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Don't Worry—It's Just a Psychological Test

Author:  H.M. Murdock


Rating:  PG

Summary:  This is a brief "story" written out in the form of a free verse poem in which Murdock is going through some routine psychological testing.  This should be read as normal text, the "poem" part being just the setup of the lines and the fact that the setting is assumed rather than described.

Warnings:  Nonsense.  It's been given a PG rating as it has implied psychological disorder as its main theme.

Disclaimer:  I do not own these characters, nor am I making any profit writing about us them.


Don't Worry—It's Just a Psychological Test


To test, or not to test – That is not your choice, Mr. Murdock.

How do you know?  Where's my dog Billy? – Not here, Mr. Murdock.  Now, what do you see?

Ah—that looks like ink. – But it makes a picture—don't you see it?

They all look like ink!

See, I've been doing these most my life—


"Hello, lamp post, whatcha knowin'?  I've come t—"

Oh, sorry—

What were you saying? – What do you see here?


In the ink… - Okay, we'll go to something simpler.  What is your name?

Now you vant my name?  But you haf eet on paper!


Mur-dock.  H.M. Mur-dock.

And that's all you'll get from me, amigo: name, rank, and serial number.

Don't worry, Billy; we'll get out of here.  That's right.


Fetch!  Good boy!  That's a good dog..  That's good…

Oh boy, if I could fly one of them birds again

Right like that time in Nam.


Sure we was on a crazy mission, but

Hannibal had his orders and they came right from the top.

Orders.   You know, like, I'll take a big burger and a vanilla shake.

Roger that.  Hold on to your fleas, Billy—we're gonna crash land!

Time to read the instructions vertically, man! – I beg your pardon?  Come back, Mr. Murdock!


Can we give it a break? – Would you like to stop for a minute?

Aw, no—we can keep at it.  I could do this all day;

Usually we work at this

Stuff for hours and hour an' hours an' hours an' hours an' hours an' hours an' hours an' hours

Every day. – Alright, sit down, then and we will continue.  Tell me about—


"I dig rock 'n' roll music and I love

To get the chance to


Play and sing it.  I think it is

About the happiest sound goin' down today." – Please, Mr. Murdock.  Talk about life.

You see, life's roads have many twists

Sometimes they get bumpy, too.


My philosophy is to find the longest

Yardage of straight, smooth life


Runway and take off so as to avoid—

Overcome, if you will—all those twists and bumps.

Only, I keep crash landing and finding

My way back here where you


And all those other white coats shove

Nothing but ink my way and expect

Designs to pop out from them! – They are only being persistent to help you out of here.


B.A. was less persistent about not wanting to fly

Over Borneo when we went there last month.  – You were here last month.

According to you.  But through these eyes, I was in Borneo.  – Uh huh.

Really!  I was there!!

Do you think I would make something like that up? – Let's move on to some free association…


My shoes look like big clown ones in the table leg reflection.

Uncle Merv was a clown.

Clowns are made of Jell-o.

How come you ain't askin' me no more questions?

Are we done now?

Can I get one of them big burgers on my way out?

"How good to see you, I must go—I know I look a fright.

Oh, I must go back to my room and make my day complete," playing PacMan! – Sigh…


Don't Worry--It's Just A Psychological Test by H.M. Murdock



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