do such a thing?"


Murdock sat down and pondered. "Yeah who would feed somebody cat food and cheap to boot? I mean if you're going to feed

somebody cat food it shouldn't be cheap."


By this time Face had sat down beside Murdock and added his two cents in as well. "Well don't worry Murdock when this Max is free he won't ever have to eat cat food again." The two others nodded.


Hannibal said, "When's our flight, Face?"


Face looked at the tickets. "Not until 5pm.I'd better pack." He leapt up out of his seat and ran towards his bedroom and started throwing things into a suitcase.


Murdock followed suit, and so did the rest. Except for BA. He dreaded the idea of flying. Especially when it came to turbulence. He hoped he'd make it all the way to the other side of the world.


Soon Hannibal came back into the living room. "Get packed BA, we leave at Five. That gives us three and a half hours." BA

rolled his eyes and dutifully went to get packed.


The computer beeped again. It was Max again. "Help. They're making me watch Barney video's and the Tweenies. Please save

me. Max."


Hannibal took the cigar out of his mouth and said. "It seems Max's captors are torturing him. We had better hurry."


BA nodded again, and the two left the room to pack. "Barney and the Tweenies?" BA muttered. "How sadistic can captors be? We gotta hurry we just gotta."


Finally finished with their packing, the four met back into the living room. Again the "YOU'VE GOT MAIL" thingy sounded. "HELP ME I CAN'T TAKE THIS TORTURE ANYMORE...."


This was worse then ever. They went out to the van. BA came back in and turned the computer off and unplugged it. He went back out to the van after locking the front door. BA climbed into the driver's seat and started the engine and drove away from the drive. Face turned the laptop on. He punched a few keys and soon there was a map of the UK on it.


"Good. Now we won't get lost or hurt." He soon had was checking out all the possible sites of any places to take prisoners. He was so immersed in his quest that he didn't hear Murdock as a new personality took hold.


Murdock warned them. "Guys I feel a new personality comin'." He suddenly transformed into a British speaking person....There was no peace in the van till they got the airport. Yahoo! Messenger has joined the conference.


A little later they boarded the airplane, with no protest from BA surprisingly, apparently the need to rescue Max pushed the fear of flying out of his mind. He settled as comfortably as he could into the seats and felt the tremble yet surprisingly it wasn't that bad. He put his head back, and listened to the drone of the planes. He would've gone to sleep if Murdock wouldn't have been so bouncy. He was singing blues tunes, and drumming his hands on the sides of the seats. BA glared down at the aisle seats, and growled warningly. Murdock sense BA glaring at him but he paid no attention


Across the aisle Face was sitting next this little old lady who was knitting what looked like a sock and muttering to herself. Face leaned back to go to sleep. He was about to drift off when a little boy came up and squirted him with a water gun and ran off. Face spluttered and looked around but he couldn't see the kid anywhere.


Face turned bright red, how dare a little kid just run up to him a squirt him with water? He started to get up and find him when the little old lady let loose her yarn and Face tripped down the aisle.


The little boy peek from out behind one of the seats and squirted Face again. Face got up and went after him.


"LT, leave the boy alone," order Hannibal.


"Hannibal, he is ruining a good suit."


"Get over it LT it's only water." replied Hannibal.


Face sat down again and leapt up again. The little boy had placed a moldy old cheese and mayonnaise sandwich on his chair leaving a nice stain on his backside. He gingerly picked up the sandwich and dumped it on his seat tray.


"Ew that is so disgusting", Face muttered. But he didn't see the stain on his backside. However Hannibal thoughtfully pointed it out to him, and Face groaned. He fled to the bathroom.


Murdock laughed. Better Face them him, but then it was always Face. Face got to do this, Face got to do that. Face Face Face. Oh if he didn't care for Face so much he junk him right out the window.


Face, after hastily wiping his backside, came and sat down this time checking his seat before he sat down. The little boy had

decided to leave Face alone for a bit. Face breathed a sigh of relief. He settled down in his seat next to Murdock, and muttered under his breath.


Murdock glanced over at him and grinned. "Wanna listen to some tunes Muchacho? It'll make you feel a whole lot better...."


Face glanced over at Murdock. "Sure. What are you listening to?"


Murdock grinned. "You'll see Facey boy you'll see."


Face took the head phones and place them on his head all he heard very loudly was. "I kiss my girl last night and in the

dark of light " She was such a sight." He gave them back to Murdock . "What in the world was that my ears are still



"That Face man was The Kids around the corner ."


"Oh I don't know that one." Face said, sheepishly. He could hear that another song was starting.


Murdock placed the headphones on his ears. It was a rap song. "Me with the floorshow, kicking with your torso." Murdock said so the whole plane could hear. "I like this song! Do you like it Muchacho?"


Face groaned. He covered his face in his hands. This was so embarrassing. Why is it that whenever the four went anywhere

someone or something always made it into something more? Suddenly Murdock got up in between the aisles and started to dance.


BA hearing the commotion got out of his seat. Then suddenly remembered he was on a plane and sat back down again. 'I'll take care of that fool later,' he thought. 'Now I wish this plane would land.'


Hannibal looked at Murdock. "Captain sit down you of all people should no better then to dance on a plane. ."


Murdock dance over to Hannibal and grab his arms and pulled him up. "Come on Colonel dance with me. There is no safer

place to dance then a plane."


Hannibal danced a few steps grudgingly. "There I danced now can I sit down?"


The air stewardess came over and said, "Excuse me but will you two gentlemen please sit down? They'll be serving the meal soon."


Murdock let go of Hannibal and instead grabbed the air stewardess's hands. "Come on let's dance. Just you me and the clouds.... I'm in Heaven...."


The stewardess blushed and she quickly let go of Murdock's hand. "Please sir take your seat." She scrambled out of the area as fast as she could.


Murdock wink at Face "Hey I thinks she likes me. Me not you hehehe."


"Murdock knock it off." replied Face.


Soon the food came Murdock had order sloppy Joes and french fries. "How can you eat that stuff?" asked Face.


"Simple. Want some?"


"No thank you. I will eat a more nutritious meal. Liver and onion."


Murdock turned his head and put his finger in his mouth to make a gagging sound.


Face ignored Murdock and dug into the liver and onions. All the while making satisfied noises.


Murdock shrugged and ate his sloppy Joes and french fries but not in silence. He put his hand like a mouth and was feeding his hand.


"All right there Snookie here are your fries. You're hungry aren't you?"


The mouth/hand talked back. "Oh yes Murdock I haven't eaten in months....just look at me."


Murdock made soothing noises, totally ignoring the glares he was getting from Face and the other passengers. "Here you go Snookie..." The hand/mouth 'ate' with glee. "Is that better?"


"Oh yes yum yum yum delicies. How about some of those onions I love onions."


"No way Snookie yuck."


"But I love onions."


Murdock hand snake over to Face's plate and grab for an onion.


Face, seeing the hand going for his plate out of the corner of his eye, smacked the hand with his fork, which was covered in

gravy, Murdock yelped in a high pitched voice and the hand withdrew. "That'll teach you to mess with my liver and onions



Murdock grimaced and caressed his hand. "It wasn't me it was Snookie. He likes onions and you had some onions."


"Well Snookie no onions for you. Leave my plate alone or I'll be forced to use the knife. Capiche?" Face asked. Shaking his head and hoping the plane landed soon.


Murdock glared at Face. "Hmm keep your stinking onions. Anyway, phew, they stink."


"Murdock onions don't stink."


"Yes they do. Move somewhere else." Murdock pushed Face's plate causing what was left of the liver and onions to get all over Face.


Face groaned and retreated to the bathroom again. Hannibal who had fallen asleep woke up with a start when the captain came over the intercom and said about landing soon. Face who came out of the bathroom muttered, "Thank God!"


Murdock who had by that time taken off the ear phones howled, because he was very happy to be landing and seeing the UK. He

pulled out his trusty UK guide, and waited for the plane to land. Hannibal watch BA as they slowly got up to get off the plane.


Suddenly BA storm his way through the plane. "Get out of my way sucker move. Don't be getting in ma way." People scrambled

out of the giant's way. BA moved very fast. He just wanted off the plane.


Face had just came out of the bathroom and got knocked back in again. Face picked himself off the floor and dusted himself off. As he climbed out of the plane he noticed how cold it was. He wished he hadn't just worn a t-shirt.


Murdock, appearing unaffected by the difference in temperature, bounded ahead. He was grinning widely and bouncing up and

down. "Hey guys can you believe it? We're actually in the UK. The land of Tea." He stood in the middle of the airport's unloading place and started using a British accent. "I'll have some tea pl...." But was instantly cut off by BA.


BA leaned in close to Murdock, "Yo crazy foo' don't go doing that crazy talk." Instead of replying, Murdock gave BA a kiss right in the middle of his forehead. Face stifled a laugh, between shivers, when BA glared at him.


"All right all you wipe them stupid grins off your faces. I mean it." Face and Hannibal's faces were soon clear of the smiles. "Good. Now let's do some rescuin'." BA bellowed. The three nodded and went to find a taxi.


Hannibal turned to Face, "Where shall we start looking for Max?"


Face replied consulting his list, "Um.....London, there a loads of dungeons there. Could hide someone there. Also there's Southampton, ancient ruins and the like."


A black taxi drove up and they piled into it. The cabbie, a burly looking man asked in a gruff voice, "And where are you going today?"


Face still looking at his list didn't look up. "All right we're going to London to look at all the dungeons. If we don't see anything we'll head back to Southampton. What do you think Hannibal?" Hannibal consulted with the others and they too nodded.


"London it is. Drop us in the centre." Face said to the cabbie, who just grunted.


The taxi pulled away from the curb. The drive was really smooth. Murdock leaned back to enjoy the ride when a shadow fell over the taxi. Murdock turned and saw a big double decker bus loom over them. "Argh! What's that? It looks really mean. It's gonna bite us."


Hannibal Face and BA all looked to see what Murdock was looking at. Hannibal smiled to reassure his friend.


Face said, "It's only a red double decker bus Murdock. It won't bite."


"Are you sure? Cause it looks awfully mean...." His voice trailed off as the bus passed them without any bites of any kind.

Murdock breathed a sigh of relief. "I was really worried there for a second."


BA shook his head, "Crazy foo' talking about mean buses. Why'd we bring him?"


"Cause without me here, you'd be comatose with grief. And I couldn't bear to do that to you." He fluttered his eyelashes at BA.


BA growled, "Man you just a crazy foo'. Quit bein' so crazy..."


"I can't help who I am BA." He stared at the window, and there was some peace. At least for a little while.


The taxi screeched to a halt. The cabbie said, "The centre of London that'll be 15 pound please."


Hannibal handed over a twenty. "Keep the change."


The cabbie said "Thank you sir."


As they got out Murdock said, "I love the British accent......" He goes off into his British personality again, "Would you like a cup of tea BA?"


"Naw Man I don' want no tea." BA made a grab for Murdock's leather jacket. He grabbed the nape of the collar and pulled him up until his feet left the ground. He pulled Murdock in closer, and closer until they were nose to nose. "I want some peace on this Mission got it crazy Foo'? I ain' got no time foh yoh jibba-jabba. Got it?"


"Got it Muchacho. By the was did anyone tell you that you're gorgeous when you're mad?" Murdock asked.


Face coughed, interrupting. "Guys....Will ya looka that?" He said as an attractive lady walked by.


Distracted BA let his hold on Murdock slip a little. Seeing his chance, Murdock wriggled out of the hold and slipped to the ground landing on his feet. He smiled, leave it to Face to spot a pretty lady and rescue him at the same time. They watched as she passed by.


She dropped something and Face, after picking it up and seeing it was a wallet, ran after her. "Excuse me you dropped this." She turned round and took the wallet from him. "Sooo." Face asked, "How about a date tomorrow?"


The lady looked at him and said in a very deep voice, "Sorry, I'm already attached to someone."


The lady turned out to be a bloke. Face backed away thoroughly embarrassed. He hastily gave the wallet back to the person and went to rejoin the group. He was so red he looked like a tomato.


"What happened Face she reject you?" Asked Hannibal.


"No Hannibal it was a guy not a girl."


"But she was so attractive", Murdock joined in.


Face glared at them all. "Laugh all you want." He pouted.


"Sorry Face, but it was so funny you asking a guy on a date." Murdock said between laughs.


The laptop beeped again, saving Face from doing something he might later regret. It was another message from Max. This time it was very short. "HELP! Now being made to watch Teletubbies! Please hurry!"


"Teletubbies? Why Teletubbies? Anything but Teletubbies." Moaned Murdock. "Colonel we've got to find him."


Said Face. "I agree. Let's get our butts into gear." The three others nodded, and they went walking faster down the street.


"Hey where are those dungeons Face?" Hannibal asked.


Face consulted his map, "Uh we just turn right here, then left here....." He said pointing out the route with his left index finger.


"And then we follow the yellow brick road." interrupted Murdock, causing Face to lose his train of thought.


"Huh? The yellow brick what? Murdock let me concentrate here."


Murdock started to hum the song "Follow follow follow follow the yellow brick road....We're off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of Oz...."


He started dancing down the street. People were giving Murdock strange looks but he didn't care. A little old lady was carrying some shopping when the bag split causing tins of peas, apples and a banana to roll over the pavement. Face went over to help pick them up. She glanced over at him, and smiled. "Thank you Sonny."


"You're welcome Ma'am. I hope you didn't hurt yourself."


She smiled again. "No I didn't. By the way who was that strange man dancing down the street?"


Face laughed a nervous laugh. "Er strange man?"


"Yes that strange man over there." She pointed at Murdock who talking to a dog that was chained to a lamppost.


"Oh him. I have no idea." Face said pretending he didn't know Murdock.


Murdock walked over and draped his arm over Face's shoulder. "Ready Muchacho? We got a person to save."


Face got an embarrassed look on himself, he rebagged the woman's groceries and hurried out of her line of vision. "Yes I'm ready. As soon as you calm down, and quit dancing down the street."


Murdock didn't seem to hear him, all he said was, "If I only had a brain....." Hannibal and BA soon caught up with the other two.


Face bumped into a young girl, who was singing to herself. She sounded like she was singing, "Wilts and Dorset, Wilts and Dorset, A rusty old Blue Line and a City bus." Her hand snaked around his waist and he fell backwards. They fell into a heap and they bumped noses.


Disentangling himself, Face got up and looked at the young lady in the face. She was very pretty. "Oh excuse me miss sorry about that."



Part 2


She looked right in his eyes and stood up too. "It's okay. Don't mind me. I was just singing about busses." He smiled again. Just then she looked at her watch. "Oh No! I'm late."


"Late for what?" Face asked.


"I was supposed to meet my mum and my friends in front of the store just around the block." She started to walk away but Face followed closely. He didn't want to lose sight of her.


Seeing Face's intentions, Hannibal and the rest of the gang followed the two, although they were on the other side of the street. "Oh great Hannibal. Another female," moaned Murdock. BA just shook his head and growled.




The kidnappers whose names were Matt and Gavin were both dressed wildly. Gavin had on the shocking pink cat-suit, and fishnet stockings and Matt had a feather boa and some fishnet stockings on as well as some bright pink high heeled shoes. They were both trying to force their victim into a similar outfit as Gavin's. But weren't having a lot of luck. For starters Max kept yowling.... (They'd forced his name from him...For Max was a talking cat).


Finally getting him into the shocking pink cat-suit and fishnet stockings complete with high-heeled shoes they then took some embarrassing pictures of him. Max yowled all the louder. He just wanted to go home.


"Please let me go." He begged, looking at Gavin with his golden eyes.


Gavin laughed evilly, "Sorry, no can do. We need you for our plans......"


Matt shot him a look that said 'Shut up or else'


Gavin twirled around, changing the subject, "Hey Max, What do ya think of my outfit?"


"Oh that is SO you." Max replied, sarcasm dripping from his voice.


"You think so?" Gavin asked eagerly, not catching the sarcasm at all.


"No! Are you kidding I wouldn't be seen dead in that.....that......OUTFIT! You look like a freak!" Max yelled. He soon shut up when Gavin came nearer with a pair of metallic gold eyelashes in his right hand. "What...What are you going to do with those



Gavin just smiled as he came nearer and nearer.






The Team's Misadventures 1-2 by Jade, Flight, Susie



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