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How Do You Think I Feel?

Title: How Do You Think I Feel
Author: Strange Music
Date: 21 September
Pairing: male/male ;)
Rating: PG There is no more than a kiss
Summary: We dream our hopes and hope in our dreams. And sometimes in between
we live them..
Archive: yes.ohh please!
Series/Sequel: A definite nooo! If you wonder read it ;)


How Do You Think I Feel

Strange Music


He looked down at the man lying in front of him.

How long they had known each other?

Many years and still there was so much unsaid between them. And never before
he had seen this like today. They had saved each other's life, knew each
others secrets, yet there was still a part that seemed to prevent them from
actually talking with each other. About a certain problem that lay between
them. Known only to them both. Not to the rest of the Team, that was
blissfully unaware of the trouble that Murdock seemed to be in.

"So, why did you come here today?"

A smile a shrug and those brown eyes that once upon a time convinced him
that there was more to this man then they told him. That the others
rumoured. The eyes were laughing now. And in a way he was proud that it was
at least partly his accomplishment.

A twinkle. "Was having a holiday and thought of visiting you." followed by
a theatrical pout. "However if you don't want to see me.. Throwing out the
Mad Man."

He turned around. But didn't go to the door quickly, showing how much of
this was only show.

"You can't fool me Murdock. You never could. You might be able to fool
people who don't know you. But never the people close to you... They always
have and will see something more."

This time when Murdock turned around his expression had changed. "And what
is it that you see ?"

"They see a person who has been through too much in his life."

There was a frown on Murdock's face that wasn't played anymore. And without
the jokes and the fool around he asked in a strange strung voice,

"I asked what you see. Not the others. Not my mother, not my father. Not the
rest of the Team. I want to know it from you!"

"I see someone I care about, because even in all his troubled life he has
yet not given up trust in people. A man that with all the horror he has
seen still is able to see the beauty life has given us as if through the
eyes of a kid. And a man that despite all the betrayal he has felt still
is able to care. It is a man *I* care a lot about."
The doubt in Murdock's eyes was so clear that he knew the question even
before it had been spoken.

"Do you? Do you really care about me?"

It was so disbelieving as if the words would mean nothing.

"You didn't know?" It was meant to be as a joke. But it came out more
serious that he had wanted it to be.

And the disbelieving look in the other man's eyes was proof enough.

"You really didn't know."

He saw Murdock turning his head away, as if to prevent his eyes
giving away more of his feelings.

"I care a lot about you Murdock. More than I should considering the
situation we are in."

A slight smile appeared on the one half of the mouth that he could see, it
was sarcastic and in a way not even a smile when he started to shake his
head. "I have been in a situation for as long as I can remember. My life
always was full of situation, if I let them rule my life it would be even
more out of control as it already is."

"So what you are saying is?"

Murdock turned back, the twinkle back.. he was playing but yet serious
enough for the situation. "Well tell me. That's what you have been doing for
so long. Aren't you supposed to know what I am thinking?"

Brown eyes locked with his.

"Maybe I am not sure. Maybe I would like to know what we are talking about
before I say anything." He felt unsure if it was even the same subject
that they were talking about. There was too much to lose to risk it in an
uncertainty. He had lived with this love for so long without it being
repeated that he could live for a lot longer. All do's and don'ts kept
swirling through his head, making the answer uncertain. Too little time
and too much to lose.

But before he could make up his mind he felt the other man's lips touch
briefly with his. No more than mere air that breathed them. Too little to
actually call it a kiss, but too much to see it as a slip.

Again those souldeep brown eyes looked at him for an answer, like they had
so many times before. Waiting for his answer

And suddenly all thoughts went out of the window. The ones that told him
that he might be making a mistake. The ones that told him that he shouldn't
do this. They were all silenced as he answered the unspoken question by
leaning forward ad capturing these wonderful lips in a kiss. Deep and
reassuring of the feeling that he couldn't yet say in words.

"I love you Murdock" he whispered when they stopped. "I have for a long

There was so much still unsaid and unknown. But the first step was down. And
so others would follow. In their time when they would be ready.

Lips red, eyes watching a smile on his lips Murdock only winked.

"And here I thought you put up with me because I gave you a secure

A slight shake of his head.

"You are one of a kind Murdock. Did I ever tell you that?"

"All the time Doc...and I am really grateful for the compliment."
Relieved and happy for the first time in a long while Dr. Richter simply
lay his head back and broke into laughter.

Everything would be all right.

The End!!!!!!!!!

Okay..calm NOT kill the writer. Just couldn't slip that change when
it appeared in my head.


How Do You Think I Feel by Strange Music



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