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Title: Don't you dare let me hear you cry (Poem for MCL)

Five Original Poems

by Murdock's Crazylady

 

All Rated G and non-AT

Disclaimer: Yes I wrote them, they're mine.

Copyright: 2001 Murdock's CrazyLady (MCL)

 

*****************************************************************************

 

Don't You Dare Let Me Hear You Cry

Author's notes: FROM MCL'S POV

 

 

Giggling, laughter

Playful games I pretend nothing matters

Hurt and anger shoved inside a box

deep down inside where no one looks

past memories become a re-occurring day-mare

Boiling point rising

anger begging for it's release

still I laugh instead of cry

 

*****

The gun I pulled quick to remind

why did he hurt me, what did I do?

questions never asked, never answered

empty places. huge gaping wounds

no one sees, because I hide, deep down inside

pretending I'm just fine

cranking 'Janie got a gun' up high

I sit and ask myself questions, and I wonder why

Didn't he love me? didn't he care?

The man singing this song..did he know me?

Did he know my story? That my daddy hurt me?

This song screams for me, volume up all the way

 

*****

Memories seeping in, all of a sudden, I'm back there again

All my mind says is aim for his head

Bang bang he's dead

blood all over me, throwing the gun

run..run away..blood all over my jeans and hood

wouldn't take it back even if I could

run from the pain, run from my so-called-life

10 years of hell was enough for me

paid the price, sent him out the hard way

 

*****

Fear, I'm terrified

Murder? Am I capable of it?

I don't think things out

Running again, right back to that house

The place I was beaten, bruised more than once

This is the time, I'm broke. I've had enough

My angry conscience kicks in, screaming

telling me what to do

light a match! kill her too!

she knew, did the stop him?

HELL NO!

burn her up, listen to her screams

singe her while she sleeps

My conscience now screams,

don't worry about her, she didn't have any for you

I do as it says, pour the gas

the match, I hold it in my hand

I laugh, die bitch did

I wanna see you fry

hurt me more than once, now you too will pay

this is D-Day and you're my ultimate enemy

 

*****

Light the match, watch it drop

POOF I watch as the house goes up

This place of my hell is no more

I been hurt, more than I can take

I'll see you in hell, both of you, come my own judgement day

Tears streaming, I walk away, my vow loud and clear

Remembering his famous sneer and jeer

'Don't cry it only makes it worse'

tell them like you told me, you can pen it all up inside

but never forget your own words,

Don't you dare let me hear you cry

 

 

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She's Here to Defend (Look Out Evil)

Author's notes: FOR THE VA DEFENDER *love ya, mom!*

 

 

Look out evil, cos here she comes

don't you hear the banging of the drums?

better run, better go, I'm telling you

she's gonna come here and when she's through,

you'll wish YOU banished YOU!

She shows no mercy to evil like you

I've said it once, and I'll say it again

I'd run if I were you

Her sword is mighty and her heart is true

Her anger is gonna skyrocket when her eyes see you

 

*****

She's getting close, I hear the swish of wings

And nothing you do now will change her mind

she's gonna have you're behind!

Here we go, let's get ready to rumble!

what was that? I thought I heard you mumble

Long brown hair and green eyes

Looking down upon the evil she's sworn to despise

close your eyes, say your prayers

Your time has run out, time to face you're own fears

I guess I should have said, you know the one who wants you're head?

She's here to defend, we like to call her Red

The High Priestess of Kion...

Nuff said!

 

 

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Darkness Covers Light

Author's notes: CK's POV after news about the baby, questions she's never been allowed or able to ask

 

 

She used to be innocent

good and pure hearted

but something inside jump started

a feeling of cold and darkness has awakened

too much shock, too many horrors

this one time goddess has fallen

snapped into a dark place

 

*****

Narrowed eyes, slow heart beat

looking around, she sneers

'this is more like it, I know I'm gonna like it here'

no one to love,

no one to fear

hate replacing her feelings of love

laughing, she's cold inside

'I don't care, I wanna watch them all die! I like suffering and pain, the more

they're maimed

the more control over my dark realm I gain!'

 

*****

Abandoned at 3 days old,

adopted by the devil, her so-called-life unfolds

beaten, starved and burned

day to day survival had to be earned

once the fire gave them what they deserved

she was taken away, her physical body nearly gone

her mental stability scrambled,

don't even know her own birth date

 

*****

Did I have a mom? Why'd she get rid of me?

Nagging questions she never got to ask (They wouldn't let me)

What's her real name? Who am I? Who is she?

Why didn't she love me, Want me?

Is she dead or is she still alive?

What does she look like?

Does she have brown eyes like me?

Where did she go? Why couldn't I go too?

Did I do something bad and she didn't want me to?

 

****

I wish I would have died when I was born

that way I'd never have to be told, 'Your real mom was a whore'

I don't know what that is or what it means

but inside it still hurts me

no matter how evil I am

no matter how bad I get

There's always going to be one thing I'll never forget

my real mommy's out there

I don't know much about her, or what she thinks of me

but I know the day we meet, I will truly be free

 

 

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Who and What I Am

Author's notes: This one's MCL's, for MCL. She is jumped in the hall, and this is where this poem comes from

 

 

Running, silent laughing

I hear them, they're very near

I sit up and scream in fear

catching my breath, I gasp for air

mom rushes to my side, asking, 'what's wrong dear?'

Tears fill my eyes, I look up

mom they where here, I heard them

they were coming to get me, I say

mom holds me close and tells me it was just a bad dream

I swallow, but it was so real

they were here, I heard them in the hall

witch hunt! witch hunt! I heard them all

boys just a few years older than me

yelling and beating me, I see it all over again

 

*****

Tearing off my necklace, telling me I'm just a damned witch

and I deserve to die, I try not to cry

laughing while they kick me and I beg them to stop

burn her at the stake! Hang the witch!

They toss around opinions on my sentence to be carried out

they're my judge and jury

I refrain from screaming for help. asking myself

why's it so bad, I'm proud of it, why should I hide it? what do I do now?

one more kick and I'm left alone to bleed

they walk away, daring each other to take the witch's innocence

I stand painfully, picking my necklace from the floor

staring at it, my eyes fill once more

I squeeze it in my hand, asking the Goddess for assurance

'Please great Goddess, give me strength to get through this'

 

****

I walk away, my shattered pentagram pendant in my palm,

Proud as I am, I wish everything would calm

no more words of harm

no more looks of scorn

no more question who I am

blood runs down my face, my nose and mouth swollen

I wipe it away as I walk on, silently telling my attackers off

You can beat me as much as you want,

You can kick me as hard as you can,

but you'll never change who or what I am

 

 

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Cheating Death

Author's notes: This one's MCL's, for MCL.

 

 

I wake up, dripping with cold sweat

I look around, breathing deep

looking for the person who makes my skin creep

I climb out of bed and change my clothes

This is how every night goes

I go to sleep and I see his ghost

I look out the window, pulling down my hood

This is going to end here and now, I'm leaving for good

whisper a quick goodbye to the ones who tried to love me

the ones who tried to show me I had a purpose to live

Goodbye to the woman I grew to love, to the one I call mom

Goodbye to my aunts and sisters, I'll miss you too

Honest, I'm sorry, but this is something I have to do

I've killed once, and I'll be damned if I'll do it again

Out the window I climbed, across the meadow and into the woods I ran

my mind was gone, I gave it all up

heart racing, feel I might throw up

bright lights in my eyes, loud noise in the air

what is it and why's it here?

I stare like a scared rabbit, brakes screech

but by then I've been hit and I'd landed

across the highway, on my belly arm underneath me

I yell inside 'I can't breathe, my legs won't move'

'I'm scared, I'm gonna die' my heart slows and I close my eyes

it's almost over, I beg for relief

please heart, stop beating, make me stop breathing,

make the pain stop, take me now

heart slows once more

darkness and cold opens death's door

I will be going very soon, I tell myself

breathing becomes more shallow, I swear I hear someone yell

did I hear my name? was it really someone yelling MCL?

blood draining from all over, I guess I'm wrong

panic comes fast, I'm taking my last gasp

whoever you are, if you're really there,

I'm sorry I ran but I was scared, tell my mom I love her,

tell her I never meant to take my life,

it wasn't planned for me to die this time I'm going now..goodbye

breathing stops, heart ceases to beat

in a second of panic, the 10-year-old child goes permanently to sleep

A horrific shriek, the help arrives, and goes to her knees

'I hope I'm not too late, you look so bad, I hope I can help'

Summoning her power, vision blurry from tears

The mom MCL came to know slowly helped

breathing life into the broken bones and shattered organs inside

A deep breath determines this will not be homicide nor suicide

A grateful sigh hovers over her, MCL is alive again

A blue light fills her, it's warm, MCL knows she's not alone

Mom is here, and she's carrying me home

when I wake up the first thing I'm gonna do

is grab her neck with a hug and say

I'm sorry, thank you and most of all, mom, I love you

 

 

 


Five Original Poems by Murdock's Crazylady by Murdock's Crazylady

 

 


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