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Safe and Secure
By Jullian Gray
Summary: Face and
Warning: Slash H/F nothing graphic, the "f" word, and mental anguish, reference to past abuse.
Lieutenant Templeton Peck let out a long sigh as he felt the arm around his waist tighten. For the first time in his young life, he truly felt safe. He was currently wrapped in the arms of his new CO. One Colonel John Hannibal Smith, and though he knew that this would not last forever, he could at least pretend it would for a little while.
He had broken his own rule with the colonel. He had become emotionally attached and he always knew where that got him. It got him shit on. If he ever had any doubts about that, all he had to do was look at his past experiences. Hell, when your own parents didn't want you, who else would?
Unconsciously he leaned his head back into the hand that was stroking his hair, enjoying the feeling of the other man's hands it.
'Don't get use to it, Templeton; it won't last. In the morning everything will be just like it was before.'
He knew in his heart of hearts that the relationship would be over very soon now, since he had just allowed the colonel to bed him. As much as he wanted this relationship to be different he knew that it wouldn't stand the test of time. They never did.
They all wanted the same thing from him, and that was his body. Once the colonel slept with him a few times, he would be transferred out of the unit. No one ever wanted him for long.
He sighed again when he felt a soft kiss on the back of his neck and across his shoulder. 'Why couldn't this last?' he thought, as the soft lips trailed back up his neck.
The colonel, or 'Hannibal', as he liked to be called, was so much different from all the other men he had been with. He was so gentle and careful with him, always asking if he was comfortable or if anything was hurting him. He genuinely seemed to care about how he felt and if he was happy.
'Get over it, it's all just an act. You know what's going to happen in the morning. He's going to tell you thanks and have a nice life, or the ever popular if you tell anyone about this, I'll have you fragged on the next patrol.'
'Why couldn't this last? Why couldn't this relationship be different?' his heart cried out.
He felt a strong emotional pull toward this man. God help him, he had just met the colonel a month ago and had been transferred into his unit only a few short weeks earlier. Normally he would have tried to stay away from a new CO, but he felt such a strong emotional bond he had to be near him.
'God help me, I'm in love.' His mind railed as this fact flashed into his mind.
"No." He moaned as his heart confirmed his brain's new revelation.
He was instantly aware that the lips on his shoulders and neck stopped. He found himself being gently turned over so he was facing a pair of concerned and caring blue eyes. The hand that had been around his waist pulled him closer to the broad chest while the hand that had been in his hair was now stroking his cheek.
'This has to stop, now!' a voice in his head snapped at him. 'You cannot get close to this man! He will hurt you! He's just like all the rest!'
Quickly he turned his head so he would not have to look into the blue eyes.
'It's a lie. You just think he cares. You're just fooling yourself and you know it! Get over it Peck. Get the hell away from him before your heart gets ripped out again. No one can love you!'
Reaching up he put his hand on the colonel's chest and tried to push the older man back away from him. He wasn't totally surprised when the grip around his waist tightened, preventing him from moving away.
'Well here it comes. He wants something from you and you've tried to push him away! Now he's going to take it!' The voice screamed. His body tightened as he waited for the attack to come.
Again he was surprised when he felt his head being gently pushed down to the broad chest. The arm that was on his waist moved to his back, rubbing it in light circular motions. The hand that pushed his head down went back to stroking his hair.
"Shhh. Be still. Relax." The voice was so soft and caring. He closed his eyes and let his body relax in the strong arms.
Hannibal Smith smiled when he realized that his young lover was awake in his arms. The lieutenant had fallen asleep shortly after they had finished making love for the third time that night.
Gently he ran his fingers through the soft blonde hair. His smile widened when his lieutenant moved back closer to him.
'So beautiful,' he thought as he began to kiss the slender neck.
He couldn't believe that the younger man had even given him a second look.
He knew the lieutenant's file said that he was twenty-one, but the colonel wasn't buying it. The more the kid talked, the more he could tell he was not in his twenties. And now that he taken him to bed he knew that there was no way he was older than eighteen.
'So small. You should ship his butt home on a plane, Smith. He has no business being in this hell hole.'
'So fragile. Why are you here? Why aren't you in collage or sitting on a beach?'
Gently he kissed the small white scars that marked the back of the young man's neck and shoulders. He was starting to kiss the neck again when he heard the soft moan and the word 'No'.
Carefully he turned his lieutenant over in his arms; looking down into a pair of sad and fearful eyes. He felt the hand on his chest as his lieutenant tried to push him away.
'Who hurt you? Who took away your trust?'
Gently he forced the blonde head to his chest before he began to rub the back, trying to offer comfort and security.
'Let me show you that you can trust someone. Let me show you what it's like to be loved.'
"What have I told you about that?" his voice whispered in Face's ear.
"I should be going."
"It'll be morning in a few hours."
"I don't think it would be a good idea for me to be seen coming out of your hotel room, sir."
He felt the fingers in his hair tighten forcing his head back up so he was once again looking into the blue eyes.
"We're on R & R in
"I just don't want to cause you any trouble, sir. You have a career to think about."
"You are not causing me any trouble, and you let me worry about my career."
"Sir, if we get caught you could–"
"If you call me sir again while we're on leave I'll have you running laps around the base the second the slick lands. Do I make myself clear?"
"Good, now let's see how long you can remember that."
Face felt his heart melt as his colonel leaned down and kissed him. Gently forcing his tongue into his mouth, exploring every part of it.
'Stop this now!' the voice screamed again. 'You have to stop this now!'
'I love him,' Face cried back to the voice in his head.
'Love? What the hell do you know about love!' it laughed back. 'You have to be someone to be loved! Stop this NOW!'
Face broke off the kiss.
"I have to go." He tried to pull away, but was once again stopped by the strong arms.
"Where do you have to go at ?"
"Please. I have to leave," Face begged.
The voice surprised the colonel; it was so full of hurt and pain. How could the kid sound so hurt when he had been laughing and enjoying the night with him only a few short hours ago?
"I have to go!" Face all but screamed, startling Hannibal who loosened his grip allowing him to sit up and grab his pants off the floor.
Face was just about to stand up when he was grabbed from behind and thrown back down on the bed. Before he could recover, he found his arms pinned above his head and his colonel straddling his waist with a pair of steely eyes blazing down at him.
'I told you this was going to happen, you stupid slut! But did you listen to me? Fuck no! You love him? Well I hope to god you enjoyed the gentle sex earlier, because now you're about to be fucked!'
"You don't have to take me by force. I promise I'll be still."
"I'll let you fuck me sir. You don't have to hurt me. Please just don't hurt me."
Carefully he switched his grip so that he could get both the small wrists into one hand. With his now free hand he took a firm hold of the younger man's jaw and forced Face's head up so that they were looking eye to eye.
Face quickly broke eye contact as the colonel stared into him.
"Look at me, Face." When he got no response,
"I said look at me, Lieutenant."
Slowly the tear-filled eyes turned back to face at him.
"If you want this relationship to end, then you just tell me and I'll accept that. However, if you want it to continue then I need to make one thing clear to you right now. I will make love to you, I will have sex with you, but I will not rape you. If you say 'no' then it is the end of it. It's your body, not mine. I don't own you. Is that clear?"
"Yes." The voice was so soft.
"Another thing, I don't ever want to hear the word 'fuck' come out of your mouth when you talk about what we do in bed together. Do you understand that?"
"One last thing, and the most important. I love you Lieutenant Templeton Peck. And if you don't feel the same and you want out of this relationship, I won't stop you. As long as you do your job for the team, we'll have no problems between us. Understood?"
'Love me? Did he say he loved me?' Face's mind began to reel as the colonel's last statement sunk in.
"I'm still waiting for an answer, Lieutenant."
"Yes, sir. I understand."
"Good. I'm going to let you up. Then you do what you have to."
'Please don't let him bolt from me. Please, God, let him
stay.' Leaning down
Carefully he stretched out on the bed, making sure he was far enough away from Face that he wouldn't touch him. Laying flat on his back, he put one arm under his head and the other he rested on his chest. He then closed his eyes and prayed.
If his lieutenant left right now it would break his heart, but he would fight to keep him in his unit. The kid was just too damn good at what he did to let him leave. It would be hard not to touch the young blonde, but at the least he could keep him safe if he stayed with him.
Face looked over at the colonel. For the first time in his young life the nasty voice of self-doubt was silent. It had no rude comment or remark about him
'He didn't hurt me. He didn't rape me. He said he loved me. Oh, God, he said he loved me!'
"Love me? Not possible." Face began to tremble all over.
"Can't love me, no one can."
He wanted so bad at this moment to take him in his arms, but he knew that Face had to come to him. This was something Face had to do. If their relationship was going to work, he was going to have to trust him.
"You're wrong, Tem. I do love you. I love you not just physically, but with all my heart, and I would like to prove it to you. Will you give me that chance to show you what it's like to be loved?"
Face looked over at him. He watched as the tears fell from his eyes and left wet tracks down his face.
"I don't know how."
"How to be loved?"
Face nodded his head as he choked back a sob.
'God, what did you let happen to this boy?'
"All you have to do is trust me, Templeton. Can you do that?"
"It's so hard."
"I know. I promise you it will get easier over time, but you have to make this decision on your own. I can't force you, Tem, this is your decision to make. If you make up your mind that you want to be with me then I will help you through every decision and problem for the rest of your life. But this one you have to make. Either way you decide, I'll understand."
"It's just so hard to trust. I've been alone for so long."
"I love you and you never have to be alone again."
Slowly the sobs subsided as Face cried himself out in
"Please don't leave me," Face begged as he clung
"Never, Tem, never."
He listened as Face's breathing evened out, signaling that the younger man was asleep. Closing his eyes he made a vow as he began to drift off to sleep.
"From this day on, Templeton, I will do everything in my power to make you feel safe and secure.
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