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A Bit Of A Chicken Run 1-4

A Bit Of A Chicken Run
by Cabaret

Rating: PG 13 Humour
Summery: Chicken Run, A Team crossover. What if the A Team were roosters? What if they were specially trained Roosters? What if they then escaped? What if their escape went slightly wrong? This a tale of roosters, gooseters, chickens and eggs, of romance and violence, lucky escapes and dodgy weather, bravery, bad advertising and heroic deeds that are all common place in a chicken's life. Deeds that are often over looked, but not in this story, the chickens have spoken.
Warning: Chicken Run spoiler. There is some reference to cruelty to chickens and some minor character deaths. If you don't want to see the Team as roosters, then don't read it! You may also have issues eating at KFC after this... all part of my dastardly plan of course!
Authors note: The A Team are all roosters, not people, ok? And you don't really need to have seen Chicken Run to appreciate this. However this did start off as pure fluff due to an over dose of MSG!
Thanks and blame: This is all thanks to my family, who taught me how to laugh and see the ridiculous in everything. And the blame? Well that lies with the members of the VA who encouraged me to actually finish this, Rosebud, Kathleen, Maestro, Franne, Tuesday's Raven, Shark and Chiller, thanks guys! And of course a big thanks to Jipster who took the bait....
Disclaimer: Chicken Run isn't mine, neither are the A Team, also many of the parodies could not have been possible without the people who made the original ideas that aren't mine in the first place. I'm just using the ideas so I can finally stop dreaming about chickens!
Comments: Yes please again



Part 1

"In all my life, I've never heard, such a fan-tastic..... load of TTTTRRRRIIIIPPPPPEEEE!!!!" Bunty shouted out the last word to waken the coop from Ginger's dream of freedom from the farmers and a life away from laying eggs to be stolen. "Aww let's face it ducks, the chances of getting out of here are a million to one."

"Then there's still a chance." Ginger said with as much optimism as she could muster and left hut 17. She held her optimism for a few steps into the night, then crumpled her beak into her wings and sobbed.

"You know, it could be worse." An American voice said. "You could be stuck in a box." Hannibal said as much to the chicken sobbing as to Face.

"Or a cage." Murdock followed.

Ginger looked up in surprise and saw two boxes and two cages. She wasn't sure what was in the boxes, but a hefty built black rooster was growling in one of the cages, and a.... a.... Well, she wasn't sure what it was, but it was in the other cage, he wore a blue baseball cap, had rooster tail feathers, a long neck that was doubled back and resting on his long wings. Wings that looked like they could fly. Ginger was stunned, but she approached them, ever ready to help a fellow feathered, what ever it was, he did look uncomfortably cramped, and the boxes seemed friendly enough.

"Where did you come from?"

"Fell off the back of a truck." One of the boxes said.

"Face, that's yo' explanation fo' everything." BA snapped, he was also cramped and not in a good mood, he wasn't used to being in small cages. "And it's only cos that crazy fool pushed us!" BA glared at Murdock.

"I was stretching ma wings, and testing a theory. Guys, boxes and cages are *not* aero dynamic, sorry to break it to ya like that."

"That cage of yours gonna be aero dynamic when I get outta here, Roosters don't fly."

"Face you out yet?" Hannibal interrupted.

"I'm workin' on it Colonel." Face said with some annoyance, they'd only just landed, he was an artist and artists need a little more then ten seconds to finish their work.

"Perhaps I can help." Ginger offered and opened the first box. She found herself starring at the first all white rooster she'd ever seen, tail feathers and all.

"Thanks lady." Hannibal smiled and jumped out of the box.

"The name's Ginger."

The second boxed shuffled a little and a blond and tanned rooster appeared.

"Nice to meet ya babes." Face grinned.

"The name's....."

"Ginger. Right?" Hannibal finished.

"Yes." Ginger was a little stunned. Roosters, with the exception of Fowler of course, rarely paid her any respect. She always had to earn it, much like she'd fought and earned everything else in her chicken farm life.

"Well Ginger, it's nice to meet you. I'm Hannibal." Hannibal extended a wing and shook her wing. "This is Face, BA and Murdock." Ginger remained mesmerized on the brilliantly white rooster. "Uh well, as Murdock decided to end our journey a little quicker then planned, you mind tellin' us where we are?"

Face finished picking BA's lock and started on Murdock's cage.

"Oh, I-I'm terribly sorry... How rude of me...... um, what do you mean where are you?" Ginger's feather's were all a flutter at these new arrivals, but she heard the familiar growl of Mr Tweedy's dogs. "Look, can we finish this inside?"

"Forward, isn't she?" Face said with and upward glance and raised eyebrow from his work, "nearly done Murdock."

"Oh please hurry up, we don't need three roosters and a.. a... well, you'll all be for the chop if they find you." Ginger said as she ran back to hut 17.

"Unlikely, but I guess there's no sense welcoming an axe to our necks."

"You feelin' ok Hannibal?" BA eyed Hannibal with concern. "You bump your head on impact or somethin'?"

Hannibal grinned and lit a cigar.

"C'mon ducks, no time to explain, get these cages out of sight!" Ginger yelled through to the hut.

Hannibal watched with admiration as the organized troop of chickens ran out of the hut and quickly hid away the boxes. BA was heaving his own cage when it suddenly got a lot lighter.

"Need a hand with that chuck?" Bunty winked, BA just smiled and the two stored it away with ease.

"OK Murdock, you're free." Face announced as he swung the cage door open.

"Oh Face." Hannibal warned. "Foot in mouth disease."

"Actually, tha' should nae affect chickens." A Scottish voice chirped. Mac quickly checked Face over, lifting his wings, legs and peering into his beak.

"Hey! Watch it! Now that's just... Owww! Watch the tail feathers! Now that's private! Hey!" Face protested as he was examined.

"You're clean!" Mac said, poorly hiding her secret delight at giving this blond rooster the once over.

"Of course I'm clean! Ruffled, but clean."

"An smellin' o' roses Ah might add."

Face smiled at the brashness of this funny Scottish hen.

"Free? I-I'm free?" Murdock's long neck uncurled and craned out of the cage.

"Uh oh." Hannibal said slowly, "now Mur-dock..."

"Please hurry." Ginger urged.

Murdock sniffed the ground and gingerly stepped out. He arched his neck up and stretched out his wings, showing an impressive wing span.

"Ooo are they back from holiday too?" Babs asked with her knitting in hand and usual innocence.

"Oh shut up you idiot!" Bunty snapped, "we don't have time, get back inside."

"Well there's no need to be rude about it." Babs exclaimed. Bunty sighed and rolled her eyes as she jostled Babs back inside.

"This is dirt! The real ground? I'm really outside? We made it! oh wow, real ground guys!" With that exclamation, Murdock ran towards the fence full speed, then looped back. "C'mon guys! We did it!" Murdock ran in delighted kamikaze circles.

"Well I don't see what all the fuss is about." Ginger said quite bemused.

"He's never touched the ground before." Hannibal explained.

"Yeah, literally and mentally." Face added.

"C'mon guys, lets get him back." Hannibal said, not really wanting to, it was one of the reasons for the escape in the first place, and he didn't want to take this moment away from his Captain so soon.

"Hey puppy dogs, look! Real, live, dirt! Neeeaaaaawwwww...." Not seeing the gate between himself and his new friends, Murdock promptly slammed into it head first, the gate swung open and the two dogs advanced bearing their teeth at the unconscious Murdock.

"You had to say the 'F' word huh Face?" BA sighed.

"Well, he got the gate open." Face shrugged.

"Ladies, stay here." Hannibal rolled up his non-existent sleeves and marched towards the snarling dogs with Face and BA flanking each side.

Ginger watched wide eyed as an almighty cockfight ensued, she'd never seen chickens, much less roosters work so well together. And to take on Mr Tweedy's dogs? Well that was just unthinkable!

"Yanks!" Fowler exclaimed. "Always showing off!"

"Well at least they're giving it a go, and a jolly good one at that." Ginger defended.

"They'll buy it and soon too by the looks of things, you just can't attack Jerry with a front door manoeuvre."

"I wouldn't speak too soon Fowler."

The dust cleared as the two dogs ran whimpering back to Mr Tweedy, who began marching towards the gate.

"I love it... When a plan comes together." Hannibal said and promptly passed out on the floor with his three unconscious friends.

"Quick everyone, get them inside." Ginger ordered.

The A Team, along with their boxes and cages, were quickly hidden away, except for one box, which just wouldn't fit anywhere. Mac, being a whiz at origami, amongst her other many talents, quickly folded down the box, then refolded it to look like a chicken then placed it on a bunk. A pamphlet slid out during the folding and Ginger picked it up.

"Now the dogs are starting to go crazy." Mr Tweedy grumbled as he inspected the coops followed by two cowering dogs. Everything seemed normal, save for one chicken now wearing a 'This Way Up' jumper. "The wind musta blown the gate open, cept there's no wind........ It's all in me head, it's all in me head."

Mr Tweedy muttered and left.

Face blinked his new surroundings into existence. Many eyes were looking at him, he took a moment to remember where he was, he was used to everyone starring at him, but this unnerved him slightly. He tried to sit up, but his left wing gave way under him, he protectively held it up to his chest and discovered it had been bandaged.

"What happened?" He asked as he rubbed his head with his good wing.

"Ye suffr'd a guy nasty puncture wound that ripped your interior tendon connecting your radius t' ye humorous. I gave it a wee tweak and jimmied it up fae' ya."

"Oh thanks... uh?"


"Thanks Mac, what about my head?"

"Ya suffr'd a hefty Glasgae kiss."

"Huh?" Face checked his pocket for a phone number.

"You were head butted." Ginger translated.

"Aye hen, a right smacker n' all!" Mac added.

Face looked around and saw BA and Hannibal stirring.

"Where's Murdock?" He asked slowly, dreading the answer.

Ginger lifted the side of a bunk to reveille Murdock cramped in a snug corner underneath it.

"He's fine.... I think, hasn't come too yet. We put him on the bunk, but he crawled under it in his sleep. I don't mean to be rude, but what is he, exactly?"

"He's a gooster." Hannibal said as he got up and dusted himself off.

"He a crazy foo!" BA confirmed.

"A gooster?" Came the main question from the clattering chickens, mostly followed with "What's a foo?" and "Must be a karate expert of some kind." Also "Isn't that a kind of dish served in Scotland?" "No that's fried, not foo."

Eventually the cluttering died down, but mostly because Hannibal raised his voice.

"His mom was a goose his pop was a rooster, a lil experiment that landed us with him, one of a kind."

"Would you want anymore?" Face followed quickly.

"Well they did, but....." Hannibal trailed off. "Where is Murdock?"

Face pointed under the bunk.

"But what?" Bunty asked.

"Six eggs were laid, but only one hatched." Face finished.

"As far as we know." Hannibal added.

"Well he certainly is unique." Ginger exclaimed.

"Ha!" BA snorted. "That's one way o puttin it!"

"Can he fly?" Ginger tried to ask as casually as she could.

"Technically, yes, he can. Face calculated that body mass and wingspan, and he's defiantly built for it..... But he's spent nearly all his life in that cage, which has left him a little, well a little...." Hannibal wasn't sure how to say it, he didn't want to scare anyone off here.

"Eccentric?" Face offered.

"Eccentric." That was a word Hannibal could live with

"A crazy foo'!" BA couldn't.

"Do you think he wants some fried food? Or is it an Italian dish?" Babs asked.

"Oh I suppose we'll just get some take-out then?" Bunty said with annoyance,

"And maybe we could all go to the beach and play Frisbee after!"

"Oh that'd be just lovely, when do we leave?"

Bunty rolled her eyes and smacked Babs' head as lightly as she could, Babs flew forward across the room, landing beside Ginger.

"Is that how you play Frisbee? I don't think I want to play anymore."

"Bunty! Please don't confuse Babs anymore then she already is!" Ginger warned.

"Which is why" Hannibal continued, wondering how anything got done around here, "We don't mention the 'F' word in front of him, it sets him off." He glared at Face who smiled as innocently as he could.

"Franchise?" Babs asked, a little confused.

"No, Fre....." Ginger was gagged by Hannibal, as the bunk shuffled and Murdock emerged.

"Ola Chiquetas! What's shakin?" Murdock beamed.

"You OK Murdock?" Hannibal asked. Ginger saw the concern etched across Hannibal's face and was touched, she had been there too.

Murdock nodded. "You?"

"Yeah, we're all fine."

"Speak for yourself Hannibal!" Face complained, "I gotta puncture wound, that's left me with a ripped interior tendon, that connects my radius to my humorous."

"English? Espaniol? Putonghua? Francais? Deutsch?" Murdock asked.

"Yeah Face, you're not playing doctor now." Hannibal added.

"I sprained my wing and have a cut, but the other way sounds so much better, and it's a bad cut!"

"Well it's certainly more time consuming, do the chicks really go for all that doctor stuff Facey?" Murdock winked.

"Actually they go for my....."

"Uh Face?" Hannibal interrupted and nodded to the hut full of near hysterical chickens.

Face just smiled and nodded back.

Hannibal spun round and faced Ginger, wondering if this night would ever get sorted out.

"So you were saying?"

"Oh. Well, I thought you said I wasn't supposed to?"

"Why ever not?"

"What happened before, you know F-R..."

"Uh Ginger? He knows how to spell." Face interrupted, "Fun as it was the first time around, I'm not quite ready for round two."

"What are we talking about?" Murdock asked as he rubbed his head with little interest. He paused and thought for a moment, "Franchise?"

"Ssssshhhhh!!" Babs said with frantic concern, "Don't say that word!"

"Oh, sorry..... um, why not?"

"You're just not allowed duck, he said so."

"Why isn't the duck allowed to say that? Where is the duck anyway?"

"Well you're the duck, duck!"

"I'm not a duck Chiquita!" Murdock laughed, then drew a serious composure, "I'm a cat!"

BA smacked his wing to his face in exasperation.

"Foo! Since when have you been a cat?"

"Since they gave me these kitten heels, see? I'm an inch taller." Murdock simply explained.

"Funny looking cat I must say." Babs remarked.

"I'll have you know, I make a very good cat! I'm getting whiskers next week."

"Well if you're a cat, then I suppose you can say the 'F' word."

"Can you say it too then?"

"I forgot it." Babs said, her brow furrowed as she tried to remember the word.

"I think you just said it." Murdock looked around him for a reaction then heaved a sigh of relief. "I think we're safe, the duck must be out of range."

"Oh, is he fr...."

Ginger leaped onto Murdock and covered his ears as she anticipated Babs' thinking.

"....ree range?"

Murdock got up, helped Ginger up with an odd look and dusted himself down, he was about to question her action, when Babs asked,

"Well is he?"

"I dunno, but this place is bad news, since when have ducks ruled speech anyway?"

"My one can go on like this for hours, how bout yours?" Hannibal asked Bunty quietly.

"Since her egg was laid and not stopped yet." Bunty said as she sighed.

"Thought so." Hannibal replied and wondered just what the world was in for.

"I mean, the last place was bad, but they never stopped us talking." Murdock continued.

"Somehow I wish they had." Face was getting a headache. "Can we get to a point? Any point?"

"But we haven't even gone anywhere yet!"

"Are you going anywhere nice?" Babs asked a bit lost now.

"Not if we go back."

"But I thought you hadn't gone?"

"Ok we'll stay then, but we need to work out this 'F' word thing."

"We can't say it."

"Why not? The duck's not here."

"Yes you are duck."

Mac guided the two to a corner of the hut as they continued their conversation.

"He's got a point you know, this place is bad news." Ginger couldn't believe she found a point from all of that.

"Yes as you were saying?" Hannibal said, noting the dismay on her face, he'd seen it so many times before, and it always looked ugly, especially on such a pretty face.

"Oh don't you start now! I don't think I could handle another round of that!" Bunty almost shouted.

"No, I mean from before, you were about to tell us where we landed."

"When?" Bunty was now confused.

"Just now." Hannibal said.

"My head hurts." Face groaned.

"Oh right!!!" Ginger twigged and wondered if the last ten mins could have been avoided if Hannibal had just said that in the first place. Everyone looked so confused and confused chickens was a bad thing.

"This, is a chicken farm."

"Dear lord, thank you for small mercies." Face clasped his hands together in mock prayer, then winced from the pain in his wing.

The situation was soon explained and Babs and Murdock were separated, mostly for their own good, but also because there was a shortage of Aspirin.


Part 2

"So?" Ginger could barely contain her desperation. "Will you help us?"

"Lemme get this straight. All of you want to escape." Hannibal rolled his cigar between his feathers.

"That's the idea, all of us."

"Well, why ever not then?" A slow smile spread across Hannibal's beak.

Face hid his in his wings with a sigh. "I could give you a very long list of reasons you know."

Hannibal gave Face that untrusting and jazz filled, 'trust me' look.

"So then, it's true? This really is you?" Ginger held up the leaflet she'd found earlier.

"Now that truly is a good picture!" Face chippered up.

"That's you?" Bunty said with a mixture of disbelief and.... disbelief.

"Yeah that's us alright, wanna ask him just how many photo sesh's we had to sit through for it? Cos he wouldn't stop squawkin?" BA grinned.

"Oh but BA, it was so worth it, now that's an advert! You guys look great...... you'd look better with me in there too of course." Murdock said.

"Murdock, we've been through this before, you're the secret weapon, remember? Stealthy silent and dangerous." Hannibal threw a wing over Murdock's shoulders.

"But I don't wanna be a secret weapon, I wanna be an exposed weapon! Striking fear into the heart of our enemies..... Who are our enemies anyway?"

"Well if you'd just fly Murdock like you're supposed to, you could strike a lot more then fear."

"You kiddin? they strap a bomb to your back if you fly! I may be crazy, but I ain't stupid! 'Sides...." Murdock looked down. "They never gave me a chance did they?"

"Well they're not here anymore, but there's other they's now, who won't strap a bomb to your back, but they'll, strap something else to you, and believe me, you wouldn't like it."

"I might, how'd you know? What is it anyway?"

"Sage and onion." Ginger said firmly.

"I don't much like onions, they stick in your throat and make ya well up like BA when he's told he gotta do a drop."

"I tole' ya before, Roosters don't fly." BA eyed Murdock, with a determined stare.

"Well neither do cats."

"Well you all look very nice, but I don't see how it helps us?" Bunty cut in on Murdock's pout.

"Look what's on the leaflet guys, this is how we're gonna get out." Ginger said with confidence, or as much as she'd had for a long time now.

"We're going to make leaflets?" Babs asked knitting furiously to keep up.

"No-oo" Hannibal said slowly, not quite sure if this coop was for real or not. "We're gonna fight our way out, why sneak out the back door, when you can blow up the front door so no more chickens get stuck in this mess?"

"Hey! There's a lo' ta be said fae sneakin, I like sneakin. There's a lo' o technological skill in sneakin" Mac said.

"Here here." Face added, then did a quick translation for the rest of the A-Team, who were a tad baffled.

As shouts of, "I'm not fighting!" And "how bout we try Mac's flipper again?" Quickly followed by, "Are you crazy? the turnip bought it, remember?" "We could try knitting our way out." Silence. "Just a thought." Then, "well it's not possible anyway!" And, "We could get a trampoline."

Hannibal turned to Face, "How the hell can you understand that Scottish chick anyway Face?"

"When in a scam, one must always be resourceful, besides, they schooled me in all dialects.... except for Welsh."

"Why not Welsh?"

"They said I'd never get in range with the Welsh Chickens, something about showers of unsavory kinds." Face shrugged.

"Look ladies, please!" Ginger shouted. "He's right, it's about time we fought back, we're not gonna be pushed around by them anymore, that's where we've been going wrong all these times before, we're scattered, unorganized..."

"We're CHICKENS!" Bunty yelled in exasperation.

"So are they, and this says they can do it...... Can you?"

"Uh, I'm a cat..." Murdock said quietly.

"But they're just chickens Ginger! What can they do?"

"Cat, me."

"They're trained chickens."

"Still a cat."

"So are we, we lay eggs, it's what we do, they crow in the morning, it's what they do!"

"I meeow, in a cat like cat fashion, because I'm a cat."

"But they can do it, they're advertised, they're professionals, we can do this Bunty."

"I can purr too, but only if you rub my belly."

"Ohhhhh shurrup duck!" Bunty slapped Murdock hard on the back and sent him flying into BA. "You're a gooster! Get used to it!"

"The duck's back?" Murdock ducked behind BA. "She's not gettin to rub my belly again BA." Murdock hissed and clawed from behind the big Rooster, who picked him up and dropped him beside him.

"You gona shut up? Or do I gotta make ya?"


"Thought so."

So if we're gonna do this, it's gotta be a team effort, everyone's gotta pull together, we gotta get in shape, and it's gonna be tough, but we've done it before, and we can do it here!" Hannibal was on a roll.

As Hannibal continued his speech, Face felt a vibration, he looked down puzzled, then looked to Murdock, then to BA, who returned his anxiety.

"Uh Hannibal? Hannibal! Not to ruin a great speech or anything, but the ground's shaking...... Think it's a time to worry?" Face asked very calmly.

"Yeah Hannibal, they're on side, you can stop now, maybe wanna check this out?" BA added.

"This is real, right guys? You're with me on this trip huh?" Murdock said as he spun around.

"It's no trip Murdock, stay here." Hannibal rushed out of the coop with Ginger to see a giant truck roll into the yard.

"What the.....?" Ginger started, her beak hung open in shock.

"A deuce and a half, what ever it's carrying, it's not a light thing." Hannibal informed her.

"Guys, take watch." Ginger commanded, and climbed hut 17 to watch the unpacking of whatever lay in store for them.

Hannibal joined her a little while later.

"Some view ya got up here lady."


"But, you are a lady right? I mean underneath all that fired up spirit? I swear I never saw anyone with as much determination as you, just don't loose yourself in it kid."

"But we've just got to get out of here, we have to."

"We will, you'll see. What's wrong with having a few laughs on the way? Crack a smile and it drives further then a whip. Besides, it suits your face a lot more."

Ginger blushed.

"I'm just so afraid Hannibal, I don't want to fill their heads with ridiculous notions, then have it all to be for nothing."

"And Mac's flipper isn't a ridiculous notion? Believe me, there's better ways to kill yourself."

"Like under the axe?"

"No, like with an axe in your hand."

"Where'd you come from anyway?"

"You read the leaflet."

"It doesn't really say anything."

"Well, if I tell ya, do you promise not to furrow your brow and gimme a smile?"

"How bout you tell me and I won't push you off this roof?"

"Owch. Although... you might be onto something there."


"Yeah, he just needs a little push. He can fly, I know he can, soon as he stops believing he's a cat of course."

"You think he could carry one of us? Maybe fly us all over?"

"He's a tough kid, but he's not that tough, besides, BA would be a problem..... unless we could get something to knock him out with."


"He he, yeah, that'd do it." Hannibal chuckled softly to himself.

"So why are you avoiding my question? I told you our story, what's yours?"

"You didn't smile yet."

Ginger gave him a stern look.

"Ok ok, we were bread by Decker inc. a bad news company full of worse experiments. Well, they sent a load out for cockfights, BA was the only one that kept coming back, so they fed him up and kept him goin. He was on all kinds of steroids when we were teamed up. I taught him how to avoid them in his food, but they still sent him out, fighting four sometimes five cocks a night. We had to keep patching him up, and every time he'd get sent back in, he cracked when they put him up against a young cock, this kid wasn't fit for fighting, but they threw him in anyway. BA protected him, best he could from the other cocks, but...... Well it's always stayed with him."

"He died?"

"No, he let BA take on the other ones, then turned on BA. BA refused to fight back, so they sent him into aggression therapy. Wall to wall twenty four hour film run of 'Old Yeller', there's only so many time a cockerel can watch a dog die. He snapped and channeled his anger in a way out, ended up rewiring the set to play the NBA play offs. We got him out eventually and he was resubmitted to the program, but it's left him with scars."

"What is the program?"

"It's a program to fight guerrilla war fare, see the idea is, you drop a small team of chickens into a hot zone."

"Why chickens?"

"Where there's guerrillas, there's always chickens."


"We take photos of the lay out, send back information. And if need be, blow the place to smithereens."

"How do you get away?"

"We found out we don't. Which is why we escaped. See they made me *too* smart, Face too cunning and amorous, and BA too tough. Murdock, was always too crazy, they figured this out and pulled the plug on him. Kept him in a separate wing and experimented, tried to see where they went wrong."

"Did they?"

"Nah. They overlooked one fact..... Murdock was born crazy." Hannibal shrugged. "It's a genetic thing with him, you can't make a gooster and not expect trouble."

"So how does the unit work?"

"Well, Murdock, flies over head, surveys the layout, sends back pictures, then they send in us. Face goes in first, cozies up to the ladies and 'moves in'. No one ever notices, cos he has them all wrapped around his lil claw. If there's a rooster there, BA goes in next, and gets rid of him. Then I move in, get the information we need from the humans. Then we co-ordinate our attack, and hit em where it hurts. Quite brilliant really. That's the main plan, but we changed it to adapt to our surroundings. They didn't like that, so they decided that the kamikaze approach would be better, starting with Murdock, they brought him back to the program, hence his reluctance to, flap flap. The government found out, and wanted the technology for their own armies, and refused to pay the price of Decker inc. And that's how I ended up tellin this story to a pair of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen."

Ginger closed her eyes and tilted her beak for just a moment and felt her stomach flip..... then felt that sensation inside her.

"I gotta go." She said and hurried off the roof. She made it to her bunk just in time, and laid a perfect egg.

Part 3

The early morning's sun barely broke the horizon when in the quiet farm yard a strange noise was heard.

"Meeeooowwwwwwwww! Meeeeeeooooooowwwwwww!"

Followed by,


"Fool, Shut up!"


"What the devil? Cat's on my watch? This is insubordination I say! Mutiny! Why back in my RAF days..."

Which was cut off by a chorus of,

"Oh be quiet Fowler!!!"

"Well it's bad enough I have to share my bunk with three other rooster, but a cat as well?? Terrible I say, absolutely preposterous!"

"You think I like it too Pops? I had a much better offer, in multiples!"

"Oh Face, don't get ya tail feathers in a flap, I'm sure they'll still be there." Hannibal's voice was heard through a yawn.

"Absolutely preposterous!"


At a more reasonable time the hens were up, so were the roosters, and one gooster... still meowing.

"ROLL CALL!!!! C'mon C'mon, look lively, and keep that meowing down lad or there'll be a stern reprimand for you." Fowler organized the chickens into line.

"Don't you think they're gonna notice three more roosters and a gooster?" Hannibal whispered to Ginger.

"Cat!" Murdock corrected.

"Oh no! You're right. Oh what do we do? We can hide maybe one, but not four, no way!"

"Do you have any elastic?"

"No way" Face started.

"Uh uh." BA followed.

"No how!" Murdock finished, then added, "what are we saying no to here?"

Hannibal grinned, "Babs, knit like you've never knitted before!"

"I'm so embarrassed." Face emerged.

"This has gotta be beyond, even for you Hannibal." BA followed, head hung low.

"Actually, I think it looks kinda good." Murdock checked himself out.

"It's not for long guys, besides, you all look kinda good in drag." Hannibal ducked into the watering can with a giggle.

After the inspection, and a lingering look at the odd looking additions, the farm yard began it's training. Chickens were doing push-ups and back flips amongst other oddly aerobatic manoeuvres. A small section with Face was detailed to Murdock. They stood looking at the ground far below.

"Remind me again what this is supposed to do for me?" Murdock said dubiously.

"You're a gooster Murdock, you can fly, you really can, just run off and flap your wings." Face encouraged.

"You gotta be kiddin! I told ya before, cat's DO NOT fly, and what do I look like to you anyway? Suicidal? Why don't you go first Facey?"

"Because I don't have the wing span and you know it."

"I don't even have wings! I have paws! Look, scratch scratch?" Murdock clawed at the wood beneath his feet.

"I'm sure Sher Khan is trembling at the thought of you coming along."

"Hey, I'd run rings around that pussy cat, but I ain't flying."

"You'd love it if you just tried it, try flapping a bit." Face lifted Murdock's wing up and down.

"It's nice to meet you too, but I don't do doggy tricks. Honestly Face, next thing you'll be tellin me to beg n roll over."

"Roll over? Why didn't I think of that before?"



"Face, I'm warning you."

"Just a lil push to get you there...."

"Nah uh, do I look like a manic depressive with thoughts of a watery grave?" Murdock looked at the water bucket below.

"You can do it Murdock, I have faith in you!"

"If I go, you go."

"You can do it, feel the wind running smoothly over your feathers..."

"I'm cold..."

"Your wings cutting the air, and beating down to the rhythm of your heart...."

"Now I feel air sick..."

"All you gotta do is believe Murdock, this is your calling...."

"My calling is a saucer of milk....."

"Hear the wind whisper your name....."

"Hear me whisper, NO..."

"Feel the sun on your back....."

"It's raining....."

"And GOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"


In a panic stricken move and quite lost in the moment, Face pushed Murdock off the roof. Murdock grabbed onto Face for dear life, they rolled, in a haze of feathers down, down, down, until a sudden rush
of water consumed them. They clambered up and gasped for air over the side of the water bucket. Coughing and spluttering, Murdock choked out,

"I hate you Face man."

"What the hell was goin through your head? You coulda gotten us both killed!!!"

"ME??? When I feel suicidal, believe me, I'll letcha know, but before then, I'll thank you to keep your diving expertise to yourself!" Murdock threw his wings up into the air and hissed.

"I *really* hate you Murdock." They both shook wings and walked off in opposite directions.

"Love huh? Ain't it grand!" Hannibal chuckled, and went after Face.



Part 4

"He's impossible Hannibal! He's got it stuck in his head, he's a damn cat! You know he's gonna be hissing at me for days now. I give up!"

"Face, he's our only chance here of escape, look, you and I both know we've never done anything like this before. We need Murdock, and so we need you to get Murdock online. If anyone can do it, you can."

"But he's so stubborn Hannibal, I..."

"Well then it's a challenge."

"This unit's a challenge! urgh, I don't even want to tell you where I have water right now, you know if I don't get a hairdryer soon, my feathers are gonna be all fluffy."

"Chicks like fluffy. And you are just the cock to carry it off. C'mon try it again, one more time."

"I sometimes wonder how I ended up here, ya know?"

"We all do Lt, but we're all we got, and we gotta survive, even if it does mean life with a gooster with cat issues."

"He has a serious problem you know, and I still haven't forgotten this mornings drag episode."

"Just don't tell him he has a problem, say issue, he has a problem with the word problem."

"Do you think there's any chance of him ever gettin normal?"

"Not a hope in hell Lt!" Hannibal chuckled, "would you have him any other way?"

"I guess not, but we need to sort out this cat issue!" Face stormed off to find a hair dryer.

Meanwhile, BA was counselling Murdock....

"Fool, get up there an fly, or I'm gonna pound you into the ground!"

"I think I should point out tha...." BA took Murdock by the neck, lifted him up and shook him.

"You gonna make up with Faceman and get back to work, ya hear me sucka?"

Murdock nodded as much as he could with the big roosters feathers wrapped around his neck.

"BA, put Murdock down an' c'mon." Hannibal said very matter of factly as he walked past with Face. BA dropped Murdock and walked off. Face crouched down next to the floored gooster.

"Feel better?" He beamed.

"I feel cheated is what I feel!"

Face held out his wing and helped Murdock up, then dusted the gooster off.

"How come you always get the pep talk from Hannibal and I always end up with BA?"

"Now Murdock, you don't always end up with BA."

Murdock thought for a minute, he frowned.

"Yes I do! Every time we fall out, I end up in BA's arms, and not in a romantic embrace either."

"Well, you wind him up."

"Where as you always get the easy talk with Hannibal. Tell me Faceman, and tell me straight, are you behind this?"

Face gasped and looked hurt, he touched his chest and looked as though he couldn't quite find the words.

"Murdock, I, I, how could you think such a thing? I'd never.... I'm hurt, you've finally found a way to crush me. I...."

"Thought so."


"You over did it, too much," Murdock started to walk off. "Too much."

"That was not over done!" Face ran after him.

"Face, You could smell the sausages from over that hill it was so hammy!" Murdock laughed as he gestured over the hill. His eyes followed his wing and something in the horizon held his gaze.

"You ok Murdock?" Face touched his shoulder, he felt his friend shiver slightly as he gazed into the sunset. "What's up?"

"Nothin', I guess, just never realized how big this cage is."

"It's gonna get bigger." Face said with quiet determination. And led his friend away.

"Hannibal, we can't do this." Ginger whispered to the silver rooster, catching him before he entered Fowler's quarters, which had now been turned into barracks.

"Think that and you'll never do it. What's the problem?"

"What's the problem? We're still here!"

"Give them a chance, you can't throw them into the fire without giving them some kinda heat training."

"You did see us today right? It's not exactly what I'd call training."

"It was a good start."

"A good start? Our diving surprise ambushes were ruined by the ladies asking if the attackee was ready or not, because it was rude to just jump on someone, Babs thinks a punch is a naughty drink, Bunty knocked out nearly everyone, Mac is seeing double now. And to top it all off, there's mass hysteria whenever we try wing to wing combat."

"But it was just cos of your feathers, they're softer then ours and so more ticklish. Look, things will look brighter tomorrow, you've all got something to work at now. Besides, it's not all gonna be wing to wing combat, that's not how wars are fought now a days."

"How are they then? By tickling the enemy to death?"

"Only if harsh words and witty come backs fail, but only then." Hannibal chuckled as he watched Ginger march off, she had spirit but no idea, of course neither did the rest of the chickens and that would be a problem.






A Bit Of A Chicken Run 1-4 by Cabaret
A Bit Of A Chicken Run 5-7 by Cabaret
A Bit Of A Chicken Run 8-11 by Cabaret
A Bit Of A Chicken Run 12-16 by Cabaret



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