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This page last viewed: 2017-10-22 and has been viewed 1622 times

Title: Beware the Fruitcake my son

Beware the Fruitcake My Son
by Cabaret

Rating: PG
Summary: Face gets a spot before a date, but that's just the start!
Disclaimer: The A Team are not mine, never will be, they remain other people's property.
Thanks to: Tans for dropping this plot bunny in my lap!
Comments: Yes please!

Beware the Fruitcake My Son
By Cabaret

For Tans

"Now what?" Face grumbled as the door was knocked loudly.

"Fruitcake-o-gram" Came the all too familiar voice from the other side of the door.

"Murdock," Face opened the door to a broad grin.

"I come with cream or ice cream.... but not custard, we're not stretching to that today," Murdock winged a thumb behind him and lowered his voice. "Chef's a bit testy today, forgot to order the ketchup so things are a bit...." He raised his eyebrows rapidly with a worried expression on his face, that quickly turned to a grin. "How ya doin' Face guy?"

"What are you doin' here Murdock?"

"Well that's a fine welcome, it's the custard, right? Damn! I just knew there'd be problems today."

Face shook his head as he walked back into his suite.

"Oh don't take it so hard, I can get ya yogurt, that's just as nice." Murdock followed "Ketchup? Soy sauce? Mayonnaise? How 'bout Tabasco? That goes great with fruitcake."

"Tabasco and fruitcake?"

"Yeah, not only tastes great, but looks pretty good too!" Murdock revealed a large fruitcake from behind his back and began rummaging through the mini bar. "There's gotta be some Tabasco in here somewhere..."

"Murdock, not that you're not welcome, but what are you doing here? I'm kinda busy." Murdock stopped and studied Face for a moment with a puzzled look on his face. He stifled a giggle.

"So I see, hahmmm, what happened? Must be all that fine food Facey, first come the spots, then your waist goes, then the thighs.... Welcome to the middle age spread my friend!

"Middle? Middle aged?" Face stammered in shock.

"Yeah, course if you looked after yourself a bit better it wouldn't have come to this, hey wait one moment." The briefly English accented Murdock drew close to Face. "Right there."


"A grey hair!"

"My hair is not going grey! And the day it does, which is in the far fa-ar off distant future, it will be because of you."

"Just accept it Face, nothin' you can do about it.... Now. Damage is done, may as well just chow down and forget about it."

"I will have you know, I'm in perfect condition, and I'm not middle aged!" Face said building to a rant.

"Yeah, denial's a killer huh?"

"I'm not in denial, I..."

"Here have a paddle, maybe you can row to the shore."

"I don't have time for this, I have a date to get ready for." Face marched off to the bathroom.

"Blond or brunette?"


"Try toothpaste."


"On the spot."


"Then aftershave."




"Now shave." Silence, then a sharp inhale, "more toothpaste. Eyes?"

"Deep wells of hazel."

"Then some 'o this." Murdock passed a bottle through the door.

"Tabasco sauce?"

"Trust me."

"Your makin' this up!"

"You'll never know."

"Dare I ask?"

"Nope, now this."

"Murdock, this is yogurt."

"Women swear by it." Silence.

"Where exactly do you want me to put this? 'Cos right now, I have a good idea."

"Where do you think? And if you touch me with that, I'll tell BA about the contents of that motor oil you scammed."

"WE scammed, and don't you forget it."

"I said go commercial, you went for home brew, therefore I disavow any and all responsibility."

"And you think BA's gonna see it that way?"

"Ahem, rinse."



"I don't want to gas her to bed."




"Stairway to heaven."

"How's it lookin'?"

"Exactly the same."

"But you sure smell nice huh?" Murdock heard unintelligible curses, then,

"I gotta go with it, she's too damn gorgeous, I can still work it."

"That's the spirit, never give up! Where you meeting her?"

"The bar downstairs," Face emerged from the bathroom giving Murdock back his Tabasco sauce with a look of exasperation, "How do I look?"

"Like a mirror of your former self, but you can breath out now."

"Don't start all that again, you are not winding me up before a date, anyway what *are* you doing here? You never answered that."

"Me? Oh I came to tell you something, and give you that cake, which, you haven't touched I noticed, how tall?"

"This tall." Face gestured with his hand. "To tell me what?"



"Hazel eyes."


"This tall and legs resembling a stairway to heaven?"

"Tell me what?!!"

"Oh just that, she's a plant and Decker's on his way up, yep, he's probably got the whole hotel covered by now."

"Did we even have time for any of that?"

"Probably not. Sure smell nice though."

Face lunged at Murdock, hands ready to strangle, then stepped back shaking his head and began gathering a few choice items. Murdock settled after his dodge and began applying the whole bottle of Tabasco onto his fruitcake, then with a grin to a sighing Face, began eating it. Face stopped.

"This isn't a wind up is it? 'Cos I'm really not in the mood."

"Would I?" Murdock exclaimed as he touched his chest.

"I sometimes wonder, why are you here?"

"I told you!"

"No, you wouldn't have known about the date until you got here, or Decker for that matter."

"Was takin' a walk." Face gave him a stern look. "They, kicked me outta the VA?" The look turned to disapproval. "I lost Billy."

"He's right there Murdock."

"Well I found him *now*."

"No dice."

"Left my pen here? Saw smoke, came to put the fire out."

"With a fruitcake?"

"Don't blame my mind, it's brilliant but fragile."

"Well it's not so brilliant that it can't think up a good excuse for wanting company when you're lonely, you're slipping in your old age."

"Old age?? Least I'm not the one with the spot, and how come I get pegged with old age? I gave you middle!"

"Time's cruel." Face grinned.

"So are you." Murdock pouted his most childish pout.

"Says the man who had me..... Never mind, we don't have time.... Now."

"Well I got a great hiding place."

"Why do I feel like a pawn here?"

"Because you don't know any better, you're not so old and wise. This should help." Murdock produced two tickets. "Any wiser?"

"Yeah, and it's because of you I'm older. Credence Clearwater Revival huh? Thought they'd split up."

"It's a one off gig, one last reunion, thought I'd be your date tonight." Murdock fluttered his eyes.

"Murdock, the day I gotta rely on you for a date is the day I hit ancient age."

"Ah, I'm crushed, but I'll be there to make sure you make it Face guy." Murdock's voice lowered to a menacing tone, "I'm the shadow within' your shadow watching Decker's shadow within' his shadow, 'n layin on refreshments, you'll never get rid of me." Murdock threw his head back in mock evil laughter.

"I'm gonna regret this huh?"

"See? Now you're gettin' it Faceman!"

With that, Decker and his minions burst in, Murdock threw the cake at Decker, hitting him square in the face, he then grabbed Face, turning away, hand thrust in the air.

"Come let's fly my pretty, back to Kansas with you!"

Murdock then dove head first out of the closed window. Face shrugged at the surprised Decker, whose eyes were watering uncontrollably from the Tabasco on the fruitcake, then followed Murdock out the window, although feet first, landing in the pool below.

"Did you? Did you..." Face said as he caught his breath climbing out of the pool, "Did you plan all of this?"

"You kiddin'? I was just fittin' in some flying time, you didn't have to follow me!"

"C'mon, anymore surprises?"

"Now it wouldn't be a surprise if I told ya."

They dried themselves off with the towels left on the sun loungers.

"To Credence the, and beyond." Murdock announced, jumping up onto a sunlounger, invisible sword in hand.

"Can we ease off on the beyond?"

"Never, my friend, never!" Murdock paused and pulled a hair from the back of Face's head on his way down.

"Aww! now what?"

"Sorry, alien got caught in your hair."

"C'mon you idiot." Face unlocked the 'vette.

Murdock opened his palm, a single grey hair resting inside it, he grinned, there had been a few of those since Face had met him, but Face was never the wiser. Murdock dropped the hair for Decker to pick up as they disappeared into the crowd.

The End.

Hope you enjoyed!

Beware The Fruitcake My Son by Cabaret



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