Theresa aka Captain Marina, sat at her computer looking at the new [fake nails] she had just had done on Wednesday. They were painted blue and they reminded her of her best on-line bud-- Bloo Insanity. Strange one that Bloo is....would give Murdock a run for his money. Theresa was thinking about making her self a peanut butter, banana and Marshmallow fluff sandwich, but then remembered she didn't like peanut butter, banana and marshmallow fluff sandwiches. "HMMMMM...think I will just settle for nachos," Theresa said out loud to the stuffed red [lobster] named Thurm that was sitting on her computer desk. Theresa went out into the kitchen and popped a bowl of Velveeta cheese mixed with chili into the microwave and set it on five minutes. She grabbed a can of cola from the fridge, a bag of chips from the cabinet and went back to her computer.
*I wonder why the VA is so quiet?* she thought to herself as she checked her mail and it came back with no new messages on server.'
"Oh well, I should work on my homework anyway...I have tons of that piling up," she said to the battery operated [plastic fly] who was sitting on top of the computer. "Insectus, stop staring at me like that and don't start that buzzing crap! I will do my homework!!"
*Damn, that fly is tough! Worse then Jimmeney Cricket...Hell, if Pinochio had of had Insectus for a conscience...that puppet would have been as good as gold!* Theresa thought to herself as she looked at the beady red eyes glowering at her.
"I just want to work on my Precious Cargo story, before I have a normally sweet and gentle crocodile turn into a mean and vicious crocodile." But Insectus wasn't budging. "Alright, Insectus, you win!! I will shut off my computer and start my Astronomy, Comp II, Economics and History homework that I have been avoiding like the plague," Theresa said dejectedly as she reached for the off button on her computer. Suddenly, there was a loud explosion that emanated from the kitchen, an explosion so powerful that it shook the whole house....the computer started buzzing an whirring a large swirling vortex appeared in the monitor.
"What the hell is happening?" Theresa shouted as a beam of white light radiating from the screen began sucking her into the monitor. "HELP ME!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!" she yelled, but it was no use no one was home.
Every color of the rainbow swirled around her. She thought she saw a naked woman on a white horse eating peanut butter run past her, but then quickly dismissed the thought. The plastic [stealth fighter] that Theresa had won last week, at a 4 year old's birthday party, playing pin- the- tail on the donkey, came zooming past her. "OK, I must be losing my mind," she said out loud to Insectus who was flying around the vortex. "Insectus? What the hell are you doing here? In fact, what the hell am I doing here? In fact, where the hell is here?" Theresa said as she looked through the mist of haze and colors... "Ahhh, Insectus, you didn't put any LSD into my cola, did you?" she asked the fly. Insectus just buzzed. All of a sudden total blackness enveloped the scene and Theresa found herself drifting into unconsciousness.
"Cap'n!! Cap'n!! Wake up!!" the spotted trunk of Huffy prodded the sleeping Captain Marina.
"Awww, Mom. I don't want to go to school today," Marina commented wearily as she brushed the trunk from her face.
"Cap'n I am not your mother...it's me GW."
"GW? But you live in Minot, North Dakota--first place to be bombed in a nuclear attack. Unless you jumped on a plane and came to my house there is no way you could be in my room in New Jersey right now," Marina said as she turned over in her bed.
"New Jersey? You crack me up Cap'n... You are always kidding around. I'm in your room at the VA.-W1. I only had to come three doors down from W4," GW laughed and Huffy snorted.
"W1?, W4? what are you talking about?" Marina asked as she opened her eyes to see the three headed or is it four headed creature standing by her bed eating cheese balls.
"Wahhhhhhh!! "Marina yelled as she jumped out of bed. "What are you? I mean who are you?"
"Ah, it's me GW...I told you that once already. Are you feeling OK?"
"Yes, I'm fine...I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell like that. I mean you have three very nice looking heads. It is just that I am a little foggy at the moment," Marina apologized.
"OH, no problem, Cap'n. Now, the reason I woke you up is because we have lots of stuff to get done around the VA today. Decker and Crane have arrived and they need the orientation lecture. You have to talk to Noel and Face they are still testing out the silk jammies and are refusing to come out, and Terri is still sorting through the pictures. BA and Murdock are fighting over the addition and Hannibal needs some cigars. The game room has been robbed, someone took the best copies of [Battleship and Scrabble] and the art therapy class is expecting you to show them how to make Origami birds," GW stated as she looked at the puzzled Captain Marina.
"Ah...you're kidding, right? I mean the VA is a mailing list for wacky A-team fans that Bloo and I created about three weeks ago," Marina queried.
"Mailing list? The only mailing list that I know of is the one in the office that has the names of all the people we want to sent Holiday cards to next year," GW replied confused. "Now, come on, Captain, you have to get up, as the person in charge of the West Wing you have responsibilities to fulfill."
"OK, GW, OK!" Marina replied wanting to humor her until she could figure out what was going on. "May I have a few minutes to get dressed?"
"Sure, Cap'n I will meet you in the Lost and Found...Ms C wanted to talk to you, it seems as though two of the patients are trying to claim the same memories and she needs your help to straighten it out."
"Anything you say, GW...I will be there in about 15 minutes?"
"Great, see ya then."
Marina flopped back down on her bed and shook her head. She began looking around the room. It was decorated rather strangely. A 32- inch giant screen television sat in the left hand corner, a collection of videos marked "educational" were lined up in a cabinet beside the television. A popcorn popper sat right next to that with a giant dispenser marked "melted butter" sitting on top of it. There were dozens of cans of whip cream and hot fudge sitting neatly on shelves. Marina went over to the wallpaper and touched it, it was thick and padded and there were bars on the windows. She walked over to the closet and found it was filled with United States Air force dress uniforms, with only three buttons on them, and a assortment of camouflage outfits.
"Allllllrrrrrriiiigggghhhhttttttty then!" Marina said out loud to the room as she reached for one of the camouflage outfits and quickly changed into it. She opened one of the Bureau drawers and it was filled with dozens of sexy, pieces of lingerie. Marina blushed and quickly closed the drawer. She opened up another drawer and found a pair of socks. Sitting back down on the bed she reached under it and pulled out a whip. "Ah, okay!!" she said and shoved it back under the bed. Finally, she found her boots and put them on. She got up and gave one last sigh as she turned out the lights and headed for the lost and found.
About half way down the hallway she realized she had no idea where the lost and found was. Marina had heard Ms Coyote mention the location of the lost and found a few times in her e-mails to the list, but for the life of her could not remember where it was. She began wandering aimlessly through the halls. Suddenly, she came upon a door. Screams were coming from the inside. *I'd better investigate this* she thought to herself and abruptly opened the door to the room. The room was dark and dreary and various torturing devices hung on the walls. A huge rack was situated in the middle of the floor and there was a woman with dark hair, about 24 years old who looked like she worked for a television station, tied to it and screaming in pain as the other woman tightened the ropes.
"Yes, Cap'n, what is it? Can't you see I am in the middle of a torturing session?"
"Umm, yes I see...well... umm, carry on," Marina replied and quickly shut the door. From out of no where Insectus appeared above Marina's shoulders. "Aren't you going to save Jipster from Black Gem?" he asked.
"Nope, not until Jipster posts the next parts of Promises. Now, shoo, fly, you're bothering me."
Marina continued to wander around the halls for what seemed like days until she came to a wing marked East. It was guarded by two really tall and stonefaced guards standing at attention by the entrance. Marina walked nervously passed the guards goosing one of their butts, just to see if she could get a reaction from them. It was no use they weren't budging. She looked around and noticed drawings of Knights on horseback and castles adorning the walls. Choruses of God Save the Queen,' echoed through the hallways. There was a elegantly decorated room at the end of the hallway...dozens of waiters, dressed in pristine white uniforms, carried silver trays with cucumber finger sandwiches on them. The people all set around (all with extremely proper posture) and drinking tea with their pinkies raised.
"Ah, Insectus I don't think we are in America anymore, "Marina commented to the fly.
In the left hand corner of the room there was an enormous cupboard, being guarded by a vacuum cleaner. The sounds of Karma Chameleon' emanated from the cupboard and a man was yelling help. *Hmmmmm... that must be Lonely Walker's special cupboard,* Marina thought.
"Excuse me....can someone point the way to Captain Bloo's room please?" Marina asked the crowd of people.
They all put out a finger and said in a fine British accent "[Due South.]"
"Thank you!" Marina replied and headed off in the direction indicated. After a few minutes she came to a door marked E1. Marina knocked on the door and suddenly a flurry of noises erupted in the room.
"Hold on a minute, I'll be right there," a woman's voice called out. Captain Marina just stood there wondering what was going on inside the room. Wisps of smoke came out from under the door and it smelled suspiciously like cigar smoke. Suddenly, the door to the room flew open and a very out of breath Bloo stood there in the doorway with a big smile on her face.
"Cap'n!! Nice of you to pop in for a visit."
"Bloo, you have to help me," Marina stated and rushed past Bloo, going to sit on her bed.
"What's the matter? You know I'm always here to help you, Matey," Bloo said as she sat down next to Marina on the bed.
"Well, Bloo, I can't quite figure out what is going on. I was sitting at my computer, about ready to start typing up my essay on The First Amendment,' when all of a sudden there was this explosion and I found myself being woken up by GW. Now, I am inside this VA and not in New Jersey and I can't figure out why. I mean this is not suppose to be a real place, it is a fictional place that you and I created. So, we could have some fun with our friends and now here I am in this place, when I belong back in New Jersey and I can't figure out how it is possible...Bloo, help me!" Marina put her hand over her face and began to cry.
"Shh...first off you have to calm down, Cap'n," Bloo commented as she placed an arm around Marina's shoulder. "Secondly, I have to say, I have no idea what you're talking about. We all live here in the VA. I'm in charge of the East Wing and you're in charge of the West Wing and we have lived here for quite some time. Have you and Murdock stopped taking your medication again?...you remember what happened the last time," Bloo warned.
"Bloo, look--I know I can be a little crazy, but come on now you can't expect me to believe that a mailing list that we created has suddenly become real and I am trapped in here," Marina stated as she got up off the bed.
"Mailing List? The only mailing list that I know of is the one in the office that..."
"Yeah, I know.... that has the list of names that we all want to send Holiday cards to next year. GW told me that already," Marina finished. "Yes, that's right Cap'n."
"But Bloo, what about New Jersey? What about England?"
"Oh, Cap'n, I think I understand now. We used to live in those normal boring places, but that was many moons ago. We no longer live in those places in the real world. Nope, we are in the VA where we belong. The real world is just too horrible, and hideous a place to think about." "So, what your telling me is that....I can never go back home to New Jersey?"
"Well, there is a way, but I don't want to think about it. It makes me ill."
"But, Bloo...I don't believe that it is possible for us to be here in a huge insane asylum that spans at least two continents, maybe three, I am not great with geography. And that the A-team is real and living with us here. It is not possible."
"Cap'n, listen to me..."
Just then, the door to the closet flew open and Hannibal fell onto the floor. Bloo quickly ran over to him and helped him up. Marina looked totally surprised by this sudden appearance of the greatly revered Colonel Smith, leader of the A-team. Something inside of Marina cause her to react out of reflex.
"Sir," Marina said and snapped to attention.
"At ease, soldier," Hannibal replied and saluted. Marina relaxed and sat back down on the bed.
Bloo continued to help the colonel dust off his clothing and Marina just looked at him confused.
"Colonel...what were you doing in the closet?" Marina asked curiously. "Umm....I was checking out the sturdiness of the shelves, seeing if they were regulation. Very good Captain Bloo, your closet seems to be in tip-top shape," Hannibal replied.
"Oh, thank you, honeybunch...I mean thank you, Colonel," Bloo said and smiled at Hannibal.
Hannibal grinned, put his cigar back into his mouth and left the room. "Well, Cap'n, do you believe me now?" Bloo asked smugly.
Marina just sat there on the bed, not knowing what to believe. I mean here Bloo was standing there telling her, that her wildest fantasies had come true. She was locked safe and snug inside the VA far away from the real world. With no responsibilities (aside from the daily routine), no hassles, no school, no work. She was here with her friends, and fellow A-team fans and the best of all things: the A-team was here. Why was it that she still felt like she wanted to go home. It was very confusing. "Cap'n you have been stressed somewhat this week. I think maybe your intermittent memory loss is kicking in again. Why don't you go back to your room, maybe grab Murdock and go watch an educational video and eat popcorn, that always cheers you up."
"You mean Murdock is here....I can actually meet him?" Marina asked excitedly.
"Of course he is here, silly," Bloo laughed.
"Well, then what are we waiting for let's go find him!!" Marina yelled and grabbed Bloo by the arm dragging her out of the room and down the hallway.
Bloo and Marina were scurrying quickly through the halls, knocking various patients over as they went along.
"Hey watch it!!!" Robin yelled as she picked up her stuff from the floor. She was fairly new to the VA and still trying to move her belongings into her room.
"Sorry, Robin. I'll help you clean that up later," Marina shouted back as she continued down the hall, dragging Bloo behind her. Finally, they managed to come to where BA was building the addition. Marina looked around the site, throwing nails and pieces of plywood this way and that. Suddenly, there he was standing there with a hammer, talking to it...calling him Bob and asking him if he was happy with the "UAOVAH (United Association of Virtual Asylum Hammers)" a union that he had set up to make sure hammers were treated fairly on the job. Marina looked at Murdock for a moment, then walked up to him, turned him around and planted a deep, long, penetrating kiss on his lips. Everyone in the VA, especially Kim, stared at Marina and Murdock wondering just how long they could kiss. About an hour went by with no signs of letting up. "Ummm...Cap'n...Ms C needs you in the lost and found...it is an emergency," Gatorella said and tapped Marina on the shoulder. Marina and Murdock continued to kiss, paying absolutely no attention to her.
The patients all looked at each other in despair, there wasn't anything they could do, even Hannibal ordering them to stop didn't work. Face and Noel heard the commotion and came out of Noel's room.
"Finally!!" GW commented happily, "I've been wanting to get my hands on you all week." GW grabbed Face and dragged him down the hall back to her room. Stopping to pick up a fresh supply of cheeseballs, she went into Captain Marina's room and grabbed a few educational videos and some whip cream and hot fudge. "I don't think the Cap'n would mind if I borrowed these things for a little while," she smiled. She was about to leave the room when she noticed something sticking out from underneath the bed. Huffy used her spotted trunk to reach for the item. It was the whip that Black Gem had given to the Evil Kidnapper Guy. "oooOOOoooo, I think maybe I will bring this too," she grinned at Face who just gulped nervously as he eyed the whip. GW gathered all this stuff and headed for her room.
Terri heard the commotion coming from out in the hall and decided to leave her horrid job of sorting through the naked pictures of Face to see what was going on.
"GW, what's going on?" she asked.
"Oh, Marina and Murdock are lip locking again and no one can break them up."
"I see. So, where are you and Face going?"
"Well, we are going to watch TV," GW replied with a evil grin.
"Oh, well have fun!!" Terri replied and went down the hall to where the rest of the patients were.
Wallygator was standing there tapping her left foot wondering just how long Marina was going to keep fooling around instead of getting down to the real work that needed to be done...i.e....finishing Precious Cargo.
It seemed like a hopeless situation until Bloo said, "I gotta idea!" she then ran off to the direction of the East Wing.
Bloo went to her room and grabbed something from the refrigerator in the corner. She ran down the hall with it. Sabrina, Rachel, Lonely and all the other patients from the East Wing saw Bloo running down the hall and decided to follow her. Bloo came up behind Marina and Murdock and said to them, "Listen up you two, there is an emergency situation in the Lost and Found, Ms C needs your help. Now, I have a dead otter here and I am not afraid to use it...so, either you two stop kissing right now or it's the otter for both of you."
Marina and Murdock opened their eyes and immediately turned around to face an angry Bloo holding a dead otter in her hand. "That's better!! Now, Cap'n, you get your butt over to the lost and found and Murdock, you take this otter back to my room and get HOWL warmed up--we might need him," Bloo ordered.
"Yes, Ma'am," the two embarrassed soldiers replied an quickly hurried off in their assigned directions.
"Ah...Bloo?" Marina queried.
"Yes, Cap'n, what is it?"
"Where is the lost and found? Ms Coyote keeps giving me the directions, but I keep forgetting them."
"Arghhhhh!" Bloo declared frustrated and grabbed Marina by the arm dragging her to the lost and found.
Once they got to the door they came upon a sight that was worse then they had expected. There was Fingers standing there. Her right hand was covered with a dark glove, she was calling him Lefty and he had Ms C and the large small soldiers held hostage with a Tootsie Roll pop.
"I swear...if someone doesn't tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of this Tootsie roll pop without biting it...I will hurt Ms Coyote and these so-called fierce marines," Lefty said as he held up the Tootsie roll pop to Ms. C's throat.
Once Marina saw that Ms Coyote was in serious trouble she wanted to immediately grab Lefty and turn him into a purse. Bloo had to hold back the furious Captain Marina. "Wait Cap'n, we have to think about how to proceed. If we go for Lefty now Ms C and the soldiers could get hurt." "Yeah, you're right, Bloo...I'm sorry....guess I lost my head."
"Oh, believe me, Cap'n, I want to get Lefty just as much as you, but we have to find a way to do it so no one gets hurt."
Fingers was pleading with Lefty to put down the lollipop and surrender, but he wasn't listening. "I am so sorry guys, but when Lefty gets and idea into his head, he is so stubborn."
"Oh, Fingers, we know it isn't your fault, but can you tell us why he chose to hold Ms C and the others hostage. Why the Lost and Found?" Bloo asked.
"Well, a few years ago when Lefty was in America he saw the television commercial for Tootsie Roll pops and he just hated the way that bloody Owl always said ah.. 1... ah ...2... ah ...3 and then bit the taffy before telling you how many licks it took to get to the Tootsie roll center. So, one day he bought a cherry Tootsie pop and counted exactly how many licks it does take. I gave him a Tootsie pop today to keep him busy while I tried to work on my story and he couldn't remember how many licks...so, he asked me to bring him to the Lost and Found and Ms C couldn't find his Tootsie Roll memory...so, he went berserk," Fingers explained.
"Yeah, that's right and with any luck Dougie, Martin and the EKG should be up here to help me in a few minutes. We are going to take this place apart until my Tootsie Roll memory is found!!" Lefty declared and laughed evilly.
After a week's respite due to ugly, evil, real life forces beyond Captain Marina's control....Lefty had been left standing holding that Tootsie roll pop to Ms C and the small soldiers, threatening to use it if he didn't get his memory back. Everyone in the VA were all tapping their feet and getting pretty darn tired of standing frozen in one spot. "Yoo-hoo!!! Cap'n, hello? Are you ever going to get on with this gripping tale?" Noel and Kim asked the Captain as she stood there looking at an empty space, that once contained Bloo Insanity.
"What? Where? Who?" Captain Marina inquired confused.
"You had us all gathered around the lost and found as Lefty was holding Ms C and the others hostage and then you kinda spaced out and never finished," White Gem answered the confused Captain's questions.
"Oh yeah, that's right, I was kissing Murdock," Marina looked around to see if she could find the beloved pilot to resume her kissing.
"AHHHHHH....No kissing, Captain, until this problem is solved!" Hannibal ordered.
Marina looked at the Colonel, who had this I'm really serious look in his eyes.
"Yes, Sir," Marina replied and turned to talk to Bloo.
"Bloo? Captain Bloo? Where's Bloo? Where is she?"
"AHHH...I am afraid Bloo is missing," Sabrina informed the Cap'n.
"Missing? How did that happen? We have to find her," Marina said frantically. "I don't want to have to be in charge of the East Wing as well, I hate tea and I don't want to use words like gobsmaked!!" "Cap'n, listen, You have to rescue Ms. C and the others first and then we will find Bloo," Hannibal stated as he put a hand on Marina's shoulder.
"You're right, Hannibal!" Marina replied, knowing that her first priority should be taking care of the immediate danger to the troops.
(Act two scene 1)
"Yeah, that's right and with any luck Dougie, Martin and the EKG should be up here to help me in a few minutes. We are going to take this place apart until my Tootsie Roll memory is found!!" Lefty declared and laughed evilly.
"Ah...Lefty, we are already here," Dougie said as he tapped Lefty on the head.
"Oh, hi guys, I am glad you could join me," Lefty said and smiled at the two evil men standing behind him.
"OK, listen up everyone! My friends are here now and they don't take kindly to me being upset."
"AHHHH...no Lefty, we don't care really about your feelings, we just like to be where the evil stuff is happening," Dougie stated.
"Oh, OK sure guys. I understand," Lefty replied sadly. "Where's Martin? "Ummmm...not sure! We haven't seen him for days?" the EKG said and shrugged his shoulders.
"Well, everyone what are we going to do?" Range asked.
"OK, look, does anyone know how many licks it does take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?" Lonely Walker queried.
"Well, only an American would know the answer to that, since they have Tootsie roll pops there," Black Gem added.
All the patients from the West Wing looked at each other and gulped nervously. "UMMMMMM....I'm afraid none of us ever counted," Terri replied. "Yeah....everyone always bites them," Ivanova added.
"Oh, dear, I guess the world may never know how many licks it does take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop," Noel sighed, blatantly stealing the line from the television commercial.
"Listen, I have an idea! GW, Come on out here and bring Face with ya!" Marina shouted to GW.
"Awwww, Cap'n do we have to? Face and I were just about to watch one of your educational videos Visit the Cock (Pit) of An Airplane' and see the pilot's controls....it is almost like being there with your hands on the joystick...that's what the movie trailer says....come on Cap'n! Please! Don't make us come out!"
*Oh, that's Murdock's favorite video* Marina smiled, but then quickly remembered the mission and composed herself. "GW, that's an order." "Yes, Ma'am....you know, I finally get Face all to myself and now I have to go out there...I swear life is not fair....Terri gets to sort through naked Face pictures, Noel gets to test out hundreds of pairs of silk jammies....Sabrina got to rub oil all over Face and play with his hair in the Captain's other story, but do I get Face for even five minutes?....oh no...of course not!!" GW grumbled as she untied Face from the bed and handed him his clothes. She put the whip cream and hot fudge away and turned off the video. "Not fair, Not fair at all!" she mumbled and looked sadly at Face.
Once GW and Face had joined the rest of the patients in the hallway, by the lost and found, Marina whispered her suggestion to them.
"But Cap'n, we don't know the words," Jipster stated.
"Don't worry! Just smile and look happy! You'll do just fine!" Marina assured the patients from the East Wing.
All the patients and most of the team lined up and began kicking their legs like the Rockettes from Radio City Music Hall and began singing. "The world looks mighty good to me, because Tootsie Rolls are all I see, what ever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie Roll to me. Tootsie Roll power such a chocolately chew, Tootsie Roll I think I'm in love with you, whatever it is I think I see, becomes a Tootsie Roll to me." They repeated this process over and over again, until Lefty, Dougie and the EKG couldn't stand it anymore.
"OK, OK, we give up!!!! Here take the Tootsie Roll Pop! Just please stop singing!" Lefty said almost near tears.
"Well, Lefty I hope you learned a lesson," Karri said as she looked at him, because if not. I still have my Jell-O here...I could use."
"Oh no, not the Jell-O, please, not that!" the three evil men cowered in fear of the glob of Limegreen Jell-O that Karri was holding in a very threatening manner.
Just then a unfamiliar face came down the corridor. "Umm...excuse me, Ma'am," the woman said to Ms. C. "I was moving my stuff into my room, you see I am new here, my name is EllCee, when I found this memory in the closet. I found the VA directory and located the lost and found. I figured someone might really be looking for it...so, I quickly brought it down here."
"Directory? Hey, how come I never got a directory? It took me a long time to find the lost and found," Marina stated.
Everyone just stared at the Captain.
"Well, it did," Marina declared indignantly.
Ms.C ignored the Captain and turned to the new patient, who was obviously very nice and a great addition to the VA. "Oh, thank you, EllCee," Ms C replied and looked around at all the patients "Ummmmm....Lefty, I believe this belongs to you," she said as she raised her eyebrows at the embarrassed glove.
"OOPS, silly me...I left it there last week when I was trying to find a empty room where we could build that bom..." Dougie kicked Lefty, before he had a chance to finish his sentence.
"Well, it looks like all's well that ends well, right guys?" the EKG said as he tapped Dougie and Lefty indicating now was the time for them to get the heck out of there.
"Ahh...not so fast!!!! Lefty, EKG, Dougie! Front and center!" Marina ordered.
The three evil men looked at each other and nervously lined up before the really angry Captain Marina. "You three should be ashamed of yourselves, threatening poor Ms C when it was your own fault that your Tootsie Roll memory was missing. Now, we have let you run amok around here, because every place needs a little evil side to add some fun and excitement, but this time you have gone too far. You three are hereby grounded for two weeks....no playing with guns, no building bombs, no locking people in closets, no torturing and no kidnapping what so ever!" "NO KIDNAPPING? But, but I am the Evil Kidnapper Guy...it's what I do!" the EKG protested.
"Shut up, EKG, can't you see the Cap'n is ticked," Lefty whispered. "Well, you should have thought about that before you decided to help Lefty in his hostage plot. Now, go to your rooms! Marina ordered. "Yes, Ma'am," the three of them replied and hurried off to their rooms. "Yahoo!!!!!" Everyone shouted, glad that the three bad boys had finally gotten their just deserts.
"OK, everyone, now that that problem is solved....we have to find Bloo," Marina declared.
"Well, where do you think she went?" Ldot asked.
"I don't know Ldot....I am still trying to figure out how I got here myself. Bloo told me that we all used to live in the real world, but that was too mean and horrible. So, now we all live in here. Now, I was so excited when she said that Murdock was here, that she never had a chance to finish telling me everything," Marina commented.
"Cap'n, what has got you confused?" Liz queried.
"Well, everything really. I mean....just a little while ago I was in my room at home in New Jersey sitting at my computer and all of a sudden there was this explosion in the kitchen it shook the whole house and then next thing I knew I was here inside the VA."
"Oh, I see...well, I'm afraid we don't have time to go into all that right now. We have to find Bloo," Ldot said urgently.
"Yes, Cap'n, Ldot is right!" Tammy agreed.
"Hey, Ms C...do you think that Colonel Decker captured her?" Becky asked. "Oh, I don't know...let's go down to his new office that he has set up and see," Ms C replied.
All of the patients in the VA quickly ran towards the office and knocked on the door.
"IN!" Decker ordered.
All the patients hurried inside the new office (OK, so it's a big enough office to hold everyone...leave me alone it's my story.) Decker was sitting behind his desk, hidden by thousands of flowers.
"Ummm...Colonel Decker....are you in there, sir?" Ms. C queried as she poked her head around the flowers, trying to find Decker.
"Yes, I'm right here!" Decker said as he got up and pulled a few daisies out of his hair. "Crane....I said you could have a few flowers, but you have gone too far."
"Hey...maybe Bloo is lost behind a bouquet of posies," Captain Marina joked, but nobody laughed. Marina just cringed and hid herself behind a giant vase filled with daffodils.
"Colonel Decker, have you taken Captain Bloo Insanity?" Kim demanded and slammed her fist on the desk, crushing a few flowers.
"Oh...not my...tulips!" Crane cried out.
"Sorry, Captain Crane. I didn't mean to crush them, it's just that we are all worried about Bloo. We haven't seen her for days," Kim stated. "No, Ma'am...my only objective here is to capture the Ateam and bring them in for questioning. I have no interest in capturing Captain Bloo or any of the other patients here," Decker replied.
"OK, Colonel, we believe you, for now," Fingers said and all the patients left Decker's office.
A few seconds later a booming shout came from inside the office "Captain Crane...get those freakin' pansies out of my M-16...it's an assault rifle for Christ's sake...not a damn vase."
Everyone hurried away from Decker's office and gathered in the rec room. "Well??" the team asked.
"Decker said he doesn't have her," Rachel replied.
"Well, if Decker doesn't have Bloo, then who does?" Face queried.
"I don't know, Faceyman," GW cooed and smiled at the lieutenant.
"Showers! GW! Showers!" Marina ordered.
"Yeah, good idea!" GW replied and headed off to take a cold shower.
"Anyway, like I was saying if Decker doesn't have Bloo, then where is she?" Face asked again.
Everyone plopped down on the bean bag chairs not knowing the answer to Face's question.
"Hey guys, you know what I have been thinking?" Captain Marina said out loud to the room.
"That these bean bag chairs are darn hard to get out of if you are older then 10?" Hannibal asked as he struggled to get up out of the bright yellow bean bag chair.
"No, well not exactly....have you noticed that Murdock and Martin are missing also?"
All the patients looked at each other shocked.
"Oooooooh yeah, the last time we saw Murdock was when Bloo finally managed to pry you and him apart Cap'n," Noel said to Marina, pointing her finger at her and saying "Shame, Shame, everyone knows your name." "Ummm...well yes, Noel, but that is beside the point. The thing is that all three of them being missing can not be a coincidence."
"COINCIDENCE! Did I hear someone say coincidence?....where is my book? I must write this down," Black Gem shouted excitedly. For you see, Black Gem has an unhealthy fascination with uncanny coincidences.
"Calm down, Black Gem," Marina ordered. "I said it can't be a coincidence. So, there is nothing to get excited about!"
"Awww, man...not fair!" Black Gem pouted as she pulled out a cat-o-nine tails from her belt. "Let's go, Face..."
"Hey, wait, wh.. wh.. what did I do?" Face protested.
"Nothing, I'm just upset and I need someone to torture."
"Black Gem! Wait, don't take my precious Face! Take me instead! I will suffer any torture for the man I love!" Kim (who from this point on will be known as Kamikaze.) declared courageously as she threw herself in front of Face to protect him.
"Oh Geeze!!!" Marina said and rolled her eyes. "Black Gem, we don't have time for torture right now. We have to find Bloo, Murdock and Martin, but I promise you can have triple the torturing sessions once the three of them are found."
"OK," Black Gem replied dejectedly and plopped back down in her bean bag chair.
Face looked up at Kamikaze and smiled wryly, "Thank you so much for saving my life."
"Oh, that's OK sweetie, anything for you," Kamikaze replied as she gazed dreamily at him.
"How can I ever repay you?" Face asked.
"Oh, I'm sure we can think of something later...oh...to hell with later!!" Kamikaze said as she jumped into Face's lap and began smothering him with passionate kisses.
Everyone just sat there watching, not too sure how to break them up.
"Ummm...hello? Kamikaze, Face...we have to find Bloo, Murdock and Martin," Marina said and tapped Kamikaze on the shoulder.
"Ahh...sure right....Bloo, Murdock and Martin....the mission...yeah...now I remember," Kamikaze said as she composed herself.
About this time GW was coming back from the cold showers. Luckily, it wasn't a minute sooner or we would have had one ticked of DGO3 on our hands if she had witnessed the scene between Kamikaze and Face. "So, anything interesting happen while I was in the shower?" she asked. "Oh, no absolutely nothing," everyone replied and crossed their fingers behind their backs.
"Well, Colonel, what's the plan?" Gatorella queried.
"I was kinda hoping I wouldn't have to come up with the plan for this one...you know, sometimes I would just like not to have to be the one that has to come up with the plan, I always come up with the plans, just once, if someone else would come up with a plan, it would be so nice, if I didn't...."
"Yes, Captain Marina?"
"You're whining...ummmmm....that's Face's job. It says it right here in the contract...Colonel Smith-plans, Face-whining," Marina said as she pulled out the contract for the A-team.
"Let me see that," Hannibal ordered. He read over the contract and then smiled at Face. "Oh, yeah...sorry, Lieutenant."
"No problem, Hannibal," Face replied nonchalantly as he was otherwise occupied staring at GW.
"So, then what's the plan, Hannibal," Sabrina asked.
"Well, did anyone think to check Bloo's room to see if she was in there?" Hannibal suggested.
"Her room?" everybody just looked at each other and shrugged.
"Good idea, Sir...now why didn't I think of that?" Cap'n Marina said as she smiled at the Colonel.
"It takes years of military training to come up with these brilliant ideas, Soldier. Don't worry you will get there someday," Hannibal grinned and put his cigar in his mouth. "Alright, everyone to the East Wing!" he ordered.
"Ah, Colonel, may I be excused from this assignment please?" Face asked. "Why, Lieutenant?"
"Well, because GW and I have some important unfinished business to attend to," Face said and winked at GW.
Hannibal looked at Face and then at GW. "OK, Lieutenant....carry on! But be ready to move if we need you," Hannibal ordered.
"Right!" Face replied as he grabbed GW and planted a deep, wet passionate kiss on her succulent lips. He picked her up, carefully avoiding Huffy's trunk and carried her to her room. The rest of the patients, along with BA and Hannibal headed to the East Wing to check out Bloo's room.
Everyone was running down the hall so fast that they nearly knocked over a new patient who was busy moving her stuff into her room. "Hi, I'm Erinna and I am happy to meet yo..."
"Hi, Erinna. Sorry, no time for chit-chat. We are on an important mission," Ms. C called out as everyone whizzed passed the confused new patient.
"Don't worry, Erinna...you'll get used to the craziness soon enough around here," Mandy added.
"Yeah, Erinna it won't take long at all," Terri agreed.
"Enough chatting we have to get to the East Wing!" Hannibal ordered.
"Hey, can I come too, Colonel?" Erinna asked.
"Sure, the more the merrier," Hannibal replied.
"Great!" Erinna declared and dropped all her stuff on the floor, which in turn caused the patients just getting to her door to trip and fall. "Ooops, sorry!" she cringed.
"No problem," Ldot, Lonely Walker, Rachel, Becky and Noel said as they got up off the floor.
Someone grabbed Erinna by the arm and they all headed off to the East Wing.
Finally, everyone came to a screeching halt outside of room E1.
Strange and unusual noises were coming from inside. "Quickly, Colonel it sounds like Bloo is in trouble...open the door!" White Gem shouted. Hannibal opened the door and there was Bloo, out of breath and covered in sweat.
"Bloo!!!!!! What are you doing??" Marina asked totally shocked as they all watched Bloo rhythmically bouncing up and down.
"Oh, Hi Cap'n...I was just trying out my new trampoline and working out to Richard Simmons....Sweating to the Oldies Volume 3," Bloo replied as she got off the trampoline and turned off the video.
"Bloo, we have been worried sick about you," Jipster commented as everyone shook their heads in agreement.
"I'm sorry, guys, but I got tired of waiting around for the Cap'n to finish her story and I was stiff from standing in that one spot all week. So, I figured I would do a little exercising. I see that Ms. C and Fingers are with you...I guess the Tootsie Roll problem is solved, huh?" "Oh, yeah, the Cap'n came up with a brilliant plan to sing Lefty, EKG and Dougie into submission," Sabrina said and smiled at Marina.
"Oh, Sabrina I wouldn't say it was brilliant really," Marina replied. "Oh, yes, Cap'n it was brilliant," Sabrina insisted.
"No, no....good, maybe, but brilliant, no definitely not," Marina commented slightly embarrassed.
"Cap'n, it was so brilliant, that it outshines Frankie's teeth!"
Everyone in the VA cringed and gasped in horror at the mention of the F word. Sabrina turned around to face everyone and saw the disapproving looks on their faces. "Guys, I'm sorry I didn't mean it, really...it just slipped out. I swear it won't happen again," Sabrina looked at everyone with sad-puppy dog eyes pleading them for forgiveness.
"I'm sorry, Sabrina, but you know the rules. The mention of the greased one's name is expressly forbidden at the VA. I'm afraid you must be punished," Cap'n Marina said sternly. Everyone shook their heads, for they knew that Captain Marina was tough when it came to doling out discipline to the troops. Ask Terri and Noel.
"Yes, Ma'am?" Sabrina said meekly.
"Face just got in a whole new case of shampoos...I think it only fitting that you go immediately to the supply room and get it. Find Face and help him test all those shampoos, until he finds one that he likes," Marina ordered.
"You mean I have to play with his hair? Run my fingers through it, tousle it and everything?" Sabrina asked.
"OK," Sabrina said trying to contain herself, " but, Cap'n, can I do one thing before I get the shampoos?"
"What is it?" Marina asked.
"Can I stop by the cold showers first?"
"Well, if you feel you need to...go ahead....but make it snappy...those shampoos are waiting!" the Cap'n instructed.
"Oh, yes, Ma'am," Sabrina saluted and hurried off to complete her assignment.
Marina thought for a moment and looked at Hannibal. "Do you think I was too harsh, Colonel?" she asked.
"Not at all, Soldier... not if you want to maintain some sense of order and discipline around here," Hannibal responded and put an arm around her shoulder. Marina smiled at Hannibal.
"Now, where were we before the F word was mentioned?" Marina queried.
"Umm....we had just found Bloo and she is OK," Righty offered the info to the crowd.
"Oh, yeah, that's right. Hey, Bloo, have you seen Murdock and Martin?" Marina asked.
"Ummmmm...No. The last time I saw Murdock, is when I ordered him to bring back my dead otter to my room and warm up HOWL," Bloo replied.
Bloo quickly opened up the refrigerator and saw that the otter was missing. She ran over to the window and looked outside and discovered that HOWL was also missing.
"Bloody Hell, my otter and HOWL are missing," Bloo exclaimed frustrated.
"Calm down, Bloo. There has to be a reasonable explanation for all this," Marina stated.
"Ah, Cap'n, this is the VA...there are no such things as reasonable explanations here," Rachel commented as all the patients agreed.
"Good point Rachel," Marina acquiesced.
Just then Face came screaming down the hall, he was practically naked, which made Terri and Noel faint, he was painted blue and had lather in his hair. He was being chased by Sabrina, Kamikaze and GW and a bright green alligator, who said his name was George.
"OK, well anyway," Marina said calmly. "We have to find Murdock and Martin."
"And my otter, Cap'n...we have to find my otter," Bloo added desperately and began to cry.
"Awww, don't worry, Bloo. We will find HOWL and the otter, I promise," Marina said as she handed Bloo a Kleenex and gave her a hug.
"Thanks, Cap'n...it is just that I would die without my otter and HOWL," Bloo said softly.
"We understand, Bloo," Ms C said and placed an arm around Bloo's shoulder.
"Ah, I think it is about time we save Face, Colonel, don't ya think?" Marina said to Hannibal.
"Yeah, Cap'n, I think you're right," Hannibal agreed.
Righty grabbed a bucket of water from the bathroom and dumped it on Terri and Noel to wake them up. All the patients and the dripping wet Noel and Terri headed out into the hallway.
"Halt!" Hannibal commanded and instantly Sabrina, GW, Kamikaze, Face and George stopped dead in their tracks. "Atten-hut!" he ordered and immediately the five of them snapped to attention.
All of the Nighthawk Commandos tried not to laugh, but the sight of Face standing there in just his silk boxer shorts, painted blue with lather running down his face was too much, and soon all the commandos were rolling around on the floor laughing.
"Ah, Captain Marina, you are suppose to set an example for the troops," Hannibal said as he looked disapprovingly at Marina who was hysterically laughing right along with the other commandos.
"I'm sorry, Hannibal, but I couldn't help myself," Marina apologized as she desperately tried to control her laughter.
"You know, it's all fun and games to someone loses and eye...err...umm...or is painted blue, in your case lieutenant," Hannibal commented as he eyed Face up and down. "Who painted Face blue?"
"I did, sir," Kamikaze replied quietly.
"Well, because I think it brings out the color in his eyes," Kamikaze cooed dreamily as she stared at the lieutenant.
"Oh, brother," Hannibal commented as he perused the troops, upon coming to George, he stopped and looked at him confused. "Ah, who are you and why are you here?" he asked the gator.
"I have an explanation for that, Colonel," Noel interjected.
"Oh, I can't wait to hear this one," Hannibal said and folded his arms across his chest.
All the patients turned to look at Noel waiting for an explanation.
"Well, sir, you see Dougie, EKG and Lefty are confined to quarters for the Tootsie roll incident, and in order for us to make sure they stay there...I suggested to the Cap'n that we build a moat around their rooms..." "A moat *inside* the VA?" Hannibal asked raising one eyebrow.
"Ummmm....well, yeah I guess it would have to be sorta inside, sorta underground, sorta outside," Noel said hesitantly, trying to figure out exactly where this moat was going to be built. "I'm not sure, we haven't quite worked out all the details yet. But it is going to be filled with grape Jell-O!" she added enthusiastically trying to convince everyone it was a good idea.
"Oh, I see, but what's with the gator?"
"Well, Colonel, that's George, he is sort of my pet/ guard for the moat," Noel stated.
George looked at all the patients and waved hi.
"Hi, George!" everyone said in unison and waved back.
"Did you give the go ahead for this Jell-O moat idea?" Hannibal asked.
"Well, ummm yeah...it sounded like a good idea, it was either that or Rufus and his army of vacuum cleaners and celery sticks," Marina commented.
Hannibal just shook his head and sighed. "How do I get myself into these situations?" he said as he looked around at the motley crew before him. "Well, first things first. Noel, please take George back to your room and see that he stays there until we find Murdock and Martin....Wait! ummmm, George, you didn't have any mid-afternoon snacks did you?" Hannibal asked nervously, hoping that Murdock and Martin hadn't been horderves for the gator.
"Naahhhh, I'm a vegetarian...read this really cool book called Kamikaze Cowboy and decided to switch my diet," George replied.
"Come on, George, let's go!" Noel said as she led the alligator back down the hallway to her room.
"OK, as for the rest of you...we have a mission to find Murdock and Martin. So, I suggest everyone get a grip on what little sanity you do have. We must concentrate on finding our lost residents. Face, go shower, Kamikaze, put the paint away, GW, Sabrina you can have Face back later. Captain Marina, Captain Bloo, you will need to prepare the troops, but first let's synchronize watches..."
"Ummm...Colonel, none of us are wearing watches," White Gem informed Hannibal.
"OK, first assignment, everyone go get a watch, because we can't go on a mission if we don't synchronize our watches first, and then report back here at 16:00hrs," Hannibal ordered.
"Right, Hannibal!" everyone acknowledged and headed off to their rooms to get their watches.
"I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting mission," Hannibal said out loud to the empty hallway and then began puffing on his cigar. Hannibal began pacing back and forth, in the hallway, waiting for the patients to arrive back with their watches. Gatorella was the first one to arrive back.
"Hello, Gatorella," Hannibal said with a smile.
"Oh, hi, Colonel," Gatorella replied and returned Hannibal's smile. "I was wondering, do you think this is going to be a dangerous mission, sir?"
"Well, any mission can be dangerous, but if you are careful and don't get sloppy. Things usually work out for the best."
"Oh, Colonel you seem so confident, so brave...this is my first real mission and I have to admit I am a little nervous," Gatorella said quietly.
"Well, nervous is understandable, but put that nervousness to good use. Use it to your advantage it will heighten your senses, make you more alert."
"Oh, Colonel...I see now why you are the leader, you are so brilliant, so inspirational, but I must say you look a little tense, are you worried about the assignment?" Gatorella queried.
"No, I slept with the window open last night and I have this kink in my neck that I can't seem to work out," Hannibal replied rubbing his neck. "Oh, allow me, Colonel," Gatorella said as she began to massage Hannibal's neck. Soon though Gatorella was overcome with passion and she turned Hannibal around and leaned him up against the wall, taking the opportunity to smother him with deep, wet, passionate kisses. Hannibal of course returned her advances until they were interrupted by a tap on Gatorella's shoulder.
"Ummm...excuse me, but I seemed to have misplaced my wolf Diefenbaker," the very handsome man in a Royal Canadian Mounted Police uniform stated. "I saw your Asylum and figured it might be a place he might want to
visit. Have you seen a wolf around here anywhere?" "Listen, pal, you name it we have it," Hannibal answered slightly annoyed that is rendezvous with Gatorella was interrupted.
"Thank you, sir. I shall make a thorough investigation of the premises," the mountie replied and hurried off to search for the wolf.
"Now, where were we? Oh, yeah, I think we were just about to..." Hannibal smiled, but was interrupted by the rest of the patients that were now gathering around them in the hallway.
"We all have our watches, Hannibal and are ready to synchronize," Terri replied as all the patients held up their watches to show the Colonel.
"Hey, mine plays music," Marina enthused and she pushed the button on her Mickey Mouse watch. It started playing the theme song from the Mickey Mouse Club.' Soon all the patients were marching around singing
"M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, Mickey Mouse...da da da da da!"
Hannibal just looked at BA who was shaking his head.
"You know, I never thought I'd say this, man, but I think Murdock is saner then these crazyfools," BA commented as Hannibal shook his head in agreement.
*Yes indeed, one interesting mission this was going to be,* Hannibal thought to himself as the patients continued to march around.
"OK, Listen up, everyone, now that you all have your watches. Let's synchronize."
All the patients stopped marching and gathered around Hannibal. Once the synchronizing was over, Hannibal began laying out the plan to get Murdock and Martin back.
The Nighthawk Commandos were depressed though. They were all sitting on the floor with their legs folded up to their chests and their heads buried in their knees.
"Don't worry, guys, we will find Murdock and bring him back, I promise," Hannibal said.
"Yeah, Colonel we know. Your plans always work, they never work right, but they always work," Captain Marina commented.
"Well, then why the long faces?" Face asked.
"Well, it is just that we all realized that we broke Nighthawk Commando rule #4," Jipster replied despondently.
"Ah, exactly what is Nighthawk rule #4?" Hannibal queried, almost afraid to know the answer.
"Always wear your watch, and Murdock isn't going to be happy when he gets back," Kamikaze stated sadly.
Face looked at Hannibal and BA. How were they going to convince the Commando's that Murdock would understand. *There is nothing worse than a bunch of depressed Nighthawk Commandos,* Hannibal thought to himself as he looked at all their sad faces.
"Oh, well who says we have to tell him?" Face suggested, but was met with a bunch of angry stares.
"Face, we can't lie to Captain Murdock...it wouldn't be right!" Lonely Walker said what all the Nighthawks were thinking.
"Lonely, Lonely, Lonely, who said anything about lying?" Face commented as he placed an arm around her shoulder. "Who is guardian of the watches?"
"Gatorella," Ms C replied.
"Gatorella, why was everyone not wearing their watches then?" Face asked.
Gatorella thought about it for a moment and then said "Well, because I was cleaning them and I gave them all invisible watches to wear in the meantime."
"Oh yeah, that's right!" Range and GW exclaimed.
"Yeah, must be the intermittent memory loss thing happening again," Karri added.
"Well, then you see Murdock won't be upset, because you all had invisible watches on and everyone knows invisible watches are better then real ones," Face said as he smiled at Hannibal. Hannibal smiled back knowing that all the Commandos were now happy.
"You know by the time we go on this mission to find Murdock, he will have already rescued himself and be back here," Hannibal said to BA and Face as they watched the Commandos all dancing around and high fiving each other. The other patients just looked at them and sighed.
"Martin are you sure that he lives in a cave way out here?" Murdock asked as he looked at the Wee person sitting in the seat next to him in the [helicopter.]
"Yes, Murdock. I am sure of it. Oh my, I recall the days when I was but a wee lad. Patrick and I would romp and play among the fields of clover. We had such joyous times. I miss him so," Martin said and began to sob. Murdock reached in his jacket, pulled out a tissue and handed it to the sad little man.
"Thanks," Martin replied and blew his nose into the tissue with surprising force for a wee one.
"Don't worry, Martin. We'll find him I promise," Murdock replied and turned HOWL westward.
"OK, everyone, listen. Now that you all have your watches, invisible or otherwise, we have to come up with a plan to get Murdock back. First, we have to think of places he might have went to. Any suggestions?" Hannibal asked.
"Video store for some Woody Woodpecker cartoons?" Erinna offered. "Captain Belly-Busters for dinner?" Davis added.
"Davis?" all the patients shouted stunned to see that Davis had joined them in the hallway.
"Yeah, it's me you wanna make something out of it?" Davis asked putting her hands on her hips and looking around at all the patients.
"NO!" everyone shouted not wanting to upset Davis.
"Hey, you know I saw this really cute guy earlier, said his name was Detective Ray Vecchio. He wanted to know if I saw a Canadian Mountie and wolf roaming the halls," Davis commented.
"Ray, Ray is here???????" Bloo asked excitedly and began running down the hall.
"But Bloo what about the mission?" Sabrina asked as Bloo flew by her. "Ummmm.....the Cap'n can fill me in on the details before we leave," Bloo shouted as she disappeared around the corner.
Everyone just looked at each other and shrugged. They all turned back to Hannibal who began laying out his plan to find Murdock.
Captain Marina was standing way off in the corner watching all the patients discussing the plans. Marina seemed to have a lot on her mind. "What's the matter, Cap'n?" Kamikaze asked when she noticed Marina not joining in on the planning.
"Nothing, Kamikaze. I'm just feeling not myself," Marina replied sadly. "What do you mean?"
"Well, Kamikaze....I am feeling...feeling..."
"You can tell me, Cap'n."
OH, it is too horrible to say...."Marina said and quickly turned away from Kamikaze.
"It's Ok, Cap'n. You'll feel better once you talk about it."
"Oh... Kamikaze...I am feeling....well..."
"Come on, Cap'n, spit it out!" Kamikaze prodded. "You can tell me. I'll understand, I promise."
Marina looked at her and finally shouted "SANE! I'm feeling SANE!"
All the patients and the team immediately stopped what they were doing and looked with horror at the Cap'n. Marina saw there shocked faces and immediately took off down the hall, mortified beyond words. Everyone looked at each other flabbergasted.
Hannibal shook his head and took a deep breath. "Wonderful!! We have a missing Murdock and a Wee Person, no clue as to where they are. I have a group of forty or so mental patients as my troops, Bloo has went off to chase some cop and now the leader of the West Wing has suddenly decided to enter the realm of sanity. You know, I think maybe I should get myself a room with rubber walls and bars on the windows."
"Well, Hannibal I just happen to have a room with rubber wall paper and bars on the windows. I would be more then happy to share my quarters with you," Gatorella said as she smiled mischievously at the colonel. Hannibal smiled back and was just about to answer her when Mandy and Noel tapped him on the shoulder.
"Sir, what are we going to do about the Cap'n? She can't lose her insanity....it would be just awful, horrible, hideous, terrible, revolting, appalling, horrendous. dreadful, horrifyi... "
"OK, guys, I get your point," Hannibal said as he put a hand up to Mandy and Noel to stop them. "Well, we can't go on this mission until we get Marina back in tip-top insane shape."
All the patients agreed. "Let's go find her!" Rachel said and instantly all the patients started off to find Marina.
"Hey, Dougie, EKG...look what I got," Lefty said quietly as he held the soccer-ball sized cloud in his hand.
"Lefty, you wanna get us in more trouble?" EKG sighed as he looked nervously around to see if anyone saw Lefty sneak in from his room. "Look, what I have right here is going to get us out of this grounding and all future ones, I assure you," Lefty smiled evilly at his two evil friends.
"Ohhh, What is it?" they asked excitedly.
"It is Captain Marina's insanity."
"Lefty, you son- of- a- bitch, how did you get your glove on that?" Dougie asked surprised.
"Well, you see when the captain came through that portal into her computer...I guess most of her insanity must have been sucked out and I found it in the bathroom."
"Good job!!" Dougie replied impressed. "Now, we just have to find a way to blackmail the captain with it."
"Hey, guys, I'm not sure about this. After all, we are in enough trouble. I say we give the captain back her insanity and not cause anymore commotion," EKG suggested and was met with some pretty wicked stares.
"Ahh...Hello, EKG...what the hell is the matter with you? You becoming a wussy, little coward or something?" Dougie inquired. "Afraid the big bad Cap'n is gonna send you to bed with out supper?"
"EKG is a wuss, EKG is a wuss!!" Lefty and Dougie taunted.
"I am not a wuss, you idiots!!!!...I just kinda feel bad for the captain. After all, her insanity is her most prized possession, next to her educational videos, of course," EKG said trying to defend his position.
"Oh, please, get a life, wimp! Dougie stated, "Are you with us or not?" EKG hesitated for a moment and then said, "I'm with ya! What's the plan?"
Murdock sat HOWL down gently on the beautiful fields of clovers that covered the valley and hillside. "Well, Martin, you ready to go get Patrick?" he asked the Wee one, who was sitting in his seat stunned that he was actually back in the place of his childhood.
The two men slowly climbed down out of the helicopter and began making their way up to a cave that sat high in the hills. It was hidden from sight and only someone who knew right where it was would be able to locate it. Martin climbed at a quick pace, many years of absence from this place had not robbed him of his memory. He knew exactly where he was going.
As they got to the top of the hill, Martin walked slowly up to the cave entrance. He pulled on a piece of rope that was attached to a rusty bell. Nervously he stood there waiting his eyes darting from Murdock to the door, back to Murdock. Finally, the wooden door crept open and there stood a wee person identical to Martin.
"Brother!" Martin exclaimed and immediately threw his arms around his mirror image.
Captain Marina sat on her bed in her room looking around at all the items in there. She wanted so much to pop in an educational video, find Murdock and eat some popcorn, but she just didn't feel like it. "What's wrong with me?" she asked frustrated to Insectus who was buzzing over her shoulder. "Hey, where have you been?" she asked realizing the fly had suddenly reappeared.
"I was outside chatting with this cute larva," he replied and smiled wryly.
"Robbing the cradle, aren't we?" Marina teased half-heartedly and buried her head in her hands.
"What's the matter, Marina?" Insectus queried, noticing Marina's somber mood.
"I seem to have lost my insanity," Marina replied sadly.
"Oh, is that all, Marina?" Insectus buzzed passively.
"Is that all?!? Insectus we are talking about my insanity here!" Marina replied slightly annoyed at the fly's nonchalantness.
"Listen to me. When we got pulled through the portal, your insanity must have been accidentally sucked out. I am sure it is around somewhere."
"Really? Well then, what are we waiting for? Let's go find it!" Marina shouted and grabbed the fly by one of his legs pulling him with her out the door.
All the patients were running around the halls screaming and yelling in terror.
"Ummm, Hello, my name is Chookie 8 of 9. I'm new here. Can someone explain to me what is going on?" Chookie asked as she looked around at everyone.
"Hi! Chookie. Welcome to the VA," Noel replied as she continued to run around screaming with the other patients.
"Why are you all running around screaming?" Chookie asked confused. "Because Captain Marina has lost her insanity and that is definitely a "panic and run around screaming" kind of event," Erinna stated. "Oh, I see...ummm...well, can I join ya?"
"Sure, Chookie!" Sabrina said and smiled at the new patient. Chookie dropped her trash bag full of Swedish fish and began running around screaming.
Meanwhile, back in Ireland Murdock, Martin and Patrick were busy getting acquainted. Martin and Patrick's mother had fixed the boys a hearty meal of ham, cabbage and parsley potatoes.
"Please, have more, Mr. Murdock," Mrs. O'Shay said as she thrust the bowl at Murdock.
"Oh, no thank you, ma'am. I'm more stuffed then a Thanksgiving turkey," Murdock replied and patted his stomach. "It was dee-lis-cious!" "Mother, we have to be going. Everyone will be worried about us." "But you just got here," Patrick protested.
"I know, Patrick, but Martin and I are already in enough trouble for being AWOL. We gotta be gettin' back soon," Murdock commented nervously as he thought about the things Hannibal was going to do to him for not telling anyone where they were going.
"Patrick, why don't you come back to the VA with us?" Martin suggested. "Well, I don't know," Patrick hesitated. "Mother will be all alone." "Oh, Patrick, don't worry about me. You go have fun!" Mrs. O'Shay prodded as she hurried them along.
"Oh, thank you, Mother," Patrick and Martin said in unison and hugged her. Mrs. O'Shay smiled, but she wiped a tear away before the boys noticed.
Murdock noticed and smiled at her. "Don't worry, Mrs. O'Shay. When Patrick is ready to come home I'll personally fly him back. As long as you promise to cook us another meal."
Mrs. O'Shay nodded and quickly shooed them out the door. "Go, before I change my mind," she said sternly and smiled at the three of them as they made their way down the hill back to HOWL.
All the patients finally collapsed on to the floor in exhaustion. Captain Marina came running into the recreation room and saw everyone laying there passed out.
"Hey everyone, what are you doing laying around? We have to find my insanity. Insectus says it must have gotten lost when I got sucked through my computer. Come on let's go!!!!" Marina shouted and immediately all the patients got up and began searching the VA for the lost insanity.
"Listen Lefty, I told you I am only after the A-team. I don't want to help you with your evil plans," Colonel Decker said as he looked at the glove.
"No buts ,Lefty. Now get out of my office!" Decker ordered as he ushered the three evil villains out of his office and slammed the door.
"Well, there goes your brilliant idea Lefty. Now what are we going to do?" EKG asked as he looked at his two friends.
Lefty sighed and began thinking. "Hey what about Captain Crane, maybe he will help us."
"Hey yeah. Anyone got any chrysanthemums?" EKG asked.
"Ah, what the hell do we look like.... Pete's Flower Delivery or something?" Dougie asked annoyed.
"Well, it was just an idea," EKG shrugged.
"The only way we are going to get that daisy sniffing Captain to help is to bring him a nice bouquet. Let's call the florist and see if we can have it sent to his office," Lefty replied and the three of them hurried off to find a telephone.
Meanwhile, back in the HOWL. Martin, and Patrick were entertaining Murdock with some of their fascinating stories from childhood. "Do you think we will make it back to America in time for the St. Patrick's day festivities?" Patrick asked.
"Well, Muchacho...not unless you have magical powers or something," Murdock laughed.
The two identical brothers looked at each other and smiled mischievously. They began to chant and suddenly Murdock found himself sitting on the lawn of the VA.
"I do believe this is your home Murdock," Patrick said as he smiled at Martin.
Murdock looked around confused for a moment. "Yep, this looks like the place," he said with a grin as he got out of the HOWL and headed for the entrance. *Maybe Hannibal would believe that I had intermittent memory loss and forgot I was suppose to tell him where I was going,* he thought to himself. The three of them walked past the small soldiers guarding the door and smiled at them.
"I can't believe that Captain Crane has bought every last flower from New Jersey to Scotland," Dougie said exasperated.
"Damn, now what are we going to do?" Lefty commented.
"You are going to give me back my insanity!" Marina commanded as the three bad guys turned around to face the angry Captain.
"Cap'n, look, we can explain..." EKG said nervously.
"EKG, what the hell are you doing?...we don't have to explain anything. We are the ones holding all the cards, or cloud of insanity, whichever the case may be," Lefty said and smiled wickedly at the Captain.
"Yeah, that's right!" Dougie and EKG agreed.
Just then Murdock, Martin and Patrick entered the room. "Hey, guys, what's shaken'?" Murdock asked as everyone was stunned by the appearance of a fifth Wee Person identical to Martin. "Hey, everyone, I would like you to meet Patrick, Martin's twin," Murdock smiled.
"Patrick!!!!!!!!!" Rosie, Katie, and Sean yelled as they came running down the hall and threw their arms around their brother. "We've missed you!!!!!"
"Oh, how disgustingly sweet! Can we ignore this touching little family reunion and get on with the business at hand...i.e....meeting our demands for the surrendering of your insanity," Dougie said and looked at the Captain.
"We're not meeting any demands Dougie," GW stated.
"Yeah! Now give the Cap'n back her insanity...she has been hell to deal with sane. Makes fun of our creative expletives and everything. Now, I ask you, is Yippee Skippy that bad?" Noel asked all the patients.
Everyone just kind of shrugged and avoided looking at Noel, for they were afraid to tell her that Yippee Skippy was dorky.
"Yeah, and she even mentioned the forbidden F-word and naked in the same sentence," Gatorella added.
"Hey, yeah, the Cap'n mentioned the F-word. Do we all get to think of a hideous punishment to inflict on her for this infraction of the rules?" Sabrina asked, thinking back to her shampoo torture.
"Hey, guys, wait a minute! I didn't mean it and besides Gatorella said it too," Marina pouted.
"Hey, I only said it under extreme duress," Gatorella protested.
"Doesn't matter, you still said it!" Marina stated emphatically.
"Ah, hello...we're the bad guys, remember us? Insanity, hostage situation," EKG commented sarcastically, trying to get everyone's attention.
"Oh, yeah! OK, Lefty, let's here it, what are your demands this time! You know, this hostage situation stuff is getting a little old. I think you guys really need to brush up on your evil villain bad guy routines'. I mean, come on, two hostage situations in one story. How lame is that?" Captain Marina commented to the three bad guys who were now looking at each other dumbfounded.
""What seems to be the trouble, lass?" Patrick asked Marina who was still staring at the three bad guys.
"Well, you see, Lefty, Dougie and EKG are the bad guys and they have taken my insanity. I have been so lost without it, and I miss it terribly," Marina began to tear up, but tried to contain her emotions. "Ah, shame on ye, you three hooligans. You have gone and made a lady cry, not something fine gentlemen should do," Patrick scolded Lefty, Dougie and EKG.
"Well, la, de, da,...hey, Martin, your brother is a weenie," Dougie smiled evilly at Martin.
Martin looked at his brother and grinned, they began to chant.
"Near a misty stream in
Ireland in the hollow of a tree
Live mystical, magical leprechauns who are clever as can be
With their pointed ears, and turned up toes and little coats of green
The leprechauns busily make their shoes and try hard not to be seen.
Only those who really believe have seen these little elves
And if we are all believers
We can surely see for ourselves.
Does everyone believe?"
"Yes," all the patients shouted and instantly Dougie, EKG and Lefty were transported to Black Gem's torture chamber, being guarded by George the Gator and forced to listen to the non-stop playing of the William Shatner tapes.
Everyone began to celebrate for it would be a long time before the EKG, Lefty and Dougie bothered anyone.
"Hey, Patrick, if leprechauns are suppose to live in trees. How come you live in a cave?" Murdock asked.
"Mother is allergic to bark."
"Oh, I see," Murdock said and smiled at the wee fellow.
Amid all the noise of the celebration the Royal Canadian Mountie and his wolf came into the room and tapped Hannibal on the shoulder, "Excuse me, sir. Upon making my thorough search of the premises, I have discovered this note," he said as he handed it to Hannibal.
"What is it, Colonel?" Chookie asked.
"It is a note from Captain Bloo, it says that she and Detective Vecchio have been given a top secret mission by someone and they will be gone for awhile, but she will be in contact periodically through various sources," Hannibal said as he looked around at the patients.
"But who is going to watch out for us in the East Wing?" Fingers asked worriedly.
"It says here that Jipster has been given that responsibility, until Bloo's return. She sends her love and says don't worry about her...she will return one day," Hannibal finished.
All the patients looked around at each other sadly. "Hey, guys, I miss her too, but don't worry, Bloo will be back, I'm sure of it! But for now we have a promotion ceremony to plan. Terri, do you have your pitchfork, horn and tails ready?" Marina queried.
"Yes, ma'am, already wearing them," Terri replied and did a little twirl to show everyone, especially Face, her tail.
"Good! Ok, let's see, we need the dead otter. Murdock, do you still have Bloo's otter?"
"Uh-Oh!" Murdock replied and looked around the room.
"Murdock, where is the otter?" Marina inquired.
"Ummmmm....I left it in Face's room, before I left," Murdock replied and quickly ducked behind Hannibal for protection.
"You mean you left a dead otter, off of ice, in my room over a week ago?" Face asked angrily.
"Ah...yup!" Murdock replied.
"Murdock when I get my hands on you, I swear, I will..."
"Belay that, Lieutenant," Hannibal ordered. "Murdock is in enough trouble for disappearing into thin air. You can have him after I'm through with him," Hannibal said as he put his cigar in his mouth, turned around to face Murdock and folded his arms across his chest. "Let's hear it, Captain!"
All eyes turned to Murdock as he gulped nervously, "Well, you see. I was on my way to put Bloo's otter back when I heard this crying coming from Martin's room. I tossed the otter into the nearest doorway, which just happened to be Face's room, and I went to see who was crying. Martin was staring out the window rolling a four-leaf clover between his fingers...."
"It was my fault Hannibal. I asked Murdock to take me back to Ireland so I could visit Patrick. I guess the upcoming St. Patrick's day had me thinking about him and mother and how much I missed them. My magical powers only work when Patrick and I are together, so I needed a ride," Martin interjected.
"Well, why didn't you just tell us that you were going instead of wandering off and making us worry?" Hannibal asked.
"Sorry, Colonel. I wasn't thinking straight," Murdock replied dejectedly.
"Murdock you are confined to quarters for the next two weeks. Understood?"
"Yes, sir," Murdock replied and headed off to his room.
"Well, all's well that ends well. Right, Colonel?" Marina laughed and began heading off down the hall to Murdock's room.
"Ah, not so fast, Captain Marina, there is still the F-word incident to deal with. Gatorella, Cap'n front and center," Hannibal ordered.
Immediately, Gatorella and Captain Marina stood at attention in front of Hannibal, as he looked them up and down. "For this major infraction of the rules I think it is only fitting that you, Captain Marina, join Murdock in his quarters for the next two weeks."
"Aww, do I have to?" Marina said trying not to smile.
"Yes, soldier, You do."
"Yes, Sir," Marina replied. "Colonel, may I bring my educational videos and popcorn?"
"Of course! Dismissed!"
Marina saluted and hurried off to her room to gather up some educational videos, popcorn, melted butter and a few pieces of lingerie (just in case.)
"Now, as for you Gatorella..."
"Yes, sir?" Gatorella replied coyly.
"I think you should join me in my quarters, where we can discuss your *punishment* in great detail," Hannibal commented and grinned wickedly at Gatorella.
"Oh, anything you say, Colonel. I'll just go get a few things from my room," she smiled.
"Be sure to bring that cute little camouflage teddy you have and don't forget the special oil for my *gun*," he grinned.
"Oh, yes, I will be sure to bring the special oil so I can...ah...polish your *gun*," she grinned back at him and quickly hurried off to her room as well.
All the patients were staring at the Colonel confused. "Ah, carry on, I have the situation well in hand," he said and cleared his throat. He strolled off down the hall to his room with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.
The next few weeks went by smooth as silk, Martin, Patrick, Rosie, Katie and Sean were very happy to be the "Filthy Five" once again, but weren't real happy with the moniker. Dougie, EKG, and Lefty had been tortured by Black Gem severely and then ordered to fumigate Face's room by Jipster, who was loving her new position as commander of the East Wing. Face was still on the receiving end of many propositions. And Murdock, Marina, Gatorella and the Colonel were all very exhausted, but extremely happy.
"Cap'n, have you decided what you want to do?" Insectus asked.
"Well, Insectus I am having too much fun to leave," Marina replied.
"But Cap'n, what about the real world? You have family, friends, your baby dogs, who I am sure miss you terribly," Insectus commented.
Marina paced back in forth in the recreation room, looking around at all the bean bag chairs, toys, games. She thought of all the fun she has here and the friendships she has made, it was so much easier to be here, where she was accepted, where she had no responsibilities, but then her thoughts wandered to New Jersey, her mom, her dogs, her best friends Dawn and Debi. Her school work and her plans for the future. "Insectus I need to take a walk. Tell everyone I will be back later," Marina said and headed for the exit.
"There is an exit to this place?" Noel asked surprised.
"Yeah, but it only leads to the grounds of the VA. Of course we have our own little city out there; complete with only the best things in life. Captain Belly Busters, an Adult "Educational" Video Rental Shop, and I think Captain Crane may be opening a flower shop, but I'm not sure," Terri replied.
"Do you think the Cap'n will leave us?" Kamikaze asked.
"I'm not sure," Jipster said and looked sadly at all the patients.
"Why all the long faces?" Patrick asked as he came into the room and saw all the patients sitting in the bean bag chairs.
"Captain Marina might go back to New Jersey and we will miss her, if she does," Mandy replied in a small voice.
"Why would Marina go back to New Jersey?" Patrick asked confused.
"Because she still remembers the real world," Lonely Walker informed Patrick.
"How come she remembers the real world?"
"Patrick it is a long story," Sabrina said.
"Well, I'm not going anywhere, so fill me in," Patrick said and plopped down on a special wee bean bag chair.
"Ok, well you see it all started when we had an ugly encounter in the real world and Bloo decided to bring everyone here to the VA. She borrowed the portal and used it to leave our sane personalities back in our homes to carry on real life, while our insane selves went to live in the VA. Somehow Captain Marina's sane self has managed to get here and has merged with Marina's insane self. So, now she remembers the real world too much and has forgotten about what happened two months ago. Her sanity is blocking all her memories," Ms C tried to explain the story as clearly as possible.
"Why don't you just get out the Portal and have Marina go into it again. That way you could send her sane self back to New Jersey and her insane self can stay here," Patrick replied.
"Well, we could, if we could get her to go along with it, but her sane self might not agree to it," GW said pensively.
"Well, you won't know until you ask. Let's go find her!" Patrick instructed and everyone headed off to find Marina.
Meanwhile, Marina was strolling through the grounds of the VA trying to figure out what to do. All of a sudden she heard the thunderous roar of all the patients coming running behind her, calling her name.
"Marina, listen we have a way that you can stay here with us," Erinna said.
"I can't stay here. I have to get back to the real world," Marina said rather sanely.
"That's what is good about this solution you can do both," GW replied and grabbed Marina by the arm dragging her back inside the VA. They all hurried to where the portal was.
"Oh, so that is what's inside Lonely Walker's special cupboard," Marina smiled.
"Yeah and you thought it was where I just kept Jackson naked and my vacuum cleaners," Lonely grinned.
"Ok, so now all you have to do is step inside and your sane half will go back to New Jersey and carry out all the responsibilities there. It will think the VA is just a mailing list and your insane half will stay here and be with us," Karri said smiling.
"Are you sure?" Marina asked apprehensively.
"Yes, now go!" Karri said as she nudged Marina into the portal and closed the cupboard doors. They all stood back and suddenly swirls of color began shooting out from the cracks around the doors. After a few minutes everything went black.
"Look at this mess!" Mrs. Thomas exclaimed as she came into the kitchen to see the walls, floor and ceiling covered with chili-cheese dip.
"Theresa, you better get off that computer and get out here and clean up this mess!" she shouted down the hallway to the closed bedroom door. "What the heck?" Theresa said as she opened her eyes to find herself laying on her keyboard, her room in a shambles.
"Theresamae Ann Thomas, do you hear me?" her mother shouted as she flung open the door and found Theresa sitting there looking very confused. "What happened in here?" her mother asked noticing the disaster area. "I'm not sure, mom, but I think I may have been sucked inside my computer," Theresa said as she looked nervously at the computer screen. "Are you writing another one of your silly A-team stories, like the one you wrote with that girl from Scotland? I'm still not convinced you weren't taking drugs when you wrote that!"
"Mom, really, I don't take drugs. And I am not writing a silly story, unless Lonely Walker wants to write a sequel to Vacuumland," Theresa replied seriously. "I really think the explosion of the chili-cheese dip caused me to be sucked through my computer."
"Well, you don't have a fever," Mrs. Thomas said as she felt Theresa's forehead. "Now, young lady, enough fooling around on here. I want that mess in the kitchen cleaned up!"
"Ok, mom, in a minute," Theresa commented as she touched the computer screen trying to figure out what happened.
"No, not in a minute. Right now!" she ordered and shut off the computer. "Scoot!"
"Yes, ma'am," Theresa said and headed off to find something to clean the kitchen with. She looked back one more time at her computer, * Did I? Naaaaaah,* she quickly dismissed the thought.
"Cap'n, are you Ok?" Fingers asked.
"HOWWWWWWWWWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!" Captain Marina said as she opened her eyes and grinned wickedly.
"The Cap'n is back and in full insane mode!!" GW yelled excitedly as all the patients jumped up and down for joy.
"Let's party!!" Noel shouted and soon the place was filled with the sounds of a wild, kick-ass party.
Marina grabbed Murdock and planted a passionate kiss on his lips. "I'm back, flyboy, take me for a ride!" she grinned.
And they all lived insanely ever after.