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Aquamaniac Musings

Aquamaniac Musings

By The Tofu Avenger

Rated: G

Summary: Just a teeny peek at Hannibal's thoughts while on the set of an Aquamaniac sequel.

Warnings: Not beta'd. And I'm very rusty at this whole writing thing.

Comments: Sure. What the heck.

If I sit here and grin around the cigar in my mouth, these idiots will see my face through the upraised mask-flap and think I'm being stoic. That's a testament to my acting abilities... acting abilities that the hack director and the bikini bimbo wouldn't recognize if their lives depended upon it.

I'm not stoic and I'm not enjoying my break. The lower parts of this ridiculous rubber suit are sloshing with every movement thanks to the take after take the director gave the bimbo to get her lines right (which I'm sure she didn't) before cuing me to come up from the water. Her fake boobs and bleached hair may have impressed him on the casting couch, but out here on the set, they're not worth the wasted film. They're not worth my pickled parts, still cold from being submerged in the sludgy pit the director swears will look 'just like the Black Lagoon' on camera. Not without some special effects, buddy. not on this shoestring budget it won't. And not with the walleyed, pot-smoking camera man at the lense.

I could waddle over to craft services for a bite to eat or even some hot coffee, but heaven forbid I have to take a leak during the shoot. Tantrums, menstrual cramps, broken nails, the bimbo gets as many breaks as she needs. But not me: I'm....a stoic monster.

If this were out loud...if I added a put-upon sigh...I'd sound just like Face right now.

I would't be here if we weren't on the run. I wouldn't be wearing more latex than a body condom if there were justice. But that's the breaks. So here I am, always in some sort of mask or over-done makeup, just to act. I could be a man of a thousand faces without the latex getups.

Time's ticking away and I'm not getting any younger while hidden in here. I've got talent. So much talent that even in this monster get-up I could act my way out of paper bag. I can project emotion through this facially-challenged rubber creature. If all the budgeted film isn't used up by the brainless bimbo, maybe some of it will come across on screen. There's so much in this monster. Pain. Longing. Loneliness.

Given the chance, I could be a leading man. I just know it.

But instead, I'm a stoic monster whose break is now over.

Aquamaniac Musings by The Tofu Avenger



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