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Letters From Langley 1
I can't believe it's only been a few days since I saw you. You looked so grown up as you asked me to ask Hannibal if you could join us for good. It pains me to know the answer he would have given, had I been able to ask him. You have to know it's not to hurt you, in fact that's why he would have said no; so you wouldn't get hurt.
It's hard to believe that all this started because Hannibal was hurt on the set. When I walked into the hospital room that morning, I met "Dishpan" Frankie Santana. I don't have to tell you I didn't like him. First of all he talks too much, that's always a bad sign, and he has this "here I am, love me" attitude.
When Hannibal said Frankie was coming with us to Barcelona, I thought he was still on medication. I mean, he wouldn't take you anywhere, but a loud mouth stranger was doing a mission with us! Granted you're still young, but you have more brains than this guy'll ever have. He just seemed too gung ho.
I know you don't mind me getting sappy on you, so I will. You know how I always chum with Murdock on trips? Well, I couldn't. Frankie sat beside him, and they yacked the whole flight. Yeah, you're right, I could've sat with them, but they looked to be enjoying themselves.
After we checked for bugs, I sat alone, and pulled your school picture out of my wallet. Thank you again for giving it to me. I thought about all the stuff we could do together once I got my pardon, all the places we could go. I won't bore you with the details, as it looks like it's not going to happen. I had to put your photo away after awhile. I didn't want to, but Frankie saw, and wanted to know who you are. Not that I will ever tell him, but how do I describe what you are to me? You're more than a friend, than a sister. At times you have been my mother, and others I was yours. We've had our fights, but we were never truly mad at each other. I guess I don't know what you are to me, except that you're always there.
I do miss you, kid. I just wish I had better psychic abilities, then I could tell what those judges were thinking. I guess you watched the trial on the news, and I pray you didn't believe any of it. I wanted to take the stand, to be able to tell the panel the truth, but our attorney thought that wasn't a good idea. He figured the prosecutor would eat me alive, what with my less than honest reputation. You know I'm more than that, right? More than the sum of my scams.
You should have seen the look on my face when Decker took the stand. I mean, holy crap! You don't see the guy for a couple of years, and he shows up at the worst time. Well, that was always his specialty.
It's roughly 3 a.m. now. I don't know for sure, they kinda took my watch. I don't smell cigar smoke, so I figure Hannibal's asleep. Don't even ask, I can hear BA snoring. I had to write you this letter before I tried to get any rest. In six hours my fate will be sealed, and I fear I'll never see you again. They don't allow visitors at Leavenworth.
I'm so scared, honey. Scared I'm wrong, and our sentance will be more final. Scared of what this news will do to you. I know you're tough, kid, but this is big time. I wish I could be there for you, and tell you everything is alright. I want you to know that I care about you, and always have. You've been there for me when no one else was, and I thank you.
Please know that what we did, we did for a reason. We weren't pleading guilty because we were, but for a greater purpose. We never lied to you. _I_ never lied to you.
I'm suddenly very tired, honey. I wish I could write for however long it is until the guard comes, but they expect me to be awake in the morning. That makes sense. "Oh good, you're awake. Your sentance is _____." Well, thanks a heap. Why was I awake for that?
I just don't want to put the pen down. While I'm writing this it's like you're here, and I'm talking to you. When I put the pen down, that means we can't talk anymore. There's so much more I want to say to you, to tell you. I'm just not ready to let you go yet.
I'm sorry I won't be there for your birthday, kid. I'll miss you. Happy 21st, sweetheart.
Letters From Langley 2
I handed the last letter to Murdock, and was a little disappointed when he handed it back. His arrival here in Langley was a shock. My guess is Frankie told him. The good news is Murdock was declared sane. It's something I've always hoped would happen, but I can't help wonder if Stockwell had something to do with it.
Oh, I haven't told you about him yet. 'General' Hunt Stockwell is our 'boss'. He's the guy who sent us after Curtis, and then captured us. It's his fault we were court martialled, and nearly executed. Maybe someday I'll tell you how we got out of that. Now he has us working for him, on suicide missions, with the promise of a full pardon. Oh, sorry. "Not all" are suicide missions.
Since it's too risky to mail these letters, I'll write you once a week, and just hand you the whole mess when I see you. If I ever see you again. Sorry I sound so down, honey, but I can't help it. Things have changed a lot, and I don't think it's over yet. You think you know people for over fifteen years, and they still surprise you.
We've been here for a week, and I keep expecting Hannibal to say "let's go now", but he hasn't. I'm beginning to think he likes it here. Oh, don't get me wrong, he dispises Stockwell, but I don't think he's in a hurry to leave. Just yesterday he had me go into town and buy a stereo. Yes, I bought it. Stockwell's given us free reign on his charge accounts.
The estate we're living in is nice. A real country club prison. There's a few guards, Stockwell calls them "Ables", and a lot of surveillance. Everytime the four of us go out, we have to check for bugs and cameras when we get back. By four I mean, Hannibal, BA, me and Frankie, Murdock's not allowed to stay with us. Don't ask, another of Stockwell's stupid rules.
Kid, you have no idea what it's like living with Frankie. Last time I said he was gung ho, that's a huge understatement. Not to mention he's always following me around. It's not like when you did, you never nagged me, and you never wanted to pick up every woman you saw. Okay, I admit I do that sometimes, but at least I have class. He nearly insults them, and he uses the worst lines. Besides I never try to steal people's friends, and butt in.
Just the other day Murdock stopped by. I'm pretty sure he came to see me, but that changed. As soon as Frankie saw him, he intercepted. The two of them quickly took off for who knows where. He's been real buddy buddy with Hannibal and BA too. Frankie and BA are forever watching sports on TV, and talking about the games and players. He and Hannibal always talk about movies and stuff. I sometimes wonder if anyone knows I'm here.
Take right now for instance. Hannibal, BA and Frankie are at a Redskins game. They didn't even ask if I wanted to go, they just left. If this keeps up, I'm writing to you a lot more than once a week. It's nice to have the quiet, but not when it's forced on you.
Okay, enough self pity for one letter. It's your birthday tomorrow. I'll tell you what I would have done if I was there. First I was going to take you to the opera. I know you would have hated it, but you need a little culture; even if you fall asleep from boredom. The day I was going to leave up to you, whatever you wanted. After the theater I was going to take you to Chei La Rue's for dinner. Good food, good music, maybe a little dancing. After dessert I would give you your present, a gold chain with a diamond pendant. Every girl should have a diamond.
I'm sorry I can't be there for you, sweetheart. I miss you so much. The talks we had, the laughs. Right now all I can do is hope I'll see you soon, and pray I don't miss your next birthday. Talk to you again next week. Happy 21st!
Letters From Langley 3
Sorry it's been longer than promised, kid. We just got back from our first mission for Stockwell. We had to go to South America to free some Americans from this nutso dictator. I can't go into detail, but we made it back. Frankie proved me right. I have a bet going with myself that he's going to be the first one to die. I pray I'm proved wrong, but not after the stunt he pulled.
This pretty girl was being harassed by the nutso, and Frankie ran from cover to help her. As I watched, I kept waiting for him to be killed for his troubles. This kid has got to stop being so impulsive.
For my part, I ended up getting captured. Hannibal's plan called for someone on the inside, to help with the rescue. If that's his plan next time, I'm staying home! It turned out the guys we were rescuing were agents, and nutso thought I was too. Of course this entitled me to four hours of interrogation, complete with beating. Why is it they always figure a couple dozen well placed punches will make you answer questions?
Anyway we saved the Americans, rescued the villagers who were going to be hung, destroyed nutso's palace, and came home. Oh, I didn't tell you, Murdock's got a job at a restaurant. Don't ask me the name of it, I haven't been there. Come to think of it, I don't even know where he lives. I bet Frankie knows, probably been there a few times. Yeah, they're still getting real chummy.
My suspicions about Hannibal wanting to stay seem to be right. I mean, we came back here without even a thought of leaving. We could have, we didn't have to show up. What's that saying? "It's a nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live here." Well, I don't. It is nice not to be chased by the military, but covert ops isn't exactly what I had in mind.
I don't think you'd recognize BA these days, kid; He's really mellowed. He doesn't even argue with Murdock anymore. Oh, they still mess around, but not like it used to be. You remember how we used to always have to calm him down? Well, not anymore. If he gets any calmer, we'll be wondering who spiked his food.
I just don't like this. I always knew who everyone was before, I'm not so sure anymore. You remember Billy? Not anymore. Since Murdock was let out, he's been, well, normal. He hasn't done one crazy thing since he got here. Well, there was this thing about the Baying Wolves, but I think it has something to do with the Scout troop he leads.
See what I mean, kid? Murdock's helping little kids. Isn't that BA's thing? And wasn't I always the one who Murdock hung out with? Now he has Frankie. Hannibal used to look at me to supply everything. Now Stockwell provides us with it all: Planes, boats, cars, money, a place to live. Sometimes I wonder why he even brought me along. Unless Hannibal insisted, but that seems less and less likely.
The only thing that hasn't changed is BA's van, he still has it. However, he doesn't work on it as much anymore. I guess his tinkering was just some kind of stress reliever, and now he isn't stressed.
. . . Sorry about that. Hannibal just came in to tell me dinner was ready. I'm not really hungry, but I guess I should go out there. I don't know why. I doubt they'd miss me, but he did remember to come and tell me. At least he's not letting me starve.
These letters are getting progressively more depressing. I'm thinking I might stop writing to you, kid. I mean, you don't really need to know how bad I feel. Maybe I'll wait until I have something more exciting and happy to tell you. Like that'll happen. Sorry to dump this on you, but you've sort of become my weekly diary. You know I mean that in a good way.
Did you hear that? No, of course you didn't. I told you, writing these letters is like talking to you. For as long as I set pen to paper, I can forget you're not here. Not that I'd want you here. No, that didn't sound right. What I mean is that if you were here, then Stockwell would have you, and I don't want that.
There it is again. Hannibal's famed, "Lieutenant! Get your ass out here!" Well, until next week.
Your friend . . .
Buddy? . . .
Brother? . . .
(sigh) . . .
Letters From Langley 4
I'm feeling a little happier these days, kid. Don't get me wrong, I still hate this place, but Frankie seems to have backed off a bit. He's still intolerable, but at least he's stopped being my shadow. I get to hang out with Murdock now, which is great. We even chummed on the flight to Moscow earlier this week.
I was in Los Angeles for a few days, we had to save Stockwell's sorry ass. You can't imagine how many times I picked up the phone to call you. I've missed you so much, I just wanted to hear your voice. I had to force myself to hang up, I couldn't risk it. I know you too well, honey. You would have thought of millions of ways to get me to stay. I can see it now: I'm just about to get on the jet, when you leap off the wing and tackle me. You quickly pull out a crazy glue gun, and stick me to the tarmac so I can't leave. That, or you'd want to come along. I'd say no, and you'd stow away on the jet.
I told you before I didn't want you here. I'd be too afraid of what would happen to you. I think I'm beginning to understand how you always felt. We'd drop you off, and there'd be no contact until we came back to get you. Looking back now I realize that was wrong. No matter where I was I should have at least called to let you know we were okay. I wish I could do that right now, call you and say we're alright.
It's been nearly two months since I dropped you off for the last time. Sometimes I'm amazed just how much I miss you. You are just a kid after all. You know I mean that in a good way. I mean, it's not like you're this beautiful woman I was in love with, or anything. No wait, that didn't come out right. You are beautiful, you always have been. And I do love you, just not in that way. I don't know if this makes any sense. Just skip this paragraph, okay? Don't worry about it.
Oh, I didn't tell you what Murdock had the audacity to say to me the other day. He said, "The scam-man's back in action." Can you believe it? I told him I "was never out of action", just not needed recently. What's the use of scamming anything, if you don't have to?
Are you okay? I just had a picture of you fainting at that last question. Well, don't worry, Murdock got his. Only we had to suffer for it. He went into the Chinese Consolate, posing as a delivery guy, and got Mushu pork flung at him. Trust me, you don't ever want to be in the confines of a trailer with a guy wearing Chinese take out.
I don't know what else to write today, so I guess I'll let you go. Miss you. Glad you're not here.
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