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by Face's New Flame


Rating: NC-17 as slash themes discussed, but non explicit

Summary: Murdock muses on his latest therapy session

Warnings: see rating

Disclaimer: The character's aren't mine, but I take them out for the weekend. No money made here.

Author's note: Hello VA, hope you like it. Comments very welcome.






by Face's New Flame



HM Murdock's quarters, VA


We bin talkin' a lot, this week. Now usually I don't mind, those doctors comin' round proddin' at me and takin' all kinds of bits out of me, blood and spit and all kinds 'til there's damn all fluids left in, and I don't mind talkin' neither. I mean that's what I do. There's two kinds of loons in here, those that just talk like their tongues are on fire, and the other kind that just sit and rock and don't say a work from daybreak to day's end. I gotta tell you, those boys don't get in your way none, but Jesus H are they boring.


But ev'ry once in a while these docs decide they're gonna get me to do some proper talkin', and seems the way they go at it, I can't help myself. It doesn't seem right to me, I mean they're getting me to say all this stuff and it's s'posed to be makin' me feel better, and all it does it confuse me and make me feel worse, and they keep at it and at it until I'm so damn mixed up I can't remember what I'm meant to be doing here in the first place.


And roundbout now's the time I used to need to see the Faceman, see that big ol' lug waltzin' in like he owned the place, and take me out on a little trip. A little adventure, excitement - let me forget all the whitecoats sticking their mind probes into my soft ol' brain, give me a little recovery time. But right now I don't know what I'm gonna do, 'cos he's the one guy that could save me from myself, and he's lookin' to become the worst thing that could happen to me.


See, they've been asking me all these big, big, I mean huh-uge questions, and I couldn't get away from them. They say that means I'm gettin' better, that I can't hide none. But if that's true, then why am I feelin' sicker than ever, why's my thoughts loopin' round and around and around?


It started off real easy. Relay-shun-ship counseling. Well, I talked 'bout my relations, that was fine. Don't hate none of 'em, love some of 'em, some long gone but that's ok too. But then... well then I heard this voice, talkin' like it was comin' clean out of my own mouth, and it was using my lips and my tongue and my breath, and it was sayin' all this... this *stuff*.


All 'bout my best bud. My true blue, the main man, the man with the scam, the guy that can. Oh I never used his name none - don't want to be gettin' him into trouble now. And don't want them looking out for him, neither, else he won't find it so easy getting in to see me.


That's if I want him to.


Now I ain't had no problem with them. Seen plenty of it, well you put a load of guys in a bad situation, their gotta keep themselves together somehow. Not all of them, but some of them, and it was surprising just who turned out to be the ones you thought were tougher than anything, the ones with a pretty girl back home. Oh, and there was some you could tell a mile off, too. Didn't bother me at all, long as they didn't hurt no one else. Even got offered myself a few times, but it just didn't *do* anything for me. Fight, flight or.... foolin' around, I guess. I just went in for a different sort of foolin'.


Now I know he loves me, they all do. Love me like brothers, and we fight like family, and look out for each other too. You gotta stick with your unit. But...


Well, the part of me that had control of my big stupid mouth at the time, it started sayin' all this... *stuff*. Stuff that'd probably still get me hung in twenty three states. And that's all I've been fixin' on since I got out from talkin'. God, I feel sick just thinkin' about it. Not 'cos of what it is, and not 'cos it's him. 'Cos it's.... it's *us*. And it just ain't *us*


Still, just 'cos you think it, doesn't mean you have to do it. And for regular people, that's all right, that's the end of it.




Well, you know. It isn't always so easy. Not when you're howling. You can't always stop what you're doin'.


I don't know. I mean...


He's always been there for me. Always been my best bud. And I've watched him with the ladies, smooooooth with the lay-dies, and all I ever thought was, you lucky dog. Love to watch that Faceman in action, they just fall right over into his arms. And see, I just thought I wanted to be him. Have that magic smile, that magic touch, know how to make all the words come out just right. Til that damned crazy doctor got me thinking on it.


All I been thinkin' about since is....


It won't do, though. Ain't never seen Faceman with a guy, any guy.


Ain't seen me with a guy, neither.


I guess I won't know 'til the next time he comes to break me out. He's gonna walk in that door, with that damn sure stride all hair and teeth and eyes, and when I see him, I guess I'll know. Doc says you should just go for it, when you want something bad, and the worst that happens is you don't get it. I don't think he meant this though. I mean, he don't even know I still see the man. And he can't ever know. So I guess I got no one to ask about this, not a soul, no one I can tell without gettin' Temp in trouble with the cops, maybe even the MPs too, and I can't do that to him, not to my best bud.


See, the thing is, what if it ain't me that's here, when he comes to get me? What if it's the dang loon that was talkin' to the doctor?


I figure, what I am, is lonely, is all. Long time since I had someone beside me at night, long, long time. So maybe what I need's a little company. Pretty girl, long legs, warm heart. Maybe I'll see how I feel after that.


So I guess that means I'm gonna break myself out for a few days. Hell, I always do after they make me do so much damn talking. Ok. Jacket, hat, need some cash for spends. Just goin' on a little holiday, is all. Business as usual when I'm done. Ain't goin' nowhere near the Faceman, nope, no way, no how, not 'til I got all this nonsense clean out of my head.





Outside the front door of Templeton Peck's Apartment


Damn, how did I end up here?





Therapy by Face's New Flame



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