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This page last viewed: 2017-12-09 and has been viewed 1922 times



by Susie Owens


Rated: PG 13

Summary: Response to Murdock's Dark Side Challenge. The team grieve for their friend and try to understand.

Warning: Main Character death

Author Notes: I hope this turns out. It's something that has been in my head forever.




Hannibal sat in the diner his head in his hands. In his mind he was running though everything that had happened the day before but no matter how hard he tried, he could not come up with a reason why it had happened. All he could think about was why? Why had Murdock done it? It was so pointless. What had he been trying to prove?


Clenching his fist, he got up slowly and turned to his other two men. "I'll be in the van."


BA nodded as he watched Hannibal leave. He turned to Face. "The colonel's hurting bad."


Face looked up from slowly stirring his coffee and glared unemotionally. "And we're not?"


He sighed as he went back to stir his coffee. "Why did he do it, BA? Why?"


BA shook his head sadly. "I don't know."


"But it was senseless. What was he thinking?"


"At least you got to say goodbye," the sergeant replied softly.


He looked at Face but knew that his words had gone unheard, the lieutenant too was thinking back to the day before.




Murdock sat at the controls trying his best to get the plane to obey him. "Come on, baby, you can do it."


Face looked over at him. "Murdock, what's wrong?"


Murdock glanced across. "We've got a leak and we're losing fuel fast."


Face looked up at the gage and saw that Murdock was right. "What now?"


Murdock smiled at him but not his usual one. The smile made Face feel uneasy. "Murdock?"


"You and the guys, you've gotta jump."


"Me and the guys? Don't you mean *we've* got to jump."


"No, I mean you guys. I've got to stay with the plane." Murdock spoke so calmly that Face wondered what was going on.


"Why? That's crazy. We have enough parachutes."


The plane jerked again before Murdock could answer. He banged hard on the controls then spoke sharply to Face. "Face, you've gotta go, *now*."


"Hannibal will never agree."


Murdock shook his head. "Face, please, I have to stay. I have to make sure that no one gets hurt."


"Murdock, we're in the middle of nowhere."


"Face, who's the pilot here, you are me?"


"You are, but I know where we are. You can jump too. We've done it hundreds of times before; you never had a problem then.


"You just don't understand."


"What? What don't I understand?"


Murdock was silent for a moment, before slowly nodding. "Okay Face, you do have a point. We are away from residential areasÍ I just want to try and keep the plane in one piece."


"Murdock, right now you are far more important then this plane."


The pilot just sighed


His friend placed a hand on his shoulder. "You okay? You don't seem yourself today."


"I'm fine. I'll be with you in a few moments."


The conman got up. "Okay. I'll tell the others."


Murdock acknowledged Face with a wave of his and sighing deeply returned to finishing up what he was doing.


After he was done Murdock followed Face out to the cabin of the plane. Hannibal looked at them knowing something was wrong by the strange far away look on his lieutenant's face.


"What's wrong, Face?"


"We've got to jump."


Hannibal looked at Murdock who nodded his head. The look in Murdock's eyes made him feel uneasy. For some reason he felt that this would be the last time he would see his friend. But shaking off the feeling, he went to help Face and Murdock get BA ready for the jump.


BA was the first to leave the plane his parachute opening automatically. Hannibal looked at Face. "You go next, Face."


Face looked at Hannibal then at Murdock. "See you two on the ground."


Both men nodded as Face jump. Hannibal then turned to Murdock. "You're next, Captain."


Murdock nodded as he went towards the door. Suddenly Hannibal felt himself being push and before he could stop himself he was out of the plane. The push took him by surprise, but soon he had things under control as he pulled on his ripcord and his parachute opened. As Hannibal floated down towards the ground feelings of concern and anger ran thought his mind. Why had Murdock pushed him out and what was he still doing in the plane? There was no reason for it. They were nowhere near any residential areas.


When he landed Face ran over to him. "Hannibal, where's Murdock?"


After untangling himself from the parachute Hannibal looked up at the sky as he watched the plane heading for the ground.


"Hannibal, where's Murdock?" Face said again, more loudly this time.


Hannibal watched as the plane descended and replied in a low far away voice. "He didn't jump. He pushed me out."


They heard the plane as it crash into the ground and saw the flames as they engulfed it. Face ran towards the down plane, Hannibal right behind him. When they reach it at first all they found was debris. Then Face spotted the cockpit and raced over to it. He grabbed hold of the door, the flames burning his skin, but he didn't care. He dragged Murdock out and away from the plane. "Murdock? Hey come on, open your eyes. Please Murdock."


Noticing the Murdock was not breathing, Face quickly began CPR. He kept doing it hoping he would get a response. Slowly Murdock opened his eyes and looked up. He tried to reach up and touch Face but he was too weak. The conman took Murdock in his arms.




"I'm sorry, Face."


"Sorry about what?" Face's voice chocked.


Face never got a reply. Instead he watched helpless as his friend fought for breath, jerking in his arms with every labored cough. Then suddenly, the big brown eyes widened and the pilot seemed to relax, going still in his arms. The eyes closed, for the last time.


Face looked down at Murdock and knew he would never see his dark brown eyes again. Holding Murdock's body, he cried.




BA went into the men's room to be alone. He was hurting just as much as Face and Hannibal were. He stood by the mirror and looked long and hard at it thinking to himself. Fool why? It was so unfair. I never got to say good-bye. Who do you think you are doing this to us?! What gave you the right?!"


BA pounded his fist into the bathroom wall and made a dent in it. The big man splashed water in his face to keep himself under control. Glancing up, he caught the reflection of Face as he stood by the doorframe watching him.


"Hannibal's waiting. We better go."


The sergeant nodded, took a paper towel and wiped his face.


Face slowly walked over to him. "BA, I'm sorry I snap at you..."


BA nodded his head. "I know, man, don't worry 'bout it. We handle the fool's death in our own way."


Face smile weakly. "Thanks, BA."


BA returned the smile.




Hannibal sat in the van. He was having so many feeling at once. He felt angry with Murdock and at the same time he missed him. Hannibal had been told by his father that suicide was the coward's way out and yet Murdock had done just that. The colonel kept playing over and over in his mind the day before on the plane. How had Murdock moved so fast? Why hadn't he paid more attention to the pilot? This was his fault. Not Murdock's. He should have just Í


He stopped knowing that it would do no good. Taking out his cigar, he began to look for a lighter.


"Damn it, where's that stupid lighter?" Hannibal pulled down the glove department and a folded up piece of paper fell to the floor. Reaching down, he picked it up and slowly began to read.




Together the two men when out to the van. When they got there they found Hannibal holding a letter, tears running down his cheeks. This took them both by surprise. Hannibal never cried. Face sat down and looked at him.


Hannibal felt that he was not alone. He sighed heavily and said. "I found it in the glove department." Slowly he began to read.



To my family


I hope you can forgive me for what I've done. I know that you are all hurting but I saw no other way. No, please don't think I'm suicidal. If there was another way I would have taken it. But there wasn't. This is not easy. Sorry for the water spots but I was crying. I found out that I have cancer. I guess all that smoking in Nam finally caught up with me. They tried to remove it but it was too far gone.


Guys, I didn't want you to see me die, not like that. I saw my uncle die of cancer and I didn't want you to go thought that. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me but I wanted to die the only way I felt free.


Your teammate and friend





Face wiped away his tears and looked at BA and Hannibal. He had already forgiven Murdock and he knew by the looks on their faces that they had too. Now all they had to do was forgive themselves.



The End


Why by Susie Owens



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