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If I Had
By Terri Spencer

Rated G
Summary: After the events from "Family Reunion"
Disclaimers: The A-team and it's characters belong to Stephen J. Cannell. The song "Sunshine on My Shoulders" was written and copywrited by John Denver. The writer has made no money off this story.
NOTE: On October 12, 1997, the world lost a singing voice when John Denver's plane went into the ocean off the coast of California. If John had lived, he would have been 59 on his next birthday (December 31) John sang from his heart, be it about his family, the Rocky Mountains, or the environment that he tried to help long before it became politically correct or vogue to be so.

This is my tribute.
Rest in peace, John. You are missed.

If I Had...
By Terri Spencer Copywrited October 12, 2002 By Teresa A. Spencer

Murdock looked out of the back window of the A-team's rented cabin in Osceola National Park. He had been looking of his best friend Face in the hope of having an overdue talk with him. They hadn't talked that much since Thanksgiving Morning, after Murdock told Face that the A-Team may have just buried Face's biological father, A.J. Bancroft. After the revelation, the two men had a fight, their first fight in years. There had been accusations, some yelling, and Face had pushed Murdock away in anger when the pilot tried to make Face turn around and listen to him explain. And the rift between the two men only got larger after Stockwell called to confirm that A. J. Bancroft was indeed Face's father.

'If I had only told him,' Murdock thought sadly, seeing Face sitting on the concrete bench, staring out at the lake. 'If I had only not honored Bancroft's last request, and told Face the truth. Then Face would have been able to make up his own mind about Bancroft, and he wouldn't be hurting so much.'

Murdock sighed, at a loss of what to do. He had never seen Face so upset, and it was all because of him. Face had closed himself off, not letting anyone into the shell that he had again built around himself, just like he had had when Murdock first met him. It reminded Murdock of his own father.

For the first time in years, Murdock allowed himself to think about his own father. William Murdock had been orphaned at an early age, just like Face had been. And like Face, he had been shuffled between orphanages and the foster families that were supposed to care for him. He hadn't been able to emotionally connect with anyone besides Murdock's mother, Helen. But after Helen died when Murdock was five, William had again cut himself off emotionally. It had hurt the sensitive five year old, who hadn't been able to understand what he had done wrong. It was only years later when William was on his deathbed that he confessed to HM that he was afraid of losing HM too, since everybody else he loved had died. He had begged Murdock to forgive him, which Murdock did. But Murdock was still saddened that his father and him had wasted many years, estranged until the final moments of his father's life.

Murdock shook himself. This wasn't about him! This was about Face, and his needs now. Unlike Murdock, Face didn't even know his birth name until a few days ago, or that he had a younger half-sister. The knowledge that he had found out too late to build a relationship, however short term it may be, with his father was bound to be tearing Face apart. And Murdock had to reach him somehow.

Murdock strode out to stand behind his friend. After a few moments, he put his hand on Face's shoulder. "How are you doing, muchacho?"
Face was quiet for a few seconds. He was unsure on how to answer his friend. He was so confused right now that he didn't know how he was supposed to be. "I doing," he finally answered, knowing that Murdock would take it correctly. Face wasn't doing bad, but he wasn't doing good either. Right now, Face felt like he was only existing, nothing more.

Murdock nodded. He suspected as much. "Mind if I sit down?" he asked.

"No, it's a free country."

Murdock sat down after wiping off the leaves that had fallen on the bench. He wanted to ask Face if he had told Ellen yet, but somehow knew that he hadn't. Face was in such shock over the recent revelations that he was barely functioning as it is. "Nice day, isn't it?" he finally said. The sun was shining brightly, with just a slight chill in the autumn air. It was a truly beautiful day.

Face nodded, still staring out at the lake. The sun's reflection on the lake was making his eyes water, at least that's what he told himself. He was wrapped in a blanket of misery, and was unsure about where to turn. He had so many questions. But the only person who had the answers was now dead and buried. And Face couldn't see himself going to Stockwell for the answers, even though it was obvious that he had some of them.

But Stockwell couldn't answer some of them, like the one's that Face had about his mother. Was she pretty? Was she nice? Did she really want him? Or was she happy to be rid of the five year old boy that she had been responsible for?

Face closed his eyes tightly, the tears running down his handsome face.

Murdock put his arm around Face's shoulders, pulling the smaller man to him. He stroked Face's hair as he tried to come up with the right words to comfort his friend. He thought briefly about singing "You are my Sunshine," but that seemed inappropriate right now. That song was a song about abandonment, and Murdock didn't think that Face could take that right now. It was also a song that Face and Hannibal often sang together when they were trying to distract someone.

'What to sing? What to sing?' Murdock thought as he continued to stare out over the lake. 'I've always been able to find the right song to comfort him before. Why can't I now?' Murdock thought. Singing had always been his special gift to Face, in happy times as well as sad. Face often said that he loved to hear Murdock sing to him, and how special that it made him feel. It was the special connection between the two men.

The sun glistened brightly off the lake, blinding Murdock. He smiled. He finally had a song to sing to his beloved friend. It was a song that he had heard often on the radio at the VA where Murdock had spent the better part of the last fifteen years. And it was very appropriate with the location right now.

He slowly started to rock Face's body back and forth and began to sing in his clear tenor voice.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry.
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely.
Sunshine almost always makes me high.

If I had a day that I could give you
I'd give to you a day just like today!
And if I had a song that I could sing for you
I'd sing a song to make you feel this way.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy!
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry.
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely.
Sunshine almost always makes me high.

Murdock lifted Face's face to him, staring into the tearing eyes. Large tears ran from Face's eyes, falling onto Murdock's shirt. Murdock fought back his own tears, continuing with the song.

If I had a tale that I could tell you
I'd tell a tale sure to make you smile.
And if I had a wish that I could wish for you,
I'd make a wish for SUNSHINE all the WHILE.

Both Murdock and Face were crying hard by now. Face for the pain's of the distant and recent past, and Murdock for his best friend. The two men clung to each other, giving strength to the other, and their voices blended in the final chorus.

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy.
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry.
Sunshine on the water looks so LOVE-LY!
Sunshine almost always makes me high.

Sunshine almost all the time makes me high.

Sunshine almost always...

The two men sat, holding each other until long after the sun went down.

If I Had by Terri Spencer



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