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This page last viewed: 2017-10-20 and has been viewed 3836 times
A Christmas Prayer
Summery: The Team get a job just before Christmas, Murdock faces a part of his past and keeps a promise.
Warnings: Angst, and graphic death scene of an OC, some cussing.
Disclaimer: The A Team are not mine, I'm just using them as an emotional release and nothing more. Nothing is gained by this.
Comments: Oh yes please, I do Love 'em!
For Dixie, Love and Light to you, may your soul find it's way, if I had the power, I'd change the past, I'm sorry.
"I'm picking you up at two Murdock, be ready" Face calmly said over the phone, awaiting the usual unpredictable reaction.
"Awww Facey, it's Christmas! Let me guess, their forcing carol singers to rap right? Damn that ghetto feud!"
"Um not quite and it's not quite Christmas yet, you still gotta couple o days to go yet. anyway, this one's got some history to it, we're goin' back to 'Nam.... You'll be OK won't you?"
"OK? Just OK? Faceman, when have you ever known me to be just OK?"
"How 'bout alright then?" Silence. "Will you at least be ready by two?"
"I'm a lean mean soldier machine! I'm always ready, ever alert, stealthy, groovin' on the sharp side of a tossed salad!"
"You know, part of me longs for the day you give me a direct answer, but the other...."
"Aww Face, your just not ready for a direct answer in life yet" Murdock interrupted, "only a fool seeks the shortest route to a false goal and misses the treasure of the journey."
"You been reading philosophy again?" Face could almost see Murdock's grin through the phone, this was going to make for an interesting Christmas.
"It's always good to remind yourself of the questions at Christmas."
"Why Christmas?" Face really didn't want to ask this question.
"Because we gorge ourselves at Christmas, an abundance of food, drink, life, spirit and goodwill is created at a time of year when these things should be absent. Therefore dear chap, one must conclude that an abundance of answers will also be available, in holding with the laws of continuity. So a wise student will remind himself of the questions at this time to avoid becoming lost."
Face regretted asking the question.
"I don't think you'll ever be found Murdock!"
"Well I'll never get caught then!" Face chuckled, touche!
"I'll see you at two."
"Adios muchacho." Face hung up the phone,
"Well I sure hope BA has an abundance of goodwill this year!" He said to himself, not really believing it.
Murdock sat down and continued playing his computer game. He began to feel detached as he heard Face's words play back, 'back to 'Nam, back to 'Nam'. He wondered exactly what or who's history was going to be involved, after all there was so much. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. The game continued to play, he saw his life bar getting smaller, it didn't really matter, he didn't want to play anymore. But still the game played on, unfolding itself in front of him. Murdock stood up and switched it off, he still had that power.
He knelt in front of the TV that now flickered a snowy haze, he blinked and saw himself, he was flying, back in the early days with his co-pilot, 'Swash-Buckle' Adams, they were laughing, but then they were always laughing, Murdock began to bank low for a pick up.
"Go on, you know you want to." He heard Swash shout.
"Doncha think those guys've got enough to worry 'bout without me giving them a heart attack?" He heard himself shout back.
"It'd wake 'em up!"
"Coma's a way of life man"
"They'd thank you, really they would, you know I'll rescue you from any vengeance, go on."
"You duck 'n cover at the sight of a food fight man!"
"Yeah, but what a great shield you make! C'mon, go for it! You loosing your
"Me? Never! Just been gettin my wrists slapped a lot, there's only so many pots
a man can scrub, and it's always your fault!"
"Howlin' you do scrub them well, tell ya what, I'll..........."
The conversation was never finished. Murdock watched the lost memory unfold before him, Swash's body jerked and convulsed as the sniper's bullets tore through his fragile body. In desperation he clutched Murdock's arm, Murdock wrestled the chopper with one hand and held his friend back with the other. A stray bullet ripped through his supporting arm, he gasped in pain, then and now, he tried to instinctively pull in his arm to cradle the wound, but Swash gripped it tightly as he panted out his last breath.
"Swash man, hold on, gonna get you out."
"Get them out, don't stay here Howlin' don't leave me here." Swash gulped.
"Hold on man, just hold on!" Murdock screamed.
Swash smiled through a numb shock.
"Shoulda, shoulda done the stunt" He spluttered a chuckle and coughed. "You didn't know, no blame. Please Holwin' soul don't wanna stay, pray for me, pray for my..." He gasped, then smiled again with a resided calm "Merry chris....."
"Swash..." Murdock said quietly, his voice drowned in thunder. Swash slumped, his life departed. Murdock touched ground and sat in shock, still holding his friend with his wounded arm.
"I promise" he whispered with clarity under the roar of war.
Time stood solace as a strange calm filled the cockpit. Murdock sat alone upon the mountain, the sun was setting, the birds silent, not daring to sing, the wind gently moving his tears that refused to fall. His muscles lax and unwillingly immobile, he wanted to run down this mountain, but he was strapped to this spot in a symphony of silent shock. He could only hang his head and shiver involuntarily from the whisking twist in his stomach and the ache that lay within his ribs.
"Fu-cking Move Move Move!! What the fuck are you waiting for new kid?"
Murdock's shoulder was being shook by a bloody hand from behind.
"Get this heep o shit up and moving you fucking kid! What are you waiting for? Santa? I shot his ass this...."
The voices faded and Murdock blinked at the TV in front of him, snow was falling all around him, he shook himself and rubbed his eyes.
"They didn't even see you, oh Swash, I'm so sorry, I shoulda..." he sighed "I never did leave huh muchacho? and now I'm goin back. Look Swash, I know I'm kinda late here and a day early from your... well, but I'll do it now, for me too." Murdock sighed again, he'd never felt so heavy, he looked at the small scar on his arm.
"You'll never know just how truly sorry I am. It wasn't right and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself. I miss a part of you everyday, even when I don't know it, because you're supposed to be here now. Kinda funny how it's taken me 'til now to face you, you know, you were the first person who made it OK to laugh in 'Nam, and you wouldn't o let those guys talk to me the way they did if.... Well, guess I've been laughing ever since, too afraid to cry, you had all that sorted though or you made me think you did. I've been so quiet, that's the loudest grief of all, you know, the silence. You deserve more the silence, and it's all I've ever been able to give you. Now I gotta face it, least I won't be alone this time. I ain't a kid anymore but when I think about you, I still get as scared as that kid you met all those years ago, but fear gets boring, so for you Swash, geez this is pathetic, I don't even know your first name! Well for you I'll keep my promise."
Murdock clasped his hands together as he knelt in front of the TV snow.
"Dear Lord, I know we don't talk a lot, but this has been a long time waiting and I'd really appreciate it if you'd spare the time to listen. Swash Adams, he was a good man, he took me under his wings and I clipped them. Please Lord, make sure his soul gets to heaven and not stay in 'Nam and take good care of him, he's earnt it. That's all I got really, I know you're busy n all so I'll.... oh, Lord? Um can you spare a though for the Team as well? It's gonna be tough goin' back, not that we ever made things easy on ourselves, but we're tryin', we're really tryin'. OK maybe Face can try a bit harder, but he'll get there, we all will. Maybe one day I'll get back all the forgotten parts, cos I kinda miss 'em, I miss the whole me, not that I'm complaining Lord, after all, I never would. Thanks for your time Lord. And Swash, I'm sorry, it just hurt too much, but I got there in the end."
Murdock stood up, picked up his cap and jacket and patiently waited. He knew more memories would follow from that country, but at least he'd acknowledged this one, and he did feel better, it still hurt, it all did. But this Christmas he would remember, and that was a gift he'd denied himself for far too long.
Face stood at the doorway, he had been there for a few moments now. He knew this mission would be difficult for them all, but Murdock always seemed to hold onto these things, instead of just moving on like the rest of them, now he understood partly why. He'd never heard Murdock speak to God before, he'd never really thought of Murdock as a religious man. Murdock just, was.
Face always thought that he was angry with God for what had happened to him. Now he saw it was more to do with fear, Murdock had spoken as a fearful child to an unforgiving parent with no time for their son. Face could almost see the sorrow and regret that hung in the room on the other side of the door. He wished he could explain to Murdock that God did have time and did forgive. But he knew that Murdock would just laugh it off, he always did. Face resided to work on it subtly, after all, Murdock wasn't so much a lost sheep as a different breed altogether, and Face was more wolf then sheep himself. At least Murdock was praying, that was more then Face had done in a long time. But Face knew he would never leave, neither would Hannibal or BA, much as it pained them at times, they were stuck with each other. Face wondered if Hannibal took this job just to make sure they weren't alone at Christmas, he was funny like that.
He opened the door and the adventure that was knowing Murdock and being part of the team, a family, was set in motion once again.
Love and Light to all at Christmas and forever. And Lord, please spare a though for my little dog Dixie, see her safely to heaven. Thank you.
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