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This page last viewed: 2017-12-09 and has been viewed 1965 times
Keep Moving, Come
Warning: Major angst, possible suicide thoughts, No obvious resolution,
Warning, this is Murdock at breaking point, if you don't like this kind of fic, please don't read it.
Summary: Murdock gets stuck in a POW type flash back and turns to his inner confidents.
Disclaimer: The A Team are not mine, never will be, they remain other people's property.
Author's Notes: I wrote this some time ago, as a word game, not knowing where it would go, when reading back, I decided it was complete, this may seem incomplete, but so is Murdock, there will be no sequel but what the reader decides.
Comments: Yes please!
Keep Moving, Come back
God are you there? I'm here. Are you God? Will you help me? I can't help you. I'm scarred, it's too dark, where are you? Close. Close as you are to you. Why won't you help me? Why won't you help you, or him, or me? How can I help you? I'm just as scarred as you, last time they came they hurt me, hurt me badly, what do they want? If I knew I'd tell them. I wouldn't. I don't think they want anything. Maybe they want my soul. Am I not your soul? If you are you'd better leave, your not safe. Help me! Please, please, please don't leave me alone, never leave me. Am I alone? Don't go! Where are you? It's quiet, am I still screaming? How long has it been? Where am I? I think that's blood, maybe it's sweet. Have I slept? Is it night, or just twilight? Shut up!! I'm sorry, don't leave me. How much longer? I wish they'd come again. No I don't want them to hurt me. No I don't want them to be alone. Do I want to be alone? Am I them? Who are they? Maybe I said the wrong thing.
There's dust in my nose. It must be day then. Why can't I move? It's metal, tin. But not full of beans. So hot. What was that? It's crawling, it's seething. God it's me! Am I God then? Why hasn't he taken me? Why can't I move? Why haven't they come for me? Have they forgotten me? How could they do that? What hurts more? At least with the rope around my neck it's safe, where's safe? I haven't got the map. Maybe it's as far as heaven. That can't exist now, not now, not for me. Maybe I don't exist anymore. Maybe I'm just fate. Why won't they be quiet? Just a second of peace to close my eyes. Close your eyes, rest. No it's darker then, flashing in my mind to contrast my fear. Does that make me small then? I have a fear so big, how come I'm so small? Hold me please. I might keep falling. Am I moving? I'm a rock, they can't hurt me. But why don't they try? I can give blood. I can give more. I'll give it all, crush my organs, please, just don't leave me here with him and him with my soul and God. It's so lonely. Just don't leave me. You can't you wouldn't. I would but You wouldn't. Could you? Can you? Just one more hit, one more slash. Make me feel alive, dead or in pain. "Let me feel!!" I can't touch. Just choke me then. I've lost me. Did I die? When was it too late? When did we did what we did when we died? When did you take the colour from my eyes? Where is the dark? Can I crawl to it? "I can't move. I won't move." Can I move please? Am I here. Where? No they won't come. They'll never come. At least if I had a blade I could cut myself. That would make them happy. Then they'd come to watch me bleed. I'm sure I can do that for them. Why won't they let me sleep? Is food relevant? Am I relevant? If they would just spare a thought. A Notion. I'll play their pain, if only they'll play me. I darkness in this black. Shut away now. "I'm lost!" Help? Find me? Nothing nothing nothing "nothing." I found a key! Feel nothing. Be nothing. Peace to live unmoving in the black. No more senses. Soul, leave me now. Now there's no more hurt. No more fear 'cos I'm nothing to fear. "Just keep still." Far far away.
"Oh, father, it's a nice thought but he can't hear you." The nurse glanced through.
"God can, isn't that enough?" The priest replied.
"I'm sorry father, I guess we forget in the things we can't see, shut away from it."
"That's your privilege."
"That's a survival father. He's been like that for two days now, cut himself shaving, it must've set him off, we can't reach him, he's catatonic at best."
"And at worst?"
"Well, today's a good day. it's just a shame."
"He doesn't even know we're here. I must get on, goodbye father."
The priest nodded a goodbye, daring not to say those words.
Fine then, go. Leave my ashes. The wind won't grace to blow me away. Stay still. Stay here. Be here. Don't move. Keep....
Murdock let out a shriek,
"I'm bleeding! Please stop. Please be still. Do ashes bleed? Make it stop." He pleaded back to himself. "Just keep still. Keep me. Keep far. Keep far far away. Keep me still. Keep......" Murdock mumbled on into his nightmare.
Hannibal stayed a priest's guise masking his face, but not the hand that held his friend's.
"Come back Murdock." He whispered. "Keep moving, come back. We're not so far. Keep moving Murdock. Don't give up, don't let them win. Don't stop moving. I'll keep you. Come back Murdock, come back."
Are you there?
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