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Sort of sequel to Adjustments and Walking Avoidance, but not necessarily

Second Best  

By:  Viskey Utsadanas

 

RATING:             NC-17

PAIRING:            Murdock/m & Murdock/Face

DISCLAIMER:    The A-Team's not mine, although I make myself believe sometimes .....

                            Sim on the other hand *is* mine, and I'm not lending him to anyone. <g>

WARNINGS:      Well, there's various different sexual practises, including masturbation (but only a little bit)

SUMMARY:        Murdock finds some solace – and more – with Face after his lover had left him.

 

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

Face woke up and was thankful that he did. It hadn't *really* been a nightmare, but a strange enough dream to worry him. For minutes he just stared into the darkness, calming down.

 

Sudden movement to his left drew his attention. It was not only one of his comrades turning around in his sleep. It was one getting up. – Well, a short trip to the john... As a matter of fact, Face could use such a short trip himself; so he got up too.

 

But things turned out to be different. The comrade he was following was Simon Lessing and he wasn't going anywhere *near* the toilets. He was headed for the mess. Face got interested. What was Simon doing there in the middle of the night? He followed, making sure Simon didn't notice him.

 

"Sim?" it came whispered from inside the tent. Face was sure to recognise the person anyway: Murdock.

 

"Who else do you date?" Simon answered, also whispering.

 

- Date?! Face stopped dead. *Date*?! Wasn't this word a little... out of place in the jungle of Vietnam? In this camp, *any* camp, for that matter? Who the hell would you date round here? Face needed a second till the information sank in. – Just because "homosexuality" had never been a part of his life and he'd never come across it before. But, of course, that's what it was about. Next thing Face heard, was the rustle of cloth and heavy breathing.

 

He didn't want to go nearer, but still found himself sneaking close. It wasn't anything spectacular he saw. Just two men standing close to each other, kissing and stroking. A muttered word every now and then, a suppressed moan.

 

Face *could* tell though, that Murdock was having his hands inside Simon's pants. What exactly he was doing down there, he didn't want to even *guess*.

 

Simon and Murdock got more and more aroused and Murdock had to press his hand on Simon's mouth as he came, so they wouldn't be heard all over the place.

 

+++++

 

Face turned around in his bed. – Although "bed" was in fact charming the bunk he was lying on. But that was the least of his problems. More immediate was the feeling he had. It was an unhealthy feeling, oh yes.

 

For a few weeks now, he was having that feeling, and he still had no idea what to call it. It was not strictly homosexuality – thank god! The Catholic Church had very clear ideas as to what was wrong and what was right. And homosexuality most definitely was on the wrong side. Ranking right after suicide, Face assumed. So, having a profound Christian believe, homosexuality was about the worst thing that could happen to him.

 

Still, Face could not deny that he felt a certain... attraction towards... men. Man, that was, singular. At first, he had been shocked, naturally. He had always believed himself to be normal. But as time went by he wasn't all too sure anymore. He still could talk with the other guys about girls, who he liked, what he liked, the usual stuff, men's talk. He could still *be* with girls. But all the same he yearned for... That was crazy. And it was ill. It was forbidden, it was a sin, it was *wrong*.

 

Face sat up with a sigh. No sense in trying to sleep tonight. He wouldn't catch a minute. He got up, wandered over to the mess-tent, where it had all started. He had watched them both, Simon and Murdock, closely over the following weeks. They behaved normally. Nobody suspected anything. But Face *knew*.

 

And Face *yearned*.

 

+++++

 

Face sneaked out, following Simon. It had become a welcome routine to him to follow either Simon or Murdock to their tκte-ΰ-tκte. They were so sweet in their mutual desire. It touched Face's soul. And then, of course, it aroused him. It made him wish to join them... Well, being honest, to join Murdock. Face just loved to see that twitching face, when Simon pleased his lover and Murdock was coming.

 

"Is it love?" He heard Simon whisper after they'd shared a round of sex.

 

"You think I fuck just anybody?" Murdock answered, giggling and stroking Simon's naked body. Simon moaned, half approvingly, half indignantly.

 

"OK, but I've got a girl back home. I intended to marry her, when I come back."

 

"There's more ways of love", Murdock lectured half hearted. He was too busy putting kisses all over Simon's chest.

 

"Have you... Am I your first man, or have there been others?" Simon went on.

 

"Sim, babe. Stop worrying. It's pleasure-time."

 

"But I..." Simon interrupted again.

 

"I love you, babe. And I really think that should be enough." Murdock sat up, quitting his love-making. "I've had my experiences with girls. And I liked it, yeah. But now there's you. And I don't want any girls."

 

Simon determinedly though gently pushed Murdock away. "But I do. I hate to hurt you, Murdock, but if I have to choose between you and Dolores, it's still Dolores." He got up and started dressing.

 

"I know. And I don't mind it." Murdock answered, trying to appear strong and unmoved.

 

"But I do." Simon bowed down to the still naked Murdock. "Loving you is wonderful, darlin'. Being loved by you... But it wouldn't be fair. Understand that?" Simon's voice was very gentle but firm.

 

Murdock knew he'd lost his lover just now. He swallowed. "But I really don't mind it, Sim," he tried to persuade Simon into keeping up their affair, nonetheless. "And Dolores needn't know..."

 

"It's not Dolores, I'm talking about. It's unfair to you, Murdock. You deserve more than this." Simon gave his recent ex-lover a last, tender kiss on the mouth. "Good bye, darlin'. From now on it's gonna be just Murdock. – I'm sorry." Simon left, leaving Murdock behind.

 

Murdock watched his lover disappear into the darkness. He waited a few seconds, hoping Sim would change his mind and come back to him. He would apologize and hug him and kiss him... And they'd make love to each other and things would run their old, wonderful course.

 

But nothing happened. Sim had been serious. Murdock felt his heart crack and eventually break into pieces. Tears ran down his face. Sim... The sound of a cracking twig caught Murdock's attention. Sim? Murdock jumped to his feet.

 

But the person appearing was Face. Murdock dropped his head and tried to cover his private parts with his hands, ashamed of his nudity, for the moment ignorant what to do or say. Face didn't know either. He didn't even know, why he'd come over. Of course he'd humiliated Murdock with it.

 

"Go away", Murdock finally managed.

 

"No," Face answered to his own bewilderment. Murdock looked up for short, astonished by the plain refusal.

 

"You're hurt. I'm here to... Just in case you need help."

 

"I don't need help." Murdock had started crying again. He sniffed.

 

"I know. But what you think you need, you can't have anymore. Simon's gone." Face walked up to Murdock and put his hands on his shoulders.

 

"You know about us?" Murdock asked, his eyes still downcast.

 

"Yes. I know." Then he drew Murdock into his arms. "I'll be there for you."

 

"But I don't want *you*!" Murdock protested sobbing, half-heartedly trying to push Face away.

 

"No need to tell me that. I know how to handle a broken heart, though. A shoulder to lean on can do wonders." Face stroked Murdock's naked back. He could feel heat under cool skin, moist from dew and preceding love-making. It made him hard. He'd better stop this, before Murdock noticed. It would be about the worst moment to reveal his fantasies to Murdock. Intentionally or unintentionally. "You'd better get dressed and come with me, back to the camp", he therefore said, withdrawing from Murdock.

 

Murdock nodded unhappily and started getting dressed. "Will you... You won't report me or Sim, will you?" he asked, when he was finished.

 

"I've known about the two of you for quite some weeks, now. I haven't reported you yet, so why would I now?" Face reached out for Murdock, patting his shoulder, not daring to do more, because of his probable body reaction. Murdock would take it wrongly. – Or he would take it correctly. Face couldn't quite decide which one he dreaded more.

 

+++++

 

The following weeks Murdock spent in the dark clouds of lovesickness. His only bright spots were the moments when he met with Face. Face just always made him feel better, good actually. He even caught himself having a tremendously good time with Face. They were just talking nonsense. Well, Murdock, for one, was an expert on nonsense, but he found out that Face had his share of unhingedness also.

 

Face loved to spend his time with Murdock. The sexual dreams and daydreams lessened. It was much better to be just near Murdock, for he had the most charming and kind personality Face had ever seen with a person. He noticed Simon watching them sometimes. He was sure Murdock did so too. But they both did their best to ignore it. Face, because he wanted Murdock for himself, Murdock, because he was still too hurt.

 

+++++

 

Murdock sneaked away at night. He had arranged to meet with Simon. He just needed to see him. No matter how good he felt when he was with Face. Soon as Face was gone, Murdock sank back into depression. And depressions can kill you during a war.

 

"Murdock?" Simon already waited at the agreed place.

 

"Yes." Murdock trembled with nervousness and joy. He was sure, he wouldn't leave unkissed tonight. And Simon *could* kiss! – Tomorrow? Tomorrow never matters, when you're in love, head over heels.

 

"Murdock, I'm doing this just because I really like you." Murdock beamed at this. Simon liked him! "But it doesn't change things. For me our... well, you know, it's over."

 

Murdock shrank a little, but did not give up hope. At least one kiss. Of all the rest he wished for, he didn't dare dreaming. "I just hoped, you'd change your mind."

 

"Not in this life, Murdock." It sounded a lot crueller than Simon had intended.

 

"How can you say you like me and then hurt me like this?!" Murdock complained. He had to swallow his emotions. He would not receive that kiss.

 

"Murdock, darlin'..."

 

"Don't call me darlin'!" Murdock glared at Simon. "You don't deserve calling me darlin'. You're not behaving as if I were."

 

"Sorry. – Murdock. I just... Is Face your new one? Have I been replaced so quickly?" Simon could not keep jealousy out of his voice.

 

"Face is... *no*, he's just a friend. He helps me feeling fine. I would never... And he would never. I like him, but you I love." Murdock was trembling again. Maybe he *would* get that kiss. He wished to stop time, for at the moment anything was still possible.

 

"I love you too, Murdock. But not like you want me to. I still care a lot about you, though. – He's not gonna hurt you, is he?" Simon came nearer, his face only inches from Murdock's. Murdock could feel his breath brushing him, could feel the warmth of his body. He could smell that attractive mixture of soap and Simon's sweat. He bent forward and kissed those lips he'd been longing to kiss for weeks. Simon turned his head away.

 

"No, Murdock!"

 

Murdock spat out, he was so hurt and felt so humiliated. He wiped his mouth and looked back at Simon after a second of hesitation: "The only one hurting me here is you, *babe*!"

 

"Murdock, I'm sorry."

 

"Screw it!"

 

"Murdock, please, don't let it end like this!"

 

"End? Thought, it's all over already, *babe*!" Murdock turned and fled the scene. He'd had his kiss, yeah, but not like he'd imagined it. It had made things only worse. He knew, Sim would come after him, he could be very persistent. But Murdock couldn't stand another second of Simon's presence just now. He did the only thing he knew would keep Simon away. He ran over to the sleeping quarters, waking up Face.

 

"Face?" he whispered, shaking his friend gently. "Face, wake up, please."

 

Face turned, opening just one eye. "Murdock?"

 

"Yeah, me. Can you come outside with me?"

 

Face didn't need any more. Murdock needed him. Murdock wanted him to be with him. Face was up within no time. "What's up?" he asked lightly, although he could tell, Murdock was troubled.

 

"Outside, ok? Let's talk about it outside."

 

Face slipped into his boots and followed. "So, now, what's the problem?" he asked. Murdock shifted a little, then sighed.

 

"I've met Sim just now. I know, how you think about it, but I couldn't..."

 

"I know, you can't act against your heart, Murdock." Face smiled reassuringly. "What ever damage it may cause, you can't help it. And that's one of your very best qualities. That's what I think." Face hesitated for a moment. "Can I do anything to comfort you?"

 

"Make me stop loving Simon, can you do that?" Murdock asked rhetorically.

 

"No", Face answered, taking Murdock into his arms. "But maybe I can make you forget him for a while..." And he kissed Murdock on the corner of his mouth. He knew, this was not the cleverest moment to do this. – No moment would be clever, as long as Christianity was concerned. – But Murdock looked so... so irresistible. And Face had kept his desires in check for so long. He had to let them out at last.

 

Murdock, however, didn't react *that* happily. He turned his head, just like Simon had done before, but he didn't realise that. "What you think I am? Just a beddable thing?!"

 

"No... Murdock, I'm sorry, I'm... believe me, I'm terribly sorry, please. I... I... I..." Face ran out of words. There he had it. Murdock was mad at him. There would be no more comfortable afternoons and evening chats with Murdock. He might admire him from the distance, like Murdock still admired Simon. That's what it got him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this. I... just can say it over and over again: I'm sorry. Don't despise me." He went silent for a moment. "I'd better be going..."

 

"Oh no, you're not going anywhere." Murdock held Face back. At least the sudden anger made him forget Simon for a moment. In that, Face had kept his promise. "Do understand, please, that I am not free to fuck." Murdock spoke slowly, calmly and over clearly. "I don't want the quick pleasure, not the physical relief. If I wanted just that, I'd do it myself. Clear?!"

 

Face nodded unhappily. His Christian education sighed with relief, as the danger of homosexuality seemed to be averted, once and for all. But unfortunately his heart didn't give a shit for his education. "Murdock, I..." he started an explanation, but Murdock wouldn't listen: "That's all. Now go." Murdock turned his back on Face to demonstrate how absolutely their conversation – and maybe friendship – was ended.

 

"Murdock?"

 

"Leave me alone."

 

Face nodded, although Murdock naturally couldn't see it, and left.

 

+++++

 

Face followed his unit through the jungle. He knew, he was likely to be killed. He was not alert enough. His mind was occupied with Murdock, not Charlie, as it should.

 

Just *why* had he done it? It should have been clear to him, that Murdock would react like that. – Had it been purpose, maybe? Had his education played a foul trick on him, so he wouldn't end up in a gay game? If so, his education was just about to kill him. Anyway, he began having his doubts about the homosexuality-thing. Wasn't love just love? Did God really make a difference, what sex the one you love had? And, be fair, the Church wasn't too much into sexuality anyway, be it homo or hetero. Sometimes Face thought, the church would prefer humans to reproduce like the plants do.

 

"Dodge!"

 

Face threw himself onto the ground immediately. Irony had it, that he'd land right next to Simon Lessing, the man Face envied so much, because he could have Murdock, if only he wanted to. Face looked around. It was not the best place they've landed. They had to reach some better cover. Face started crawling, Simon close behind.

 

Next thing Face registered was a bang that almost deafened him. Then there was nothing for a few seconds. And then: pain.

 

Face looked down his body and found his legs dripping red. No........... No........... No........... The word repeated in his mind all by itself. The image of a young man crept into his mind. What had his name been? Gary? Gary something...

 

No............. No........... No........ No..... No...

 

He heard groaning behind him. Simon, he thought. Of course, Simon... Face turned to see him. His belly was one bloody mass, that started dissolving. Simon was good as dead. And he himself?

 

"Face..." Simon muttered. He reached out his hand, covered with blood. "Face..." Actually Face couldn't hear his name, he merely read it from Simon's lips.

 

The sound of helicopters drowned the sound of combat. Face felt two strong arms grabbing for him and dragging him along. It hurt his legs like hell, but he was almost grateful for that. At least he still *had* legs that could hurt. Maybe he lost them anyway, but for the time being he still had them, not like that guy Gary. Face looked, Simon still lay there, trying to keep his bowels inside, literally.

 

"Simon, Simon, get Simon!" Face cried out.

 

"No need to rush," Nelson Varric, who was dragging him, replied. "He's dead, man."

 

"No, no, he's not, go get him!" Simon disappeared from his sight, as Nelson turned around to put him on the chopper.

 

"SIMON, GET SIMON! ANYBODY, GET SIMON, PLEASE!!!"

 

+++++

 

Murdock had asked for a leave. And due to the miserable state he was in, he'd got it. He wouldn't have been able to work properly, worrying about two of his best friends like he was. He'd almost lost them in the morning. Face and Simon had been hit by a hand grenade. The same one. What irony! His ex-lover and his wannabe-lover.

 

Face was better off by far. He had only his legs injured, he didn't even run the risk of losing them. – Well, only a very small one. He'd seen worse. Simon, on the other hand... Murdock didn't know who brought Sim, but he was thankful to the extent for that person. Despite that, Simon could still die. He'd been operated, but... Murdock sighed.

 

+++++

 

Face lay in a bed, still a little dizzy from the medication. His legs were completely wrapped. But that was ok. He'd keep them. He'd live and he'd live complete. With Simon, though, chances were not so good. Obviously somebody hadn't counted him among the dead, while he was still breathing and crying out for help. Someone had carried Simon to a chopper. Face was thankful for that. He didn't want to imagine Murdock's grief, if Simon died. This way, they could at least say, that they'd tried everything.

 

"Face?"

 

Face looked up, not believing the voice. "Murdock?" He shifted a little in his bed, uneasy.

 

"I... I got a leave. Four whole days!" He smiled a little. "I'm too deranged to fly, the Colonel said." The smile died.

 

"He's got a crush on you," was all Face could think of to say. Of course, the tension between them didn't dissolve at that.

 

"Thanks," Murdock said, serious.

 

"What for?"

 

"For Simon." Murdock sniffed and blinked and the tears were gone before they could form. "Nelson went back to get him. He told me, you wouldn't keep still." He paused. "Thanks."

 

"No need to thank me. Nelson went back, not me." And he cast a meaningful look at his bandaged legs.

 

"I can't very well thank Nelson, can I? I'd give myself away. But you I *can* thank. So... Thank you, Face. – Nelson wouldn't have gone back if you hadn't insisted like that."

 

Face shrugged it off. "I would have done it for anybody." He looked away. It was not quite the truth. It *had* been for Murdock for a big part. But Murdock didn't need to know that. Face didn't want Murdock to feel like he owed him. "This other thing, I really want to apologize. I shouldn't have done it," Face changed subject, the incident really pressing on him.

 

"All forgotten." Murdock suddenly grinned. "I should feel honoured, y'know. By the way: I just spoke to a doc, Sim's gonna make it, he said. – He'll be sent home, though."

 

"That's great. – That he'll make it, I mean, not the sending-home-bit."

 

Murdock nodded. "Well, it wasn't designed for eternity, anyway. I'm glad he's alive and... He's gonna marry his girl. I hope he'll be happy with her." Murdock's voice faded towards the end.

 

Face took Murdock's hand. "He's a good man. I heard what he said to you that night. And he's right: You deserve better, you deserve 100 %, not less." He stroked the hand absently.

 

"That's something I've been thinking about a lot, you know? Why exactly have you been there?" Murdock asked, not pulling his hand away, strangely enjoying the caress.

 

Face blushed. "I..." He pulled back his hand. "Don't get mad at me, Murdock, I was... I was watching you." He blushed even more.

 

"You..." Murdock fell silent. He didn't quite know what to make of that now. "But..."

 

"I liked you so much, when you were... at it..." Face confessed. He had to get through with this, now. If not now then never. And no matter how embarrassing the situation was, and no matter how much he felt, all his blood must be in his head, turning it deep red, he obviously still had some blood left to erect his penis. The memory of Murdock, coming, was too much to be ignored. "I... never looked on you as a beddable thing, as you called it. I guess, I just... fell... in love."

 

"Oh", was all Murdock could say. After a few seconds he got up, said, he'd go and visit Simon.

 

Face, fallen in love with him. Face, the womanizer of the army. Face, who could get just any girl to do just anything with a brief smile, or just his eyes. Face, who he'd thought was a friend, a very good one, a close one, but not more than a friend. Face...

 

+++++

 

Murdock dropped the letter Sim had written him. He was back home and preparing his wedding. Murdock wasn't sure, whether he should be happy about the letter or not. On one hand it showed, that Sim did care for him, not minding the wedding-stuff. On the other hand, it made it impossible for Murdock to forget him. Again on the other hand, he didn't *want* to forget him. He sighed.

 

"Bad news from home?" a young guy asked, as he passed by.

 

"Not exactly. It's just... Forget it." Murdock got up, smiled lightly at the guy and left. He looked for Face. Not that he'd walk up and talk to him. When he had visited him in the hospital, was about the last time he'd spoken with him. Murdock still refused to believe that Face, above all, should fall in love with *him*. There were so many girls around, and Face still did meet them, for that matter. And even if he had set his heart on men, there were so many boys around looking a lot better than him.

 

Why he did look for Face in times, watched him, was simple: It was consoling. It reminded him of the times, before Face had given him that one kiss. Murdock found him near the munitions. He was playing cards. Funny, how he still found men to play cards with him, since everybody knew he was cheating. Face laughed, chatted, appeared normal, smiled.

 

Murdock also smiled, bitterly. Couldn't be so badly in love after all. Murdock felt alone. This time it did not work, getting comfort from just watching Face.

 

That moment Face looked up. His smile faded, as he saw Murdock standing there, alone, looking somehow enveloped in darkness. Murdock looked away and turned to leave.

 

"Here, play on for me," Face handed his cards to just anyone who was watching the game, he didn't care who. Then he got up, followed Murdock. It was about time, he spoke with him. It's been three months, since they'd last talked. There hadn't been even trivial things, literally nothing.

 

"Murdock?" Murdock walked faster. "Murdock, stop! Please?" Face started running and caught Murdock at his arm. "Please, we need to talk. Please." Murdock stopped but didn't look at Face. He merely waited what would come next.

 

"Murdock, I... please..." he laughed listlessly, "I've never said so many 'pleases' in such a short time before. But it's all I can think of when I think of you."

 

Murdock turned to look.

 

"I know, you don't like me anymore. I screwed it up. But, oh, for god's sake, *TALK* to me!" Face gave an unhappy sigh. "We used to be friends, after all, didn't we?"

 

"Friends?"

 

"Yeah, friends." Face let go of Murdock's arm that he was still holding. "Sorry. Apparently there's no sense in this." He stepped back. "Sorry to have bothered you." Now he turned and walked away.

 

Murdock didn't quite understand that pain in his chest, when he saw Face leaving. It was almost as if... No, that couldn't be. "Face?" he called out, nevertheless. Face stopped, did not turn, waited what would happen next.

 

Murdock stepped in front of him. "What you told me back then, is it true?"

 

"What you mean? That I've... fallen..."

 

Murdock nodded. "Is it?"

 

"Why would I say it, if it wasn't true?"

 

"I don't know, you tell me."

 

"It is true."

 

"Still?" Murdock had a strange feeling in his chest, as if someone was sucking on his heart. He'd never had that before. Face nodded after a second of hesitation. "Then, why all these girls?" Murdock asked. "D'ya really think I believe it, when ya... 'hm-hm'... just any girl within your reach?"

 

"You want me to stop seeing girls? No problem." Face offered without hesitation, not minding the evident hope in his voice. He completely threw himself at Murdock's mercy. Sure, Murdock *had* hurt him before, unwillingly most probably, but he had. Face just had to run that risk. Otherwise he'd go crazy.

 

Murdock shook his head. He did not believe it. Face without girls? No way.

 

"So what do you expect from me?" Face asked impatiently, misunderstanding the headshake.

 

"I don't expect anything." Murdock said and left. And as he did so, he again felt that strange sucking sensation at his heart. It was almost as if his heart was still beside Face instead of in his chest. Murdock turned around, to sort of look for his heart. All he could see was a miserable figure standing in the falling twilight. Murdock went back.

 

"Face..."

 

"Yeah?" Face looked up, hope displayed on his face.

 

"Why the girls? I just don't get that. If it's true, then how can you... you know..."

 

"If you can't get what you really want, you take second best. – Can't I be *your* second best?" Face pleaded, rushing forward. He wanted that man in front of him so badly, he was prepared to do just *anything* to get him.

 

"Why would I want a lover who's content with the second place?"

 

Face looked down at his shoes. "Because you would make him happy?" he replied tentatively. "Because he would want nothing more than put you in first place?"

 

"Well, I hardly think this is time and place to discuss this", Murdock said after a minute of consideration, that had appeared like eternities to Face. "Why don't we meet today – tonight, let's say... just outside the camp?"

 

+++++

 

Face, for the first time in his life, wished he was smoking. Smoking seemed to be just the thing to do, while he waited outside the camp for Murdock to show up. He was nervous as never.

 

"Face? You there?"

 

"Where else would I be?" Face answered, astonished that his voice sounded so cool.

 

Murdock stepped out of the darkness of the night. "So?" he asked.

 

"So what?" Face asked back. "You postponed this. I've already said everything I had to say."

 

A silence fell around them. Finally Murdock looked Face straight in the eyes and said: "You would be happy as second? I don't think so. Nobody can be happy with the second place in the long term."

 

Face felt like he'd been punched with a steel fist. How could Murdock say that? Wasn't it exactly what he had offered Simon a few months ago? "Tell me one thing, Murdock: Are you worrying about me or rather yourself?" he asked, his hurt and anger apparent in his voice.

 

"What?"

 

Face did not answer but put his arms around Murdock, drew him near and kissed him, fully on the mouth, forcing his tongue between Murdock's lips, stepping so close, Murdock *had to* feel his hardness. After a minute he withdrew. "If I can do that, I'll be just fine."

 

Murdock noticed, that his pulse had accelerated, when Face withdrew. His heart almost hurt in the effort of beating. And something was not quite right with his stomach, too. And deeper down... Deeper down was utter chaos.

 

"So, you liked to watch us, when we were at it?" Murdock asked in a dreamy voice.

 

"You, I liked to watch just you." There was not much sense in denying anything, so he didn't. Christianity in the back of his mind was unhappy as could be, but Face fought it down.

 

"What did you like most?" Murdock asked teasingly, having a guess.

 

"When you... When Simon made you come." Face blushed. Christianity yes or no, he was just not used to talking like that to a man. Be fair, not even women! He *did* it with girls, he *did* make them come. But he never talked about it.

 

"So, would you like me coming tonight?" Murdock asked on, his voice low and seductive. However he didn't await Face's answer. He bent forward to kiss him instead. Pulling up his shirt, stroking him, letting his hands slip under the waistband. Face backed away. "Why's that?" Murdock asked, rising an eyebrow.

 

"I don't know." Face had suddenly felt uncomfortable with Murdock's touch. Was that damned church still not out of his system?

 

"You'll have to decide, baby, yes or no."

 

"Yes. – I... I just rather..." Face shrugged. He was too confused with the situation to explain, or even comprehend anything. But Murdock came up with a solution on his own: He dropped his pants. Face saw that he'd made some impression on Murdock. *Quite* some.

 

"You rather want to just watch, is that it?" Murdock asked as he folded his fingers around himself. Face stared. Murdock moved his hand.

 

"No, no, not like this," Face protested, shoving Murdock's hand aside and replacing it with his own. But then he froze. He was unable to move just any muscle of his body. Where had the self-confidence gone, he'd felt only seconds ago?

 

"You never did this before," Murdock stated, a smile tugging at his lips.

 

"Mh-mh", Face managed to answer.

 

"I guess a little help will come in handy, then?" Murdock started moving his hips. Face moaned, as he felt hard flesh move under the thin, delicate skin in his hand. He felt his knees weaken, his vision ran circles and his breath stuck. Murdock moved faster now. But Face was still unable to move. He was much too preoccupied with sensing. Murdock moved faster. The odd moan escaped him now. He grabbed Face's shoulders to steady himself. And Face was happy to see that twitching face so near, as Murdock came.

 

"That's the strangest way I've ever done it", Murdock said after a while, grinning, when he had cooled down a little.

 

"Me too..." Face muttered confused and embarrassed.

 

"You too? Don't get cross, Face, but ah, strictly speaking, you didn't do anything. – Not that I mind it."

 

Once again Face blushed. He felt so silly and inexperienced.

 

"That reminds me," Murdock went on, "You didn't do anything and... you hadn't had it." Murdock made a checking touch. Face moaned loudly and shivered with arousal. "Somebody should do something about this, don't you think?"

 

Face shook his head. No.

 

"Why?!" Murdock was getting irritated. Face sure was complicated. He wanted it and he wanted it not. And then again he wanted it. But, of course being ignorant about it, Murdock missed what a difference a childhood in a Catholic orphanage could make.

 

"You don't understand," Face tried a poor explanation.

 

"That's right. I got not a clue." Murdock pulled up his pants, waiting for an explanation. "Tell me," as it didn't come.

 

"I'm a catholic. Does that ring a bell?"

 

Murdock laughed. "For a catholic you've been a really nasty boy already. D'ya really think coming yourself makes such a difference?"

 

"Yes, it does!"

 

Murdock became serious. "Well I don't think so."

 

"You haven't spent your life amongst nuns and priests, have you?"

 

"No. – Boy, did your parents dislike you so much they shunted you to the church?"

 

Face shrugged. "Guess so", he said.  "Don't remember them. You might say the nuns and priests were my parents."

 

"What? You mean, you..."

 

"The word's orphan. – No need to feel sorry for me, I don't know it any different. But maybe now you understand why it's a little difficult for me." It came out rather as a question. Murdock, again, seemed to have a solution for the problem. He sat down, crossing his legs.

 

"Come, sit with me", he invited his new lover. Face sat down. And before he could even wonder what was on Murdock's mind, he was pushed back. Murdock rolled onto him, pinning him to the ground, holding his hands in a tight grip above his head. He pushed one leg between Face's and started moving.

 

Face squirmed. He wanted to escape this, he... Oh, but it felt so good. The pressure, Murdock put on him, the friction. His muscles tensed, he was close... God, no! ... Face squirmed some more, but that only increased the sensations, so he stopped. Murdock was panting at his ear, letting go of his hands now and instead stroking him.

 

Face bit his lips in the attempt to keep quiet as his abdominal muscles tensed and heat rushed to his crotch.

 

Murdock above him giggled. "Guess there's someone in need for new underwear..."

 

"That ain't funny", Face complained breathlessly. He felt relieved and at the same time miserable with guilt. Coming himself had been the final step. Now it *was* homosexuality. Before that Face had had the illusion, that it wasn't. Before, it had been just sinful thoughts. He turned his head in shame.

 

Murdock kissed him tenderly on the cheek. "Sh, all's alright." He wiped some hair off Face's forehead.

 

Face turned his head even further. As far as his body was concerned, yes, all was alright. But when it came to his soul, Face still doubted.

 

"Baby, do you really think God bothers who you come with?" Murdock asked softly, forced Face's head straight again and kissed him on the other cheek.

 

"I was brought up in the believe that he does."

 

"That's nonsense. God wants people to feel good. – And don't you feel good? I surely do. – He wants people to love each other. And you said you loved me... And I begin to... just fall in love with you, baby."

 

"What about Simon?" Face asked, hesitant to believe what he'd just heard.

 

"Simon, he don't want me. – And I don't want him anymore, either. The sex with him had been good, great – he *does* have a hell of a body, after all. And a hell of a technique, I can tell ya. But the rest, we never got along so well, you know? I've been having better times with you."

 

"You have?" Face was perplexed. His guilty conscience forgotten momentarily.

 

"Yeah. It took me quite some time to figure it out. And I apologize for that. I only made us suffer. So sorry, darlin'." He kissed Face, this time on the mouth.

 

"I'd rather..."

 

"What?" Murdock kissed him again, a bit longer this time.

 

"Don't call me darlin', that's what Simon called you. Use the other one... baby. I like that one better." Face smiled shyly up at Murdock.

 

"Your wish shall be my command, baby." Murdock kissed him: on the eyelids, the nose, the cheeks and the lips. And, since he'd gotten aroused while indulging Face, he started another round. He undid both his and Face's pants, Face being not that reluctant this time. The step had been taken. He might as well confess two acts of homosexuality.

 

Murdock, being experienced in 'homoerotic lovemaking', led the way. He undressed Face completely, manipulated him, until he had his new lover panting and moaning. Face's contribution on the other hand was neglect. He had to trust that his ecstasy would arouse Murdock enough to come.

 

"Mind something new?" Murdock asked, out of breath himself. Face didn't understand what that 'new' would be, but nodded anyway. He was too aroused to bother. Only then it dawned to him, that Murdock might have spoken about fucking. And *that* would definitely be one step too far for Face. He gathered some words to formulate his protest, but never came to speak them out. Joyful lust swept all words out of his head, as Murdock carried him to new experiences.

 

Murdock had *not* spoken about fucking. He knew all too well, that that wasn't given the first few times. One had to do preparations for that. Physical, mental, emotional and... supplies. Men don't produce lube, when they have sex. Men have to bring artificial lube along.

 

But there's one thing, men can do just as good as any woman: Blow jobs.

 

"I'm... I'm... I'm..." Face tried to warn Murdock. Murdock understood and let the penis slip out of his mouth just in time. Then he turned his attention to his own cock. That, and Face shooting off, was enough for him to come.

 

Face cuddled closer to Murdock, who was still almost fully dressed. He was looking for shelter in Murdock's arms, for he had hardly ever felt so vulnerable before. He could smell fresh sweat and was attracted by it. Face felt like he could dive into that smell. Murdock embraced him, breathing in deeply himself. Seemingly he also liked, what he smelled.

 

Face gave a happy sigh. "Y'know, I really don't feel like second best..." he murmured at Murdock's shoulder.

 

"That's cause you aren't", Murdock answered, speaking into the soft blond hair. "Simon's right, you know? Taking advantage of the second best is unfair. I wouldn't have done this if I hadn't promoted you to favourite."

 

 

E N D

 


Second Best by Viskey

 

 


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