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A Little Talk

A Little Talk

Akin


He was slowly trying to comprehend what he just heard. He understood her now. The sobs wracking her body, her trembling lips and bruises covering her arms and he knew he would find them all over her body. He sat nearer to her. His arms gently wrapped around her offering support and while whispering soothing words.

“Shhh, Cathy, shhh. It’s over, he is gone. He won’t harm you anymore. We will help you, you will never see him again.”

She looked at him stunned with eyes full of tears, tears full of emotions trickling down her cheeks. She finally screamed.

“How can you understand!!! He raped me, raped...” her voice broke again into the sobs.

“I understand, I do...” Something in his voice made her to look at them man sitting next to her. The pain in his crystal blue eyes surprised her.

“I know how it is, you feel guilty and ask yourself if there was something you could have done. Or you did wrong. You feel...so.......dirty....” his words very only a little above whisper and she nearly could not hear him. But the pain in them was so clear, and so similar to her’s.

“Do you know someone who was raped?”

He nodded. “Is this someone close to you?”

“You don’t understand Cathy.... I was raped.”

“But, but you are a...a...”

“A man?” his laughed bitterly, he was obviously embarrassed. But he saw, that he couldn’t just back away now. He felt her giving him space, challenging him to talk. He felt that he would probably able to make the pain less intense, he felt very misserable and selfish. He bowed his head, he just couldn’t look into those eyes. He swore that he never tell this anybody, but now was here someone who needed his advice, his support. Despite all he felt her eyes on him, piercing him expectantly. He knew, it won’t take back what happened, but it would make her feel better.

“It happened when we were in the POW camps in Vietnam....We were trapped in a small cages. At first they were torturing us. The beating was very bad and they were becoming still more and more brutal. ” He silenced for a while searching for the right words.

“But that lead to nothing. We were mostly a new unit and they thought, it would be easy to break us. They became nervous and we felt that we are winning. That gave us power.... And then it happened. I don’t think it was a something special, it was just part of their plan how to break us and bring us to talking, me, anyone. But that made no difference... It was one night, they took me away. I don’t remember everything from it, I was too beat up and weak. I didn’t have chance to do something against them. They were doing it nearly for one week each night. I never felt so dirty before. I didn’t want anything else then kill the guards and then curl into the small ball and die myself. I would gave up, if I didn’t serve with the best CO in the whole army. He wouldn’t let me. He taught me, that it was not my fault, I was just a victim and there is no reason why I should feel guilty or ashamed. That I am still valuable personality. There is still life you can live, even after...this. My friends spent a lot nights by me, holding me when I had my worst nightmares and keeping me from dying inside. It takes a long time and I won’t lie to you, it’s not easy, but you don’t have to go through all of it alone, your friends will be here to help you and to hear you out whenever you need, just like my did.” He felt that she was a little more courageous, but there was still something bothering her.

“But this is different. You know...my husband, Ben. I don’t know if I will be ever able to look into his eyes again.”

“Cathy, I spoke with Ben, before. He is a very good man. It’s not him who is blaming you, it’s you yourself. It’s your own guilt which is making it worse. It won’t disappear in one day or two, but you can count on your man that he will stand the whole time by your side and help you.”

“It feels like a stigma on my forehead.” He didn’t know what to said. He knew all to well how it felt.

He held her more close. She gave him a small hug as a response. They were holding each other just to feel the other here when the doors opened and Hannibal went in. Stunned by the view he got he asked.

“What’s up kid? What did you do?”

“Ah, Hannibal, we ...”

“...had a little talk.”



A Little Talk by Akin

 

 


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