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This page last viewed: 2017-12-12 and has been viewed 1716 times

Inside Looking Out

Inside Looking Out

By:  LovinFace


Rated: G

Warnings:  None

Face's thoughts a couple of weeks after Without Reservations.  Companion piece to Outside Looking In.  I think it flows better if you read Outside Looking In first.

Disclaimer: Standard.



            Blood. Blood.  Everywhere blood.  Pain, burning, blood.  Must get out.  Must stay away.  Must stay alive.  Blood. Blood. Don't shoot me again.  Don't shoot me.  Make the blood go away.

            "You okay?  You need something?"

            I opened my eyes slowly.  Hannibal.  Great.  Hannibal probably already thinks I'm the weakest person he's ever had to deal with in his life.  "No, I'm okay.  Musta been dreaming.  Sorry if I bothered you.  I'm going back to sleep now, okay?"  Please leave Hannibal.   Please, please, please.  I don't like you seeing me this way.  Feel like a damned child.

            Hannibal put his hand on my shoulder.  "Sure, Kid.  Just call if you need anything."  I'll just smile and close my eyes.  Leave, leave, leave.  I don't hear anything, but I know he's still in the room.  I can feel it.  After a few minutes I hear the door open.  Finally. 

            I hear BA walking down the hall.  Can't mistake the sound of those chains.  "BA?"  He pokes his head in.  "Yeah, Face?"  I try to sit up.  Bad idea.  My head starts to swim and I grab the sheets.  "Can you help me get to the living room?  I hate being cooped up in here.  Take me where the action is."

            "Sure thing 'lil brother."  BA put my right arm around his neck and slowly pulled me out of the bed.  Then he put his arm around my waist and helped me get to the living room.  I slowly sank to the couch.  BA peeled my arm off his neck.  "I'll be right back.  It's raining and there's a chill in the air.  I'm gonna get you a blanket."  He turned and walked back to the bedroom.  I shivered and tried to adjust myself on the couch.  Then I saw movement outside.  Hannibal was standing on the deck, seemingly in his own world.  He was smoking a cigar. I bet that's his last one.  I'll have to get more….hell, I'll have to let somebody else do it.  It's not like I can go anywhere.  Damn it.  Seems all I do is let Hannibal down.  There's no excuse for not seeing Lou in the restaurant.  No excuse. 

Murdock's feeling guilty, so I have to eat everything he brings me.  I'm so sick of pizza!  And BA.  He feels guilty for not realizing what was going on when he came in for the pizza.  He just wants to help.  So I let him, and I have to admit, it does make things easier when he helps me move around.  And Frankie.  Poor kid never saw anyone shot before, not up close anyway.  So I let him help me get dressed.  That way he can see for himself that wounds heal. 

            BA returns with the blanket and spreads it across me.  It feels good.  "How's that, Face?" he asks.  I smile.  "Perfect, BA.  Thanks."  BA smiled.  I love it when he smiles.  He doesn't do it very often, but when he does it lights up his face.  "I'll go get you something to drink.  I'll be right back."  He turned to leave.  He acknowledged Hannibal with a nod of his head.  When did Hannibal come in?  I really am a sharp one. 

            Hannibal is soaked.  "Hannibal, you better change.  You're going to catch pneumonia if you stay in those wet clothes."  God, I sounded like a mother hen.  Then I looked at him.  My eyes locked on his. They were red and puffy.  He's been crying.  Crying in the rain so nobody would know.  I know though, because I do it too.  Hannibal broke the gaze.

            "I'm going to change out of these clothes.  I'll be back in a bit."  Hannibal turned to leave.

            I may not be the smartest person in the world, but I realized then that while I had been feeling sorry for myself, ashamed for getting shot, that I had pushed Hannibal away. He probably thought I blamed him in some way, or that he was responsible.  He carries this team on his shoulders.  He looks so tired.  I had to think of something to say, something to let him know….,"Hannibal."  God, I can barely speak.  He heard me though.  He turned toward my voice, but he wouldn't look at me.  "It's going to be okay."  Now Hannibal is looking at me.  "We're going to be okay."  There, I said it.  I don't know what else to say.  I yawned.  Maybe if I just close my eyes and go to sleep, when I wake up everything will be fine. 

            "Yeah, Face.  I know.  Why don't you get some rest?  I'm going to put on some dry clothes."  My eyes are closed but I know he's looking at me.  Then I hear him walk down the hall. I open my eyes and see him walking toward his room.  He looks so tired.


Inside Looking Out by LovinFace



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