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Warnings: Violence, cussing, the F bomb has been dropped!, abuse, drugs, sex, the whole nine yards.
Summary: The thoughts and feelings of a girlfriend.
Copyright: Loraine Writing Inc.
June 18, 1985
You'll never believe what happened today. I was out running
some errands when my car broke down. There I was standing on the side
of the road, when a car pulled up. This man got out of the car. At
first I was scared, after all, I was alone. But then he asked if I
needed help. When I said yes, he took a look at my car. He said there
was something wrong with the thermostat thing. I didn't have any idea
what he was talking about. Anyway, he offered me a ride to a garage
where I could get someone to fix my car. I agreed to go with him. We
rode to the garage and talked. I found out his name was John. He was
such a nice guy. Why can't more guys be like him? Anyway, we got to
the garage and John told the man what was wrong. The mechanic said
that he would go get my car and have it fixed in about two hours.
John offered to take me out to lunch while we waited. Of course I
accepted. He was a nice guy. He took me to this little out of the way
restaurant, The Iron Armadillo. It was wonderful. He paid for
everything! He wasn't like those other guys that have taken me out. I
didn't pay for anything. Well, we ate and talked. He was so educated.
He knew about all the world issues. I found out he was in the
military. He was a Lieutenant Colonel in Vietnam. I didn't think to
ask what he does for a living, but I'm sure he has a job. He was very
well dressed. I just hope it's nothing like Robbie.
Anyway, we went back to get my car. When the mechanic told me how
much it cost, I was so upset. I mean, I'm not rich. How was I going
to pay 400 dollars? I can barley pay my rent on my paycheck, let
alone another expense like this. I thought I was going to have to pay
a little at a time. I didn't know how I was going to do it. Then the
coolest thing happened. John paid for my car! I know he's out to get
something, namely me, but what a way to go about it! No one has ever
done anything that nice for me. I've always had to pay for
everything, even a lot of my dates. Well, after that John said he had
to go. He asked for my number and of course I gave it to him. He
promised he would call in a few days. He said something about going
out of town for a couple of days. I really hope he calls. He was a
nice guy. Well, that's about all that happened today. It was one of
the best days of my life. Oh, Robbie didn't call either. I hope he
never calls again.
June 21, 1985
John called today! I was getting ready to go to work when the
phone ran. He said he was sorry for not calling sooner, but his out
of town job took longer than he thought. He kept apologizing. It was
really sweet. He said he had some free time before his next shoot.?
(Maybe he's a model?) He asked if I would like to go out again. I
said yes, and he asked if I wanted to go out tonight! Well, I got off
work at 9:00, so he came and picked me up here at 10:00. We went to a
nice restaurant, The French Quarter. It was awesome! When I first
looked at the menu, I was amazed! It was so expensive. John told me
to order whatever I wanted. Money was no object with him. It was
wonderful. Not like with Robbie. I know I keep comparing John to him,
but he was my last boyfriend. Anyway, after dinner, we went out
dancing. He's a very good dancer. After that, we went for a drive. He
had a really nice car. It was a Corvette. He said it was his best
friends car. We drove up the coast. We pulled off at this little
secluded beach and sat and looked at the stars. Well, that's not all
we did. We kissed a little. He is the best kisser. We were talking
and he told the funniest joke. I was laughing and he just kept
looking at me. I asked him what he was looking at and he said "The
most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Then he leaned over and put his
hand behind my head. He said "You have the most beautiful hair. Every
time I see you, I want to tangle my fingers in it." The he put his
other arm around me and pulled me up to his chest. He has a wonderful
chest. It's all muscle. In fact, everything about him is wonderful! He
is so beautiful. Anyway, he looked into my eyes. He has the most
stunning blue eyes I've ever seen. The he brushed his lips against
mine. It was soft at first. His tongue ran over my lips. It was the
most amazing feeling. I felt this kiss all the way down to my toes.
Well, I moaned. That's when he pushed his tongue against mine. Oh my
gosh! It was like lighting hit me. Every nerve in my body was on
fire. He didn't try to touch me in any way. He just wanted to kiss.
And what a kiss! I don't know what came over me. John was kissing me
and all of a sudden, I was like this animal. I was running my hands
through his hair. It's the most beautiful shade of gray. He's not
that old, but his hair is already gray. Anyway, I was pushing against
him. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to be near him. I wanted him!
Well, he pulled away from me. Talk about disappointment! He smiled.
He has such a great smile. He said "I think we need to take this
somewhere else. We might do something here that we might regret."
Well, we left the beach. We went back to my house. I invited
him in. First I offered him a drink. He said he didn't want one. We
sat down on the couch and started talking again. The next thing I
know, I'm all over him. I guess maybe Robbie was right, I'm just a
slut. He was being a gentleman. He wasn't trying to touch me or force
me to do anything. I was making all the moves. John stopped kissing
me. I was panting. I wanted him so bad. He looked at me and said "Is
this what you want? I don't want to force you to do anything you
don't want to." I was shocked. No one has ever asked me that. I guess
that's why I started crying. I know I probably scared him. He looked
like he was going to cry to. He just held me until I stopped crying.
It was so sweet. Well, I stopped my stupid blubbering and looked at
him. He wiped the tears out of my eyes and asked me what was wrong. I
don't know why I did it, but I told him about Robbie. Of course, I
left some things out. There are some things that the perfect guy
doesn't need to know. John listened to me. He didn't interrupt. He
just listened. After I finished my story, he held me again and told
me that everything was ok. He said that it wasn't my fault that men
were creeps. Here was a guy telling me that his species was nothing
Anyway, after I cried my eyes out to him. He was just sitting
there holding me, comforting me. I just didn't know how to thank him.
I looked up at him and had the sudden urge to kiss him. So I did. I
pressed my lips against his. He kissed me just like he did at the
beach. I broke away from him and told him that I wanted to make love
to him. He asked if I was sure. I kissed him again. I guess he took
that as a yes. Diary, you'll love what happened next!
June 21, 1985. Part 2
I know this is a long entry but I have to make sure I got
everything down. Well, after I kissed him, he didn't try to force me
to do anything right there. Robbie would have. Robbie would have
ripped my clothes off and fucked me right there. Not John. He kissed
me and held me. Then, while he was kissing me, he lifted me into his
arms. He never broke the kiss. Anyway, he carried me into the
bedroom. He was so gentle. He lay me down on the bed. He never broke
the kiss. He finally looked into my eyes and ask me "Are you sure
this is what you want?" I nodded. He kissed me again. I never felt
him taking off my clothes. Soon, both of us were laying there, naked.
The craziest thing, I still had the lights on. I never did that with
Robbie. He never wanted to see me. All he wanted was what was between
my legs. Anyway, John was running his hands down my sides. He just
kept looking at me. I asked him what was wrong. I told him I could
change whatever he wanted. He puts his hands to my lips. "Please. I
don't want you to change anything. You're perfect just like you are."
The words I had been waiting to hear my whole life! He just kept
staring. I was beginning to feel a little self-conscious. I tried to
slide away from him to find some cover. He pulled me close to him and
told me "Don't worry about what you look like. I think you're
perfect. There is nothing about you that I don't find sexy." He
kissed me again. Then he started making love to me. He wasn't being
forceful like Robbie was. He was actually taking time so it would be
good for me. I couldn't believe it. Finally, a nice guy that was good
in bed. He kept kissing my neck, the he moved down and too one of my
nipples in his mouth. It was heaven! He just kept finding more and
more places to kiss me that made me feel wonderful! He was so good.
He kept finding new ways to turn me on. Finally, I was just about to
orgasm. That was John's word, orgasm. Robbie always called
it 'getting your cookies'. There was nothing about Robbie that was
refined. John was getting me all worked up and then he stopped. I
thought him not kissing me was a disappointment! I almost screamed.
He looked into my eyes. His blue eyes were dark with passion. He
asked again. "Are you sure this is what you want?" I couldn't believe
it! Here he was, hard as a rock, and he was worried about my
feelings. I think that's when I fell in love with him. I leaned up,
kissed him and wrapped my legs around his waist. He smiled. "I'll
take that as a yes." He kissed me again, and somehow managed to find
a condom. Then, it happened. He pushed himself inside me. Not hard.
Not fast. After he was all the way in, he stopped. He asked "Are you
ok? I'm not hurting you am I?" I've never been with a man like John.
He was so caring, so loving, so thoughtful. I pushed myself against
him, wanting him to make love to me. He kissed me again and again. He
started his rhythm. It was wonderful. I was soaring. He didn't speed
through it to satisfy himself. He made sure that I was enjoying
everything. I've never had an orgasm like the one I had with him! It
was wonderful. He was so gentle. He took me to the highest peaks of
passion. He never once thought about himself. It was all about me.
After all the foreplay and love making, I orgasmed. There are no
words that I can use that would even come close to the feeling. It
was like all the sexual tension that I had ever had in my whole,
entire, life came out at one time. I was drained. John climaxed right
Afterwards, he collapsed on top of me. He was shaking. Sweat
was pouring off him. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.
I ran my fingers though his hair, trying to find the words to thank
him for what just happened. Robbie always wanted me to tell him he
was the best, that there would never be another person like him. I
knew that John would want me to tell him he was the best. The only
thing is this time it wouldn't be a lie! I started to speak. John put
his hand to my lips. "You don't have to say a word. I know exactly
how you feel." He slid up next to me, the sweat still glistening on
his forehead. He kissed me again. He said "That was perfect. You were
perfect. That was amazing." I was stunned. He was thanking me! I
kissed him. He said "What was that for?" I smiled. I told him that
was for being so sweet. He kissed me again and then pulled me close.
I laid my head on his chest and fell asleep. I felt so safe.
Anyway, the next morning I woke up. John wasn't there. I was
so disappointed. I looked around for a note. There wasn't one. I
shouldn't have expected one, but it's just that he was such a nice
guy. I sighed and looked around for a shirt. I looked over the side
of the bed and saw John's shirt. He must have left it in his hurry to
leave. I picked it up. It still smelled like him. I chuckled to
myself and put it on. I got up and walked out to the living room.
There was a strange smell in the air. It smelled like....bacon? I
walked into the kitchen. There was John, cooking breakfast! I gasped.
He heard me and turned around. He smiled. "Good Morning beautiful. I
hope you like bacon and eggs." I could only nod. He looked me up and
down. I felt uncomfortable. He smiled. He said "Do you know how sexy
you look standing there in my shirt? I have this uncontrollable urge
to clear off that table and make love to you again." I smiled at him.
I don't know what came over me. I walked over to him. I tried to make
myself look sexy. I probably looked like a fool. Anyway, I walked
over to him and wrapped my arms around him. I pressed myself against
him and kissed him. His arms went around my waist. He pulled me up
till my legs were wrapped around his waist. He kissed me as he walked
over to the table. He sat me on the edge and cleared off a space. He
laid me back and started kissing me again. I felt so free! Robbie
never did anything this spontaneous. We made love on the kitchen
table! It was better than the night before. Afterwards, we sat in the
floor and fed each other breakfast. Then we showered together. He
helped me get ready for work. I've never had more fun. Then we both
had to leave. He promised to call that night. I kissed him good-bye
and took off for work. I had the best day! I hope he calls soon.
June 24, 1985
John hasn't called in two whole days! I hope he's not mad at
me for anything. It's strange. I've only know him a little while, but
he's all I think about. I bet he found out something about me that he
didn't like. I've probably scared him off. Well, I guess I need to go
June 26, 1985
Ok, the most amazing thing happened. I got home from work and
there on my doorstep was a dozen roses. At first, I thought it was
some kind of mistake. I bent down and read the card. They were from
John! It was an apology for not calling sooner. The card said that he
had an out of town job. I'm not sure what he does, but he has to
travel a lot. I hope it's not illegal. I couldn't stand another
boyfriend in the slammer. Anyway, the card also said he would be by.
I can't wait. Maybe I should go out and buy something sexy for him.
Robbie always liked that. Anyway, I can't wait till he comes by.
June 30, 1985
John came by last night! It was great. When he first showed
up, he was acting all funny. I asked him what was wrong. He said his
last job was harder than he thought. I didn't think anything about
it. I asked him what he did for a living. He said he was an actor! I
couldn't believe it. I've never seen him in any movies I've seen. I
asked him about that to. He said that he was the monster in all the
Aquamaniac Movies. How cool is that? Anyway, we talked about my job
and everything. I made dinner. He actually enjoyed it. Robbie always
complained about my cooking. After dinner, we went in the living room
and watched T.V. We were watching some TV show when, there was a
special news bulletin. This was where the whole night went crazy. The
report was about The A-Team. I had heard about these men before. From
all the reports I'd heard about them and the good things they do, I
don't think that they are as guilty as the government says they are.
Well, back to my story. I was listening to the report, when John's
picture came up on the screen. John, my John, my perfect, sweet John,
was the leader of The A-Team, Hannibal Smith! I couldn't believe it.
I just stared at him. He smiled and said "Well, now you know my
secret. I was going to tell you tonight. I'm sorry I didn't tell you
sooner but I wasn't sure how you'd take the news." I was so mad! I
walked away from him. Here I thought I'd found a wonderful guy, and
he'd lied to me! He was just like Robbie. That's when he walked up
behind me and put his arms around me. He kissed my neck and
apologized. I'd never had anyone do that for me. I turned around and
looked at him. When I saw those eyes, I knew that he wasn't lying.
Don't ask me why, but I just knew he was telling the truth. He
asked "Do you want me to leave? You can call the cops if you'd like.
I'll understand." He looked so helpless! I couldn't help but kiss
him. He looked shocked. He said "Are you sure about this? Do you
think you can handle me and my problems?" I kissed him again and told
him that I didn't think The A-Team was as bad as they were made out
to be. Then I told him that I was relieved that what he was doing
wasn't illegal and that I loved him. That's right. I told him flat
out that I loved him. He smiled that sexy smile and told me he loved
me to! Isn't that great? Then we went to bed. It was just as amazing
as the last time!
Anyway, afterwards, I was giving John a massage. I made him
turn over. I sat on his back and started working. He told me to take
it easy. I turned on the bedside light and looked. There were all
these bruises and cuts. I gasped. He turned over and said "It's ok
honey. That's just part of who I am. I don't want you to worry about
me. I can take care of myself. I promise, I'll always come back to
you." He kissed me and held me close. I fell asleep in his arms. It
was wonderful. I know he told me not to worry, but now that I know
what he does when he's gone, I can't help but wonder what's happening
to him. I read the papers everyday to see how close the government is
to them. I think Hannibal sounds more exciting. That's what I call
John now. I can't wait till they get back. I miss him so much.
July 2, 1985
All right. This has been the weirdest day! Here's what
happened. I was sitting here, enjoying my day off. There was a knock
on the door. I opened it to see a military person standing there. I
asked him what he wanted. He told me that he wanted some information
on Hannibal Smith. I told him I didn't have any idea what he was
talking about. He brought in a bunch of other people in military
dress. They started looking around my apartment. I asked if they had
any authority. The man that first talked to me, General Fulbright is
what he said his name was, showed me a paper. It said that they have
permission from the Pentagon to search any area they have suspicion
The A-Team might be. I was so scared! I just knew that they were
going to find something of Hannibal's. I thought I had hid
everything. I hoped I had. Anyway, they looked around everywhere. I
followed them around, hoping they didn't find anything. They went
into the bedroom. I just knew they were going to find something. I
tried to look over their shoulders and hide things before they saw
something. Thankfully, they didn't. They left. General Fulbright left
me a number to call in case I saw Hannibal again. I don't know how he
knew that he had been there.
I was a nervous wreck. I don't know how the military found
out about Hannibal. I didn't even ask. I was to scared. I was sitting
in the living room when there was a knock on my door. I answered it
and there stood this old man. I asked him what he wanted. He asked if
he could have a drink of water. He said he had been walking for a
long time. I felt sorry for him. He looked so fragile. I told him to
come in and have a seat. I went into the kitchen to get his water.
When I came back, Hannibal was sitting in the chair. I was stunned.
He laughed and pulled me into his lap. He kissed me and told me he
was sorry he had to dress up to get in. He said he saw the military
leaving the house and decided to play it safe. He got up and checked
the house for bugs and things. Then he told me about that General. He
is a really bad man. He did a lot of bad things in Vietnam. Anyway, I
told Hannibal that I was really worried about him getting caught
being with me. Hannibal kissed me and told me he would risk being
caught just to see me smile! How sweet is that? He stayed over and we
had a wonderful night. It was magical. Every time with him is just
like the first time.
Oh, by the way, Robbie called today. He said he wanted to see
me but I told him to get lost. I told him I had a new boyfriend that
was ten times better than he ever thought about being. He got really
upset. I hope he doesn't do anything crazy.
July 20, 1985
It's been a while since I last time wrote. Things have been
just crazy! All right, here's what happened first. Hannibal was here.
We were having the best time. We were just about to make love when
the bedroom door burst open. A very drunk Robbie was standing there.
Of course, me and Hannibal didn't have any clothes on. Robbie started
yelling. He told Hannibal to get his shit and get the hell away from
his woman. I tried to talk to Robbie. I wanted him to leave. I
grabbed my robe off the end of the bed and was getting ready to put
it on when Robbie ripped it out of my hands. He said "You stupid
slut. I've seen everything you have to offer. It's not that
impressive. Now, you sorry son of a bitch. Get the hell out of my
house. I've got a boner that this little bitch is going to suck off."
Hannibal got up. He said "No. You listen to me. You're going to turn
around and leave this house. She has made it very clear that she
wants nothing to do with you. Do you hear me? You are to leave right
now before I make you leave." Robbie pulled out a knife. He said "I'd
like to see you try, you old fucker. I'm going to make this little
bitch fuck me. You can leave or you can watch." Robbie started
towards me. Hannibal started to grab him, but Robbie tried to cut him
with the knife. Hannibal backed off a little. Robbie grabbed my arm
and threw me onto the bed. I couldn't do anything but just lay there.
It was like it was when he lived with me. He started taking off his
pants. That's when he made his mistake. He let his guard down a
little. Hannibal jumped him from behind. He managed to wrestle the
knife away from him. He picked him up and threw him out of the house.
He locked the door again and then pulled a chair up against it.
Robbie got back up and was beating on the door. He kept yelling "You
can't get away from me. I still have the key you gave me. I can get
in anytime I want. You better keep an eye out for me. I'll get you
back for this you little bitch. You to you sorry bastard!" Hannibal
came back into the bedroom. I was just sitting on the bed crying.
Hannibal held me close to him and told me that everything was going
to be all right. He said that he was going to make a call. He got up
and pulled on some clothes. He said "If you don't mind I'm going to
call the rest of the guys to come over and help me keep watch. Is
that all right with you?" I nodded. He made the call and came back
and held me until the other guys got there. When he answered the
door, I was standing in the kitchen, trying to make some coffee.
Hannibal brought two men in to meet me. The first man he introduced
me to was Face. I saw right away why they called him Face. He was a
beautiful man. Not as handsome as my Hannibal, but he was a close
second. The other man was B.A. They said his name meant Bad Attitude.
I understand why. He growled a greeting to me. I mean, literally
growled. Hannibal said there was another member of the team. H.M.
Murdock. He wasn't with them because he is a resident of the VA
Psychiatric Ward. His initials mean Howlin' Mad. I take it B.A.
didn't like him much. He kept saying he was a crazy fool. Hannibal
explained later that B.A. really liked him, he just acted like he
didn't. I don't understand it, but I guess things are all right. They
all stayed at the house that night. They each took turns staying
awake so that Robbie wouldn't come back. I think they are the nicest
men I've ever met. They are really nothing like that horrible General
Fulbright said. Ever since that night, they've been here watching
over me. I really like these guys.
July 22, 1985
It's been a bad couple of days. You know how I told you that
the Team was staying here, watching me. Well yesterday, they had to
go out for a little while. They said something about meeting a client
about a mission. Anyway, since Robbie came in that night, Hannibal
had the locks on my door changed. I felt safe being left alone.
Anyway, they left. I had locked all the doors and windows. I was
doing some housework. I decided that I would go out and buy something
to make for the guys when they got back. I got everything cleaned up
and got my list together. I walked out of the house and was almost in
my car when someone grabbed me from behind. I thought at first it was
Hannibal or one of the guys. I finally got to meet Murdock. He's just
as crazy as they said. I thought it might be him acting out one of
his latest personalities. When I turned around, there was Robbie. He
had a knife. He said "You're boyfriend let you down. I noticed they
left this morning. No one to watch over this stupid slut." He pulled
me back into the house. I was so scared! He pushed me down into a
chair and held the knife to my throat. I thought he was going to kill
me. He smiled at me. I asked him what he wanted. He just smiled and
looked me up and down. He said "You've not got nothing to offer that
I haven't already had. No, that's not what I want. What I want is
your boyfriend to see you suffer. So, I think I'll wait around until
he gets back to start the fun. Wait till you see what I have
planned." He laughed.
Well, he waited around till Hannibal and the guys got back.
They opened the door and everyone stopped. Robbie said "Come on in.
Join the fun." That's when he looked at me. He said "So. What do you
want me to do to you first?" I didn't say anything. He grabbed my
face and yelled "You stupid whore. I asked you a fucking question.
Answer me." I still didn't say anything. That's when he hit me. Hard.
In the face. I mean, it's not like he hasn't done it before. But this
time, it really hurt. Not the hit exactly. What hurt the most was
that Hannibal had to see it happen. All the other times that Robbie
hit me, it was in private. And never in the face. I thought Hannibal
was going to explode. If Robbie didn't have a knife on me, Hannibal
would have pounded him through the floor. Face, Murdock and B.A. had
to hold him back. I thought they were going to come after him to.
B.A. had this look on his face. I don't think I'll ever forget it. He
looked mad enough to eat the gold around his neck. Face's eyes were
red. Murdock was frowning. I don't think I've ever seen him frown.
Anyway, Robbie just laughed and laughed. The next thing he
did was just horrible. He pulled me out of the chair. I didn't know
what he was going to do. He looked at Hannibal and said "You think
that was bad? I bet you have to do that to keep her in line don't
you?" Hannibal looked at him. If looks could kill, Robbie wouldn't
have been six foot under and still going. Hannibal said "I would
never hit a woman. A real man doesn't need to hit a woman to feel
superior." Robbie laughed. He smiled. "You and your morals. She likes
being hit, don't you bitch?" He looked at me. I didn't want him to
hit me again, so I agreed with him. Hannibal was so mad. He couldn't
believe I would say yes to something like that. He just doesn't know
what it's like. I know how to keep Robbie happy. That's why I'm still
alive today. I could always talk my way out of a lot of beatings.
Robbie pulled me out of the chair. He said "I thought you'd
like to see how I kept her in line." He turned me around. I knew
exactly what he was going to show Hannibal. I had tried to keep it
from him. If we did make love with the lights on, I never let him see
my back. It was just to embarrassing. Robbie took his knife and cut
my shirt. He ripped it off my back and cut my bra off. He
laughed. "That's how you keep a bitch in line." I couldn't believe he
did this to me. He was showing everyone my scars. My whole back is
nothing but healed over cuts. Robbie had done that to me. Anytime I
got 'out of line' according to Robbie, he'd beat me up and then, if
he was really mad, which was most of the time, he would tie me to the
bed, face down, and cut little designs into my back. Some of the cuts
had gone away. Most had healed into scars. I'd never shown them to
anybody. I was mortified! Here was the man of my dreams, Hannibal,
and he was finding out the worst thing about me from my ex-boyfriend.
Robbie just stood there and laughed. Then he told me to sit down. I
did. I tried to get my shirt back up. I wanted to cover myself up.
After all, Face, Murdock and B.A. were all sitting there. I was
reaching for my shirt. Robbie pushed me down on the floor. I hit the
floor hard. It really hurt. Before I could even move, Robbie was on
top of me, holding me down. I knew exactly what he was going to do. I
could feel the knife getting closer and closer. I bit my lips so I
wouldn't scream. I knew he didn't like that. I couldn't look at
Hannibal. I was to embarrassed. Robbie was getting ready to cut, when
Hannibal said my name. I looked at him. He said "Just look into my
eyes. Don't think about what that bastard is doing to you. Think
about how much I love you. No one can ever hurt you. You're stronger
than him." I looked at Hannibal. He smiled at me. Strangely, I felt
safe. I didn't even feel Robbie cut another chunk out of my back. He
got off of me and looked at Hannibal. "How do you feel now? How are
you going to deal with the fact that you couldn't help your
girlfriend?" He jerked me up off the floor and pushed me into the
chair. My back was on fire. I kept looking at Hannibal. I asked
Robbie if I could have something to cover up with. He looked at me
and laughed. "You slut. I didn't tell you to cover up. I'm sure
everyone here's already seen what you have to offer. Haven't you
guys? Well, what did you think?" He looked at them. He laughed again.
That's when everything went crazy.
I don't know what came over Robbie. He pulled me out of the
chair again. He made me stand up. He said "Take off your pants." I
just kept looking at Hannibal. Robbie hit me again and said "Take off
your pants." I did, but I never stopped looking at Hannibal. I was
standing there in my panties. Robbie looked me up and down. He
whistled. "You've gotten better looking since the last time. From
what I remember, you were a fat ass. What the hell happened?" I just
looked at Hannibal. Robbie looked at him. "What do you think?"
Hannibal said "I think she's sexy. The most beautiful woman I've ever
seen." He smiled at me. Robbie screamed "Bullshit. Did you really buy
into that crap? He's only saying that to get into your pants. Being
the slut you are, you let him. Well, was he a good fuck?" He looked
at Hannibal. "Did you like fucking sloppy seconds? I broke her in for
you, you do know that? Yeah, I fucked her real good." He looked at
Face. "Hey pretty boy. You want a piece of this slut? Come on. I know
you want to fuck her. I'll let you." Face shook his head. Robbie
asked Murdock. "You want a good fuck? Come on. I know she'll like it.
A good slut like her likes anything, don't you?" I nodded. He looked
at B.A. "Come on, big man. Show her how big you really are. Tear her
in half. Let her ride you like the bull you are." Robbie looked at me
standing there and took his knife and cut my panties off. He
said "Now, lay down like the good whore you are and let me fuck you."
I had to lay down. He was going to kill me if I didn't.
B.A. couldn't take it anymore. He jumped out of the chair and
was on Robbie before Robbie knew what was happening. Robbie fought
back though. He got a couple of good punches in, but B.A. was to
strong for him. He grabbed Robbie's arm and forced him to drop the
knife. Face jumped right behind him and grabbed the knife. He closed
it and threw it to Murdock. He put it in his pocket. He ran out of
the house and to the van. Hannibal came over to me and helped me up.
Murdock came back in with some rope and a First-Aid Kit. Hannibal
helped me over to the couch and made me lay down. He covered me up
and then went back to Robbie, Face and B.A. They were tying Robbie to
a chair. Hannibal stood over him. "You think you're a tough guy? You
think that beating up a woman makes you tough?" Face made a phone
call. He said "Guys. Watch him till Samantha gets here. She's going
to call the police and we're going to perform a disappearing act for
a while." Hannibal looked at Murdock. "Murdock, bring that First-Aid
Kit over here. I'm going to fix her up." They started working on my
back. It hurt like hell! They got it all bandaged up.
A few minutes later, a girl came into the apartment. She was
introduced as Samantha Warner. Anyway, all the boys left and she
called the cops. They got there in record time and arrested Robbie.
They called an ambulance for me and I was taken to the hospital. They
stitched my back the best they could and gave me a tetanus shot.
Samantha took me home. Hannibal was waiting for me. He made me get in
the bed right away. He made sure everything was comfortable for me
and then he lay down next to me. He said "Why didn't you tell me he
was that bad?" I shrugged. That hurt my back. Hannibal said "If I'd
have known, I would have done a better job of protecting you." I
looked at him. All this stuff with Robbie was my fault and he was
telling me he was sorry! I couldn't believe it. I started apologizing
for going out by myself and for keeping everything a secret. Hannibal
pulled me close to him and held me while I cried. After I was done,
he asked "Why didn't you tell me about your back?" I looked at him
and told him that I was afraid that he would leave me. Hannibal
said "I'll never leave you over something that someone else did. From
now on, will you tell me everything?" I nodded. Hannibal kissed my
forehead. "I'm going to make you something to eat. I'll be right
back." I grabbed his arm and started to get up. Hannibal made me get
back in bed. He said "Why were you getting up?" I looked at him and
told him I would make dinner. I said I was fine. I guess it was a
left over effect from Robbie. No matter how bad he had beaten me, I
always had to act normal. Hannibal was shocked He asked "Why don't
you want me to fix you dinner?" I shook my head. Hannibal came back
over. He said "Tell me what's wrong?" I sighed. I told him that I
should be the one up fixing him dinner cause that's what I was
suppose to do. Hannibal sighed. He said "Do you believe all that
stuff that Robbie said about you?" I nodded. I told him that Robbie
wouldn't say anything he didn't mean. He never lied to me before.
Hannibal hugged me again. He said "Honey, listen. You are not a slut.
You're not a whore. You're not a bitch. You are a beautiful,
wonderful, smart young lady. I love you. You're perfect in every way.
Robbie just told you that stuff to break down your self esteem. He
wanted you to think that so you would serve him and stay with him.
You're perfect. I love you. You deserve a good guy. Someone who will
treat you like a princess. That's what I'm going to do for you today.
I'm going to make this day the best you've ever had." He kissed me
again and told me to stay in bed.
Later, he came back in with a tray full of food. We sat in
bed and ate together. Then after breakfast, Hannibal gave me a bath.
He washed my whole body so gently, taking care not to hit my back. It
felt heavenly. Then he wrapped me up in a warm robe and carried me
back to bed. He put me in bed and told me to take a nap. He held me
until I went to sleep.
When I woke up, Hannibal was there. He kissed me and asked if
I wanted to get up and watch TV or something. I wanted to but my back
was so sore I couldn't move. Hannibal carried me into the living room
and lay me on the couch. He got a blanket and covered me up. He found
my favorite TV show and sat with me and watched it. Face walked in. I
was so embarrassed. He had seen everything that I had. How could I
ever look at him again? I hid my face in the covers. Face came over
and bent down next to me. He said "Look at me." I shook my head. He
pulled the cover away from my face. He said "Honey. I know you're
embarrassed. I would be to. I understand why you had to do that. I
don't feel any different towards you. I still have the utmost respect
for you. There are a lot of people in your situation who are hurt or
even killed because they don't know how to talk to people. I'm so
proud that you got away from him before he killed you." I looked at
him. He smiled and winked. I swear, he could sell refrigerators to
Eskimos. I smiled at him and hugged him. He kissed my cheek and
hugged me. He said "Do you want me to get you anything? I mean,
anything. You just say the word and it's yours." I told him no. He
kissed me again and got up. He walked into his room. Hannibal
said "That's how all the guys feel. They don't think any different of
you. They still respect you. They love you." I looked at him. I told
him I was so embarrassed. I didn't want anyone seeing me like that.
He hugged me and said "It doesn't matter how you were, I still love
you." He pulled me onto his lap and held me. I fell asleep in his
arms. I woke up the next morning feeling rested and happy. It was the
best day of my life!
July 30, 1985
Well, the days just keep getting better and better. My back
is better. Hannibal is still here. He still loves me. I love him and
things couldn't be better! We have had some incredible evenings
together. Last night was the best ever. First, Hannibal came and
picked me up. I was still getting ready when he knocked on the door.
I let him in and went back to my room to get ready. He followed me. I
looked terrible. My hair was still wet, I hadn't even put on any make-
up. Hannibal sat on the bed and watched me get ready. I was drying my
hair, when I felt someone slip up behind me. I had my head bend over,
drying my hair underneath. I stood up. Hannibal was standing there,
looking at me. He had this smile on his face. I knew exactly what he
wanted. He kissed me. I groaned when his hand found my breast
underneath my robe. He kissed my neck and nibbled my earlobe. I
leaned my head back and he kissed my neck and chin. He pulled my head
back down and kissed me again. It was wonderful. I pushed him away.
(That took a lot of willpower, let me tell you!) And told him we
better stop because we didn't want to be late. He just smiled that
smile again. Face told me about that smile. That's Hannibal's "on the
jazz" smile. All the guys hate it when he smiles. I love it.
Anyway, he smiled at me and I felt all my will power leave.
All I could do was follow what he wanted. And follow I did! First, he
lead me over to the bed. He sat on the edge and pulled me between his
knees. He looked at me for a long time. I just kept smiling. I don't
worry about what he thinks now. I know he loves me.
Next, he slowly untied my robe. He pushed it off my shoulders
and looked at me. I had on his favorite bra and panties. He smiled
and kissed my stomach. I love it when he does that. Next he kissed
all around my waist. It was heaven! Then, he stood up and looked at
me. He kissed me and started to kiss every inch of my neck and
shoulder. He kissed my shoulder and pushed my bra strap off. Then he
did the same thing on the other side. Then, he unhooked my bra and
let it fall. His smile somehow got bigger. He bend down and took one
of my nipples in his mouth. I tangled my fingers in his glorious hair
while he sucked, nipped and licked each nipple. Then, he licked the
space between my breasts and turned me around. He laid me on the bed.
He bent over me and kissed me, while his hands found my breast again.
He ran his hands down my sides, until he reached the top of my
panties. He slid them down over my hips and off into the floor. He
lay down next to me and caressed every inch of my body. It was so
wonderful! Then he started to take off his shirt. I stopped him. Not
because I wanted to stop. Oh no. I couldn't have stopped the for the
world. I made him lay back on the bed. I straddled his hips, much to
his amusement, and started to unbutton his shirt. I started out slow,
one button at a time. Each button that I undid, I would kiss the
chest it exposed. I would undo a button or two, kiss his chest, and
then start over. He was panting before I managed to get his shirt
off. I kept kissing his chest, loving all the sounds he was making. I
found each of his nipples and kissed them till they were as hard as
mine. His hand were all over me. I forced his hands above his head,
which brought me up till I was sitting on his stomach. I told him
that he better keep his hands off till I said so, or there would be
serious consequences. He smiled. He tried to lean up to kiss one of
my breasts, but I pulled away from him. I think he likes me being in
control. Anyway, he grabbed hold of the headboard and let me do my
I kissed my way back down to his bellybutton and flicked my
tongue in it. He squirmed under me. I slowly unhooked his belt and
pulled it off. I thought about using it to tie his hands, but thought
I shouldn't. I threw it in the floor. Next, I unbuttoned his pants
and pulled them off. He had on these cute silk boxer shorts. He
looked at me and shrugged. "I thought you might like them" he said. I
ran my hands over them, feeling the silk next to his skin. There was
no way I could miss how much he wanted me now. I though the boxers
were going to bust he was so hard. I teased him though. I wouldn't
even touch him. I rubbed and kissed everywhere around his penis, only
barely rubbing it with my nose in passing. I thought he was going to
scream. He pulled at the headboard till I knew it was going to break.
I slid down his legs and started kissing my way back up. I kissed
every spot on his legs. He has this very sensitive spot on the back
of his knee, right in the bend. Every time I kiss that he goes crazy.
I made my way back up his leg, kissing his inner thigh, almost
touching his now throbbing erection. I kissed up to the waist band of
his boxers before taking them and throwing them across the room. I
looked at him, laying there so beautiful and wonderful. It almost
took my breath away. Here was this wonderful, handsome, sexy man,
that loved me. I smiled at him, and then got up.
You should have seen the expression on his face! You would
have thought I'd slapped his mama. I shrugged my shoulders and told
him that if I didn't finish getting ready we weren't going to make
dinner. That's when he sat up, grabbed my arm, and in one motion, had
pulled me onto the bed and he was on top of me, panting. He glared at
me. "There is no way you can tease me like that and then expect to
get away. That's like taking a kid to Disney Land, getting to the
gates, and then coming home. No ma'am. We're going to finish what you
He kissed me real slow, showing me how much he wanted me. He
nibbled and sucked my ears, ran his tongue down my throat and between
my breasts. He kissed my stomach and bellybutton. He kissed my hips
and legs. I was in heaven. Then he found my sensitive spot. On my hip
is a spot that drives me crazy. He kissed that and I went wild. I
pulled him back up till I was looking at him and practically begged
him to make love to me. He smiled that smile and told me he had a
plan. I shook my head. I know how his plans work out. Murdock had
told me story after story about his plans failing. I hoped this one
would work out!
Hannibal smiled at me and told me that since I liked to tease
so much, it was his turn to tease me. I giggled while he smiled at
me. He ran his hand up and down my stomach, barely touching my skin.
Then, he pushed on finger inside me and pulled it quickly out.
Torture is what it was. He did this a couple more times, then he
added a second finger. Still, in and right back out. I was panting!
He was loving how I was reacting. I wiggled closer to him, wanting
him to touch me. He pushed me back to where I was and told me to let
him do his work. Gladly! He could've done whatever he wanted in that
moment and I wouldn't have complained. He keep up his finger torture
while he kissed my stomach and breasts. He kissed all the way back up
to my mouth. I kissed him hard, pulling his head down to mine. He ran
his tongue over my lips and found that flap of skin that connects
your top lip to you gum and teased it with his tongue. I didn't know
that had feeling! Then, he moved over on top of me and forced me to
open my eyes. I looked at him, his eyes dark with passion. He
said "Ask me." At first, my brain didn't comprehend what he said. He
said it again and I caught it. I asked him, no, I begged him, pleaded
with him, to make love to me. He smiled that smile again and
said "Only if you're sure." I kissed him and wiggled on his fingers.
He removed his fingers from me and pushed that lovely, hard, erection
in their place. I arched to accommodate him. Thrust after thrust, he
filled me, calling my name. I could feel him fighting for control. He
wasn't going to ruin it for me. I matched each thrust with one of my
own. I felt myself climbing higher and higher. I knew we were getting
close. He gave one more giant thrust and climaxed with me, both
screaming the others name. He collapsed, totally drained against me.
He held me and rocked me and kissed me till I came down. I kissed him
over and over again, thanking him for that.
We lay there for a while, just holding each other, trying to
recover. I looked at the clock. We were late. I told Hannibal, and he
laughed. He said "I called the restaurant this afternoon and moved
our reservation back for just such an occasion." I leaned up on one
elbow and frowned at him. I said "You've had this planned all day?"
He nodded and smiled. I knew what was coming next, so I said it with
him. "I love it when a plan comes together!"
Diary, I'm so tired right now that if I don't sleep, I'll
probably die. There is more to this evening. A lot more. I'll have to
finish this later. Besides, I have a bit of a distraction laying
beside me, kissing my neck!
July 30, 1985, part 2
I told you'd I'd finish up this day. Well, here goes. After
we got cleaned up and dressed, Hannibal took me to this beautiful
restaurant. I can't remember the name, but it was wonderful. It was a
cute little Italian restaurant, complete with candles, and dancing.
When we walked in, everyone was staring at us. I pulled on Hannibal's
arm and asked him about it. I asked if I was dressed ok. Hannibal
laughed. Not at me, just at the question. He said "The only reason
people are staring is because I have the most magnificent date here
tonight." I felt myself blush. I hid my head in Hannibal's shoulder.
He lifted my chin and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I
never thought of myself as pretty. Even tonight, I felt like I was
only adequate. I never felt beautiful with Robbie. Hannibal looked
into my eyes and told me that tonight was going to be about me. He
was going to show me just how beautiful I was. He kissed me and lead
me to our table. I kept my eyes ahead. I didn't want to look at
anyone else. The waiter held my chair for me. He commented on my
dress. I just looked at him. Hannibal said "Thank you for the
complement. I'm sure she appreciates it." He nodded and walked off to
get our wine. I looked at Hannibal. I said "Did he just say that I
was pretty?" Hannibal nodded. He said "You better get used to it. You
look wonderful tonight. I'm sure that a lot of people are going to be
commenting on your looks." I just stared at him. He smiled. The
waiter came back and took our order. Hannibal ordered for me. I can
even pronounce what he ordered for me, but it was amazing! After he
ordered, he excused himself to go call the rest of the team. He
kissed my cheek and walked to the phones.
I was sitting at the table, enjoying the music, when I felt a
tap on my shoulder. I tensed up, remembering the last time that
happened. I turned around, fully expecting to see Robbie standing
there, but instead I saw a group of guys standing there. I smiled.
The guy that tapped me on the shoulder said "I'm sorry. We just saw
you sitting here all alone, and we wondered if you had a date. I
mean, if you don't, we'd be glad to fill your dance card tonight." I
smiled and said thank you but I already have a date. I told them that
he had just stepped out to use the phone. Just as I said this,
Hannibal walked back to the table. He kissed my cheek. He asked me if
the guys were bothering me. I shook my head. The guy that was talking
to me, nodded at Hannibal and said "You're one lucky guy." He looked
at me and said "If he ever leaves you, find me. Please?" He kissed
the back of my hand and he and the rest of the guys walked away. I
looked at Hannibal. He was frowning. I started apologizing. I told
him that they came over first. I didn't start talking to them.
Hannibal leaned over the table and put his fingers on my lips. He
said "I was only frowning because I was trying to think of a way to
keep my eyes on you all night. If I don't someone's going to snatch
you away from me." He kissed me. Our food arrived and we started
After dinner, Hannibal led me out onto the dance floor.
Hannibal is such a great dancer. As we danced, it was like the rest
of the world disappeared. It was just me and Hannibal. We fit
together so perfectly, like we were made for each other. We danced
for a long time. Finally, the band took a break. We stopped dancing
and looked around. We were the only ones on the dance floor. I looked
around. Everyone was watching us. I was so embarrassed! Hannibal
kissed me and led me towards the door. We stopped to get my coat. The
woman working in the check room smiled at us. She said "You two
looked really good out there. The whole restaurant stopped to watch
you. You must be so in love." Hannibal smiled at her. "Oh I am." He
helped me with my coat. The woman put a hand on my arm. "Honey. Don't
ever let him go." I smiled at her and out my hand in crook of
Hannibal's arm. "Don't worry. I won't." We left the restaurant arm in
After getting the Vette from the Valet, Hannibal took me for
a drive up the coast. It was so amazing. The sky was full of stars.
There was a full moon. It was so romantic. Hannibal pulled the car to
a halt at a private beach. He turned to me and smiled. It was so
wonderful. He turned on the radio and got out of the car. I was
wondering what he was up to. He came over to my side of the car and
opened my door. He held out his hand and said "May I have this
dance?" I nodded and took his hand. He helped me out of the car. The
music was drifting out from the radio. The song was Hello by Lionel
Richie. The song went like this:
I've been alone with you inside my mind
And in my dreams I've kissed your lips a thousand times.
I sometimes see you pass outside my door.
is it me you're lookin' for?
I can see it in your eyes
I can see it in your smile.
You're all I've' ever wanted and my arms are open wide.
'Cause you know just what to say
and you know just what to do
And I want to teU. you so much - I love you.
I long to see the sunlight in you hair
And tell yau time and time again
how much I care.
Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow.
I've just got to let you know
'Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
or is someone loving you
Tell me how to win your heart
for I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying - I love you.
is it me you're lookin' for ?
'Cause I wonder where you are and I wonder what you do.
Are you somewhere feeling lonely
or is someone loving you
Tell me how to win your heart
for I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying - I love you.
It was so romantic. We danced under the stars. Then went for a walk
along the beach. I was in heaven. Then, after a short kissing session
under the moon, Hannibal took me back home. He wanted to make love to
me on the beach, but he didn't want to ruin my dress. He's so
We got home, and he helped me inside. As soon as the door
closed, he was all over me! My back was pressed against the wall. He
was kissing me and had his hands all over me. He groaned and
said "We've got to get you out of this dress before I rip if off." I
laughed and made him put me down. Then I showed him a little trick. I
pulled a tie on my side, and the whole dress fell off. I had nothing
on underneath it! His eyes almost popped out of his head. He lay me
back on the floor and quickly undressed. Soon, he was inside me,
making me scream. After that orgasm, we moved to the bedroom, and
took it a little slower. The night was wonderful! I had such a good
time. Right now, I've got to get to bed. Hannibal is yelling for me,
and I can't wait much longer!
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