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The A-Team in "Nothing But The Bare Facts"

Author:  Lindi


Rated:  R

Summary:  Face and Amy goes under cover in a nudist camp to bust a man from extortionist but they get more than what they bargain for when they discover that the man has dealings with the mob.

Warnings:  Nudity appears.

Disclaimer:  I do not own the A-Team. I only write for my entertainment.





"Hannibal, I think that you are being fair." Face groaned.


"Of coarse I am being fair. Dice is laundering money  through his resort. We need to get in to prove it. If we don't ge will keep on stealing money from the small businesses that can't afford paying him the protection fee. It is up to us to stop him."


"But Hannibal." Face whined.


"Face I thought that you would like a vacation so you and Amy will go into the resort and pretend that you are married because it is a couple resort."


"But Hannibal it is a nude resort and I do not think that Amy wants me to see her in the buff after all we are only friends."


"I am uncomfortable with this Hannibal." Amy said.


"But kid it will make a great story for you." Hannibal said.


"Hannibal don't make us do this." Both Face and Amy begged.


"It is the only way so you two better pack your bags because you two are going in." Hannibal said.


"How do you pack for a nude vacation?" Murdock wondered.


"That is easy you pack nothing at all." BA answered from the driver's seat of the van.


"I am so glad that you all are having fun at mine and Amy's expense."


"Just make sure when you come out of the resort that you are not baring it all for us to see." Hannibal snickered. BA and Murdock busted out laughing.


"I hate you for this Hannibal." Face said.


"Yes. We are the Crawfords. I am Barry and this is my wife Darlene." Face said to the receptionist as he signed the registration for the nude resort.


"I hope that you two will enjoy your stay and remember when you come to the diner you have

to have clothes on."


"Then we will be at the diner all of the time." Face said. He took the luggage and led Amy to their room. Face opened the door to their room and he and Amy entered.


"Face, I don't think I can do this." Amy confessed.


Face was looking out of the window using a pair of binoculars. He was spying on Dice's office. The office was directly across from their room.


"Face I don't know how you do it. How did you get us a room directly across from Dice's office?"


"It is called talent. Oh my gosh!" Face said as he took a look around the resort using the binoculars.


"What is it?" Amy asked.


"That blonde woman has the biggest.."


"Don't say it and don't be looking." Amy said.


"How can I not look? We are at a nude resort."


"You are supposed to be my husband and that means you have better be on your best behavior." Amy was looking through the binoculars. "That brunette hair man has the best..."


Face took the binoculars from Amy. "You are suppose to be my wife so that means that you have better be on your best behavior."


Amy blushed. "When do we go out?"


"I say now is the best time." Face answered.




"We can't stay in here forever. We do have to move about to accomplish our goals even though I would like to stay in. We can't do that."


"Okay. You are right but don't look at me." Amy said.


"I will not look if you don't look." Face said.


The two undressed then they walked out of the room. Face tried not to look at Amy  but he could not help it. "She is beautiful." Face thought as he looked away but he found himself constantly looking.


Amy was having the same problem as Face was having. She kept glancing at Face when he wasn't looking. "He is so good looking." She thought. Face looked over at Amy. She immediately focused on something else.


"This is ridiculous." Face said.


"What is?" Amy asked.


"We might as well look at each other. We can't help but see it all being naked is natural."


"Don't laugh at me." Amy said. She got in front of Face and started to walk off to the pool.


Face sucked in a breath and muttered so that Amy couldn't hear him. "There is no way I can laugh at you. You have a perfect body."


Amy looked back at Face and asked. "Are you coming?"


"Just give me a moment to catch my breath."





"Who are you two handsome couple?" A blonde hair woman asked. She was with a red hair man. Face and Amy were at the pool sunbathing and hoping not to burn anything important. Face looked the couple over and decided that he did not like them. Amy introduced themselves. "What made you two to decide to come to a nude resort?" The couple asked and had a seat uninvited.


"We like to try new things." Amy said. She noticed that Face was annoyed at the couple and he gave her a look as if to say shut up. "You two haven't introduced yourselves." Amy said.


"I am Marlene which rhymes with Darlene and this is Archie. We are the Griers."


"Nice to meet you." Amy said. Face gave Amy that look again.


"Maybe we can get together latter on?" Marlene suggested.


"Sure that would be nice." Amy said. Face glared at Amy. Marlene squeezed Face's thigh and Archie squeezed Amy's thigh which made Amy jump. The couple said goodbye then they left.


"Amy, I would think by now you could read people." Face said.


"What do you mean?"


"That couple was looking for another couple for a foursome and you just accepted their offer." Face said.


"You are kidding." Amy said. She looked at Face as he shook his head. "What do we do?"


"That one is easy. When we see them coming our way we just go the other way." Face said.


"Agree." Amy said.


"Look at it this way kid when this is all over with you can do an article on the pleasures of a foursome." Face laughed


"Face, I don't believe that you just said that." Amy said. Face got up from his lounge chair and pulled Amy to her feet. He then pushed her into the pool. He took off running back to the room. "I am going to get you!"


"Only if you can catch me!" Face hollered back.


"Has Face called yet?" BA asked Hannibal.


"Not yet but it is much too soon." They were in a motel room.


Murdock came out of the bathroom. "Murdock you fool! Put your clothes on!" BA yelled.


"I just wanted to see what it was like to go around naked. Face and Amy is getting that experience and I want to have the same experience."


"Murdock! If you do not put your clothes back on I am going to skin you alive!" BA shouted.


"Hannibal." Murdock started.


"I agree with BA." Hannibal said.


"We all can get naked then you two wouldn't be embarrassed." Murdock said.


"Murdock!" Both Hannibal and BA yelled.


"Alright. I am going to go put my clothes back on." Murdock stomped back into the bathroom.





"Amy watch my back. I am going to try to get into Dice's office." Face said. They were outside of his office both were dressed in black and it was  the middle of the night. They both had a radio. Face was able to pick the lock and entered.  Face saw a safe and was able to break into the safe. He found some papers and he couldn't believe what he was looking at. He quickly left the office. "Come on." Face said to Amy as he passed her.


Amy came out from hiding. "What is up?" Face didn't reply.


Face called Hannibal as soon as he was back in the  room. "Hannibal, we have a big problem. Dice is laundering money but Benny Hilton and Ryan Gulp are coming to meet him but I do not know when."


"Do you know why they are coming?" Hannibal asked.


"No. I do not know. Amy and I will stay here longer to try  to  find out the reason of their business which can't be good." Face said. He then hung up the phone.


"Who are Benny Hilton and Ryan Gulp?" Amy asked.


"They are the left and right hand men for Dillard Nolan." Face answered.


"Face, Dillard Nolan is head of the blood mafia in Brooklyn." Amy said.


"I know that." Face said.


"Why are they coming?" Amy asked.


"I don't know that but we are going to find out."


"Hannibal, what is going on?" BA asked.


"Benny Hilton and Ryan Gulp are coming to meet Dice." Hannibal answered.


"Why?" BA asked.


"I don't know that but we are going to find out." Hannibal answered.


"Maybe the mafia wants to go naked." Murdock suggested.


Hannibal laughed. "No Murdock I am sure that they will remain fully clothed."


"Why do you think that?" Murdock asked.


"Because if they  were naked then where would they hide their guns?" Hannibal asked.


"You do have a point." Murdock admitted.





"I was hoping we would be able to leave." Amy said. It was the next morning. Amy and Face both had slept in the same bed but they  were fully clothed.


"You don't want to go back out naked?" Face joked.


"I am very uncomfortable about it. Aren't you?" Face shrugged. "You are uncomfortable about it. Templeton Peck the Faceman is uncomfortable about being naked."


"Say it a little louder. I don't think that the couple next door could hear you." Face said.


"Face is uncomfortable with being naked." Amy mocked.


Face picked up a pillow and hit  her with it. "Face, you are going to pay for that." Amy picked up another pillow and hit him with it. The two had gotten into a full blown pillow fight. Finally they collapsed onto the bed exhausted. "I never thought that I would be staying in a nudist resort with the Faceman.


"I hope that you are enjoying what you are seeing." Face said.


"Yes. I am enjoying what I am seeing such nice bodies too bad that the brunette man I saw yesterday isn't here with me instead I am stuck with you."


"Is that right?" Face asked.


"Yes." Amy said.


Face grabbed her and started to tickle her. "Face! Stop it!"


"No I will not stop." Face said.


"Face, please stop." Amy begged.


Face stopped and made eye contact with her. He leaned over as if to kiss her and then he stopped himself. "Do you want a shower first?"


"Yes." Amy stood up and gathered her things. She didn't know what she felt. She was excited that Face was going to kiss her but at the  same time she was happy that he didn't kiss her.


"I think that I am going to go see what Dice is up to." Face said.




"What is happening?" Amy asked Face as she joined him from behind the brushes.


"Amy did anyone see you?"


"No." Amy replied.


"Dice is in his office but so far nothing." Face answered. Face had been able to plant a bug in the office when he realized that there was more to this case then what they first thought. He was listening to the bug using what looked like a Sonny Walker.


"I hope that we are not sitting in poison ivy since we do not have any clothes on." Amy said.


"I hate to think what might happen if it breaks out on anything important." Face joked. Amy had to laugh at that statement. The phone rang inside Dice's office and he answered. Face over heard Dice talking to Nolan. "Dice is talking to Nolan. I sure would like to know what Nolan is saying." Face told Amy.


"Me too. I smell a big story here that will make front page." Amy was excited at the thought of making the front page of the newspaper.


"Just don't go off by yourself trying to find that story. I don't want to have to dig you up."


"Face, I can take care of myself." Amy said angrily.


"We are playing with the big leagues." Face said.


"I do know how to hit a ball." Amy hissed.


"This isn't a ball game where three strikes you are out. It is one strike and you are out." Face said.


"I will remember that you said that." Amy hit Face on the shoulder then she walked off leaving Face along in the bushes.



The phone rang in the motel room and Hannibal answered. BA turned the TV off. Hannibal hung up the phone. "That was Face. He said that Dice had a phone call from Nolan himself."


"How big do you think this is?" BA asked.


"It is big but we still don't know why Nolan is involved."


"We will find out why the blood mafia is involved." Murdock said in a deep voice. He produced a doll from behind his back. The doll was dressed like Sherlock Holmes. "Holmes will unravel the mystery of  the blood mafia and the A-Team. I his faithful companion Dr. Murdock will be with him all of the way."


"Murdock you fool that is a doll and every one knows that Holmes sidekick is Dr. Watson." BA said.


"Not on this case because Dr. Watson unfortunately has the flu and is unable to be with Holmes so it is up to me to help Holmes out."


"Murdock give me that doll!"BA yelled.


"Come Dr. Murdock we must go. We do have work to do." Murdock said but he wasn't using his moving his mouth. It appeared that the doll was actually talking. Murdock walked outside. Hannibal was trying his best not to laugh but he finally had to give in and laugh.





Face came out to the pool where Amy was at. She was sitting in a lounge chair and reading a book. Face had a seat beside her. "I am sorry. I did not mean to seam over protective. I know that you know what you are doing but I do care for you and I do worry about you going on your own. We were not expecting the mafia involvement."


Amy put her book down. "Apology accepted and if you want to know the truth I am glad that I have you guys looking out for me especially with the mafia breathing down our necks. Oh hell!"


"What is it?" Face asked.


"Here comes the Griers." Amy announced. Face grabbed Amy and pulled her into the pool with him. They went under the water.


"I thought that I saw the Crawfords." Marlene said to her husband.


"They must be in the pool." Archie said.


Face and Amy were holding their breaths for as long as they could. The Griers finally left. Face and Amy came up for air. I am glad that they are gone." Amy said.


"Here they come back." Face said. He took a hold of Amy and pressed her hard against himself and gave her a deep kiss.


"There they are. Darlene and Barry!" Marlene called. Face and Amy ignored her as they were involved in a kiss.


"They are busy right now. We can come back." Archie said. The Griers left.


"They are gone." Amy said.


"I have to go." Face said. He quickly grabbed a towel and covered up and ran to the room. Amy put her hands over her face trying to keep from laughing because she realized what had happened.  "I hope he can talk to me after this."  Amy thought.





"We are on the case of the blood mafia and the A-Team." Murdock said in his deep voice.


"Shut up fool!" BA said from the front of the van. They were in the Burger King parking lot waiting for Face.


"Cool it guys! Here comes Face." Hannibal said as the side door of  the van opened and Face climbed in.


"Hi. I am Sherlock Holmes and this is my companion Dr. Murdock. Tell me what you know about the case of the blood mafia and the A-Team." Murdock said using his ventriloquist act.


Face looked at Murdock but he was unfazed by Murdock's actions. Face said. "All I know is that Dice have been talking to Nolan. I still don't know why but I will try and find out for you."


"Face sneak into Dice's office tonight and bug the phone line for us." Hannibal ordered.


"Consider it already done." Face said.


"Where is Amy?" BA asked.


"Back at the resort. She did not want to come." Face said.


"I bet you that you are really enjoying this case seeing all of those naked women." BA said.


"No. I am not enjoying this case. This is the worst case we had ever had and I will be glad when it is over." Face said as he got out of the van and back into his vette.


"I would have thought that he really would be enjoying this case." BA said.


"We have another case to solve Holmes. The case of the unhappy Face with the beautiful naked women." Murdock said in his deep voice.



"Did you meet with Hannibal?" Amy asked Face as he entered the room


"Yes I did.. He wants me to sneak back into the office and bug the phone."


"I will be the look out for you." Amy said.


"Yes you will be." Face agreed.


"I will be ready." Amy said as she walked around Face trying to stay clear from him.


"Amy, I am sorry about this afternoon in the pool."


"It is okay. It happens to all men who happens to be holding a pretty woman while naked." Face blushed at that commit. "Do I see red on the Faceman's face?"


"Don't mention this to the guys." Face said.


"Don't worry. They will never know."





Face was in Dice's office placing the bug in the phone when Amy said over the radio "Face, Dice is coming in." Face quickly finished and went out of the window he was unable to close the window all of the way and prayed that Dice would not noticed since he was on the side of the ledge. He did not have enough time to go down if he tried he would be noticed.


Another man was with Dice. "Bruce, I need everything ready before Friday. Nolan will be here."


"Yes sir. I will have every thing ready." Bruce turned and left the office.


Dice walked over to the window and noticed that it wasn't close all of the way. He opened the window and looked out. "I must have left it opened." Dice lit a cigarette. He flicked his ashes out of the window. Face bit his lip as the ashes fell on top of his head. Face was hiding under the window and he was holding his breathe praying that he would not be discovered. Dice finished his cigarette and then threw it out of the window which also landed on top of Face's head. Face bit his lip even harder to keep from hollering out. Dice closed the window which enabled Face to climb down from the drain pipe. He brushed the ashes and cigarette butt out of his hair and ran over to where Amy was waiting for him.


They were going to leave when Bruce came out. Face and Amy quickly ducked back behind the bushes. Bruce looked around like he knew someone was spying on him. He looked at the bushes then he walked towards the bushes. He parted the bushes and caught  Face and Amy making out from behind the bushes both were naked. They jumped when the bushes were departed. "You two should be in your room."


"We like making love from behind the bushes in the moonlight." Face said.


Bruce was letting his eyes roam over Amy's body. This made her feel conscious. She moved herself behind Face. Bruce was smiling. "What are you smiling at? You should not be looking at my wife like that." Face said angrily.


"If you didn't want anyone to look at your wife naked then you should not have come here." Bruce said as he walked off.


"I ought to smack that guy right on the lips with my fist." Face said.


Amy placed a hand on Face's shoulder. "As much as I hate to say it but he does have a point. A man is going to look at a woman who is standing in the nude." Face turned around and grabbed their clothes and the radios that were all hidden in the bushes. He and Amy then went back to their room.


Face called Hannibal when they were back in the room. He told Hannibal what he had over heard then he hung up the phone. Amy was sitting on the bed naked. Face hadn't even thought about putting clothes on before he dialed Hannibal. Face plopped down on the bed beside Amy. "I think I am going to get some sleep now."


"Then I think that we both need to get dress. We do not want another episode like the one that happened down by the pool." Amy said.


"What are you afraid of happening?" Face asked.


Amy answered truthfully. "I am afraid that we would go all the way and I do not want to ruin our friendship and do something that we will regret when this is over."


"You are right. Our friendship is more important than a fling." Face admitted. Amy had been looking away from Face. Face lifted up her chin so she could look into his eyes. "You are more important to me and I will not take a chance of loosing you." He smiled and Amy smiled back. The two dressed then they both settled down to sleep.





Hannibal was listening in on Dice's phone call with Nolan. Hannibal told BA and Murdock that Nolan would be here Friday and that the protection fees were going to Nolan but they were coming to town to take the shops away from the owners. Nolan wanted a monopoly. Dice wasn't the big man. Dice had been working for Nolan all the time.


"Hannibal, how are we going to help save the people's shops?"BA asked.


"I am working on a plan. Murdock I need you to talk to all of the business owners and have them come to a meeting tonight at Deke's diner. We need to let them know what is going on." Deke was the client that the A-Team was working for.


"I am on it colonel." Murdock said.


Hannibal then called Face. "Face, I need you and Amy. Nolan is coming Friday to take over all of the businesses. He wants a monopoly. Dice has been working for Nolan."


"We are on our way." Face said. Face walked out to the pool. The Griers were talking to Amy. She looked uncomfortable. "Darlene, we have to go."


"Will we see you tonight?" Marlene asked.


"No. We have an emergency and we have to leave." Face said. Amy was happy as they walked back to their room.


"What is up?" She asked.


"I will tell you on the way." Face said. Face checked out and when the clerk said please come back again Face said "Never!"



"Hannibal, what is the plan?" Face asked. They all were at Deke's Diner.


"Murdock has arranged a meeting with everyone for tonight here." Hannibal said.


When everyone arrived Hannibal informed the store owners what was going on. "He can't do that! I am paying my fees." One man said. A chorus of  "so am I " was heard.


"Men like Nolan doesn't care. " Hannibal said. Face lit a cigar for Hannibal as he spoke. "I miss having you around kid."


"I am so glad to hear that." Face said as he walked to Amy's side and without thinking he placed his arm around her shoulders. Amy didn't seam to mind.


"What are you going to do about Nolan?" Deke asked.


"We are going to give him an A-Team reception." Hannibal replied through puffs of smoke. A chorus of alright went up. "Face, I need you to get me a cannon."


"A cannon? Hannibal, where am I going to find a cannon?"


"You will find one. You have never let me down." Hannibal replied as he laid a hand on the lieutenant's shoulder.





"Murdock stop that!" Face complained. They were in Deke's pickup truck that they had borrowed to get the cannon.


"We are on the case of how to get a cannon." Murdock said in his deep voice.


"Murdock, I already know where I am going to get the cannon. In front of the resort. It is called The Cannon Resort and there is a cannon out in front."


"We are going to steal it." Murdock said.


"No. We are just borrowing it. We will put it back." Face and Murdock parked the truck in front of the cannon and started to put the chains on it after loading it up they left. No one had paid them any attention. "Hannibal, here is your cannon." Face said when they arrived in front of Deke's Diner.


"I told you Face that you could do it. Face, this cannon doesn't work." Hannibal said.


"You said for me to get you a cannon. I did. BA is just going have to get it to work." Face said.


"Where did you get it from?" Hannibal asked.


"I am not telling." Face said.


"We stole it from the Resort Cannon." Murdock said.


"That is poetic justice considering it will be Dice's own cannon that will bring him down." Hannibal laughed.


BA handed Face a mop. "What is this for?" Face asked.


"I need you to stick it down inside of the cannon and clean it out so I can get it to firing." BA said.


"I got it. I don't need to clean it." Face said. BA looked at Face with his arms akimbo. "You are right BA. I will start to clean it but it isn't fair." Face whined.


Murdock started to laugh at Face. BA handed Murdock a rag. "You will start on the outside of the cannon."


Murdock started to reply but BA growled so Murdock said. "I will get the soap and a bucket of water." Face laughed at Murdock as he passed him.


The team worked several hours on the cannon. "Hannibal, what are we going to use as ammo for this thing?" Face asked.


"Amy is working on that right now." Hannibal said.


Amy came out carrying a hole bunch of bread that she had been baking. Face grabbed one and bit into it. He spit it out. "What did you use in this? Gun powder?'


"Yes. I did use gun powder in the bread." She said. Face gave her a funny look. "It was Hannibal's idea."


"It is our ammo." Hannibal said.


"Great the mafia is coming for dinner and we are going to feed them." Face said.


"But it will be an explosive dinner." Hannibal said.





"Okay everyone come out of your shops. I have an announcement to make." Dice hollered. No one was moving about. It were like they knew what was about to happen.


Noland climbed out of his car. "The stores are mine now. If you value your life you will be leaving now!"


"Do you think that I am going to allow you to take away these stores from all of these people?" Hannibal asked over the loud speaker that BA had set up.


"Who are you?" Noland hollered.


"That is for you to find out Noland." Hannibal said.


"You know my name but that is okay because you know that I will kill you when I find you and I will find you." A blast rang out as a piece of bread flew by landing on Noland's car exploding it upon impact.


"They are heavily armed." Dice yelled. Noland pulled his gun out but he was unable to use it as he was knocked off of his feet when another blast rang out. The team was able to get control of the situation and everyone were tied up.


"Face, do you have all of the evidence?" Hannibal asked.


Face pulled a folder out from his jacket. "All of it right here."


Hannibal took the folder and handed it to Deke. "Give this to the police. It will be enough to put these men behind bars."


The team ran out to the van and to Face's vette. "I am going to ride with Face." Murdock said.


"Good. I am not going have to listen to you." BA said.


Murdock grabbed Amy's arm. "I just have to know did you enjoy seeing the Faceman in the nude and did you Face enjoy seeing Amy in the nude?"


"Murdock!" Face and Amy yelled.


"Get into my car Murdock and if you say anything about either one of us having to have gone around naked for this case you will be walking to LA." Sirens could be heard in the distance. Everyone jumped into the vehicles. BA took off in the van and Face followed in his car.





Face went into the Rowdy Bar this was a place that he liked to come to. He enjoyed the dancing and it also allowed him to meet women. He looked around and noticed a pretty woman. He walked up to her to ask her to dance.


The woman turned around and smiled. "Face, do you come here often?" The woman was Amy.


"I do but I don't ever recall seeing you here."


"This is my first time here. My friend Elizabeth convinced me that I needed a night of fun so I came here with her."


"Your friend is right. You do need a night of fun. Where is she?" Face asked.


"You are too late to ask her to dance. She is already dancing with someone else." Amy replied.


"Who said any thing that I wanted to dance with her? I want to dance with you." Face said. Amy smiled and allowed Face to pull her onto the dance floor. She spent the rest of the night dancing with Face and enjoying every minute of it. Face also enjoyed every minute of it.



A-Team Bare Facts by Lindi



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