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This page last viewed: 2017-10-20 and has been viewed 1152 times


by Monte

Rating: PG
Copyright: March 6, 2004
Type: Light Slash
Pairing: Implied Face/Murdock
Status: Complete
Summary: Murdock is at the VA and thinking about how much he misses Face.
Warnings: Angst over lost relationship. Mental anguish. Sadness. I was mean to Murdock in this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or make any money from this work of fiction.
Comments: Please.
Beta read by: no one yet
Dedicated To: For Val and Franne, as part of my act of 'Val'or :-)


Murdock wandered around his room, trying to relieve the boredom he felt. He
walked over to the dresser and pulled open the top drawer. Under his socks was a
picture of Face on Murdock's last birthday. He smiled as he recalled the events
of the day. Face had made sure it was a great birthday.

Murdock set the picture on the nightstand by his bed. He pulled out the notes
and letters Face had written. He perused the words of love, wondering again why
he couldn't just let it go. He knew it was pointless. Face had been clear when
he said he didn't and couldn't really love him.

He dropped the letter onto the bed and talked to Face's picture. He talked about
the past, meeting Face and becoming his friend. He talked about the few good
times during the war. He continued to speak long after lights out.

The nurse passing his room didn't pay much attention to him as he reminisced
aloud in the dark. Many of the patients in the VA talked to themselves.

Slowly the hours slipped past. Murdock's voice had quieted to a whisper as he
spoke of his love for Face. In a way, he knew he would always love Face. He
reached over and hugged his large grey teddy bear to his chest. Face had given
it to him for his birthday.

"So you have something to hold when I can't be there with you," he had said.

Eventually, Murdock fell silent. The memories of the times he and Face had made
love tumbled through his mind. It was wonderful while it lasted but it ended all
too soon. Hot tears slipped down his cheeks and fell onto the soft fur of the
teddy bear.

Murdock couldn't help but miss Face. It still hurt to see him with a beautiful
woman. It cut deeply into his soul to remember the night Face had said goodbye.
Murdock felt like he was sinking into a deep dark hole.

In a whisper, he confessed, "If I wasn't already insane, I think you would have
driven me crazy, Face. I love you so much it's killing me. I can't take it any
more. Make it go away, please. Just make it go away."

The morning sun found Murdock curled up with his teddy bear. Sobs shook his body
as he gave up the fight. All he wanted was Face but Face didn't want him.
Without Face, life was pointless. Murdock knew he couldn't go on being a part of
the team. It was simply too much for him to bear if he couldn't have Face.

It was only a matter of time until he would leave. A few things had to be taken
care of first. Then he would say goodbye. Face obviously didn't need him and the
team would get along without him. Murdock's mind was made up. He had tried and
failed. He had to cut all ties to Face. It was the only way he knew to keep the
insanity from swallowing him forever.



Memory Lane by Monte



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