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This page last viewed: 2017-10-19 and has been viewed 825 times
Warnings: none. This is the non-slash version. I changed all of the he's to she's! So if ya read it on the slash list...it's the same thing basically.
Summary: Too short to summarize...just read it!
Disclaimer: Don't own em.
I'm writing this letter to myself. It's a message of sorts, a bet of
sorts, and maybe even a prophecy. I have so many feelings locked inside.
I need to put them somewhere. I think I know that she can here them. That
I can tell her, but I'm so unsure. Sometimes I'm told when you write something
down it becomes clearer, easier to see. I need that clarity. She says it's
a good idea. She reaches out to me. I can feel the warmth of her hand against
mine. It's comforting and safe, like an old soft blanket or your favorite
song on the radio. I feel alive when I'm with her. When I'm sitting next
to her, it's like I can feel this connection. I can say something and even
if it doesn't come out just right she already
knows what I mean. I don't think that we come at conclusions the same way, but we come to the same conclusions. I love to watch her face. The emotions streaming across it like a movie. I can almost read her mind sometimes by watching her face. I take her to movies that I've seen just
to see the reactions on her face. I want to share everything with her, even the momentary laughs in a comedy. I want her to know how I feel, not just what I feel. I need her to see me. Not just the outside part, but the inside too. I want her to know me better than I do. I think she does. I try to know her like that. I think I do. I love her. It's hard to say that, I don't know why, but it is. When I say that my heart flies up into my throat and I feel like I'm going to choke. I feel like I can't breathe and my heart pounds so fast, like I've run a thousand miles. I don't know why. She says she understands. I suppose she does. I wish I did. One day I'm going to ask her why, but I can't yet. I'm afraid I suppose. Who am I kidding? I'm scared to death. I'm scared that one day she won't say
I love you back. What would I do? I don't think I could live with that kind of rejection. It takes so long for me to trust someone. What if the person I decided to trust the most betrayed me? I think sometimes that she will. Everyone leaves eventually, even her. I don't want it to happen. My heart tells me it won't. My head screams at me to run get out of here before she gets rid of me. I told her. She said she understands. I think she does. I wish I did. She puts her arms around me and holds me against her. She says she'll never leave me. She promises. She's never lied to me, but others have. I've heard a lot of promises that didn't amount to anything more than a mirage. They were illusions to draw me to them. They tried to fool me. Sometimes they did better than others. Sometimes my
heart fell victim to their lies. I thought they'd killed me, all of the lies. I thought that I was never going to care about anyone or anything again. She changed that. She just kept coming. I threw up walls, I
pushed her away, I even tried to hurt her, but nothing worked. She was persistent. She was the waves crashing against the shore, piece by piece, inch by inch; she worked her way through my shields and to my heart. It's amazing really. She's amazing. I've never known anyone like her. She
takes my breath away. She loves me so completely. I hope that I can love her as much as she loves me, but I don't know. I don't think I deserve her. I don't know if I can love her the way she loves me. What if I hurt her? What if I mess this up, like I've messed so many other things up? I asked her. She simply said I wouldn't. I don't know how she knows. She seems sure. She said she understands. I think she does. I wish I could. Someday when I'm old and I find this letter to me, I'll have my answer. I'll know then if I was man enough to stay the course. I'll know if I ran away like the coward I feel inside me. I'll know if she was the true soul that I believe her to be. I'll know if everything in my life, all the lies and the hurt, has led up to this moment. This perfect moment where I finally get to feel what love really means. She says she already understands. I think she does. I know I will.
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