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Dear Mama

Dear Mama

BySoulseeker

 

Rating: NC-17 for strong language, descriptions of and conversation about rape and slashy thoughts

Summary: B.A. writes his mother

Notes: Any sentences in [ ] indicate real conversations

Disclaimers: Don't own anything so all they'll get from me if they sue is my cat.

Beta'd by: Violet!

 

 

 

                                                    Dear Mama

 

 

    Dear Mama,

    [ Ah change my mind. Ah feel stupid. Faceman this is the craziest thing Ah ever did. Ya gittin' ta sound like crazy man over there. Don't need both of ya' ta go 'round tha' bend.]

    [Will you just trust me here? I know what I'm talking about. I read about this guy who was in prison for twenty or more years. Somewhere in Switzerland I think. Anyway, to keep himself going, he started to visualize making a clock in his head. Never so much as opened the back of a watch to see how it worked. Anyway, he built this clock in his head, piece by piece, cog by cog. When he got out, he made the clock that he imagined. It worked perfectly and it's now in the Smithsonian Institution or somewhere like that. Trust me, it'll work.]

    [Then why ain't it workin' on tha crazy fool? He needs ta try this if ya' ask me. Man ain't made no sense since we known him. Now he worse. Whatcha' gonna do 'bout him?]

    [I don't know, B.A. I just don't know. Listen, just give it a try, o.k.? What harm could it do?]

    [Alright already. If it'll shut ya' up, Ah'll try jus' 'bout anythin' ta get ya from naggin' me.]

 

    Dear Mama,

    Ah'm writing this letter ta ya in my head. It was that Faceman's idea. He said that if Ah wrote ta ya in my head, it'll keep me focused. Keep my mind sharp and off tha' pain and it'll help with tha' boredom in the cage. Your baby boy, only child, is in a fuckin' cage, taken prisoner by the V.C. Yeah, mama. Ah know, Ah know. Language. Ah figure that it's alright if ya don't actually get the letters. B'sides, Ah can tell ya' all sortsa things and Ah know that ya won't have nightmares from it. Not like ours. Ah guess it's impossible for ya' to know how Ah feel or think when Ah'm so far away. Ah know ya' worried 'bout me. Us. Not knowin' if we dead or 'live. Well, we's 'live. Sorta. These gooks never heard of tha' Geneva Convention. After we were taken prisioner, we had to go on a forced march for the better part of a week. Didn't get fed nothin' and they jus' shot guys for tha hell of it, it seems like. When we got ta tha jungle camp, we knew it'll be bad. Just bamboo cages out in tha open, fulla guys. No shelter from th' sun or rain. The only real buildin's were the interagation rooms and the offices for the gooks. They got shelter from the elements. The whole place's surrounded by barbed wires and guards. No walls. Be easy ta' spot walls from the air Ah guess. We learn that the guy in charge is General Choa. A real bastard that one is. The horror stories that we hear about 'em is true. Everything. We was taken inta' rooms by ourselves and made ta' strip our uniforms off. Then we were interrigated. Bare ass naked. Wasn't really embaressed 'bout that. Bein' on tha' football team took away any shame of bein' without clothes. After th' first time, showerin' with a bunch of guys ya' don't really know is a real eye opener. Every man got the same thin' as you do. Some more then others. After the beatin', which was kinda bad, Choa came in and raped me. Let the guards have their turns too. Woulda fought 'em, but they tied me down too good. Ah think that hurt worse then anythin'. Havin' another man do that to me was just about the worse thing Ah think coulda happen to me. Ah'm proud ta' say though, they didn't get any information outta me. None. Not even after Choa was though with me and threaten ta' let the guards have their fun. Told 'em ta' go fuck himself. That got a black eye before the guards started their turns. You'll be proud of me, mama. Didn't cry in front of 'em at all. Even though I wanted ta'. Daddy always said that a real man wasn't afraid ta' cry. It just showed the world that he could love someone and wasnít afraid ta' show it. I'll write more later. Tired now.

Love, Scooter.

 

Dear Mama,

    Still feel kinda silly doing this. Been here for about a month Ah think. Hard ta' tell how many days has passed. Ah wasn't gonna say anythin' to the rest of th' guys about the rape. Jus' happen ta' once, but tha others came out 'bout it first. Hannibal said that it wasn't anythin' ta be ashamed about. Choa was just tryin' ta show us who was in control. If we didn't let it touch us inside, he had no control over us. Makes sense in a way. Only happen once, so he was only doin' it ta break us. Well we ain't broke yet. Choa tries hard though. Ya wouldn't believe the things he does ta us. Or actually, what his top interrigator does ta us. Except for once or twice, Choa doesn't do the torturing. He perfers ta hurt the pilots instead. Ya can't imagine tha shape that some of these poor suckas are in. Most are almost dead. Don't know why he hates them so much. Thank God that he doesn't know about Murdock. Guy wasn't wound to tight ta' begin with b'fore we got here. No tellin' what Choa's lil' chats would do ta 'em. That's what Choa calls them. His lil' chats. Gotta go now.

Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Hungry alla time now. Only gets one meal a day and it's not enough ta' keep a rat alive. Mosta tha shit they give us is fulla maggots an' rotten. We been eatin' grass and bugs ta' try ta' keep alive. Didn't taste as good as it did when I was lil'. Didn't think I'd 'member those stories did ya? Didn't know that hunger feels like it's 'live. Always nawin' an' twistin' my guts. Fillin' my head with thoughts a food. Hard ta' think 'bout nothin' 'cept when tha' next meal comes from. We all keep a lil' bit back ta' give ta' somebody who needs it more. Lotta guys need extra food 'cause they tha' sickest. Me, Ray an' a few others are big ta' begin with. We can stand ta' cut back if it means that one more guy makes it in this hell hole.

    Love, Scooter.

 

     Dear Mama,

    Ah think that this is getting' easier ta' do. Ah know that Hannibal spends mosta his time thinkin' of a way ta get us all out. We don't leave any man behind. Ray said that he's buildin' up his farm in his head. Crops an' stuff. He's gonna marry his childhood sweetheart, a girl named Trish when he gets outta tha' service. We met her on one of our R and R's. Face had her flown in. Ya'll like her, mama. She's a tiny lil' thin'. We all like her. Hannibal has Face busy 'memberin' all the guys names, rank an' what branch of service they in. He has a few others doin' the same thing. Said that when they got out, they would need some sort of record about who was there and who'd died. Murdock, well, Murdock's Murdock. Still crazy as ever. He spends his time talkin'. Always talkin' or singin'. Nothin' that'll be of any use ta' th' V.C. Unless they really wanted to know who got old Mr. Jackson's cow drunk an' how they got the principal's car up ona roof of their highschool. We do other things too. We all been taking lessons from somma th' medics thatís here.

    Love Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    It's me again. Short note here. They whipped my back pretty good. The pain's numbin' a lil'. Hannibal's holdin' me. That's 'nother thin' we do here; hold each other when we need it. Anythin' ta' make us not feel so 'lone. Faceman got me somethin' for the infection that Ah got. He got clean up duty at the doc's hut. He tries ta' sneak stuff out when we needs it. Nonea us like ta go there voluntarily. Somea tha' guys there accidently 'dies' when they there. Everybody's hangin' tough. Nobody broke yet and it'll stay that way.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Face and Murdock got a sick bet goin'. Who ever got the most bruises wins. Don't know what the prize is, but Ah think it's weird. Told Ray that after they took Murdock 'gain. He just said ta leave 'em alone. Just 'bout tha' only way we can check Murdock out is to count his bruises and compare 'em ta Face's. That's 'nother weird thin' 'bout that dude. He the only one we gotta force to let us check 'em out. That's what we do when onea us get back from interrogation. He just say he fine and try ta' hold us off. Don't know why. 

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    We lost a guy last night. Some Marine Corporal. Didn't know 'em myself but word made it though tha' prison grapevine 'bout 'em. Some guard got too rough with 'em and he bleed ta' death from tha' inside. Usually, they's real careful when they hurt us. Choa don't want no perminate damage. Would spoil his fun if we died too soon, so they's careful 'bout breakin' bones an' stuff. Hurts us just enough ta' make it last but nothin' to kill us accidently. Face mentally added that guy ta' his 'dead' list. He also knew some sorta trivial thin' about 'em. Think it was somethin' ta do 'bout his lil' sis's nickname. Said he knew lil' stuff about ever'body. Asked 'em how he keeps ever'thin' straight an' he said that he's Catholic. Asked 'em what did that have ta' do with anythin' an' he told me that he once won a bet by memorizin' alla tha' Saints names. Said also that it let 'em sleep through a religious class. Sister asks 'em 'bout a saint an' he knows all 'bout 'em. Seems like they gotta lotta saints for just 'bout ever'thin'. Made sense that he'll do anythin' for ta win a bet. Or get out of som'thin' he don't wanna do.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    It's happened. Choa knows that Murdock's a pilot. I ever get my hands on tha' one that tattled, he'd wished that I'd killed 'em quick. They came for crazy man ta'day, draggin' 'em outa tha' cage, yellin' an' hittin' 'em. Took me, Ray and Hannibal ta' hold Face back. Had ta' sit on 'em ta' keep 'em from goin' after Choa. Knew that if he went after tha' General, he'll get killed for sure. Can't stand ta' lose two brothers ta'day.

    Love Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Been awhile, but I'm still here.

 

    [Is he back yet?]

    [He look like he here?]

    [I was just asking a question.]

    [Whatcha askin' stupid questions for? Ya see he ain't here.]

    [Just asking.]

    [A'ways askin' stupid questions. Jus' like crazy man.] 

    [No need to bite my head off, you know. Just hope he's o.k., that's all.]

    [Crazy man's tough. He be alright.]

    [You really believe that?]

    ['Course I do! He too nuts ta' die. He'll live just ta' piss me off.]

    [Yeah, I'm worried about him too.]

 

    Sorry 'bout that Mama. Faceman asks tha' same question ever' time he comes back. He here yet? No, he ain't back yet an' wish that he'll stop askin'. We all worried 'bout 'em. Can't help that. Ain't heard nothin' from tha' grapevine. Don't know if he dead or 'live. Don't know what Choa's doin' ta 'em. I just know it's drivin' me crazy with worry over that fool. Thank that's ta' worse of bein' here. Pain I can deal with. Hunger an' hate too. Just can't deal with not knowin'. Not knowin' if he gonna come back or not an' if he is, what kinda shape he gonna be in. Talk ta' ya' soon.

    Love Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Well, we know he still 'live. We heard tha' General's cook, lil' dude named Lin Duc Coo, singin' a cowboy song. Knew it had ta' be Murdock that taught 'em that 'cause he got somma tha' words wrong. He startin' ta' sneak us food now. First, we didn't wanna trust 'em. I mean, he the enemy an' all but when we didn't get caught for eatin' tha' food, we decided ta' trust 'em. Also knew that if he got caught passin' us food, he die too. Anyway, he said that Murdock's still 'live. Hangin' in there and he ain't broke yet. General tryin' hard though, hurtin' 'em real bad at times but he not gittin' anythin' from 'em. He also told us who ratted out Murdock. L.T. Thomas Angel. That rat bastard. By now, ever'body in camp knows who tha' traitor is an' now he bein' protected by Choa. Hope they both choke on those stakes they eat. We know 'cause ever' chance he gits now, he gloats. Wish he'd step a lil' closer ta' tha' cage. Jus' close enough ta' wrap my hands around his smug lil' neck an' squeeze jus' enough ta' hurt 'em real bad. Maybe enough ta' keep 'em from talkin' ever again. Can't believe that onea our own turned on us like that. Ain't nothin' that'll ever make me do somethin' like that. Gotta go,

    Love Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Ah think Face's gonna lose it soon. Angel keeps comin' by an' startin' shit up. Stuff like how much Choa's enjoyin' Murdock. Enjoyin' hurtin' 'em real bad. Have ta' sit on Face when that bastard comes by. Wish Ah could say that he lyin' but we all know that Choa likes hurtin' tha' pilots. Likes hurtin' 'em real bad. Hope for all our sakes that he'll hang tough. Hope he lives through all this shit jus' ta' piss off that Cong general. It's tha' only way that he'll ever get any satisfaction outta all this. He won't give up for anythin'. Gotta go now. They comin' ta' take me.

    Love Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    They brung Murdock back. He in bad shape. Never thought Ah'd see anybody in that bad a shape b'fore. Too skinny. Don't think he ate much when he was gone. Pro'bly didn't feed 'em much. Either that or he wasn't able ta' eat at all. He huddled ina corner, won't let anyone touch 'em or come near 'em. Jus' screams when we try. Don't know what alls been done ta' 'em. Don't think he knows who we are. Face been tryin' ta' talk ta' 'em. Tryin' ta' get though ta' 'em. We had ta' drag Face away from 'em at first. Ever'time he tried ta' get close, crazy man jus' tried ta' squeeze hisself through tha' bars tryin' ta' get away from 'em. Had ta' drag 'em off so that he wouldn't hurt hisself. Hardest thin' we had ta' do is ta' jus' leave 'em be.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Took awhile, but after two daysa non-stop talkin', Face finally got though ta' 'em. First thin' outta that crazy man's mouth was, 'I win.' Stupid ass bet. But it did give us a openin' ta' check 'em out. He jus' let us take off his shirt, wouldn't let us touch 'em below tha' waist. He covered with bruises, welts, cuts an' burns. Never saw anythin' like this b'fore. None of us ever came back like this b'fore. Can't help but wonder what he's hidin', but know that no way in hell he'll let us check there. We 'spect he been raped. More then once, most likely, only he won't let us check.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Face is takin' it hard. Murdock stopped eatin' an' talkin' again. Not that anythin' he said made sense, but at least he was talkin'. Now he jus' sits in tha' corner, starin' inta space. Ray said he's withdrawn from reality. Went insidea his head ta' get away from tha' pain. Face don't like it one bit. Said he could get stuck in there an' never come out again. We seen guys like that in here. They jus' fade away an' die. Face has ta' do a lotta talkin' jus' ta get 'em ta eat. When he ain't here, we haveta jus' 'bout pry his jaws open an' shove tha food inta him. Ah know that ah complained 'bout his big mouth b'fore, but ah'd rather hear 'em run his mouth then this. Least when he talkin' we knew he was in there. Somewhere.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    They came an' took Murdock again. Jus' as he gittin' better, they take 'em again. Face wasn't here, he was taken tha' day b'fore. Don't know how ta' break tha' news ta 'em. He been spendin' a lotta time lookin' afta tha fool. Don't want nobody else ta do it, but we make 'em let us help. Can't let 'em make hisself weak by not lookin' afta hisself, so we look afta tha botha 'em. Hope they don't keep tha' fool for long. Longer he gone from us, tha worse he gets.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Face's back. They keep 'em for 'bout a week. Ah was right, he didn't take tha news good. He rantin' an' ravin' an' we tryin' ta keep 'em calm. He already got one busted rib, don't need more if tha' guards come by. Lin came by an' slipped us food again. We lost two more guys ta malaria. Hit us all pretty hard, 'specially  b'cause Face had managed ta smuggle out medicine for 'em. Hell, for mosta tha camp. Don't know how he manage it, but we glad he does. Without tha' stolen meds, we'da los' more then half tha camp. They comin' for me now. Gotta go, more later.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Ah'm back an' Hannibal hasta feed me. They hurt my hands pretty bad, but Ray said no perminate damage. Jus' can't use 'em for a few days. Gotta depend on tha other guys for stuff. They took Ray soon after Ah got back. They don't keep us as long as they do Murdock. Hope he o.k. Gotta go. They jus' brung back Face an' he look kinda bad.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    They brung back Murdock ta'day. Right back ta' where we started with 'em. He in tha corner an' we talkin' ta 'em, tryin' ta get though ta 'em. Don't know how much he can take of this. He gettin' worse ever time they take 'em. When we do get ta check 'em out, we find out he gotta fever. Infection set in. We know now why he shuggs us off when we tried ta check 'em out b'fore. Seemed his old man hit 'em a lot when he was lil'. Kept beggin' his daddy not ta hit 'em no more, he'll be a good boy. Can't imagine a father beatin' on his own kid. Ah know it happens but it's still wrong. Face said that that's tha first time he's ever been glad that he an orphan. Me and Ray agree that if we ever run inta his daddy, we'll make sure he feels ever' bruise he ever gave ta' Murdock.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Seems that all Murdock'll do now is sleep. Curls up ina corner an' jus' sleeps. We haveta wake 'em up ta eat or else he'll sleep all day. Don't understand it an' ever'body else is concerned too. 'Fraid that one day he won't wake up. Onea tha medics said that it ain't natural ta sleep that deep for that long. We told 'em, too, that Murdock had been complainin' that he cold alla time. Can't understand that. It's hotter then hell here and that lunatic said he freezin' ta death. Gus, that's tha medic's name, said that he lost a lotta body fat when he lost tha weight. Loss of body fat makes ya cold. We keep tellin' 'em ta dream of warm places.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Sorry it been awhile, but it's been tha same ol' same ol' here. That is, 'til two days ago. They brung Murdock back. He been in a lotta pain, more then usual. They did somethin' ta his back. Stuck needles inta 'em 'til his back got numb an' then took 'em out. Been in agony 'til now. Lin had said that done right, there wouldn'tve been any pain. Acupuncture, that's what he calls it, is suppose ta stop pain, not cause it. So we know that it's on purpose. Now he layin' half on Face an' half on me. He gigglin' at somethin' that only he can see, pointin' at somethin' that ain't there. We got 'em on his side, ta keep pressure off his back and tha broken ribs. Ah seen his eyes. He stoned for sure. Face gave 'em somethin' bout an hour ago an' now he just stokin' his head. Comfortin' 'em.

 

    [Whatcha give 'em, Face?]

    [Don't know what your talking about B.A.]

    [Ya gave 'em somethin'. Ah saw ya. So what ya' give 'em?]

    [Just a little something to edge the pain off is all. Nothing more, nothing less.]

    [Ya lyin' man. A lil' somethin' don't do this ta 'em. What kinda shit did ya' give 'em? An' ya better tell me tha truth!]

    [I just got him a little, hear that, a little bit of coke. Not enough to get him addicted, but enough to keep the pain away until he recovers from this.]

 

    Ah'm stunned by this. Medicine is one thin'. This is another. There ain't no way in hell that he'd been able ta' jus' 'sneak' cocaine out. Not enough ta cause this reaction. Ah start ta get a bad feelin' 'bout this.

 

    [How ya git it?]

    [I just did, o.k.? Don't worry about it.]

    [Donít fuckin' tell me ta' not worry 'bout it! Ah wanna know how ya got this shit an' Ah wanna know now!]

    [I got it from where I get everything; the doc. That's all you need to know.]

    [That ain't all Ah need ta' know. Whatcha haveta do ta' get it?]

    [I asked him for it, that's all.]

    [Had ta' do more then jus' ask. Now tell me or Ah'll make ya' tell me. An' you ain't gonna like it if Ah make ya!]

 

    He still ain't said nothin'. Jus' looked down at crazy man an' tighten his hands in his hair for a second. He got this look on his face that Ah ain't seen since the first time he admitted he'd been raped along with tha' resta us. Tha' look was gone in a second, but Ah still seen it. Ah couldn't believe it. Face was whoring hisself ta' tha doc. Ah get madder then Ah ever thought Ah'd git.

 

    [Ya sonofabitch! Ya sellin' ya ass ta tha doc, ain't ya? Can't believe ya' doin' that! After what ya know they puttin' Murdock though, ya jus' lettin' 'em fuck ya?! Ya ever think 'bout what Hannibal'll say 'bout this? Don't think Ah ain't gonna tell 'em, 'cause Ah am! Jus' soon as he an' Ray git back! Whatcha gonna say ta' Murdock, huh? Don't think this won't hurt 'em? Ya know it will. Might as well jus' kill 'em now, cause when he find out, an' ya' know he gonna find out som'way, it'll do more damage then Choa ever done ta 'em.]

    [You fucking hypercrite. Listen to that sanctimonious bullshit! Do you really believe that crap your sprouting? So much self-righteous outrage now! Now after all this time. You didn't question how I got that salve for your back, did you? Not one peep when Hannibal had pneumonia and I got ... thatís right ... I got the pills that cured him! Not one raised an eyebrow when half the camp was down with malaria and I got their cure! I did what I had to do for the good of the camp. What did you expect me to do, huh? Would you rather have me watch all those men die? Watch Hannibal and Ray die? Watch you lie in pain and possibly die from infection? Would you, huh? Did you enjoy watching Murdock in pain, screaming until he lost his voice? Did you? Do you realize that I could've gotten just about anything for his pain at anytime? Why wait until now? Why wait for him to go though two solid days of unbareable agony when I could've did something days ago? Huh? Why? I'll tell you why! I'd hoped that the pain would've eased off. Gotten better without doing what I had to do. Hannibal knows. He doesn't like it, but he knows. Known for months. So you can get that little potential blackmail out of your mind. And I know that you won't tell Murdock. That would be just as bad. You couldn't be that cruel. And what do you mean by I 'let' him? Think I would've really had a choice? Would've happened anyway, but this way, I can save some lives, make life here in hell a little more bareable for somebody else. Besides, who said that I was the fuckee? Maybe I'm the fucker. Maybe the doc likes taking it in the ass! I just imagine that I'm somewhere else. Kinda like Murdock when he gets quiet, you know? I just pretend that I'm with someone I love. Besides, like I said, it's not often and only when we need it. Look, I won't ask you to understand this. God knows that you don't approve, but, what else would you have me to do? I'm not gonna turn traitor like that bastard Tommy Angel. I'm just trying to help any way I can. And I won't ask for your forgiveness. You're not the one that I would need it from, anyway.]

 

    He jus' looked down at Murdock an' kept strokin' his head. Crazy man finally 'sleep an' Ah don't think he understood what we said anyway. Then it hit me like a sledge hammer. The way Face looked at the fool when he thought nobody was lookin' at 'em. Tha' way they took care a each other. Tha' way that sometimes Murdock wouldn't listen ta' an'body else but Face. Theys in love. Two fools in love with each other. In a way, it kinda made sense for these two. Don't think nobody'll be able ta stand the crazy man except for tha L.T. Don't bother me none. Nonea my business anyway. Ya always taught me that nobody chooses who they fall in love with, long as it's true love, don't matter who they is or what color they is. Never thought that two guys'll find true love in this hell, but, hey, ta each his own. Better each other then they goin' ta a whore that might be workin' for tha V.C. Heard stories 'bout them girls shovin' glass inta their cunts ta cut off soldiers dicks when they fuck 'em. Oh, damn! Guess this means Ah owe Ray ten bucks. Shit, Ah hate ta' lose a bet almost as bad as Face. Oh well, no sense in tellin' 'em anythin' now. He'll only gloat 'bout it anyhow.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Ah kept thinkin' 'bout what Face said tha other day. 'Specially after it took Murdock three days of pain 'fore he got better. Three days of constant pain woulda killed 'em for sure. Not sayin' Ah like what he doin', but Ah can say Ah understand 'em a lil' more. That shit he gave ta Murdock allowed 'em ta live for now. He right too. Nonea us questioned how he got tha' meds. Jus' assumed that he stole 'em. Can't say that Ah coulda watched my brothers die one by one either. Lost too many guys already. Ah jus' know that Ah couldn'ta made a decision like he did. Wish ta God he don't haveta do shit like that for much longer. Hannibal better come up with som'thin' soon.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    They took Murdock an' 'nother pilot tha other day. Pulled a jeep up ta tha cages an' took 'em right outta tha camp. Think Face's slipped more than a lil'. He jus' sittin' there, starin' inta space like Murdock useta do. Woulda gone on like that until Ray finally told him ta pull hisself tagether. Told 'em that Murdock'll need 'em when he git back. When, not if. We all prayin' for when.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    After two days, they finally brung Murdock back. Jus' Murdock. They didn't bring tha other guy back and we can't git Murdock to respond ta us. Not even Face can git though an' that's sayin' somethin'. He jus' sits there. He don't even huddle in tha corner like he always used ta' when they brung 'em back. He jus' ain't there anymore. Don't know how long he can last like this. Ah don't wanna lose my lil' brother like this. Hannibal got ta find a way out soon. Please God, let it be soon.  

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Well, Murdock ain't no better. He'll eat if we put food in his mouth an' move if we make 'em. Other then that, he don't do nothin'. He been like this for weeks. Hannibal said he close ta a plan. Hope it works. Hope ta actually talk ta ya soon. Ah mean, really talk. This, what Ah'm doing now, helps, but it ain't like really havin' ya here. I miss ya so much.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Murdock came around a lil'. Jus' tha two of us in tha cage. Ah was thinkin' of you, of growin' up in Chicago when he started ta come around. Scared tha hell outta me when he first talked. Got kinda used ta him jus' bein' there in tha same cage, but not really bein' in his right mind. If he ever been in his right mind ta begin with.

 

    [Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, B.A.?]

    [Hey, man, ya finally awake. Jus' thinkin' is all.]

    [Thinkin' 'bout what?]

    [My mama. Ah was thinkin' 'bout my mama an' where Ah grew up.]

    [You got a mama?]

    ['Couse Ah gotta mama! Whatcha think Ah got?]

    [I just thought you hatched outta mudsucker egg and hit every branch of the ugly tree on your way down.]

    [Crazy fool. Outta hit ya for that one! Stop talkin' crazy an' try ta sleep. Need ya energy. Ever'body gonna be glad ya back ta your ol' crazy self.]

 

    As a joke, it wasn't up ta his usual standards, but Ah'll take what Ah can git. Thought that'd be a sign that he be gittin' better, but it wasn't. When the guys got back, he was back ta starin' inta space again. Ah told 'em what happen, but Ah don't think they really believed me. Even though they know Ah don't lie. Ray even went as far as sayin' that Ah was just wishin' it hard enough and Ah jus' thought it happen. Ah know what happened even if they don't believe me.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Sorry it been 'while since Ah last 'wrote' ya. Been seperated from tha' guys for 'while. They came an' put me in a cage by myself for a good long while. Didn't touch me atall. Didn't know why at first, until they brung me back. Somma th' other guys gave me dirty looks when Ah passed their cages. Didn't understand it when onea 'em spit at me. Hannibal told me when Ah got inta tha cage that the gooks been tellin' ever'body that Ah talked. The team knows that that was a lie, but tha' others weren't so quick on tha up take. Guess if Ah seen 'em lead som'body off an' told us that he'd talk, Ah mighta believe it myself. 'Specially if that guy came back without a scratch on 'em. Took Ray, Face, an' Hannibal two days of tell 'em that Ah didn't crack b'fore they believed me. Said tha General jus' told 'em that ta divide us. Make us weak an' break us down even further. Told 'em that his plan was workin' if they listen ta that shit that he was spreadin'. After that, tha mood lighten up an' they stopped listenin' ta tha gooks. Why would they listen ta tha enemy is what Ah wanna know. Hope we get out soon.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Jus' me an' Murdock 'gain. He came out of it a lil' 'gain. Ah can't believe what he asked me. Still can't wrap my mind around what he asked me.

 

    [B.A.?]

    [Ya 'wake 'gain? Ya' better stay 'wake, ya' hear me? Don't want ever'body lookin' at me like Ah lost my mind. Ah ain't crazy like you.]

    [Carl's dead.]

    [Whose's Carl? That other guy they took ya outta camp with?]

    [Yeah. Carl Miller. He's dead.]

    [Ya jus' said that. Sorry 'bout 'em, man.]

    [Do me a favor?]

    [Whatcha want?]

    [Gotta promise me that you'll do it first.]

    [Ain't gonna promise 'less Ah know what it is first. No tellin' what ya have me do.]

    [Promise first.]

    [Tell first.]

    [Promise first.]

    [Tell.]

    [Promise.]

    [Tell.]

    [Promise.]

    [Tell]

    [Promise.]

    [Tell!]

    [Promise ... please.]

 

    That's tha first time Ah heard 'em say 'please' ina long time. First time he ever asked som'thin' of me since we been here. Hell, first time he asked period. Maybe Ah lost my mind here after all 'cause Ah told 'em Ah would. Shoulda held out longer. Maybe onea tha other guys woulda got here an' saved me from this.

 

    [They ever come for me like they did before, when they took me and Carl, kill me.]

    [Do what?!!]

    [Kill me B.A. I can't go like Carl. I just can't.]

    [How he die?]

    [Slow. Very slow and very bad. Just can't go like that. Don't make me have to die like that. I know I'll die here, but God, not like that. I'd rather you do it. A friend who'll make it quick. Just snap my neck. Won't take much.]

    [Ya ain't gonna die, fool. Ya too crazy.]

    [Gotta die someday. Rather be by you.]

    [Why me, huh? Why don't ya pull shit like this with tha resta tha' team? Why don't ya ask Face or Ray or even Hannibal? Why lay this fuckin' shit on me?]

    ['Cause I know you'll do it. Face ain't strong enough. Hannibal'll try ta talk me outta it. Ray'll probably hold off too late, to give me a chance to change my mind. Face would just try to stop both of them anyway. You're the only one I trust to do this. To not hesitate and to make it quick. If I have to die, I want it to be by someone who loves me. You're my big brother. Do this for me. Please.]

 

    God forgive me, Mama. Ah had ta do it. Had ta promise 'em an' pray that Ah'd never haveta carry it out. Tha look in Murdock's eyes when he told me that Carl had died slow an' bad, it's hard ta describe. Mostly pain an' terror, but there was som'thin' else. Som'thin' that Ah'd never seen in som'body's eyes b'fore. Couldn't tell ya what it was, don't know myself, but it made me do tha hardest thin' Ah ever thought Ah'd ever do b'fore. Ah promised ta kill ona my best friends. Promised ta kill 'em ta save 'em. God, what have Ah done?

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Murdock's slipped back inta his catatonic state. That's what Face called it. He did stay better for a lil' while after Ah promised 'em ... what Ah promised. Stayed better jus' long enough ta get ever'bodies hopes up a'fore he slipped back. Didn't tell an'body 'bout what we talked 'bout. That's jus' b'tween the twoa us, you an' God. Ain't they business nohow. B'sides, Face'll jus' argue with me when tha ... if tha' time comes. Fool's right 'bout that. Ah'm tha only one ta do it. Hannibal better hurry up with his plan. Ah really don't wanna keep this promise.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Hannibal's plan worked. We humpin' though tha' bush, makin' good time. Ah'm carrin' Murdock, too sick an' weak ta' walk hisself. He'd gotten worse afta tha' last time Ah wrote ya'. Tha' last few weeks seemed ta' fly by, no time ta do nothin' 'cept concentrate on tha' plan ta break out. We managed ta git ever'body out; tha' live ones anyway. Choa, Lin, Angel an' tha' other higher ups wasn't at tha camp when we broke out. Really woulda liked ta kill that fuckin' traitor an' tha General. As it was, we hadda kill all tha guards that was left. Strange as it might sound, didn't mind doin' 'em. Don't care if that makes me a bad person. They tortured an' mamed our guys for tha hell of it; they got what they deserved. Me an' Ray woulda liked ta blow tha camp but knew that it woulda brung ever' gook in tha neighborhood down on us. Woulda like ta rig a boobytrap, but we knew we wouldn'ta had time. We pushin' it now ta make it far as we are. Gotta put as much distance as we can from tha camp. Hope ta really see ya soon.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Ray carrin' Murdock now. We takin' turns; me, Ray an' a few others. We's tha stongest so we carry tha ones that can't make on they own. That crazy fool tha sickest though, but he hangin' in. Don't know how though, jus stubborn Ah guess. 'Specially afta we los' a guy ona trail. We all took that hard. Ah mean, we on our way ta freedom, we made it. We lived though hell an' som'body dies. He lived though Hell, only ta die in freedom. Wonder if that's how our ancestors felt when they escaped from slavery. Too live though under tha worse conditions, ta risk they lives for liberty, only ta lose ona they own on tha way ta freedom. Wonder if their spirits sank as much as ours. Wonder if they tucked their hurt down deep inside an' jus' concentrated on puttin' on foot in front of another, like we are. Can't think 'bout tha ones that died, it'll jus' hurt worse an' we gotta focus on gittin' outta here. My heart hurts.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    Think that Murdock finally los' what lil' mind he got left. Started ta talk 'bout a dog that ain't there when we stopped ta rest. He said only he can see him, he invisible. 'Course he invisible 'cause he don't exist. Nearly caused a commotion lookin' for tha damn thin'. If it wasn't for Face, woulda throttled tha fool.

    [Whatcha lookin' for, sucka?]

    [Billy. We left Billy behind!]

    [We didn't leave nobody b'hind. We got ever'body out that was 'live.]

    [We didn't get Billy.]

    [Whose Billy? Ona ya pilot friends? Ya tha only pilot left 'live, crazy man.]

    [No, not a pilot. My dog, B.A.]

    [What dog? You ain't got no dog.]

    [Yes I do. His name's Billy. He's invisible.]

    [Ain't no such thin' asa invisible dog. Ya off ya nut 'gain.]

    [ Is such a thing as a invisible dog! Billy's just a lil' fella. We gotta find 'em!!]

    [What's going on, B.A.? What's got Murdock upset?]

    [Face, this fool's goin' on 'bout an invisible dog. Wants us ta look for a dog that ain't there. Ah don't care what he says, an invisible dog don't exist! You gotta straighten this fool out 'fore Ah strangle 'em!]

    [Help me find 'em Face! B.A. don't wanna help me look for 'em.]

    [What's your dog's name?]

    [Billy. He's just a lil' guy, Face. We gotta find 'em! Help me find 'em, please?]

    [When's the last time you saw him?]

    [The camp. Saw 'em at the camp. We musta left 'em behind. He won't be able to survive on his own. He's just a baby, Face!]

    [Just calm down, huh? Was he tied up or anything? Think. This could be important.]

    [No. No, he wasn't tied up. Wasn't in the cage with us that day, I don't think. He was in the middle of the compound the last time I saw 'em.]

    [So he was running free, huh?]

    [Yeah. So?]

    [So, he running around by himself. Right?]

    [Yeah. So?]

    [So he's a dog, right?]

    [Yeah. So?]

    [So, a dog can track things. Sniff people out. Right?]

    [Yeah. So?]

    [So? So he's a dog. A dog can track people. Billy'll be able to find us wherever we go. He'll sniff us out and find us. He'll follow along behind us. And don't worry about the V.C. Nobody but you can see him, so they won't be able to follow him to us. O.k., now?]

    [Yeah, you're right! He'll find us! He'll be here soon, 'cause he's a good dog and good dogs can track the best. Thanks Face.]

 

    Ah cornered 'em later, afta we finally calmed tha fool down enough ta sleep a lil.

 

    [Whatcha go an' 'courage 'em like that for, Face? Now he never gonna be alright. Talkin' 'bout dogs that ain't there.]

    [What would you have me to do? Let him get hysterical and frantic; risk drawing unwanted attention? Going along with him now got him calm. Kept him from hurting himself. We'll worry about his mind later. Let's concentrate on getting us the hell out of this nightmare, o.k.?]

 

    Hate ta think that he's right. Ah ain't gonna 'curage him in that foolishness, but Ah ain't gonna stand inna way of som'body goin' 'long with that nonsense. Jus' do 'bout anythin' ta keep him quiet now. Can't have 'em gittin' loud 'case we run inta enemy patrol. Hope ta see ya soon.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Dear Mama,

    We ona chopper now. Ran inta friendlies, our guys. We on our way ta a base camp an' then ta a hospital. Murdock's real bad off. Face ain't too far b'hind 'em. Got hurt on tha trail. Tha resta us gonna be fine. Talk ta ya soon.

    Love, Scooter.

 

    Ring. Ring.

    [Hello. Baracus's residence. Mrs. Baracus speaking.]

    [  ]

    [Hello. Who's this?]

    [  ]

    [Look, Ah ain't got time for games. If this is an obscene phone call, Ah wish that you'll get on with this. Ah've got things to do.]

    [Mama?]

    [Is this ... is this you Scooter? Is this my baby?]

    [Yes, mama. It's me. It's Scooter.]

    [Oh, thank you Jesus! My baby's back! My baby's back!]

    [Oh, mama. Please don't cry! Ah'm a'right now. Please don't cry. You know Ah can't stand it when you cry.]

    [Ah'll stop cryin' if you stop cryin!]

    [Ah love ya' mama.]

    [Love you to, baby.]

 

 

The End.

Author's note: The story about the clock maker is real. I read it somewhere, but I can't remember all of the details. By the way, lots of cryin' on the phone call.

    

 


Dear Mama by Soulseeker

 

 


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