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This page last viewed: 2017-06-23 and has been viewed 997 times

Never Be Afraid

Never Be Afraid

by Red

 

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Comments: Yes, please

 

*****************

 

Why do I do this?

Why do I insist in making myself sick every time?

It isn't necessary I know that, but I fear itÍ

I fear you

No, not you,

I fear losing you.

 

Why do I do this?

Why do I allow my stomach to be twisted up in knots?

I don't understand it myself, but I do.

Because I need you

And I fear that,

I fear need

 

It isn't in my nature to be this needy this clingy.

You wouldn't like that I'm sure

But it happens and I can't control it

And the fear returns every time, like clockwork

When I visit you, here in this sterile cell.

 

How do I get over this?

How do I make myself walk up to you?

To look you in the eye

And tell you what I want so much to say.

To say thatÍ

 

No, it can't be impossible.

It is possible to stop deceiving myself

Because I can't do it anymore

I can't lie to myself any more,

To myself, or to you.

 

I can do this, I know I can

I just need the courage that's already in my heart

The courage is in me I can feel it

The feeling just needs to go to my brain.

To get my feet moving

I can do this

 

Damn.

I freeze at your door because the fear is back.

I find myself backing away from it, from you.

A tear runs down my face as I turn around to leave

And I see you standing behind me

Quietly watching me

 

You look worried about me ready to reach out and

comfort me.

I stare into your warm brown eyes so trusting.

Take what little courage left and use it,

Use it now it's now or never.

Do it!

But will you understand?

The fear is still there.

 

I love you.

I stand there, after I said the words

Shocked.

I feel my mind sway in disbelief.

I DID say it

And you're looking at me and laughing.

Why are you laughing?

 

 

My mind is reeling as you reach out to wipe away my

tears

The gentle laughter still echoing in my ears.

Never be afraid, you say

Of me or of you feelings

Because you never know what the response will be

 

My mind reels again as you open your door

And lead me inside your cluttered room

I did it

And you're still here

And I'm still here

 

We have a lot to talk about

I know we do

But now you know, and that is all I care about.

What the future may hold for us is cloudy

And for once

I don't care.

 

 


Never Be Afraid by Red

 

 


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