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Learn to be Lonely

Learn To Be Lonely 

Author:  Monte


Rating:  PGish

Summary:  Face and Murdock have both had to learn how to live with loneliness.  Can this common ground work to bring them together?

Warnings:  You may need some Puffs Plus for this one, implied slash at the end.

Disclaimer:  I do not own any of the A-Team characters and I make no money from this work of fanfiction.

Comments:  Please, they make me happy.

Note:  The song Learn to be Lonely was written by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Charles Hart and Richard Stilgoe, performed by Minnie Driver.




The August moon hung low over the Texas skyline, shining down on a young boy.  He dangled his bare feet into a small creek as he stared up at the night sky.  Earlier tonight, he had snuck into his grandparent's bedroom and found his father's old jacket.  Though it was far too large for him, he had worn it out to the fishing hole behind the pasture of their farm.  Now, as he watched the bats and night birds fly overhead, a tear slipped from his brown eyes.


Today would have been his dad's birthday.  Maybe they would have gone fishing together if he had been here.  There were some huge catfish beneath the bridge.  But his dad had died three months ago and they would never get to go fishing together again. 


The loneliness still clung to him when he thought about his parents.  He sat up, drawing his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead on his knees.  Silent tears fell onto his jeans while his shoulders shook from the sobs he tried to control.  At the sound of approaching footsteps, he quickly wiped the tears from his cheeks.  He looked up at his grandfather who sat beside him.


"I know you miss him, HM.  I do, too.  In time it won't hurt as much," he said, pulling the boy toward him.  They sat together in the darkness for a few minutes before he said, "Why don't you come back to the house?  It's late and we don't want Granny to get worried."


HM nodded.  Slowly, he walked back toward the farmhouse, wondering if there was anyone who was as lonely as he was tonight.




Three states over, another young boy sat in an orphanage chapel.  Earlier that evening, one of the other boys was taken home by a nice looking couple from San Diego.  He turned to the woman sitting beside him.  "Sister, do you think I'll be here forever?  Will I ever have a home like Robbie does now?"


The nun smiled at the boy.  "No, Alvin.  You won't be here forever.  Somewhere out there someone special is waiting for you.  You just have to be patient.  When the time is right, they will find you.  Cheer up, Alvin.  You will have a family some day."


Alvin's blue eyes turned to gaze at a painting of St. Christopher.  He pleaded silently, "Bring them to me or help me to find them.  I don't want to be alone forever."




It took nearly 15 years for the two boys to meet each other.  Both were half way around the world from home, simply trying to stay alive for one more day.  Somehow, in the midst of the chaos of the war, they had been thrown together and become friends.  Tonight, they were seated in the officer's club sipping lukewarm beer.


Murdock stared blankly at the bottle in his hand.  "It's been a tough week.  We lost a lot of guys.  Days like today are almost enough to make a fella want to just be a loner, ya know?  Don't make friends and it won't hurt when they're gone."


Face nodded in agreement.  "Yeah, I know what you mean.  When I was a kid, I taught myself to live with the loneliness, to hide it.  If you don't count on anyone but yourself, they can't disappoint you.  Most of my life, I've been my only real friend."


Murdock's eyes locked with the lieutenant's.  "I hate that feeling.  I hate being alone in the crowd."


Face's eyes reflected his understanding.  "Let's get out of here."


Together, they walked through the compound, silent in the darkness.  When they had reached the aircraft repair line, they paused in the shadow of one of the Hueys.  His voice weary, Murdock confessed, "I'm tired of pretending.  I'm tired of trying to keep the guys' faces out of my head.  I want to be able to make friends without wondering if they'll still be alive in 24 hours."


Face gently rested his hand on the pilot's shoulder.  "Maybe for tonight, we don't have to pretend.  You don't have to be alone if you don't want to be.  I'll stay if that's what you want."  He stepped in front of Murdock and whispered, "I want to stay with you.  Tomorrow we can hide the loneliness again.  But we can be together tonight."


Murdock studied the other man for a moment before he smiled slightly and nodded.  "We've got tonight.  I'm not asking for anything more."


For one night, they weren't worried about being alone.  Neither one knew what the future held.  No words of love were spoken but the need to be together was met.  Both realize it might be the only time they would have together.  They were like two lost souls in the night, clinging to each other as if to reassure themselves they were still alive.  Under the protection of darkness, they had managed to find one another.  For one night, at least, they would not be lonely.





Learn To Be Lonely

Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber

Lyrics by Charles Hart

Additional lyrics by Richard Stilgoe


Child of the wilderness

Born into emptiness

Learn to be lonely

Learn to find your way in darkness


Who will be there for you

Comfort and care for you

Learn to be lonely

Learn to be your one companion


Never dreamed out in the world

There are arms to hold you

You've always known

Your heart was on its own


So laugh in your loneliness

Child of the wilderness

Learn to be lonely

Learn how to love life that is lived alone


Learn to be lonely

Life can be lived

Life can be loved alone


Learn To Be Lonely by Monte



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