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This page last viewed: 2017-08-17 and has been viewed 1301 times
Summery: This is a total alternative universe where the A Team as a show was spawned from a conversation between Hannibal and a 'producer'. The 'real' A Team are quite different from the show and have just found out about the movie and are approached by a 'fan'. In other words, one of those What Ifs....?
Warnings: Nothing, except a lot of character swapping. And a bit o PWP goin on for no reason 'cept a bit of a scrap really.
Author's Note: This stared as an idea I had about the VA TAT film week, I wondered how it would affect the Team if they were real. But that idea all went south when I started typing! Still the theory sticks.... Kinda....
Disclaimer: The A Team are not mine, I gain nothing from this, cept a laugh and a late night of course.
Comments: Yes please
"Hey guys, you seen this? We're front page again, and it only took 20 years." Hannibal waved the newspaper at the team as he joined them in the busy restaurant.
"No way, I am not goin through alla that again Hannibal, you should really stop talking to producers." Murdock handed Hannibal a drink as he sat down. "I got pegged with bein the crazy one, you know what that can do to a guy? I didn't get laid all through the eighties cosa that damn show."
"Yeah, I was very upset at that title bein taken from me." Hannibal grinned as he rolled a cigarette and left it unlit in his mouth.
"Now Murdock, you know you got more action then me in the eighties, it couldn'ta been all that bad." Face sat cross legged as he handed the paper to BA.
"Face man, everyone got more action then you in the eighties, nineties, and noughties." BA giggled. "Just admit it and cut yourself a break man."
"Yeah, time to exit the closet dude." Hannibal slapped Face roughly on the back. Face turned and scowled at Hannibal.
"Oh Facey, it ain't that bad, least you missed all the STDs BA went through." Murdock chuckled as he sipped his beer.
"Look, can we clear this up? I mean how many times? I'm celibate that is all, there's no deal here, I'm jus waitin for the right....."
"GUY!" The team shouted out to finish Face's sentence.
"GIRL!" Face corrected. "And let's keep it that way huh? This joke's wearin thin guys."
"So what's the deal BA?" Murdock asked as he nodded at the paper.
"They makin a movie bout us."
"As if the series wasn't enough." Murdock threw up his arms.
"Hey I liked the series, and at least you guys wound up the right colour, I turned into a white boy!" Hannibal said quite indignant.
"Now that was the best bit o castin I ever saw, and you will talk to producers, you only have yourself to blame." Face giggled.
"Yeah, so no complainin fool." Murdock added.
"Hey that was my line, wasn't it?" BA followed in his gruffest voice.
"Well it was a fun show, here's to the A Team and the new movie, may our names live on forever." Hannibal toasted.
"You know this is gonna make our lives hell again guys." Face said as he drank the toast.
"Ahh what's life without a lil challenge Facey?" Hannibal chuckled at the dubious looks from his Team. They had been through it all in the eighties, somehow their names were infamous and they had refused to change them, after all they had their names first and with the exception of Hannibal, they even looked a little like their characters, which had all made life very 'interesting' as Hannibal had called it. This movie was bound to be the eighties all over again for the Team, but it wouldn't stop them from going to see it.
"'Scuse me?" A voice from behind the table approached the Team. "I couldn't help overhearing your conversation, are you implying that you're the original A Team?"
The Team looked at each other and shrugged, it was all old history now, they had officially retired and after the show, no one really believed them anyway.
"Yeah." They said in unison.
"Wow! I was such a big fan, it's what inspired me to be a reporter. Can I join you?" The woman asked politely.
"I guess, what's your name kid?" Hannibal inquired, after all they had never told 'their' story.
"Amanda, Amanda Groves."
"This is getting spooky." Face said as he dived into his drink.
"So leme get this straight, you guys are what spawned the original show?"
"Yeah, thanks to looney tunes here." BA nodded to Hannibal, who meekly smiled a winner grin.
"Didn't even get any royalties from it." Hannibal complained.
"O-kay, so lemme guess, you gotta be Face," Amanda pointed at Hannibal.
"Hey, what makes ya say that?" Face asked quite offended.
"Or ya could be Murdock?"
"Did you watch that show at all?" Murdock questioned. "It shows." He giggled
"Guess again." Hannibal said as he finally lit the cigarette then folded his arms.
"Nice ta meetcha kid." Hannibal winked.
"Black? Yeah, a terrible tanning accident."
"I'm not buying that."
"But ya bought the show right?"
"I was a kid!"
"Amanda, meet Hannibal, the insane con man that shoulda been locked up shortly after the tanning accident." Murdock introduced.
"So you're Face?" Amanda asked.
"Am I invisible?" Face almost shouted.
"When it comes to women, yeah." BA giggled. "Meet the Faceman."
"So if that's the case, why is he called Face?" Amanda was quite confused by now, and was beginning to regret sitting down.
"Cos he always face's up and does nothing about it." Murdock burst out laughing, as did the rest of the team, save for Face at least.
"That is not true, and you know it!" Face protested.
"Well what's the story then?" Amanda asked.
"Well, our lil Facey here is a bit of an explosives expert, so ya know he's been there, but ya never see his face." Hannibal clarified.
"So you two are....?" Amanda asked afraid to guess anymore.
"BA." BA lifted his hand.
"Murdock." Murdock did likewise. "Cept unlike the series, I ain't crazy, just follow a crazy fool." He nodded towards Hannibal.
"You're the crazy one?"
"Well all the best plans come from a lil lateral thinking."
"Hannibal, lateral thinking does not include tryin to pass me off as a Sheik, with Face man doin the dance of the twelve veils. I nearly had a heart attack when he got down to three."
"You nearly had a heart attack, Murdock, how'd ya think I felt?"
"You weren't sittin on eight pounds of Nitro at the time."
"I tole ya there was no way it would go off."
"Somehow, I chose not to trust you at the time, you're mind wasn't exactly on the job, I mean, you were doin the drag act of your life there."
"Oh you two can complain, I was stuck under there with the damn Nitro and only a lap-top to save me from your dodgy wiring."
"Look, BA, I explained it to ya so many times, that was the only good terminal, it all wouldn't have looked convincing if the codes hadn't been instant." Hannibal said with a chuckle. "I had to get them in there, or I'da been right with ya buddy."
"Does anyone doubt my chameleon like abilities? I was a star up there. Not to mention my Arabic was spot on." Murdock said defiantly.
"Yeah, shame they were English, I thought they were gonna ask me to translate." Face complained. "I was bad enough you dragged it out till I was down to three veils."
"Oh you know these guys always have translators, I coulda gone into the profession myself." Murdock touched his chest and rocked his head slightly.
"Uh, what are we talking about here?"
"Oh just an old heist. But it was a classic." Face explained.
"A heist? Ahh beatin the bad guys right?" Amanda said with confidence. "So do ya get many damsels in distress?" Amanda cut her eyes at BA.
"Not much in the jewel thief trade no." He said very quietly and quickly gulped the remainder of his drink.
"Your... your thieves?"
"That's a very ugly word, Amanda, we're survivors." Hannibal corrected.
"Hey Face, you wanna see what's happened to our drinks?" Murdock asked, as he gave a long look at Face. Face nodded and left the table. He returned after ten minutes with a tray of drinks.
"These waiters need to be taken to the garage for an overhaul, did I miss anything?" Face brightly smiled as he dolled out the drinks.
"No nothing we were just telling Amanda about the irony of your character in the show, ya know, you bein gay an all." Murdock casually said as he took his drink.
"Look, I am not gay!" Face tutted and grabbed Amanda, swinging her back in her chair and planting a very passionate kiss on her lips. As he did Hannibal slipped his hand into her handbag and took out the tape recorder, as Face unclipped the wire that was attached to her bra strap that had become exposed as she was tipped.
"Hey!" Was all Amanda could plea as she was let up again.
"Well I've had better." Face said very camply as he sat down again.
"Not many." Murdock chuckled as he passed the wire under the table to BA for inspection, who passed it back to Face and scowled at Murdock, who just shrugged.
In all of an instant the restaurant was over run by a swat team, Amanda stood up in a spin and reached into her purse and pulled out a gun that promptly fell apart.
"Oh shit." She said as she backed to her back up.
"Hey my hands get everywhere baby." Face said raising his arms, he flicked his wrist and a detonator appeared in his hand. The rest of the team followed suit and each produced a detonator.
"Ain't it a crime when you don't know who's holdin what cards?" Hannibal said with a smile.
"I think y'all should know by now that this place is wired to go boom, now here's how it's gonna work, y'all need to stay calm and jus let us do what we do and no one gets hurt. Now I know there's a few foreigners in here, so, for your benefit...." Murdock began repeating his short speech 16 times as he worked through various languages. He circulated the room removing guns off the swat team with Face and Hannibal, they paused only to remove various jewels of the rich diners who were paralysed with fear. They dismantled the guns while Face commented on the brutality of such crude weapons. Meanwhile BA, who had produced a lap top that was connected to Amanda's phone, typed furiously away.
"Ready BA?" Hannibal asked as he pulled Amanda over.
"Yep, right on cue. Watch the bank accounts fly." BA smiled.
Amanda watched as her bank account emptied, which was quickly followed by the rest of the restaurants visitors. She saw a light flash from the lap-top, that co-ordinated it's flash with the restaurant's registers.
"Well, would you buy registers from me? Somehow they trusted me." Hannibal smiled a dark grin and shrugged. "This wasn't exactly what I'd planned, but what's a lil reminder?"
"Yeah, when are you guys gonna twig? You can't catch us, you can't even spot us." Murdock laughed as he joined the group.
"Well, fair play, half the time, I'm in drag and your... well, your always unrecognisable." Face said as he joined Murdock.
"Guess we better train George's replacement fast, what did happen to George anyway? He retire or just gave up on account o incompetence, perhaps you should reconsider your future." BA said with a chuckle, it was always fun baiting the FBI
"Course one big difference between you guys and the A Team..." Amanda began.
"What's that?" BA asked as he wrapped up the lap-top.
"You've left your position wide open, anyone with army training would never do that."
"Army? As if! We wouldn't be caught dead in that capper lady." Face laughed.
"Well, except for profit that is." Hannibal shrugged.
"Besides, they'd never let Facey here in."
"Mur-dock.." Face warned.
"He's too short." Murdock smiled as a fist slammed into his jaw.
"Aww shit." Hannibal observed as the A Team swung into action upon the swat team.
Murdock produced a large chunk of wood that suspiciously looked like a leg of a table and marched with purpose to the man who had just punched him. He found the man and picked him up then slid him across the bar, glasses splayed across the room as the member of the SWAT team skidded to a halt at the cash register.
"Guess he forgot he had the table leg huh?" Hannibal asked Face as they both hoisted another SWAT team member over the bar smashing the mirror behind.
"Hannibal, would you forget you had a table leg?"
Hannibal looked dubiously at Murdock shaking the man and informing him of social etiquette in restaurants and then smashing various shot glasses on his head and throwing them at others who came within range.
"I think he forgot Face, this time I really do."
"Oh I'm sure he's gotta plan, he's always gotta plan.... Which is the problem half the time.." Face said as he smashed a bottle of wine over a masked head. "Shame, that was a good year."
"And you'd know what about wine?" BA asked as he kicked three men who had been unfortunate enough to stand in a line as they approached him. BA was back firmly planted on the ground before they realised they had been hit, he waved goodbye as they fell with a look more of shock than pain on their faces.
"Nothing, but I know that guy, he's always here on these raids, he's managed to stay on the retreating end by the back door all year.... So far." Face explained as Hannibal ran towards him. "Wait! Wrong side! Wrong side!" Face shouted as he held up his hands then lowered them to a cupped position.
"Not goin for the bar." Hannibal said as he jumped into Face's hands, leaped up and grabbed the fan overhead, a man grabbed Face as he did but somehow Hannibal still made the jump. He swung around gathering speed and dropped on two men who were watching him with a tranquil look in their eyes. Meanwhile Face was waltzing with an over friendly attacker who was determined to remain planted on his neck.
"Why you always gotta be throwin yourself at folk Hannibal, so undignified." BA said as he threw a man across the room and onto a roasted chicken, which was in mid carving as the waiter had been quite transfixed through the whole episode. The SWAT team member rolled onto the waiters arms who, quite perplexed, stood mouthing the word 'what?' a few times before he finally let the man down to go back into battle. But the man in full SWAT team uniform stood firm next to the waiter and pointed out the family sat behind the table as he took up a guarding position, the waiter scowled at him and lifted the fork from the chicken and motioned him to go back. The masked man shook his head, the waiter looked down, his hopes of a rescue dashed until he looked at the fork and realised the ordeal that particular SWAT team member had just been through. The waiter sat down next to the family deposited the evidence in a near by plant pot.
Hannibal had watched the exchange and whistled Face over, who had an assailant around his neck.
"Three can play at that game BA!" Hannibal shouted over as another uniformed body flew overhead and clipped the fan, which brought part of it crashing down. Murdock meanwhile was still lining up men on the bar like a rack of upturned dominos, still throwing shot glasses at passer bys and still seemingly to have forgotten about the table leg he had.
"Gerrroffff me! I keep tellin' ya I'm not that way inclined!" Face shouted as his attacker refused to release his grip from Face's back.
The rest of the Team paused for a moment and turned,
"Yeah yeah yeah!" They each shouted mockingly and each had a spoon thrown at their heads.
Face stopped throwing spoons and swung the man off his back and pulled off his balaclava as he did, the man underneath was bald. Face looked at him, then looked in the balaclava, shuddered then held it as far away from him as he could. The man took it back and stuffed it in his pocket.
"There is no excuse for that, I'm sorry, but there just isn't." Face said quite dramatically, then dragged the man over to Hannibal who was holding another uniformed man by his arms that were twisted up and around his head.
"Ready?" Face grinned.
"Ready." Hannibal confirmed, "Hey BA!" He warned. "Heads up man!" They both threw their guys at BA, who jumped into the air and spun a kick at the two men knocking each out cold and sending them towards the waiter that had just sat down.
"Now that's style." Hannibal chuckled and turned to receive a punch in the face.
"Yeah that's style alright." Face giggled, then joined Hannibal on the floor. "It would be so much easier if you'da let me wire up this building Hannibal." Face snarled as they both got up for round two.
"Ya know, four can play at that game...." Murdock shouted as he lifted various devices off the men he had on the bar. "Should come in handy eh BA? I say old chap, fancy a spot of crocket?"
"Why ever not indeed old fellow, who is an older chap then I." BA replied in a near perfect stilted English accent.
"Watch it." Murdock warned. He stood with each foot at the shoulders of the first man on the bar, looked down and smiled. "Nighty night." He swung the table leg down onto the head and BA slid the man off the bar completely and into the waiter's lap, who was by now getting a collection of SWAT team members. Murdock shuffled up to the next man, who was stirring.
"Now, there's summit very familiar about this picture Murdock, another guys head between your legs..." Face mused as he ran a man into an umbrella stand, then curled him over head first and into the base of it.
"And there's summit very familiar bout that image too Faceyman."
Face looked down to see what he was talking about and cursed as he saw the man's bottom sticking up out at him from the umbrella stand. Hannibal chose this moment to ram raid an assailant into Face's fist, except Face was looking the other way, the three ended up all doubled over the man who was originally doubled over inside umbrella stand. At this point Murdock and BA were laughing so hard they see the man below Murdock stir and defend himself. Murdock dropped in shock, looked at the man straight in the eye and whacked him on the head with the table leg so hard, he was unconscious before his head bounced off the bar.
"You ok, Murdock?" BA asked gingerly.
"I'm just gonna go sing soprano for a while, kay BA?" Murdock squeaked as he rolled off the bar and began randomly walloping people on the head.
By this time Face and Hannibal had recovered and various legs were seen to be kicking in the walls of the restaurant as their upper bodies had been oddly imbedded in the plaster of the cheap walls, by a force unseen by the manager as his eyes had been carefully averted to avoiding all spoons, as he had been hit between the eyes earlier. The plaster from the walls kicked up a dust that made everyone cough and Murdock's job of random walloping a lot easier, until Face took the table leg from him and imbedded it in the plaster, Murdock threw a chair into the wall for good measure, and Face returned his gesture by attacking him with spoons once again, Murdock returned the attack with another chair, this time not aimed at the wall, and BA intervened with forks, just as Hannibal found the sushi section and sent an octopus flying at his team followed by a few large tubs of ice cream.
After the dust cleared the Team stood up and patted down their clothes surveying the debris that was only ten minutes before a restaurant.
"And of course thirty years of Jujitsu training never goes amiss. Shame we never really use it eh?" BA grinned as he stepped into an ice cream box and scowled at Hannibal.
"Lessgo, it's been a pleasure folks but we have an appointment with a runway." Hannibal waved and threw a box of frosty ice cream at Amanda who had been kept safe from harms way throughout the scrap.
"I ain't flyin if Faceman's the pilot...." BA started.
"I'm no pilot BA, No license." Murdock started.
"Oh yeah I forgot, here ya go Face." Hannibal handed Face a license, which Murdock snatched.
"NOW I'm a pilot." Murdock grinned.
"Idiot, you can't drive a car, much less a plane." Face said as he snatched the license.
"I can drive the women though Facey." Murdock defended.
They exited with Murdock serenading his goodbye in multiple languages and down the hall they heard Face shouting,
"Oh stop showing off, it doesn't impress the ladies ya know."
"Oh and you'd know?"
Amanda ran after them and jumped into her car, she tried to start the engine, but no reaction, later she would need an engine change, which would ruin her day further.
Amanda eventually made her way back to her desk at the FBI, they had searched the restaurant with a fine comb, but found nothing but fire crackers, some more of their humour she had thought. But Amanda had seen video footage of what explosives set by Face could do, and they never took chances after that. She had seen what BA could do in a computer system before to when he'd hacked into their files and had FBI agents raiding each others houses. She knew that Murdock had once been working in the FBI impersonating another agent that had gone missing for a week, just to switch the FBI paper files and dispose of their own personal ones. She had heard about the time when Hannibal had dumped a shipment of gutted fish at their front door and had actually got an agent to sign for it. From a bunch of annoying kids in the eighties, they had quickly worked their way up to the FBI's top five, and they seemed determined to make it to number one.
As Amanda sat at her desk wondering what to write in her first report, an agent gave her a cup of coffee.
"Well it could be worse, least no one got hurt." He said.
"They never do, hence the A Team tag." Amanda sighed as she sipped the coffee, it tasted so good after the day she'd had.
"Maybe one day eh? Well, my shift's over, an I'm off to France for vacation. Aurevoir." He said as he left.
Amanda suddenly looked up, she looked about for the agent that gave her the coffee, but he was gone. She quickly searched the internet for news in France, sure enough there was a diamond exhibition in Paris.
"Bingo." She said to herself. "But something tells me you ain't gonna make it easy for me boys, much less do me anymore favours." But Amanda would continue, it was after all her first and only failing, she'd get them one day. At least they made sure their record stayed untarnished she could get used to the bad buys waiting on her like this, it made a change at least and Murdock did make a very good cup of coffee.
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