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The Pain Inside 1-4 The Pain Inside
by  Hannurdock / Georgina Ann Price

Story Rating:  PG-13

Part:  1/10

Summary:  Face goes for a regular check up at the doctors.  He finds out he has cancer and must undergo Chemotherapy.   But with Decker standing in the way, will the team be able to stand by his side? Originally, the first part was supposed to be for a round robin that never really got started. Therefore, all is written by Hannurdock only.

Thanks:  A massive thank you to those that helped with my research. You helped me keep the story realistic for which I am very grateful. This has been an amazing journey into something I knew nothing about.

Dedications:  Dedicated to Amy - thanks for breaking the technical jargon for me. Dedicated to Deb - who enlightened me with a wonderful medical perspective. Dedicated to Fingers, Joy-Joy, Mig, Hill and Wallygator - thanks for sharing your personal experiences with me, I felt enlightened and touched.  Dedicated to Lark, thank you for the sites - they was a massive help. Dedicated to Micha Lin - thanks for the recommendation. I didn't expect such an overwhelmingly touching response to my question, and felt sincerely humbled by the knowledge and experiences of others.  The warmest of hugs and thanks to you all.

Warning:  References to disease and cancer.  Emotional.


Part 1: Just a routine check ...

Faceman walked into the doctors office, cool and calm.  Two pretty, young female nurses watched him enter the office, watched the poised and charming man wink subtly at them then close the door behind him.

Face heard two rather large sighs, smiled knowingly to himself, and then sat directly in front of the doctor.

Doctor Mills shuffled a couple of sheets of paper as he eyed up Face, and then pretended to discover the man's record.

"Ah, here it is Mr Peck.  You say you've had some problems lately?"

Face smiled the handsome, alluring smile that had become his trademark.  "You could say that, Doctor.  I've been feeling rough lately.  Its so unlike me, I'm usually quite fit.  But, I've been tired, emotional and feeling sick. I'm also quite pale."

"Could be a cold or flu." The Doctor answered.

Face shook his head in a manner which suggested impatiance, if only for a moment, before the handsome smile returned illuminating Face's expression.  "I don't think so Doctor"

The Doctor nodded his head. "Well, I can run you through a couple of tests - blood and urine - send it off if it'll make you feel better."

"It will make me feel better to check" Face agreed.  "Its just not like me to feel this way ...."

Before long, Face was driving to his flashy, high priced apartment loaned to him by a rich friend.  His heart was sinking, he felt slightly ominous of the results of the test already.  "Nothing to worry about, Faceman" he whispered to himself.  "Got nothing to worry about at all..."

Hannibal was waiting for him as his vett drew up in the car park. "Key Kid, how'd the appointment go?"

Face sighed as he locked up his car, and walked sadly over to his commander.

"It was OK.  Had a few tests done, and I'll get the results in a few days.  I just don't know Hannibal. I got a bad feeling about this one." Hannibal watched his lieutenant closely, concern for the younger man becoming all too clear in his bright and intelligent eyes.

"You'll be fine, Face" Hannibal said, but he wasn't too sure.  Maybe he was humouring Face to make him feel better.

Face smiled, his expression betraying no worry now. His eyes were perfectly clear. "I will, Colonel."

They walked into Face's apartment and were confronted by BA choking the life out of Murdock.  His huge hands were locked to Murdock's throat.

"Fool was talkin' about Billy.  Fool aint gonna talk about no invisible dog again!" BA growled.   Hannibal immediately rushed to aid a blue-faced Murdock, and Face forgetting himself did the same.

"Let him go, Seargant" Hannibal commanded.  BA complied a little reluctantly.  "You were lucky they got here in time" BA said, winking at Face.

Face almost laughed aloud.  It was good to see the two men in their perpetual fight again.  BA was pretending to hate Murdock again, but Face could tell otherwise. Behind the fierce, growling mannerism BA was as emotional as them all.  He could tell BA was just playing with Murdock as they were all a close team.  Too close.

Face suddenly doubled over in pain.  Murdock, being the closest person in the room to Face at that time, reached out to steady him.

"Are you OK?" Hannibal asked.  Face nodded.  "Sure thing guys, just a little pain in my stomach"

"I know what you need" Murdock said with a loopy grin on his face. "Indigestion tablets!" and with that, Murdock went off to hunt for some in the oversized apartment.

Face sat heavily on a chair and BA looked down at him.  "Man, you never suffered from pain that bad. Even a bullet didn't make you gasp.  You suffering alot, hey Face?"

Face felt weakened by BA's concern which was very unusual.  "I don't know BA.  I had some blood taken by the doctor today. We'll see, OK?"

BA nodded, feeling helpless in his own strength, unable to help the Lieutenant.

Hannibal shook his head as he looked at Face who was going whiter by the second. He knelt by Face's side and felt his clammy forehead. Then he shook his head.  "I think we'd better take him to the hospital. What looked like a routine visit to the Doctors might be something a lot more serious ...."  

Part 2:  The Wait

Hannibal walked restlessly around the waiting room, eyeing his cigars longingly.  He looked at BA and Murdock, who were shifting uncomfortably in their seats.  "Hey, come on guys.  I'm sure its nothing" Hannibal said, trying to lighten the despondant atmosphere.

"Yeah, right" Murdock mumbled, his usual playful nature replaced by a foreboding feeling of finality.

BA looked up at Hannibal, who was still walking around the room. "Would you sit down, man! Your giving me the creeps!"

Hannibal obliged, sitting next to BA and sighed deeply.

"What's wrong, do you think?" Murdock asked suddenly, his voice a little strained with his misery.

Hannibal sighed "I don't know, Murdock.  Trapped air perhaps?".

Murdock sighed and turned away, refusing to make light of the situation and staring blindly out of the window.

A female doctor appeared, looking quite sombre and approached the little group slowly.

Hannibal rose and walked towards her.  "Well?"

"We don't know yet" The doctor replied.

"Don't know yet? What the hell you guys doin' in there?" Hannibal stormed, feeling his anxiety keenly.

"Look, we need to do some more tests. There could be a number of reasons why he's feeling the pain."

"Like what?" Hannibal said, placing his hands on his hips and staring boldly at her. "He's already had some tests!".

"We just don't have the answers yet, sir. If you'd like to take a seat, we'll tell you when we know" The doctor took hold of Hannibal's arm, and seated him firmly beside BA.

Hannibal sighed in frustration, and looked at the two men beside him, staring at him oddly.

"What?" Hannibal asked.

"I ... we... never seen you like this, Colonel ..." Murdock began timidly.

Hannibal smiled gently.  "Look, I'm just worried about Face. That's all."

Murdock nodded and sat back, appeased by the gentle tone in Hannibal's voice and started to pray silently.

The doctor appeared after another hour.  "Right, gentleman?"

The three men looked up at her, eyes wide, waiting.

"I'm afraid it may be bad news. We do have a further few tests to do, but it looks like cancer. I'm sorry". The doctor walked off, unable to console the grief stricken men.

Hannibal looked guiltily at his cigars, and screwed them up angrily. "Damn! Should have been me" he mumbled as he put his head in his hands, trying to think.

Murdock tried desperately to keep his emotions under control, but own pain exceeded his strength of will, and he felt a single tear roll down his cheek.  Brushing it aside quickly, Murdock got up, and walked over to the restroom, ignoring Hannibal's slight plea to remain.

BA shook his head angrily, his strength, his force of will had been unable to keep his friend safe from this. Suddenly he felt very vulnerable, and followed Murdock into the restroom.

Hannibal watched BA leave and vowed one thing to himself.  If Face really did have cancer, he would never smoke another cigar again.  

Part 3:  Visiting Hour

Face looked up as the three men entered the room and smiled brightly. He was sitting up in a hospital bed, quite sprightly for someone who had been told moments before he may have cancer.

"Hi guys, how you doin'?" Face asked bravely.

Murdock pushed past Hannibal and walked up to Face, enveloping his small frame in a tight embrace "God, damn you!" Murdock whispered as he hugged the man tightly to his chest.

Face fought back the tears, the waves of nausia, and smiled courageously.  "Come on Murdock, let me go. I'll be fine, promise".

Hannibal took hold of Face's hand and held it securely.  "How you doin', kiddo? Really?"

Face sighed.  "You know, since they told me I may have cancer all I can think of is my hair will come out.  It scares me the most, not dying, not the pain.  I just want to keep my hair". Face ran his fingers through his hair nervously.

Hannibal looked at the Murdock and BA, his eyes begging for their strength.   "You'll still be a hot-shot Face. Hair or not".

Face smiled and leant against the head rest, the feeling of sickness becoming unbearable.  Face began to shake violently, as if he was extremely cold.

BA walked forward and laid his hand upon Face's shoulder, trying to ease Face's suffering through the touch, as if challenging the pain to afflict himself, and not the young Lieutenant.  "You be OK. I'll see to that".

Face smiled at BA, feeling his emotions overpower him. How many times in the past had BA said that, and meant every word?  This time, there was not a human adversary, but something on the inside, something BA could not protect him against.

"Thanks BA" Face put his hand over BA's.  His voice was cracking. "Thanks".

"Whatever happens" Hannibal vowed.  "We'll see it through as a team, like we've always done".

Face accepted this with a slight nod, and closed his eyes, feeling the strength of the men around him revitalise his own.

Suddenly the door opened, and the female doctor entered. Her face told Hannibal the answer before he needed to ask.

"I'm afraid its Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia.  Cancer of the blood, a lack of red blood cells.  Usually this affects children, I'm so very sorry. We'll need to start immediate Chemotherapy, and get you on allopurinol, which will destroy the red blood cells." The doctor stood for a moment, noting the men's reactions, especially Face's as he struggled with his emotions.  Face took a deep breath, feeling giddy, then looked up - his eyes bright with tears.

Hannibal, BA and Murdock had grown calm and calculated in Face's prescence.  They sat, watching his reaction and waiting for him to speak, shielding him from their own emotions.

Face nodded his head, squeezing Hannibal's hand affectionately.  "If that's what I need, then I'll have it."

The doctor turned to leave, but Hannibal caught her arm.  "Listen" Hannibal whispered. "Is their any chance of remission? I don't want Face to suffer uneccesarily, if the Chemotherapy won't work."

"Look, we don't know until the treatment has started whether it'll work.  But we'll give Face the best chance he can get."

Hannibal let go of the doctor's arm and looked back at Face.  Face smiled, and patted the bed beside him.  "Sit down, Hannibal.  Its OK, I'm sure I'll be alright".

Hannibal felt his heart swell with protective, paternal sadness as he gazed tenderly at Face.

Face sighed and closed his eyes, all he wanted to do was sleep. After all, when the darkness fell he wasn't aware of anything, no pain, no torment, no cancer.  

Part 4:  Chemotherapy

That same day, Hannibal paced the room while BA kept a watch from the window.  Murdock sat talking to Billy, trying to resist his feelings of dread.

"Nothin' out there, man" BA muttered, eyeing the parking lot suspiciously more cars belonging to the MPs.

"What they doin' to him, Colonel?" Murdock asked in a weak voice.

Hannibal thought carefully before he answered.  He didn't want to tell Murdock that Face was being subjected to drugs and irradiation.  He closed his eyes and prayed to a god, if there was one, to let it be him instead.  "They're curing him, Murdock".

Murdock shook his head.  "I really hope he'll be alright."

Hannibal joined BA at the window, and sighed as he saw no suspicious cars in the lot.

"He's gonna find out about Face soon. Its gonna make it difficult to see him" BA said.

Hannibal put an arm on BA's shoulder.  "Nothin' to it. Murdock isn't wanted by the MPs, so he could stay here without suspician. We could pose as doctors or surgeons".

BA nodded, but inwardly he understood what Hannibal was really saying.  If Decker found out, there wouldn't be a hope in hell of seeing Face again.

The doctor walked up to them, fiddling with her platt nervously. "Well, his first session has gone quite well. He'll be extremely weak for a while, then we'll do further tests".

"Can we see him?" Hannibal asked.

"Sure, go straight in. He may not recognise you straight away, so don't be alarmed".

Hannibal nodded, drew in his breath and then signalled to the others to follow him to Face's room.

Inside, they sat beside Face in silence, watching him breathe, his eyes closed tightly in pain.  An IV drip administered the Chemotherapy into Face's exposed chest.  He looked pale and drawn.

"Face, you awake?" Hannibal finally said, taking Face's clammy hand into his own, and closing his fingers around it.

Face opened his eyes and tried to smile, but the pain was still very bad.  His eyes were watering, and Hannibal took a tissue from his pocket and dabbed at the tears gently.

"My hair still here?" Face gasped.

Hannibal nodded, and Face's expression brightened.

"That's good.  I really don't want to lose my hair". Face said, fighting the pain back.

Hannibal ran his fingers through Face's hair to demonstrate the point it was still there, and a single strand came away in his hand. Looking shocked towards the others, he felt Face grasp the strand from his hand and sigh. "Don't worry, its just the one hair, Hannibal. Plenty more still left where that one came from".

Murdock felt weak when he looked at his friend, unable to speak properly becuase of the pain.  He cursed himself and wished to god that he had been the one with cancer, not Face.  He loved Face too much to see him suffering so deeply.

Hannibal got up and walked out of the door, unable to stay any longer and practically ran into the restroom.  He broke down, sobbing with sharp breaths, as he wondered what he was going to do when Decker arrived.

BA and Murdock watched Hannibal leave the room, and sat beside the bed watching Face drift in and out of consciousness.


The Pain Inside by Hannurdock



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