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Flying Blind

Flying Blind
by Leia Fee


Rating: PG for some mild language and a distressed Murdock.
Complete: Yup
Summary: A sort of an internal monologue from Murdock during the ep _Beast from the Belly of a Boeing_

Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q Q

 

Oh God he's going to try and make a jump for it. They'll be peeling him off the runaway. No you don't, friend. It's amazing what momentum can doóhe's got to be twice my weight. Probably could have shoved me away with one hand if he hadn't been in a blind panic. There. Hatch shut. Too late now. We're going up. I feel the skip in my stomach as the wheels leave the ground. Even with all hell breaking loose that thrill is still there. Now is not the time for it. Put it away. Concentrate. Looks like B.A. felt us lift tooóhe's gone rigid, eyes glazed over. Well at least he's not trying to fling himself out of the plane or throttling me for stopping him.

 

Okay, think. Think. Come on B.A. Wakey, wakey. Come on! Snap out of it! You are not allowed to lose it. I'm the one who's supposed to lose it here. I have the monopoly on nuttiness in this team and you are not going to corner the market with this catatonic routine. Oh come on? Please? Wake up? Get angry. Hit something. Yell at me for getting you into this. Do something!

 

No? All right. Just stay put. Guess you're going to do that anyway. I'm pretty sure no one's going to come down here and find you. I'll go and find the others. Dammit this was not in the plan. Hell of a day to find out I'm sane eh? Maybe the stress will give me a relapse. Sounds like a good idea actually. I'd quite like a break from reality about now. No. No. First things first. Got to tell the others what's going on. Now is not a good time to lose it. One reality failure at a time we can cope with. Tag, B.A. you're it.

 

Damn crawlspaces. How does anyone fit through these things? They deliberately breed scrawny engineers or something? I mean, I'm pretty narrow and I'm cramped in here. Tap tappetty tap. You better be listening 'cause I'm only doing this once.

 

Oh great. Just lovely. Just what we neededóa firefight in a pressurised aircraft. This is really, really not the place for this, guys! And there we go. Hole in the side of the plane. I surely didnít guess that was going to happen. Now weíve got a nice windstorm in here. How much better is this day going to get?

 

I had to ask didnít I? Had to tempt the universe to take another swipe, as if it doesnít already have it in for me. Keep calm, keep calm. Canít see. Not good. Definitely not good. Donít panic. Get out of the crossfire, you donít need to be shot as well. Oh God, I canít see. Panic. Donít panic. Canít lose it. Weíre still in the air. Not allowed to lose it flying. Leave me alone, Hannibal. I donít want to know how bad it is. Donít be stupid. Theyíre trying to help you. Theyíre your friends. Theyíre not going to let anything happen to you. And you canít let anything happen to them. You still have to get this plane down. Let Hannibal look. Powder burn. I could have guessed that. Think sensibly. Itís not bad. Itíll heal fine. Your eyes will be fine. Donít lose it. Just worry about landing.

 

Landing. Landing without seeing. Well youíve always said you could fly blindfolded, guess nowís the time. Okay. Hannibalís got the controls. Heís not going to panic so you canít either. Just talk him through. Concentrate on that. Donít worry about anything else. Youíre still flying. Still in the air. Still safe.

 

Down. I hit the brakes but I already know weíre down safe. I ought to feel relieved but I just feel tired and cold. Post-adrenalin shivers. All I want is to go home and sleep for a week. Oh. Canít go home. Home isnít the V.A. anymore. They think I donít belong there any more. Iíd forgotten about that.

 

I donít want to do this. All my stuff is here. Weíre just picking it up. No fuss all right? I want to make a fuss. I want to kick and scream and make them realise I need to be here. Thereís that doc now. The one who chucked me out. Acting weird isnít he? Here come the nurses. They look surprised to see me. Guess I did leave a bit quick. Where have I been, they say. They wouldnít believe me if I told them. Maybe I should tell them anyway. If they thought I was imagining things maybe theyíd let me stay.

 

It takes me a little while to realise that theyíre saying I should have stayed. The doc lost it, sent all his patients away. I can stay? Iím home? This time I donít restrain myself. All the pent up emotion of the past two days bubbles over and I practically fall into my room and roll over on my bed. My bed. My room. Safe at home.



Flying Blind by Leia Fee

 

 


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