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Call My Name
Call My Name
Warnings: Slash. M/M consensual sex. Do not read this story if you have
strong Christian/Catholic beliefs. It contains things that many, well most,
people would probably consider sacrilegious.
Description: His encounter with Leslie leaves Facereconsidering some of the
things he believes in, with Murdock offering his "opinion.";
Comments: Sure, if you're nice.
Call My Name
He could still feel her arms around him. The warmth and acceptance in Leslie's embrace was something Face hadn't felt since he'd been a child attending Mass at the orphanage.
When she'd called him back--called him Faceman--he'd thought for one crazy moment that she'd changed her mind. But the smile on her face when he'd turned around had not been the warm smile of invitation he was used to seeing from a beautiful woman. Instead, her expression had held a tenderness he'd only seen in the eyes of stained glass Madonnas.
"Bless you," she'd said simply, and he'd smiled. It had been one of his better smiles, the one that said, Thanks, but I'll be just fine anyway. But she'd probably seen through it. She'd always seen through his smiles and probably always would. She knew him, body and soul, well, soul.
Surprisingly, the words did give him a little comfort now. Face rolled over on the little bunk onto his back and put his arms under his head to stare blankly up at the ceiling of the little cabin of the ship B.A. had found. He shouldn't have been so surprised though, after all those years at St. Mary's, religion still had a hold on him.
At the thought, he wondered vaguely if there was a lost commandment about coveting a nun. He laughed shortly and heard a creak next to him as Murdock paced their shared cabin. For a moment, Face took his eyes from the ceiling to stare at his friend. Murdock immediately stopped ranting about how planes were better than boats for a moment to stare back. Then he smiled. Murdock's smile was undoubtedly genuine. It said, How you doin', muchacho?
Face studied him for a while, noticing the pilot's tall, thin frame and the not quite sane light in his eyes. Then he turned back to the ceiling, not bothering to smile since Murdock already knew he was upset.
"Looking for answers in that ceiling, Face?" Murdock's head popped into his line of vision. He was looking at the ceiling too. His posture said he wondered what Face saw in it and Face abruptly noticed that it had a brown spot from water damage and several cobwebs where the ceiling met the walls. Murdock observed all of that, shrugged, and disappeared again."Or are you looking for God? Cuz if you want, I could put in a good word for you with the Big Guy, and I don't mean B.A."
That made Face raise his head. Murdock was grinning now.
"Children and the insane are closest to God, you know."
Face lowered his head with an irritated sigh and tried to drown out Murdock's continued rant about sea versus air. But even thoughts of Leslie couldn't keep him from noticing Murdock.
"Do you take anything seriously?" Face had to ask after several long minutes of Murdock talking as a grizzled sea captain."Is nothing sacred to you?"
"Sacred?" Murdock seemed amused. Face raised himself up on his elbows to glare at him."Has all this time around nuns brought out the altar boy in you? OrÖ" His eyes suddenly got serious."Was it all this time around one nun?"
"Shut up, Murdock." The words came out softer than Face had intended, but Murdock got quiet anyway and that was enough. Face laid back down and closed his eyes.
"I can see why you loved her," Murdock went on gently."Why she'd appeal to you, I mean. She's both beautiful and spiritual. If only she'd been more physicalÖthen she would have she fit both sides ofÖ"
"Will you quit psychoanalyzing me, Murdock? All that time at the V.A. doesn't make you a doctor!" Face shouted, but kept his eyes closed.
"What you're looking for isn't in the ceiling, Face, at least, not completely." Murdock's hand touched his shoulder near the back of his neck briefly."All the time at the orphanage didn't make you a priest." The odd, typically Murdock comment made Face open his eyes and sit up, but the other man had left.
Of course he wasn't a priest. The string of women in his life ran through his memory with perfect clarity. The nights spent searching for fulfillment with each of them were just as clear. Finding fulfillment with them--Face corrected himself and glared at the door Murdock had used. Then he repositioned himself on the little bed. Each of them had brought him a few moments of peace and warmth.
A priest? Remembering Father Maghill and all those years growing up at the orphanage made Face smile briefly. He had considered it as a child--at Father Maghill's urging--but it had seemed to lack something compared to other interests he'd been developing at the time.
He'd told Leslie about that. Her look of understanding made so much sense to him now. Murdock had looked confused at the confession, he remembered. Murdock had never seemed to understand organized religion, saying that that wasn't where the answers were. And Face had gotten tired of trying to explain it--he wasn't even sure he understood himself. It was just a part of him, just as he'd thought Leslie was a part of him, and he'd been a part of her.
It had all been just a dream then. Face curled up onto his side, using one arm for a pillow. His eyelids felt heavy and he let them close.
Face stepped slowly up to the altar, briefly dropping to his knees at the top of the few, short stairs, before standing again to stare down at it. He gingerly touched the pristine, white linen cloth covering the altar, then hesitantly touched the silk priest's stole curled up around the crystal dish containing the holy wafers. A goblet filled with wine reflected the light of the tall candles burning nearby. It was as if someone was waiting for Mass. But the church had been hushed and empty as he walked through it.
"I confess," a voice said softly from behind him, but it echoed around the large room. Face spun around to stare at Murdock in surprise. Murdock didn't look surprised at all.
"I Confess. Did you ever see that movie, Face?" Murdock was dressed in his usual t-shirt and khakis and was walking slowly between the rows of pews, up the center aisle towards Face.
"What?" Face repeated himself, then shook his head in annoyance.
"It had Montgomery Clift and he played this troubled priest and I used toÖHey, you look good in that outfit, Facey." Murdock's eyes lit up as they traveled over him. Face glanced down and saw with dim surprise that he was wearing a black suit, like a priest. His hands touched the starched collar around his throat in amazement.
Murdock stopped directly in front of him on a lower step, so they were face to face. The edges of his leather jacket just brushed Face's black shirt. Face would have backed up, but the altar was directly behind him. He looked back at Murdock with raised eyebrows.
"What are you doing here, Murdock?" Face wondered irritably. Murdock tsked before answering.
"I have a confession. Isn't that what you do here?" He scratched his head absently. He wasn't wearing his baseball hat.
"Not with you!" Face burst out immediately and wondered at his lack of control. Murdock looked hurt. He stuck out his lower lip in a pout.
"Why not me?"
"You're making fun of a sacred thingÖ"
"I'm not making fun of anything, Templeton." The teasing light was completely gone from Murdock's brown eyes now. Face stared at him, then sighed.
"I'm not the person you should be talking to, MurdockÖ" he started to say and jumped slightly when Murdock ran one long finger along the stiff edge of his priest's collar.
"I've had impure thoughts," Murdock confessed in a whisper and leaned forward. He was tall enough that even standing one step lower, his face was level with Face's ear. Face shivered at the warm breath and tried to pull away. His back bumped against the altar."What commandment is that?"
"Ten," Face answered automatically.
"I just knew you had the answers, Face." Somehow, Face felt Murdock smile."Well, I've done tenÖabout a man."
Face jerked upwards, shaking the items on the altar. He half-turned to straighten them, and when every thing was in order, he finally turned back around to look at his friend.
Murdock's eyes seemed to reflect the brilliant colors streaming through the church's colored windows. Face blinked, taken aback by that light, and struggled for something to say.
"You're so bound by this," Murdock continued before he could manage anything."But it's why I love ya."
Face felt his eyes widen and leaned back into the altar. He stilled as Murdock trailed one hand idly down over his forehead, across his cheekbones, and then just barely skimming over his mouth, before returning his hand to his side. His hand was surprisingly soft.
"Murdock," Face finally got the word out.
"When you call my name, it sounds like you're praying," Murdock commented with a half-smile. His eyes were warmer than the candles now."I think I'm beginning to understand why you like this stuff, even if you don't," he went on before reaching out and deliberately unbuttoning one button in the middle of Face's shirt. Face froze as Murdock slipped his hand through the opening and pressed his palm flat on his chest. He rested his hand over Face's heart and smiled at the pounding there.
"So," Murdock began casually as his other hand undid a few more buttons."Why don't you explain it all to me again?"
"ExÖexplain?" Face repeated breathlessly. He stilled as Murdock pulled his shirt out of his pants and opened the rest of the buttons, exposing his chest up to his neck. Murdock had left the top button in place for some reason. Face felt the collar pressing against his throat as he swallowed dryly. Murdock nodded before leaning over. His words trespassed into Face's ear as that one hand continued to travel slowly over his chest, trailing over muscles and old scars with heated fingers.
"The holy waterÖ" Murdock sighed into his ear. Face jumped when that wondering hand found one of his nipples. Murdock pinched it gently before moving his hand away. Face sighed in disappointment before he could stop himself, then struggled to recall their conversation.
"The holy water is used to bless thingsÖpeopleÖ" Face closed his eyes as Murdock's lips grazed his earlobe. Murdock laughed.
"Important things?" he wondered before sucking gently on the tender skin just below Face's ear. Face relaxed into the caress, his breath coming faster, but straightened up abruptly when Murdock moved away.
"Murdock?" He knew he sounded lost, but couldn't help calling out.
"I'm here, Templeton." Murdock was suddenly in front of him again. Before Face could ask why he'd left, Murdock pushed him gently back against the altar with a little grin. In his hand was a piece of sponge soaked with holy water. Face's eyes followed it as Murdock held it over his bare chest and squeezed every last bit of water from it.
Drops of holy water splashed down his chest and soaked into the material of his pants. Face shivered at the sensation, then stretched as Murdock studied him.
"Face," he said simply before lowering his head to kiss his collarbone. Face shuddered when Murdock's mouth opened and he licked the water from that spot, warming it."Give me that old time religion any day," Murdock muttered impatiently into Face's chest before sliding his mouth lower.
When he took one nipple in his mouth and swirled his tongue around it as if he couldn't get enough of the taste, Face couldn't stop himself. He arched his back eagerly.
"Heaven help me," he moaned softly. Murdock raised his head, making Face sigh and open his eyes. One hand idly traced around his navel.
"And what are these for?" Murdock held up a thin wafer marked with a cross with one hand. His face was flushed but the brilliant light was still in his eyes.
"That's the body of Christ. When you put it in your mouth, his spirit enters you," Face explained. Murdock slipped the thin piece of bread into his mouth before Face had finished speaking. His fingers paused on Face's lower lip, stroking it softly. Face swallowed the wafer absently, never taking his eyes from Murdock's.
"Really?" Murdock asked and snapped open the button at the top of Face's pants. He massaged the skin with his thumb for a moment before touching the zipper. But he didn't unzip it. His hands went a little lower, gently rubbing Face's erection through the damp material.
"God, what are you doing to me?" Face was surprised at how rough his voice was.
"That ain't God with his hand on your dick, Face." Murdock laughed and rubbed it harder. Face arched again, jerking a little desperately as Murdock knelt down in front of him. He grabbed bunches of the altar cloth in his fists and heard the crash as the things on the altar fell to the floor, but he didn't care enough this time to do anything about it. He could feel the heat of Murdock's breath through the material of his pants.
"MurdockÖ" he pleaded as Murdock's fingers trailed down the length of him and found the tip, then danced away again.
"Aren't you supposed to say something during this part of the ritual?" Murdock glanced at him from under his eyelashes. His hand traveled back to the zipper. Face sucked in a breath when Murdock parted two of the metal teeth.
"Eat of thisÖand remember meÖfor it is my body," Face was only mildly dismayed to realize that he couldn't recall the exact words at that moment. His voice rose sharply on the last word as Murdock continued to unzip him, a few teeth at a time.
"What a good idea," Murdock commented playfully, reaching up to slide Face's pants down. Face wriggled a little to help, then looked down at Murdock in confusion when the hands touching him stilled. Murdock was kneeling at his feet, looking up at him seriously, with that bright warmth in his eyes.
"Murdock?" The questioning word echoed around the room.
"Templeton?" Murdock was just as loud. His name flew around the church and into Face's ears like it had wings. Hearing it made Face smile. He wouldn't, couldn't even attempt to hide it. Part of him couldn't believe this was about to happen here, but another part was arguing that, after all, this was a house of worship.
"Oh God please, Murdock," Face said quietly, finally, and closed his eyes when Murdock's mouth closed around him. His mouth was hot and moist and Face gripped the altar cloth again, nearly ripping it from the altar as Murdock tasted the tip. The pleasure was building in him at an amazing speed and he jerked his hips forward, silently pleading with Murdock to hurry up and finish.
His mind skipped frantically around, trying to focus on something besides Murdock's tongue on his flesh and the trembling weakness in his lower body so that he wouldn't embarrass himself like a kid. Murdock suddenly shifted and began to take Face slowly in and out of his mouth. The heat of it made Face cry out.
"AhÖ" Face let his head fall back and leaned further onto the altar for support, feeling the strength in his legs failing him as Murdock drew harder on him. He jerked again and shook the entire altar.
"Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name!" The prayer came out of nowhere, surprising him. Murdock began to suck harder, taking Face further into his throat as if the words aroused him. More of the prayer came to Face in ragged bursts as the ache within him became unbearable."Thy kingdom comeÖ" he faltered and opened his eyes.
Thousands of colored lights beamed down into his eyes as Face shook with the strength of his passion. He was blinded. They were so bright, yet he kept staring. The warmth of all that light filled him and he laughed joyously. When the swirling colors settled he realized he was looking at a stained glass window above the altar depicting the Assumption of the Virgin.
"Murdock," he breathed reverently as Murdock stood up and embraced him. Murdock held him in silence for a moment before pulling away to stare at him. Face stared back nervously, but Murdock just smiled beatifically.
"Now, what commandment did we just break?" he wondered and Face pulled him back, burying his face in Murdock's neck, pressing his mouth to Murdock's skin. Murdock shook his head."Not this time, Facey. I don't think you're ready," he said regretfully.
"Murdock?" Face asked."Murdock!" he shouted as the other man disappeared, leaving him alone in the church. His voice echoed around the cold, empty room. What good was being here now?
"Face, you ok?" Hands on his shoulders shook him gently."FaceÖ.Templeton?"
Face opened his eyes and stared up at the brown ceiling of the boat. He turned onto his side and stared at Murdock with wide eyes, noticing and remembering everything about him as Murdock took his hands off him and stepped backwards.
He and Murdock hadÖin a churchÖand he'd been a priestÖFace stared at Murdock blankly and felt a bit like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz for a moment. Hundreds of images played before his eyes until he blinked to banish them.
His friend looked the same as ever--only a little concerned as he regarded Face. Face had never seen Murdock's eyes without a trace of his own special internal light shining out of them at him.
"I came in when I heard you calling me. Must've been some dream, muchacho," Murdock commented and Face blinked again, waking up. For a moment, there'd been something in Murdock's eyesÖor was it the dream?
It had all been a dream. Of course. He should have known. A feeling of loss caught him by surprise. But Murdock seemed to sense Face's sudden sadness. He smiled sympathetically as Face sat up.
Face suddenly noticed that he was still warm from where Murdock had touched him. He stared up into those welcoming brown eyes and took a deep breath.
"It was, Murdock," he answered and hesitantly smiled back. It was a genuine smile, though that didn't really matter. Murdock knew him, body and soul.
Call My Name by WendyByrd
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