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The Next Session (sequel to Therapy)
Rating: NC-17 as slash themes discussed, but non explicit
Summary: Murdock discusses his latest break-out with his new Doctor
Warnings: see rating
Disclaimer: The character's aren't mine, but I take them out for the weekend. No money made here.
Author's note: Author's note: Try not to drown in syrup, k?
The Next Session
by Face's New Flame
Yes, I know how long I was gone. I'm insane, not stupid.
Sorry. I know, I know, it's not your fault. I did come back here, all on my own, yes I did. So I guess I must want to be here, jabbering on.
Well, yes.õ Yes, I guess it was kinda the last time that made me wanna cut out. You know, that's serious stuff, yes sirree, sure is, mighty serious stuff. What you gonna do, lock me up for it?
Sure I do. It don't get more serious, does it?
Last night? Well, yes. Let me ask you, Doc. If you were me, where would you have been last night? Well of *course* what you think matters, we gonna be friends now you and me, ain't we? I mean, if you ain't been here before, I sure have. You gotta get to be my friend, my confidante, know me better than I know myself, so's you can climb right into my head through my ear and walk about in there so's you can see all the little cogs whirring around and around, right? Then you can just whip out your spanner and tighten up all them as looks a bit loose.
So you gotta be real honest with me. Now I can't trust you with all these cogs and wheels and things in my mixed up little doughball of a head, if you can't trust me enough to say what you think.
Professional, huh? Well, I guess if that's what they told you when they gave you all those diplomas. But I bet you know, anyways.
See, I don't think it's fair, you taking away my hall privileges, when you damn near told me to go see him.
Pro-seed-dure. Uh huh. Well sure I know it's not your pro-seed-dure. I keep tellin' you I ain't no simpleton. But you know as well as I do, if I said I was gonna see him, you'd want him to come on in here, and you'd want me to talk to him with y'all watching, 'cos you don't think I'm safe with him out on my own.
Well let me tell you, ain't no way that man would harm the tiniest little hair on my head. Mm-mm, nope, nopey nopey no way. Not my Fa... vorite good buddy.
So, you tell me, what do *you* think we were doing?
Ok, I'll tell you. If you're sure you want to hear it.
Look, I *said* I'll tell you. Damn it ain't easy though. I mean, you already got me figured crazy, right? So if I don't tell it right, I know you, I been here longer'n any of you doctors, I know what happens better'n any of you. I need to tell this right or it'll be more damn pills and prodding and you'll never let me alone.
So. I went to see him. And...
And, well, he had a pretty little thing there. Didn't upset me, no, I seen it a hundred times before. And he was kinda surprised to see me, yes. And he closed the door, and then a while later he came back, and he took me inside, and he told me he was just takin' her home, he'd be right back.
Now, when F... friend's got a lady, a while can be a long while. But I guess he figured on something being wrong, ''cos he couldn't have been more than a half hour, most. I guess I got him worried some. He knows I shouldn't be out.
Well of course he knows where I live. He knows I'm a loon, if that's what you're getting at. Visit? Well... no, I guess he doesn't. I ain't gonna start askin' him to, neither. Tell me, if you were me, would you want folks visiting you here? I mean... the decor is divine, darling, just peachy, but the staff leave so much to be desired.
Sorry. No, no, I knew that was me talkin'.
He came back. And I knew, I just knew he was real worried. 'Cos I ain't never just landed on him like that before. And then I got nervous, 'cos there was all that ... *stuff* we talked about, the other time.
No I did not! Sweet Jesus Doc, I'm a gentleman. Never on the first date.
I didn't tell him all of it, no. Just.... well, just what you'd said. 'Bout needing to.. well, you know how you said if I was gonna get better. Get out, be able to live some place nice. 'Bout how I had to start facing up to some things. But I didn't say what. I guess, it's the kinda thing, if he knows he knows, if he doesn't, won't do any good tellin' him.
Facing up to things. That's funny.
No, it just is. No special reason.
And then..... then I just looked at him. And he told me I looked a mess, and asked if I'd gotten any sleep at all this last week, and I guess I hadn't, and I didn't want him to worry but I wasn't gonna lie to him, now was I? So he just packed me off to get a bath... y'know, I miss that, having my own place to take a bath, just my own space. No damn privacy in here anywhere.
And I come back and he throws me a shirt to put on, and he's made up a bed on the couch for me, 'cept it ain't for me, it's for him, and he puts me in his own bed, so's I'll sleep well. See, he does care 'bout me, I knew that.
'Cept I didn't sleep. Couldn't. Voices in my head, not crazy voices, just a naggin', naggin', naggin', just saying to me, go tell him, go talk to him. Not *them* kinda voices, just regular voices, same as you get. You do get 'em, don't you? And when I go through, he's sittin' up with a big ol' glass of Scotch, just starin' at the wall. And he smiles at me, 'cos he can't sleep and I can't sleep neither. And that's just another way we're the same.
And I just.. I just couldn't find the words, Doc. I swear I tried, like you told me.
Oh *prin-ci-ple.* That was in *prin-ci-ple.* Well maybe you shoulda told me that before I went and broke out and tried to put it into *prac-tice.*
No, I guess not. I never said he was where I could go see him. So I guess that'll make it my fault again. As usual. That'll be why you get the white coat and the money and I get the jeans and the bars on the door, right?
So I said.. well, I just said his name. And he looked real sad, and he nodded. And then... then.
Doc, you gotta promise me you're ok with this. 'Cos I know a lot of folks aren't. And this is the best part and the worst part.
Well, what is was.... it was like comin' home. 'Cos he just wrapped me up in his big long arms and we lay down on the sofa, and I slept like I never slept since I was a boy, just all safe, 'cos I know, I just know he'd never do nothin' to hurt me. Like comin' home.
I s'pose that's the trouble.
Well if you just *wait* I'll tell you why I came back.
'Cos next mornin', well, you'll know, more like the afternoon, I was late gettin' back, wasn't I? Can't remember the last time I slept like that. I should go out more often.
Yes I am aware of my track record on breakouts. They take out your sense of humour before they give you the clipboard, Doc?
Sorry. I know... I *hope* you're tryin' to help.
So. Next mornin'. He just looked at me, and what he said was...
What he said was....
'Tell me when you're better,' he said.
He *knew*. Damn it, I knew he knew, did you know that?
He knows, but... but he doesn't want to confuse me more, y'see.
Then he hugged and hugged and hugged the breath clean out of me. 'Til I had to cough some to get him to put me down.
I waited a long while though, as long as my breath would hold out.
'Tell me when you're better.' That's what a damn good friend he is. And he held me so tight and so long, I swear it was so I couldn't see his eyes, cos he don't let nobody see him cry, he's a tough one. Tough on top, all squidgey and mushed up underneath though. I know him better'n anyone.
Wasn't nothin' in his eyes when I looked. I couldn't tell you what was in his head, I have enough trouble with what's in mine. But it wasn't what I'd thought would be there. Not quite what I hoped, either, just something in-between the two. Well hell, if I could explain it any better I would, don't you think? But there was *something*, and that's gotta be better'n nothing, don't you think?
Damn you're a good doctor. Never talked like this before. Gets worse before it gets better, though.
And.. well, I know he'll wait on me. Been waitin' a long time, him and me both. Ain't nobody like him, not one end of this world to the other. Don't know what'll happen when I do get out. But I know it *might*, and that's the best offer I had since...
That's the best offer I *ever* had. So what I gotta do now, I gotta be ready to give it a go.
You don't have to tell me that. You think I don't know that? Damn you really do think I'm stupid. But who *does* it work for if they don't even try? And you gotta understand.... I have to try. 'Cos how it is now, well it's good, but if you don't try, some things you just regret 'til the last breath you take. And I got enough regrets already, Doc.
So. That's why I went away. And that's why I came back.
And you were right, Doc. I don't say this to all the doctors, you know. Damn, I don't think I said it to any of 'em. You were right. I needed to tell him. You must be a good 'un, don't you think?
So sharpen your pencil, doc, it's gonna be a long day. Your time has come. You are goin' to make a name for yourself as the man who cured Howlin' Mad Murdock.
It's time you was gettin' me better.
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