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This page last viewed: 2017-09-14 and has been viewed 1334 times
Out Of The Closet?
Rating: Uh, I can't remember what the new rating system is, but it would be about NC-17 for adult content and language.
Pairing: You'll see
Summary: B.A. comes out of the closet. Well, he tries to anyway.
Feedback: Level two, or whatever you feel comfortable about giving.
Author's notes: This is part of my NaNoWriMo and it's been screaming in my ear to be written. Everything in ** are suppose to be italics if they didn't come though.
Warning: slashy goodness abounds. If you do not like pretty boys playing together, find something else to read.
Unbeta-ed so any and all mistakes are the work of gremlins and chocolate deprivation.
Disclaimers: If I actually owed these guys, would I be sharing them with anybody? No, they'd be chained up in my basement and forced (ha, ha, like they'd have to be forced) to perform for my amusements. Of course, I would video everything to share with you guys. I'm not totally selfish, you know.
Out Of The Closet?
B.A. nervously wiped his hands on his pants. This was it. He was ready to tell the guys that he was gay. He only hoped that they wouldn't turn on him. After all, the military didn't smile on those that were different and he'd been lucky enough to not be found out before this. He'd spent years trying to understand his own feelings and emotions and why he was the way that he was. He'd spent even more years trying to work up enough nerve to come clean to his team mates. If he didn't do this now, he might never be ready to move forward. He really hoped that he wouldn't end up making a big mess of it. After all, all of the self-help books that he'd read said that the first step in having a truly happy gay life was to let the ones who were close to him know the truth. Living a lie like he was just didn't sit well with him and he was tired of the deception. So, he called this meeting to get everything out in to the open.
B.A wiped his hands once again as his three friends looked on with expectation. It wasn't often that he called to meet with them unless it was for a job. Now that they were here, they were curious as to what this whole thing was about.
B.A. took a deep breath and began. "Guys, I've some thing important to tell you. It's hard for me to say and it might be even harder for you to understand. But the upside is, I'm tired of living a lie."
"That's great, B.A. You know what the bible says, the truth shall set you free," said Hannibal.
"Yeah, after all, no one really likes to lie. Not even me, unless I need to scam somebody," said Face.
"I agree, lying's wrong. And you're one of the most honest person that I know," Murdock piped up.
"The truth is, I'm gay," said B.A., shutting his eyes and bracing himself for the blows that were sure to come.
There was silence all around. B.A. opened his eyes and found everyone looking at him, still with that curious look on their faces.
"Well, aren't you going to say anything?" asked B.A.
"Well, I knew that all along," replied Hannibal.
"Yeah, B.A. We're happy for you," injected Face.
"Sure B.A." said Murdock. "After all, no one can be that grumpy all the time. Every one deserves to be happy. And when you're happy, we're happy."
It took a minute for B.A. to understand that they misunderstood him. They thought that he was *happy* happy, not *gay* happy. He tried again.
"No, man. I mean that I like guys. *Really* like guys."
"And guys like you, B.A." said Hannibal in a soothing voice.
"Yeah, you're great in a fight, big guy" said Murdock.
"You're the best mechanic that I know," added Face.
There was a chorus of agreement that B.A. was the best with machines and with his fists. No one was quite like B.A.
B.A. desperately decided on another tact. "I'm a fairy. A great big *fairy*."
There was a round of looks at this declaration before Hannibal spoke up. "No, you're not."
"I'm not? No, I mean, I *am*. I'm a fairy."
"No, B.A., that's impossible," stated Face.
"No, it's *not*. I'm telling you guys that I'm a fairy."
Murdock broke away from group and circled around B.A. with a thoughtful look on his face. He rejoined his friends and declared his discovery.
"Nope, it's just as I thought. Not a wing in sight and not a speck of pixie dust either. You're definitely not Tinkerbell or even her cousin. You're just like the rest of us earth bound humans. Are you feeling alright, big guy? I mean, it's not normal for you to think that you have wings, after all, you *do* hate to fly."
B.A. ground his teeth in frustration. As this was getting him nowhere, the big man tried again. "No, guys. I mean that I'm queer."
Another round of silence.
"No, you're not, B.A." assured Hannibal.
"No, your head's on really straight, even if you do think that you're a mythical creature. I, on the other hand, am the one who's queer in the head on this team and damn proud of it. I'm certified by the state and everything," said Murdock with a wide prideful grin on his face.
"Yep, Murdock even lives in a special hospital and everything. Don't you remember that we have to keep breaking him out for missions all the time? Maybe you need to have your memory checked. Spending all that time with your head in an engine might not be a good idea after all, it's obvious that you've been inhaling too much engine grease or something," said Face in a concerning voice. It was clear that he thought that B.A. had been spending too much time with machines and not enough time with breathing human beings.
In fact, all three members of the team looked on with concern at B.A. The big man squirmed under their scrutiny and began to get more then a little angry with the whole situation. He'd hoped that the guys would understand that he was different from them, had different feelings and urges, hopes and dreams.
'Maybe I'm being too vague for them,' he thought. 'Maybe they are just too dense for all of this pussy-footing around. It's time to go all out and talk plain.'
"Guys, what I've been trying to say is, I'm a homo-sexual. "
There was still those blank looks on their faces before Hannibal spoke.
"Of course you are, B.A. We all are."
"I am? You are?"
"Sure B.A. Don't you remember your history? Men had evolved from cavemen a long time ago," added Face.
"Yeah, B.A. There hasn't been a Cro-Magnon man for, oh, millions of years. Even Fred and Wilma Flintstone were Homo-sexuals. Although, I did have my concerns about that Bam-Bam Rubble. Any kid that can bang a club like that and can only say two words must have some primitive caveman genes somewhere in his history. And besides, the little crumb snatcher was strong for his age, he couldn't have been one hundred percent normal."
All three men beamed in pride at B.A., as if the slow child in the classroom had finally caught up with the rest of the students.
The more they grinned at him, the angrier B.A. became. This little talk was going all wrong. *Everything* was going wrong. The books had lied to him. Telling his loved one about himself didn't make things easier. In fact, all it did was to muddy the waters further. He was going back into the closet and nail the door *shut*. Right after he got rid those stupid books that told him to do this.
Growling, B.A. stomped out of the room, intending to find all of those self-help books and shove them down the throat of the idiot who'd sold them to him. Murdock followed him, mindlessly chattering about evolution and how one day, people will indeed be born with wings, so B.A. shouldn't give up hope just yet.
Hannibal grinned at the two men as they left and lit up a cigar. The blond conman had an almost wistful look on his face before he finally broke down.
"Did you see the look on his face when we 'assumed' that he meant Homo- *sapiens* when he said homo-sexuals? It was priceless! I only wished that I had a camera on me," said Face, wiping away tears of glee.
"Oh, man. I don't think that I could've held in my laughter for much longer," Hannibal chukled. "I didn't think that he would ever come clean to us."
"Damn it, Hannibal I didn't think that he would really go though with it. You won the bet fair and square. It *was* fair and square, wasn't it? I know how much you hate to lose, but there's no way you could've rigged this."
The white haired man just smiled in a very mysterious way that made Face instantly suspicious.
"Now Face, how could I've rigged this? You know as well as I do that B.A. had been reading all of those self-help books lately and came to his *own*conclusions. It wasn't my fault that you backed the wrong horse."
"I did not 'back the wrong horse'. I just thought that it would take a bit longer, that's all. You know how stubborn and blind to the world B.A. can be. It was clear to me at the time we made the bet that it would just take more time for his eyes to open."
"I tried to warn you at the time, Face. I knew that he'd eventually cave in. You should've trusted in me, kid."
"I *did* trust you, I did. That's not the point."
"Then what is the point, lieutenant? I won, you lost, problem solved."
"Yeah, I know. But Hannibal, you do have to admit that it took the man twelve years to come out. *Twelve years*! If he'd just hung on for another three years, it would've been me to collect on our wager, not you."
"I told you that it would take at least fifteen years for B.A. to get up enough nerve to tell us about his real sex life. It wasn't my fault that you didn't listen."
"Yeah, yeah. Rub it in why don't you?"
"Now Face, don't use that hurt voice on me, you know that it won't work. I said that it would only take fifteen years for B.A. to admit that he's gay and you said that it would take longer. It didn't, so I won and you lost. Now, I want to collect on my bet tonight."
"Are you *sure* you want to go through with this? I mean, we can change it now if you like and I won't get mad about it. In fact, I would prefer it that way."
"Well, I *don't*. You agreed to this at the time we made our little wager. You can't back out now. I know you, kid. You are not a welshing on me now, are you?"
"Of course I'm not welshing. I've never welshed on a bet in my life, you know that. It's the penalty that concerns me."
"A bet is a bet is a bet. I said that it would take fifteen years, you said longer and you agreed that the loser will give the winner a blow job wherever and whenever the winner said. And it's not like I had to twist your arm to agree to the terms. Nobody likes a sore loser, Face. Stop trying to squirm out of it."
"I'm not trying to get out of anything, Hannibal, I swear. I love giving you blow jobs and I love it when you give them to me. The point of the matter is, why did you have to insist that we had to dress up in costumes when we do it? Isn't it just a little *tacky*?"
"If we had just agreed on the blow jobs, it wouldn't have made the loser feel that he'd lost something. After all, you did say that we enjoyed it anyway. Where is the fun in all of that if the loser still wins? This way, the penalty makes the loser understand that he's really lost and is being punished for not winning."
"I know, I know. But really, *costumes*? Are you *sure* about this?"
"I'm absolutely positive. Now, when you get to my place tonight, I'll have everything ready. As soon as I put on my Aquamaniac costume, you put on that skimpy bikini and high heels that I got for you. It's about time that the monster got a little tail that wasn't its own."
"Tell you what, Hannibal, let's go double or nothing on who'll be B.A.'s new boyfriend. What'd you say?"
"I say that I'm not going to take that sucker bet. I already know that Murdock has had his eye on B.A. for quite some time and I think that he'll succeed."
"How about this then? I say that it'll take at least a year for B.A. to notice Murdock and jump his bones. The winner gets the blow job in costume and at any *public* place that he wants to. What'd you say about that?"
"Haven't you learned your lesson yet, Face? I know how persuasive Murdock can get when he *really* wants something. I say that it'll only take a few days before he has B.A. in his bed. And by the way, that's not an agreement to postpone this wager. Now, I want you at my place tonight, ready to slip into some thing very revealing and ready to pay up. We'll discuss the terms of the new bet at a latter time. So, get going Face and don't be late."
Face sullenly stomped off, muttering about stubborn mechanics who didn't keep their big fat mouths shut. Hannibal grinned even bigger as he thought of how he could reward Frank for 'steering' B.A. towards all of those self-help books. Yep, he really couldn't thank Frank enough for helping B.A. to clear his mind and to get things off his chest. Maybe a picture of the Aquamaniac being blowed by a bikini-clad beauty would do it.
Hannibal left the room with a smile on his face, a spring in his step and a dirty thought running rampage though his mind. He really loved it when a plan came together.
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