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This page last viewed: 2017-10-17 and has been viewed 1401 times
Author's note: Xu is pronounced 'shoe', Feng is as it's spelt.
Warnings: None, except that it gets a little silly!!!
Disclaimer: The A Team are not mine, I know ok!
Comments and comment card: Yes please
Mac Murdock took off his hat and climbed into the empty bed, not like the good ol days when…..
Snakes climbed the windows and…. Hang on.
Murdock opened his window to investigate the jungle like intrusion, only to be pulled through it by Face with so much force that it sent them both tumbling down to Hannibal's feet.
"Nice exit guys, but you need to work on your dismount."
"If I'da known I was dismounting, I woulda thrown in a summersault to boot, what gives man?" Murdock said as he picked himself up and arched his back.
"Least you got the comfy landing." Face dusted himself off disdainfully.
"What? What are you complaining about Face? I broke your fall!"
"Yeah and you are one bony……….."
Face was cut short by Murdock's finger dangerously waggling in his line of vision.
"C'mon guys, we got work to do."
"Where's BA?" Murdock inquired.
"He's been nabbed
by the Lung Chin, we've traced them to the airport and they headed East., now
Sam said that they came from the Guangdong province
in South China, I reckon it won't be too hard to trace em, well not when we gotta translator."
"So who's the translator?" Murdock asked innocently.
"Murdock, you can read and speak Chinese." Face folded his arms; this wasn't a time for games.
"Sure I can, Mandarin Chinese." Blank looks surrounded Murdock.
"Chinese is Chinese right?" Face had a sinking feeling.
"Damn! He's right,
they don't speak that there do they?"
"But it's still
just a dialect right? I mean, you can get some meaning."
"It ain't like
"Yeah." Face said wondering when a point was coming.
"Ever understood a damn word they say?"
"Actually now ya mention it, no." And there was his point.
"See, now a dialect in China's like a different language altogether, it's only a dialect cos it's written the same, the words are as far apart as woodpeckers an pythons, not to mention the actual different languages within the damn country, I was based there for two years on an off, it's a scary world with even less logic than mine."
"So what are you sayin?"
"I'm sayin, point me in the right direction an let's get the big guy back!"
"But you just said…" Face was getting confused again.
"Well I like a challenge." Murdock grinned.
BA quickly opened his eyes and leaped under the wire frame bed. He'd just woken up in a demilitarized zone. Gunshots fired all around him, rockets lit up the small window as they zoomed through the sky, screams were heard as they pierced the night air that was smoky with a chilled dampness that reeked of decay, the shots grew louder and louder and remained constant in their numbers until everything ceased.
Cautiously BA peered out from under the bed, he surveyed the room, and not one bullet hole could be seen in the wall. The brief silence seemed to last an eternity and gave enough time for BA to belly crawl across the room to the window, then all hell broke loose again as the war continued.
"What is he
"Wo bu zhidao, laoban." (I don't know boss) The guard, Xu Feng was staring at BA in amazement curious of his strange behavior and no closer than he would ever be as to why BA was acting this way, perhaps it was how westerners celebrated the new year?
"Speak English, or
you will never learn." Wan
"Don't 'what' me,
speak English!" Wan
"Oh! Sorry laoban."
"Sorry boss, uh, I look him for some time, he crazy, yes or no?"
"No, he is American
Xu Feng." Wan
"Let me in."
"Shenme? Oh!" If Xu Feng had known that a requirement
of joining the Lung Chin was to speak English, he probably would have never
joined, but times being as they were, it was the best he could do on his
personal goal of becoming a feared and respected gangster. He quickly opened
the door for his boss and wished quietly his special wish for this time of good
fortune and magic that
"Good evening. I
trust you find yourself in good comfort." Wan
"No foo, I don't, where am I?"
"That is no concern of yours, you must contact your friends they will be worried about you."
"They probably be more worried bout you." BA threatened.
"Who has the
"Gimme that phone, smarty pants." BA snatched the phone
and dialed the number muttering something about black eye with his name on it.
"Where are you BA?"
The phone was snatched away from BA who growled at the snatcher with a menacing look that could shake any boots.
"Mistar Smith, you have brought a great insult to the Lung Chin, but we have fought on your land, now it's time to fight on my land."
"Anytime pal, just give us your address, we'll bring the party."
"Ah but you must bring a guest first, I want you to bring Chris Thomas to us, then we talk about swapping men, your man will be safe unless he chooses to act foolishly, if he does, I cannot guarantee his life span."
"In that case I can't guarantee yours pal."
"You pose no threat to me, I think we both know who is holding the cards as you say. Now get Mistar Thomas and call me on this number, I will give you an address then, you have two days, any longer and your man will lose out."
The phone clicked off.
"Well gee ain't he original?"
"What's the deal el capitaino?" Murdock asked.
"Face, you still got that friend in the embassy?"
"Sure do, and she's more than a friend Hannibal."
"Right, find out
Wan Chu's last place of residence, hometown anything
you can. Murdock, pack your bags and go where the Faceman points you. I'll get Chris Thomas out, meanwhile Murdock gets BA out, Face dig
up or make up any trash you can find on Wan Chu, make sure he can't get back to
"Then….?" Face asked awaiting the grand finale.
"Then we bust em in China, they'll never see the light of day again and we all know how the Asian legal system is, I think they'll be very cosy in a four by four jail cell fir the rest o their lives."
Mac Murdock sat and marveled as the plan unfolded before him, what could possibly go wrong on a night like this? It was all just a line up of the usual suspects orchestrated by a mastermind that had just made his last move, a move so devilishly played that even his nails got the frost bite…..
Murdock walked off the plane and lined up for his passport inspection, he held Face's fake passport and remarkably it stood up to the rigorous glance of the border crossing police. With the information obtained by Face, it didn't take him long to find Wan Chu's not so hidden hide out, everything was clearly marked, streets were named and this certainly wasn't the China Murdock had visited before. He was feeling good about his progress until something exploded at his feet.
"Gon hai fa moi!!" Children shouted in the multiple tones of Cantonese as they ran past the startled Murdock, the city streets erupted in cascades of fire crackers and explosions.
"Xin nian kuaile!" Murdock shouted back in the simpler four tone language of Mandarin after the children, who turned and laughed in a mixture of shock and mocking at his Chinese. "Happy new year indeed." He translated to himself, then he wondered if BA had ever been through a Chinese new year before, surely if he didn't realize he would think he'd been taken to a demilitarized zone, the Chinese always loved to celebrate big and loud, fire crackers erupted around him and even though he knew he was safe, it was still very unnerving to walk through the din of a war zone.
Murdock regarded the headquarters and was contemplating his entrance, when his arm was grabbed by a fruit stall owner who shouted at him excitedly in Cantonese. Murdock could make out only one word, "Gwai lo" which is the word Chinese people call foreigners, and it wasn't a good word as far as he knew, it meant either wide eye, white ghost or white devil, it probably didn't mean any of those things, but it had bad connotations, so Murdock pulled his arm roughly away and scowled at the man.
"Yiyang de!" The man shouted excitedly, this Murdock understood.
"What's the same?" Murdock snapped excitedly, then continued grilling the man and after much strange sign language, speedy Cantonese, bad Mandarin and worse English they assessed that a "Gwai lo" that scowled like Murdock but wasn't the same as Murdock, maybe an African or perhaps a French man (Murdock always got those two muddled up) sneaked out of the building some time ago and had made a paper airplane. Murdock wasn't too sure about the last part but that had to be BA.
Mac Murdock wondered the streets being lead by rumors and hot gossip of giants and bad Chinese, he wondered how his compadres were doing back in the smog free streets of home. All seemed bleak for the Mac Murdock the streets continued to erupt around him in dragon dances and fire rain, Mac Murdock knew that he was close, and battled the Chinese natural inability to give directions by counteracting it with the Chinese natural ability to gossip, and his target was some hot gossip for a closed off town like this.
"Hey watch where yo walkin, what yo doin foo! Murdock?"
"Mac Murdock looked up through the fog to see….. BA?" Murdock gasped as he pulled himself off BA's chest. "Guess this lucky dragon works!" Murdock pulled up a small paper dragon, "Say hi to Sparky big guy!" He beamed.
"A dragon's lucky here?"
"Whoa big guy, let's get outta here an I'll lay it on the line for ya, Sparky says we're a lil bit conspicuous out here."
"I ain't the one consulting a paper dragon here."
"BA we're two foot taller then everyone here, not dressed in pajamas, are a different colour than everyone else and are speaking English!!! I'd say that's a lot more conspicuous than conversing with a lucky dragon!" Murdock flayed his arms as he ranted until he noticed his situation just got a lot more conspicuous. "Let's go huh?"
Mac Murdock sat in the tea house as smoke filled the air of the bamboo laden house, sipping tea and updating his new found friend of the adventures lead by Sparky the lucky dragon, until his comrade hit Mac Murdock and so he got down to the facts. BA had gone ballistic in the jail cell when he discovered that he had been flown to said jail cell, he had then been lead from one bad set of directions to another, until Mac Murdock had intercepted his friend by way of walking into him.
Just then the tea house erupted with gunfire as the Lung Chin burst into the place. Murdock and BA hit the deck landing in spit and dropped food.
"Man this place is disgusting." BA complained. "Haven't they heard o bins here?"
"It's jobs BA, if they don't throw trash, then that's a whole heap o people outta work."
"How's the eye Wan
"Told ya we looked conspicuous." Murdock muttered as they were lead away. As they past the fruit stall owner Murdock saw his smile and suddenly felt the urge to start a shouting match. Before he knew it a full on cat fight ensued.
Mac Murdock eyed up his opponent, the sun was setting in the haze of the brisket fruit pusher, the double dealing two timing snake that he was just mocked Mac Murdock as he was lead away by his captors. Mac Murdock wasn't about to have this, it was bad enough he had been captured in the So Ho district of tea houses, and their tea wasn't much cop either. Mac Murdock knew all the moves taught to him by the organization that has no name, but the organization that had trained him and had once accepted him as a loyal brother to lead them all into glorious battle. No, this denizen fruit pusher would not be crossing any more "Gwai los" that passed his way again.
BA looked in awe as
Murdock approached the fruit seller with his arms flaying and making strange
yoga positions, he knew that yoga therapy the VA had given him would come to no
As luck would have it, or perhaps it was called by Sparky, a dragon dance procession passed by and Mac Murdock was pulled to one side and under a dancing dragon, he yanked himself free from BA's grip to return to the scene and rescue Sparky. Sparky did his bit for his country and jabbed Wan Chu in his BA bruised eye. BA found talents he never knew he had when it came to dragon dancing, he was later to be congratulated by many a dancer for adding that rhythm to the tail of the dragon that had somehow been missing all this time and offered a contract for a dragon dancing school. Meanwhile, fruit was being flung and many shouts in all dialects were heard as they danced away into the street with fire crackers exploding at their feet and the new year was brought in with a multitude of bangs, cracks and whizzes, which Murdock informed BA would continue for about a week.
BA woke up with a start as he heard gunshots coming from the room, he leaped out of the bed and tackled Murdock to a safe position.
"You crazy sittin up through alla this man?"
"Why it's just a western pilgrim." Murdock drawled in his best overly authentic Texan accent.
"Wha…?" BA turned to see the TV set blaring a John Wayne special and straightened himself up, then reluctantly helped Murdock up too. "Where are we?"
"Home sweet home big guy. The hospitality of the VA has never been so good, see they even gave you yer own straight jacket." Murdock beamed.
BA was about to enlighten Murdock in his own special way of the facts surrounding his sanity when the phone rang.
"The Ponderosa Prairie, how can I help you?" Murdock answered quickly.
"Murdock? Where are you?"
"In a demilitarized zone or summit, look Face is freakin out with all the short skirts an pajamas, we're lost in Guangdong with everyone starin at us to the point that they're fallin over, we've had six fights with the Lung Chin, we keep orderin snake to eat an frankly I'm sick o it, the tea's green an there's no coffee, or traffic laws for that matter, a bicycle carrying chickens knocked Face into a wall an now his nose is bust, no one's gotta clue what they're sayin to each other, no one can give directions, it takes half an hour to do anything an….."
"Colonel, Colonel, calm down!"
"It was all so much easier before, what changed?"
"You ain't wearin a uniform now
"Geez ya wouldn't think it would be so hard. Still, we've learnt how to dragon dance."
"Stay there we're on our way."
"Wanna know where we are?"
"I have a feelin you'll be easy enough to spot
"Why'd they go there and we…. When did we get here?" BA was very confused.
"How'dya feel about spendin the lunar New Year in China BA?" Murdock asked as he slouched into his sofa.
"I ain't goin back there foo, no way!"
"That place is a trip right outta your head, they're your people, you go, I ain't leavin here, least it's normal an sane here, I seen things out there that I don't ever wanna see again." BA rubbed his throat and accepted a glass of milk mid rant from Murdock. "An another thing…." The big guy dropped to the floor.
"This place is normal? You in a nut house boy!" Murdock shouted over BA's body. "Ah well, Sparky? Ready to ride again? I do love it when a plan comes."
"Together?" Sparky mused.
"If this is together, I'd like to see one o my plans in action pilgrim." Murdock said as he holstered Sparky and saddled up for another trip into the sanest place he'd ever known.
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